things you will tear from my cold dead hands:

- momfriend riku

- post kh3 riku-roxas rivalry

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Meeting the three Keyblade wielders who lived in the Land of Departure had been an odd experience. Terra had recognized her at once. Naminé never had pleasant experiences with adult men, but Terra was different. Maybe it was because they've made a connection before meeting face to face - or maybe the way he ruffled Ventus's hair or teased Aqua for being "such a girl" was so earnest - but Naminé knew Terra was someone she could trust, someone she could be sure won't try to use her.

When Terra explained who she was to Aqua and Ventus, their dispositions towards her somehow managed to become even more welcoming and hospitable. Naminé was honestly surprised by how warm Master Aqua was, knowing her trial of surviving in the Realm of Darkness for eleven years. It only made Naminé admire her more. She could only hope to be as strong as this brave, elegant lady one day.

Ventus… Knowing what to expect when meeting him had not made actually meeting him any less of a shock. The youngest of Master Eraqus's apprentices had been perfectly kind and affable to her. He did not look exactly like Roxas, nor did he sound exactly like Roxas, but similar enough that seeing his face and hearing him talk was simply jarring.

Once she and Riku - Riku, actually - explained their situation to them, the three had been more than happy to allow Naminé and Riku raise a memorial to someone they've never met in their home. Now that Castle Oblivion was gone, the Land of Departure was the closest thing to the place where the Riku Replica was born.

It didn't seem quite fair to Naminé. The Riku Replica deserved to rest in a place that brought him peace, not where he was used, mocked, and manipulated. But, when it came down to it, the Land of Departure was also the only place where they could lay him to rest.

Riku had retrieved the broken Way to Dawn from the Realm of Darkness sometime before picking her up. Now the Keyblade served as his Replica's tombstone and around it, Naminé laid a wreath of flowers they purchased in Radiant Garden.

A member of the Restoration Committee had sold them the flowers and suggested the specific blooms. "In our world, lilies are used during funerals to represent how the souls of the deceased have returned to a state of innocence after death, and the edelweiss symbolizes deep love, devotion, and freedom."

Naminé kneeled before the grave to pray. What came after the Final World, nobody would know until they crossed into it themselves, but Naminé hoped it was something like the picture Aerith had painted for them. If anyone deserved a place of peace and rest and freedom from suffering, it was the Riku Replica.

Too high a price, a voice nagged within her. He never should have payed it. Naminé's heart had been encoded as data, but his… He should have taken the replica for himself.

Riku placed a hand on her shoulder. "He knew what he was doing," he said softly, "It was what his heart decided. No one could have changed his mind."

Naminé didn't reply. She wished she had something else to leave at the grave as an offering as Eraqus's apprentices had left their Wayfinders on their master's, but she had nothing to her name save for the clothes on her back.

Finally, when she was ready, Naminé took Riku's offered hand and allowed him to help her onto her feet. The two of them walked back to Sora's Gummi Ship. Not a word passed between them until they were settled in the cockpit, Riku in the pilot's seat.

"So, where to next?"

Naminé could only blink in confusion.

Riku stared blankly back at her, until he cursed under his breath and reached under his chair. "I should have given this to you earlier," he explained as he pulled out a canvas bag and handed it to her. "But getting you caught up on everything and deciding how to honor my Replica… It slipped my mind. Sorry."

"It's okay," Naminé assured him. The gesture itself had been sweet enough as is, but when she pulled out a sketchbook, her sketchbook, she felt a tightness in her chest. "I thought I lost this," she said as she looked towards Riku in gratitude. "Thank you."

"It's nothing," he replied. Was it just her, or was he blushing? "Colored pencils, crayons... I got you a set of watercolors too, since I thought you might like to try something new."

This was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for her.

"And a brand-new Gummiphone, just for you."

"A Gummi… what?"

"A Gummiphone. It's like a journal… and a computer put together?" When Naminé's confusion did not dissipate, Riku didn't even bother trying again. "It's something Chip and Dale created. Everyone has one. We can use it to keep in touch across worlds. I'll show you how to use it in a sec. It might be easier than explaining."

"Um, okay."

Riku turned back to the dashboard, pulling up a map of the worlds. "You didn't answer my initial question," he said. "Anywhere you want to go next?"

Naminé looked down at her sketchbook. She had stopped flipping through it when Riku mentioned the Gummiphone, but she had not noticed she had stopped at her drawing of Sora and Roxas. You hold half of what he is. He needs you, Roxas.

That was something about truths. They could change.

So much could change. Truths. Feelings. Promises.

Those moments with Roxas were among her fondest memories. They were not always happy, but Naminé cherished every minute shared and every word exchanged between them. She sympathized with him, wanted to help him. Even though the circumstances had been far from ideal, Roxas was the first person she had met with no lies, manipulation, or guilt weighing her down.

But not anymore.

Because now she knew the only reason she had gotten to meet him at all was because he'd forgotten about Xion. And the reason why he had forgotten about Xion was Naminé. She had not intended for things to happen that way, but they did. It was her fault. Maybe if Naminé had tried harder to find a way around the leakage of Sora's memories into Xion, it wouldn't have happened. But she didn't, and so Xion was forgotten.

Now that Roxas has Xion back in his life… surely there was no place for Naminé within it.

"There is… no place I could think of. I never had a home to go back to like you do, Riku."

Riku frowned. "What about people? People you want to see?"

Naminé lifted her shoulders and let them drop. "Even if there were, it doesn't mean they want to see me. I don't want to bother him- I mean, them."

Riku drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "What makes you so sure?" he asked quietly. "What makes you so sure they wouldn't want to be bothered by you?"

"Sora said there were people who missed me," she said, thinking of her time in the Final World. "Maybe they do, but nobody missed me enough to be the spark I needed to be whole again." I had to find my own way back, following the chains of memories that kept me imprisoned for so long... "I'm… not like Roxas."

"But what about Roxas?" Riku asked softly, "I know the two of you made some kind of promise in the World That Never Was. Don't you want to see it through?"

"It's okay," she replied, her voice feeling strangely detached from her tongue as she spoke. "He's got his own life now. He's been reunited with all the people who missed him. He deserves it more than anyone. Isn't that more important than some other promise he made with a girl he barely knew?"

Riku was quiet for a very long time as he contemplated her answer. Finally, he sighed. "Naminé…" he said, "I'm going to ask you something. Is that alright?"

She nodded.

"Do you not want to see Roxas because you think you'll be an inconvenience to him… Or because you envy him?"

One could hear a needle drop in the aftermath.

"I don't envy of Roxas," Naminé said. Too quickly. And, perhaps, with a touch of defensiveness.

Riku raised an eyebrow at her reply. "I'll be the first to admit that I'm not great with feelings, and probably even worse with girls. But you and I have spent a good part of a year together after the Castle Oblivion mess, so I like to think I have a bit of insight on you the others don't."

Naminé clutched her sketchbook to her chest. "Where are you going with this?"

"I'm not entirely sure myself," Riku admitted. "I only want to say that envy can easily turn into resentment if you let it simmer for too long. And resentment…" He ran an agitated hand through his hair. "I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. At least be honest with yourself if no one else. Feeling those things doesn't make you a bad person. Light and darkness are a part of every heart. Don't run from the light and don't fear the darkness, because both will make you stronger, remember?"

Naminé smiled a little despite herself. "I remember," she said. "But-"

"I know," Riku interrupted, but his tone and eyes were understanding, "probably better than anyone. You and I have both made mistakes that hurt a lot of people. We both realized we were wrong and have since done everything we could to set things right. I'm not going to tell you you need to forgive yourself or something because I know it won't happen until you are ready, but… just keep that in mind, okay?"

"Okay…"

"I can't bare to watch you push people away because you're so determined to believe you don't belong anywhere. Aren't Terra and his friends proof to the contrary? They wouldn't have invited you to live with them if you did."

Staring straight ahead, Naminé nodded.

Riku turned back to the dashboard and began pressing some buttons. "Tell you what. How about I go make my report to Yen Sid and you take the time to get some rest? It's been a long day, so maybe you'll feel better after a nap."

She sighed in relief. "Thank you, Riku."

"Of course. You're my friend. It's the least I could do." Riku did not smile often, but he did now. "Especially after everything you've done for us."

Naminé was glad he didn't mention Sora or Kairi, but she knew he was thinking about them. The Replica, Sora, Kairi… Riku just didn't pick her up from Radiant Garden solely for her sake, but for the people who would have come with him if they were still here.

For all his confident words and level headed counseling, Naminé wondered how Riku was really faring beneath it all. His entire life, he'd devoted himself to growing stronger so he could protect what mattered most to him, and now… Sora and Kairi were both gone. Even if Riku understood the next journey was one Sora had to take alone, it didn't make staying behind an easy burden to bear.

Naminé bit her lip.

"That goes for you too," she told him. "If you need someone to talk to about… anything. I'd be happy to listen."

Riku grinned. "There is one thing…"

Naminé tilted her head to the side.

"The truth is..." Riku paused long enough to release a nervous laugh. "The truth is, the reason why Roxas wasn't there when you woke up… was because I didn't tell him."

"...What?"

"I thought it was a good idea at the time," he said, avoiding her eyes and sounding almost sulky. "Thought it would be fun to surprise him. You know, to mess with him a little."

Naminé was at an utter loss for words.

"If I'd known how much it would upset you, I would have told him. I swear."

"Why…" Naminé was still speechless, but laughter was starting to bubble up within her. Clearly Riku hadn't matured as much as she thought. "Why is it that whenever you can't tease Sora, you turn to teasing Roxas?"

"In my defense," Riku said, very much acting like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, "Roxas gives as good as he gets. Way more than Sora ever did."

Naminé was suddenly reminded of the one confrontation between Riku and Roxas she was actually present for. It was hard to hold back a smile.

"I don't know if it changes anything," Riku said, "but I couldn't let you keep making these assumptions without knowing the whole truth."

The whole truth… Naminé sighed, leaning back against her seat as Riku turned the ship into ignition. Holding her sketchbook to her chest, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to lose herself in her thoughts.

Riku might be right, except Roxas may not be the only person she envied. She's been alone for so long, and every time she thought the day the loneliness could finally end had come, it was snatched from her one way or another. At this point, she wasn't sure if her heart could stand to lose hope again.

I do want to meet you again, Roxas. More than anything, she thought as she closed her eyes. I'm just afraid you don't feel the same.

When Riku said he would be reporting to Yen Sid, Naminé had assumed he would be going straight to the Mysterious Tower. So when she woke up, rubbed the sleep from her eyes, and found that the Gummi Shop was about to land by Twilight Town's Station Plaza, she was quite… confused.

Asking Riku only resulted in shrug and the explanation that this was one way to reach the Tower.

"You're free to wait in the ship," Riku had said in a way that was far too innocent to be devoid of ulterior motives as he tossed her the keys. "Call if you need anything."

Naminé kicked her legs. She did feel better after some rest, Riku was right about that. From the moment she'd woken up, she had been on her guard. Though she accepted the apology from a repentant Ansem the Wise, she didn't know what to feel about those who had once been members of the first Organization.

Then Riku came and brought news with him, both good and bad. Learning about the fates of Kairi and Sora, meeting Ventus, and honoring the Riku Replica all within the span of 24-hours had left her utterly drained.

She flipped through her sketchbook, looking at all the pictures she had drawn. Mostly, they were of other people and places she had seen, but never been to. The only ones she had of herself were of the fake memories she had drawn into Sora and the Riku Replica in Castle Oblivion.

Riku still didn't give himself enough credit, it seems. Now that her mind was clearer, she was able to see the merit in his words. Naminé continued to have her doubts, perhaps she always would, but she did find it in her to - cautiously - start hoping again.

The pessimistic voice in her head had quieted down, but every time she flipped past a drawing of a group of friends, it would begin whispering. A girl who is neither a heroine with a Keyblade, nor a princess of light, could only be a witch.

Naminé slammed her sketchbook shut. Perhaps it was time to begin drawing in a new one. That was the first thing she would tell Riku when he returned, she decided.

And yet… her hands itched to pick up a pencil or crayon and begin drawing again. Not because she had memories to fix or replace, but because it was something she liked to do and made her happy.

She looked at the Gummiphone in her hand. It wasn't as hard to use as she initially feared ("Of course not. You hijacked DiZ's data once."), but the thought of calling Riku only to ask how much longer he was going to be made her feel incredibly silly.

But those weren't her only options though. Naminé remembered there was a store in Twilight Town that sold art supplies, but… Twilight Town was such a big world. And a populated one. And this was the real Twilight Town.

This was certainly her most intimidating option.

Weighing her choices, Naminé steeled herself. Starting a new journey may not be so hard. She shoved her sketchbook into her bag and the Gummiphone after it. As painful as the drawings were, she couldn't bare to throw it away. Or maybe it has already begun.

The first step was always the scariest.

Nobody paid her any mind as she walked down Station Heights, not because she was a ghost or a phantom they could not see, but she was simply another person walking down their usual street.

Naminé was really starting to feel better, more than better, even. Being a part of a crowd was overwhelming, but in a pleasant way. She's been watching others live their lives her entire existence. Maybe it was time for her to start living hers. It was these happy, almost excited, thoughts that distracted her from the possibility that she might run into someone she knew.

Or even the someone she wanted to see.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Naminé noted that perhaps she had been taking her powers for granted, as much as she sometimes despised them for being the only thing people saw when they looked at her. She'd been so sure that she'd know when Roxas was near, that she would at least have some sense of forewarning before their paths were to connect again on this very street.

He hasn't changed. And yet, everything about him has changed. Roxas wasn't that lost, grieving boy imprisoned in DiZ's simulated Twilight Town, wasn't the frustrated seeker of answers who simply wanted to know who he was anymore.

Seeing him as the person he was now, Naminé wondered how she could ever begrudge him for anything. Didn't she once quietly grieve for the life she was stealing from him when she told him what she believed was the awful truth?

Roxas was close enough for her to read the flurry of emotion in his sky-blue eyes. Shock, confusion, disbelief and… a trace of longing.

Face to face with him now, Naminé didn't know what to feel. Idly, she asked herself where the courage to approach him and say her piece had gone. Washed away by Kairi's light, probably, leaving behind only shadows.

Before she could make up her mind, somebody bumped into her. A hasty apology was offered, but she barely heard it. Unable to regain her balance in time, Naminé braced herself for a hard landing, throwing out a hand in an attempt to break her fall, and then-

Roxas kept her steady, right hand on her shoulder and left hand holding her right. His hands… they were so warm.

Naminé was about to thank him for helping her when, utterly without warning, Roxas pulled her into his arms. She… She's never been hugged before. For a moment, Naminé simply stood there, paralyzed by this kind of human contact. That moment passed. What her body was unfamiliar with, she allowed herself to respond with her heart as her guide.

She learned a long time ago that no one cared for her tears. Even those who did care preferred to see her smiling instead, but with Roxas holding her close, something within her simply broke. Naminé clung onto him as though he was the only thing that kept her tethered to this reality as an eclectic cascade of emotion came crashing out.

She didn't know exactly what she was crying about. Initially, she thought it was simply the joy of seeing Roxas again, but then she would suddenly remember empty white halls, broken-down mansions, and a castle that never was, one memory leading to another with no rhyme or reason. Once it began, it was so hard to stop.

If only letting herself cry in the arms of another boy didn't feel like such a betrayal. The Riku Replica… Naminé didn't deserve his devotion. She never did.

She felt something wet on her shoulder as Roxas began to stroke her hair, a caress so gentle even she could not deny the meaning behind it. Roxas too, he misses you! Sora… Sora was right wasn't he? Naminé cried for him too, the first friend she ever had. Setting out alone on another adventure, determined to find Kairi again no matter the distance, and no matter the cost.

And Kairi… At long last, Naminé began to cry for Kairi, always the one left behind and always separated from her friends. She had welcomed Naminé not knowing who she was or what she had done, keeping her heart safe and sheltered within her own, while asking for nothing in return. With Kairi gone from the worlds, Naminé wondered if she could ever truly be whole without her Other.

On and on it went, until she poured it all out and let it go, steadily becoming aware of her surroundings again. Naminé took a long, shuddering breath, closing her eyes to capture this moment in her heart. Roxas was as warm as an afternoon day, so different from the cool, crisp white walls that had surrounded her all her life. This kind of warmth… it made her feel safe and protected, and all Roxas needed to do was to hold her.

But, the realist in her knew she could not stay in his embrace forever. Naminé reluctantly pulled back, wiping the last of her tears away and tending to her runny nose. She looked up with a sniffle. There was a tear trail running down his cheek even as he smiled softly at her. She reached up and wiped it away.

"Looks like we meet again." Her voice was scratchy and hoarse, and yet she wanted to sing. "Like we promised."

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epilogue:

"Oh, Roxas! You didn't say you were showing up with a girl!"

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regarding naminé's "spark."

- her waking up surrounded by former organization members and ansem the wise rubs me the wrong way. this is one explanation/theory that makes it easier for me to swallow

- namine's powers have always been used for others, so i like the idea of namine using them to help herself for a change

- she's an anomaly already anyway so why not