January 12, 1978

Santa Claus is for babies. I asked him to bring my dad back for good and he didn't do it. We haven't seen him since Christmas Eve. Mom says he's working a lot but I think she's a big faker too.

I haven't even seen my Uncle Pete. He sent me a new baseball glove for Christmas. That was cool.

I wanted my dad though.

April 16, 1978

I think I'm gonna give up on this dumb journal. I keep forgetting about it.

June 20, 1978

I just got back from a camping trip with my dad. I'm glad Uncle Pete gave me this book now because I want to talk to someone not my mom and Uncle Pete is working.

Me and my dad went camping for a whole week and had lots of fun. We slept in a tent and caught fish for supper and even cooked it over a fire on sticks the way the Indians used to do. Dad showed me animal trails and we went hiking and swimming. It was great except for the leeches but Dad had some salt so they weren't too bad. It was kind of cool seeing them all stretched out in the water but kind of gross too. I gave him a card I made in school for Father's Day. He really liked it.

The only bad part was last night. I woke up because I had to pee and Dad wasn't in his sleeping bag. When I went out of the tent he was sitting by the campfire poking it with a stick. He didn't know I was awake at first so I got to see him before he saw me and I think he was crying. My dad never cries. He's a policeman and carries a gun and everything.

I don't know for sure, though, because he didn't look at me when I said I had to pee and then when I came back and saw his whole face it wasn't wet like before.

I think I'll ask Uncle Pete if my dad cries.

June 26, 1978

Uncle Pete came to take me for ice cream today. He says when Mikey's older we'll take him too. I asked him if my dad cries. I had to tell him about our camping trip and not just the good parts because when I asked him if my dad cries he wanted to know why. He told me everyone cries when they're sad, even policemen. When I asked him if he cries he said "You bet" which was kind of wild.

I asked Mom if she cries and she said grownups don't cry. She is a big faker.

July 5, 1978

Yesterday was Independence Day. Mom took me and Mikey to see the parade and to a barbecue. I thought we were going to see Dad and Uncle Pete but Mom said they were working. I don't know if I believe her or not. I think she just took us to a different place so we couldn't see Dad. She's always saying we can't see him because he's working. I think she just doesn't want him around us anymore. Me and Mikey are supposed to spend the weekend with him so I guess I'll find out for sure.

July 10, 1978

I didn't bring my journal with me when we went to Dad's place this weekend. I was pretty sure Mom wasn't going to let us go so I didn't have my stuff packed when Dad showed up and I forgot it. I guess she wasn't faking when she said Dad couldn't come to the barbecue because he was working. I still think she doesn't want us to see him, though.

After Dad left I tried to tell her about going to the Santa Monica Pier but she just got mad and said she didn't want to hear it. I wish I was still at my Dad's.

July 11, 1978

Mom is a big faker. I got up last night to go to the bathroom and I heard her crying in her room.

August 17, 1978

Today we got home after spending a week at Grandpa and Grandma Reed's and I was all ready to tell Mom about going to Disneyland but the house was full of boxes. Mom says we have to move to a different house now because this one costs too much. She says the movers will be here tomorrow to pick up our stuff. She also says I'll have to go to a new school and make new friends.

I asked her if Dad knows where we're going and she got mad. She says it's Dad's fault we have to leave our house and go to a new one. I don't know if she's faking again or not.

August 19, 1978

I hate the new house. My room is small and the window's too high for me to look out. The yard is small too but Mom says there's a park down the street where I can play. She told me my new school is a couple of blocks away so we don't have to drive anymore. I asked if I could come home for lunch but she says she'll be working so I can't.

I have to keep my stuff in my room now because the living room is really small. The kitchen is bigger but we have the table in there so it doesn't look like it. Even Mikey seems to hate the house. He runs around throwing stuff and cries a lot.

On top of that, Mom says Dad can't take us this weekend - he has to work again. She says he'll come pick us up next weekend but I don't know if I want to go. Everything is messed up. I used to want my dad back but now I don't think I do.

August 26, 1978

Dad came to pick us up today but I didn't want to go. He and Mom had a big fight and then he took Mikey and left. I stayed in my room and played with George. Mom came a little while ago and said Uncle Pete was coming by later but I didn't answer her. I don't really want to see Uncle Pete either.

August 27, 1978

Uncle Pete came over last night for supper. I stayed in my room until he left and then pretended to be asleep when Mom came to check on me. I heard her talking on the phone with someone - I think it was my dad - and then she went to bed. The walls in this house are really thin and I heard her crying all night.

Today Mom came into my room and started talking about my new school. I wanted to yell at her and say I wasn't going to any school but then I remembered her crying and didn't say anything. After a while she left and I started writing this. I know Dad will be back tonight with Mikey but I don't want to talk to him. If he really cared about us he wouldn't have left and we wouldn't have had to move.

September 5, 1978

I hate my new school too.

I had to stand up in front of the class while the teacher told everyone my name and said that I was new. She said she knew we'd get to be friends really fast but I knew different. It only took until recess to find out I was right. This one kid named Jerry Pinkerton cornered me by the monkey bars and started teasing me while all the other kids stood around and laughed. I put up with it for about two minutes before I pushed him hard. He went down on his butt and everyone stopped laughing. Next thing I knew Jerry was up and running at me but I jumped out of the way and he went right into the monkey bars head first. The playground teacher came then and grabbed me and Jerry and dragged us into the school. Jerry had to go to the nurse's office because his head was bleeding but I had to go to the office. The teacher came in and talked to the principal and then he called my mom. Then he made me wait on a bench until she came down to talk to him. Mom made me tell her and the principal what happened and then the principal said I had to write lines after school. I think I was supposed to go home then but Mom had to leave work to come to the school and she had to go back. The principal said it was alright for me to stay but that I'd have to be in the office all day writing lines. Mom told me we were going to have a talk after and then she left.

After school I came home and Mom was still mad. She made me sit at the kitchen table while she told me how bad I was for pushing Jerry Pinkerton. She said if I was defending myself it would be different but I started the fight so that was bad. I don't know how she can say that when it was Jerry who started it by teasing me but I knew if I said anything I'd get sent to bed without supper. That's happened a couple of times since we moved here and it's no fun, believe me. I'm awake almost all night because my stomach is growling.

(I looked up how to spell 'principal' because I don't want to talk to my mom right now.)

September 9, 1978

I remembered to bring my journal this time.

Dad is in the kitchen making us sandwiches for lunch. He came by the house right after school to pick me up yesterday - and this time he didn't bring Mikey with us. I'm pretty sure he wants to have a talk about what happened at school but I don't really want to. I had to write "I will not pick fights at school" five hundred times and I just want to forget about it. I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen though.

I thought maybe Uncle Pete was going to come over today but Dad says he's on vacation with Aunt Judy and David somewhere back east. I don't know where that is even though I looked it up in my atlas. I'll ask him next time I see him I guess.

Dad's calling me for lunch. I'd better go and get my talk done. At least he doesn't get mad like Mom does.

October 31, 1978

Mom's taking me and Mikey out trick-or-treating tonight. We're just waiting for Aunt Judy and David to show up before we go out. Mikey's dressed like a bumblebee and he looks kind of cute. He's got wings and a stinger and everything. I'm going as a pirate. Mom says David is dressed as a hobo. I don't know what that is but my dictionary says it's a 'tramp or vagrant'. I don't know what those are either I bet it looks pretty cool. David always has neat ideas.

Last year Dad and Uncle Pete took us out trick-or-treating but Mom says they're both working this year. I was dressed as a ghost and Mikey wore this sleeper that made him look like a lion. I asked Mom why Dad had to work so much and she said because he didn't take his promotion when she asked him to.

I'll have to look up 'promotion' when I get back. Aunt Judy and David just drove up in their car.

November 6, 1978

It's my birthday in two days. Mom says Dad isn't coming but Uncle Pete will be here. I heard her on the phone last night with Dad having another fight. I guess he's got to work again. I sure wish he'd take his promotion so he doesn't have to work so much. I looked it up and it means 'advancement in rank or position'. When I asked my teacher she said it means a better job with more pay. I wonder if Mom and Dad would still be together if he'd taken a promotion last year?

November 10, 1978

I'm supposed to go to Dad's this weekend. Him and Mom swapped last weekend so I could be with him this weekend for Veteran's Day. Dad had Mikey last weekend and not me so this weekend he could have me and not Mikey. He wants me to go to the Veteran's Day ceremony with him and Uncle Pete and Aunt Judy and David. Mikey's two but he's still too small to go, Dad says.

I really want to ask if him and Mom would still be together if he'd taken his promotion but I think it's a bad idea. Mom says he's a detective and doesn't wear a uniform anymore but it's too late. I don't think it's too late but Mom says it's a grownup thing and I wouldn't understand. It doesn't matter anyway - I know I can't ask him stuff like that this weekend.

November 30, 1978

I've tried to figure it out but I guess my mom was right when she said I wouldn't understand. She told me Dad was a policeman who didn't take his promotion when she wanted him to. Then she said he was still a policeman but now he's a detective and doesn't have to wear a uniform. If he's a detective then that means he did take his promotion, so why aren't they together anymore?

Maybe this is one of those things I have to ask Uncle Pete about, instead of writing in this journal.

December 5, 1978

Me and Mikey spent the weekend at Dad's again. Uncle Pete was there. I told him I wanted to talk to him and he said he'd come by sometime this week and we'd go out.

December 9, 1978

Uncle Pete came today and took me out for ice cream. He told my mom we were going to have some 'guy talk'. I thought that was funny. My mom must've thought so too because she smiled at Uncle Pete and winked before hugging me goodbye.

We went to Venice Beach and sat on the sand and talked. I asked him to explain the whole promotion thing but what he said seemed kind of weird. He told me my dad was made a detective long before my mom and dad split up but it didn't make any difference. The promotion my mom was talking about was supposed to get Dad off the street and into an office but that didn't happen. Being a detective means he gets a little more money and better hours but he still has to drive a police car and work overtime, especially if he has a big case to work on. Uncle Pete said there's more and more people in Los Angeles every year and that means more work for policemen to do, so Dad's hours are pretty much the same as they were when he was in uniform.

He also said my mom didn't really want him to get a promotion as much as she wanted him to have a different job but that it wasn't going to happen. When I asked him why not he said that guys who wear a badge are policemen before they get one. I was going to ask him what he meant but he said it was getting late and we had to get back.

If getting a different job would've kept Mom and Dad together, why didn't he do it?