A/N: Wheeeeee! We're baaack! True to our promises, this chapter will be longer, better and will answer more than a few questions. It's also got Al in it. So be happy! Or something like that. Crazed yaoi fans rejoice! Your first bit of RoyXEd-ness makes an appearance in this chapter. No, it's not hot monkey sex, but hell if our fic had that in the second chapter it probably wouldn't last very long, ne? Anyways, sit back and eat popcorn or something and read. It took us another two weeks and A LOT of technical issues to get this done, and you should keep in mind that me and my co-writer, Mitzy are a couple hundred miles apart! Plus she's a slow typer…but I'm a slavedriver so it all works out somehow. Haha I wonder if you people can tell which of us writes what… anyways, please enjoy!----

Alphonse wasn't in the best of moods. Even the piles of paper and books spread out on the floor in front of him, pages and pages of alchemy theories and notes that normally would have kept him happy and busy for days, did nothing to improve his temperament.

He ran ink-smudged fingers through honey-gold hair and his eyes flashed in irritation. Ed was late again. Not that it really surprised the younger Elric to be waiting alone at home again. Ed was always late. Alphonse was used to the emptiness of their small apartment. Their three-room living space contained only the bare necessities: A bathroom, a kitchen, a desk, and a bedroom with two small beds. It was all they could afford and it was small and incredibly cramped… but it was home.

Al sighed and tried to force his irritation down as he bent his head and tried unsuccessfully to turn his attention back to the book he was supposed to be studying.

Ed was always late for a reason. It wasn't like he enjoyed leaving his little brother alone at home. He didn't and he had made that fact very clear to Al in the past. He was gone because he had to be. His job demanded late hours, meaning that he sometimes didn't return untill late morning, too exhausted to do anything but collapse on his bed.

'His job…' Al mused, 'He still won't tell me what it is he does that keeps him out so late every night…but…at least we have a home….we're not living on the streets and that's all I can ask for.'

Ever since their mother had died of a mysterious wasting illness three years ago, the Elric brother had been alone. With no friends or family around to take care of them, they had been left homeless on the streets of Central, barely scraping out a living.

Their skill with alchemy meant nothing if they didn't have the money or time to study it or seek out a teacher. So Edward had found a job and thrown his life into it, insisting that if he couldn't live out his dream of becoming an alchemist, he would make damn sure that Alphonse could, no matter what he had to do to make that dream a reality.

"Brother…" he murmured sadly. No, Edward still hadn't told his brother what it was he did for a living to support them… but Al had his suspicions. He had seen the outrageous outfits that Ed had come home in, the makeup and the leather and he had seen the bruises, burns, and sometimes even cuts that marred his brother's fair skin. Whatever job his brother did, it was hard on him. And, though Ed always acted like his usual cheerful self, there were moments when Al saw something in his eyes that made him realize that his brother had changed. Though his body was relatively the same, his eyes had aged many years.

It made Al sick to think about and he blew his bangs out of his face with a frustrated sigh and tried to force his mind away from thoughts of his brother, throwing himself into his studying with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

--

Edward Elric sighed to himself and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, wishing that he had a drink, beer, water, anything to wash the bitter taste out of his mouth. No matter how much he teased Mustang, no matter how outwardly cheerful he appeared to be, he hated this. He hated the back- alley rendezvous', the harsh treatment he always got, and the hungry looks people gave him.

It wasn't the sex that bothered him anymore, no he had gotten over that years ago, it was the way he kept his brother in the dark, alone at home. It was all for Al, of course. Everything he did, he did for Al's sake. But lying to his brother… he hated it.

But at least they had a home and even friends. Well, at least Ed had friends. His occasional late night conversations with Roy Mustang at the bar had blossomed into an odd kind of friendship over the last few months. Of course, Ed wasn't just interested in his friendship. The man was a state alchemist and a powerful and high-ranking one at that. He had connections. Maybe, through him, he could help Al achieve his dream of becoming a real alchemist.

He had no such aspirations for himself. His desires meant nothing. Al was the only one that mattered. His mother's last words, "take care of you brother" rang constantly in his head, reminding him of his purpose in life. His dreams could wait until after Al had achieved his.

But first….he needed a drink.

--

He wasn't particularly surprised to find Edward at the bar that afternoon. Ed was there almost without fail every time the flame alchemist decided to put in an appearance. He smiled a little to himself and limped over towards the boy.

Ed looked up in time to catch Roy's eye and notice his limp and almost immediately amusement made its home on his face, starting at his lips twitched upwards in a smirk, and extending upwards to gold eyes that twinkled in silent laughter.

"Do I even need to ask why you're limping?" he asked with a snicker as the older man sat down next to him very carefully.

Roy glared at him. "I'd prefer if you didn't." he grumbled. Today had been irritating enough without the additional teasing he knew he was going to be receiving from the blonde.

True to form Ed replied, "Oh but I have to! Did you, by any chance, make an attempt to rid yourself of your little…problem with the use of alchemy?"

"It's completely taken care of and that's all you need to know."

At that, Ed burst into laughter, clutching his sides as his shoulders shook helplessly. "You really are as crazy as all the rumors say you are!" he said finally after his laughter had died down.

Roy arched an eyebrow at that. "Rumors?"

Ed grinned and struck a dramatic pose. "Oh yes!" He exclaimed with mock enthusiasm, "The great and mighty flame alchemist! He can incinerate you with a snap of his fingers! Make any woman swoon! Steal your girlfriend before you can blink! Invincible! Unstoppable!"

Rolling his eyes, Mustang snorted and took a sip of his beer.

Ed's grin got, if possible, even wider as he continued, "He's the finest example of a state alchemist you'll find in Central! But…did you hear? He spends his time-off in a bar with a male prostitute and tries flame remedies on himself to rid himself of the aftereffects of his nights of slumming!"

The blonde laughed again as he received a dark glare for his comments. Mustang really was fun to tease.

Roy couldn't help a reluctant smirk. Even when he was being an ass, Edward always seemed to know how to cheer him up. How he managed to do that by insulting the colonel, he would never know. "I'm still trying to figure out why I haven't burnt you to a crisp yet, Elric." He said finally with a light chuckle. "You're quite the expert at being a pain in the ass."

Sipping at his own beer, Ed snorted. "I may be a pain, but at least I'm a better drinking partner than most of those sluts you usually leave the bar with."

Roy couldn't help but agree. Despite the crap he would most likely catch if his superiors found out he was slumming in such a low-life area, he always found himself drawn back to this bar to seek out the young man's company. He was smart, clever, funny, and unlike most of the population of Central, completely unafraid to say exactly what he thought about the Colonel. It was refreshing really.

And he really did make a good drinking partner.

Roy sighed wistfully. He wasn't itchy anymore, thank god no. No more itchiness, no more cream. No, instead he had to deal with what he had done to himself.

Yes, Roy would agree that he gave a new definition to the word "flamer".

-Flash Back-

Roy Mustang grunted; he reached his hand in his pants and relieved the itch which he had been trying to ignore for the past twenty minutes.

He scratched, and scratched and scratched.

"Damn it!" He screamed!

"This has to stop!" He wasn't suppose to... "pick" at his problem but he couldn't help it. The crème was like a damn cough drop, it would only work for ten minutes. Mustang glared down at his most prized possession as a man.

He couldn't take it anymore; he had to do something about it. Cream didn't work and shaving would still leave him itchy.

What was the best way to get rid of a pest problem? Pests. This reminded him of the time his grandmother had a pest problem as well. No, not the same kind that Roy had at the moment.

Her hobby was gardening; it was very relaxing for her. The only thing she hated was the potato bugs that would infest her lovely garden.

When she finally had enough she took drastic measures and got rid of them the only way would could.

Turn the soil over, drench it with alcohol, and burn it. Repeat once. He remembered the image because he was the one turning over the soil and throwing the match into the toppled soil once it had alcohol in it.

Light bulb!

Ten minutes later Roy sat on his bed. Once again he was staring down at his "flashlight". The only thing that clad his body was a single white glove made of special ignition material and an alchemy circle on it.

Roy's eyebrow twitched. He was hesitating; a twitching eyebrow was not a good sign for Roy Mustang. It always meant he was either really pissed or having doubts about something.

At the moment he couldn't say which one he was feeling.

Was this really a good idea? It would surely get rid of the little bastards, and he wasn't going too far as using alcohol as his grandmother did.

He took in a big gasp of air. Had he been holding his breath this whole time?

"Ok…." He said out loud, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.

"I think…." A small trickle of sweat traveled down from his forehead, over his cheek, and down to his chin.

"This is going to be…." His leg twitched a little this time. Sitting butt naked on his bed in the middle of the night felt a little strange to him for some reason. Maybe, it was because there wasn't any one else to share the wonderful, breezy, "freedom" with him.

"Okay…." He took a big gulp.

Snap!

--

That was the first time in a long time Roy screamed in pain rather than anything else.

"So…" Roy looked over at the attractive blonde next to him. "Should we get going?" Edward asked.

"Nmm." Was Roy's reply.

He got up and stretched a bit as he did, only to look over at Ed who was staring at a slice of lime.

"I thought you wanted to leave." Roy said.

"Hm." Ed looked at Roy then to the slice of lime again. When his gaze meet Roy's again he had a big smile on his face. Roy raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Ed lifted up the slice with the same grin on his face.

"What if I-"

"Let's get going Edward!" Roy huffed, quickly marching out of the bar.

--

"Come on colonel! Don't look so upset, I'm sure you're use to creams by now and besides this does wonders for burns." Havoc laughed.

Mustang wished the young blonde would've stayed with him. Edward left in the middle of their walk on the way back to headquarters. Something about needing to return to his… services.

Roy didn't know how the word got out but it did, and when nothing was going on in the military any juicy bit of rumors, blackmail, and such would travel through headquarters in no time flat. Roy would pay a fortune to know who the man was who spread the word.

"Guess how the colonel got rid of his problem… "

Roy heard someone say as he was passing by to get to his office. Maybe it was karma, what goes around comes around. You see there was another thing that Roy was well known for.

Stealing girlfriends.

So of course when every man on base heard about Mustang's… solution to his problem they had to come stop by and beat his ego down. What goes around comes around.

It was ridiculous! Ointments, books on safe sex, even baskets of fried crabs!

It became so bad Riza had to stand guard at the front door, pulling out both her guns just to chase "trespassers" away.

Mustang groaned again, in a way he deserved it and… well truth be told he'd be doing the same thing if a situation like this ever happened to one of his subordinates.

Despite the fact that they didn't mean it, Roy was still pissed. How he wished… oh how he wished he could BURN them all.

'If I had my way right now they'd be pissing blood for days…' Roy thought to himself as he glared at his laughing subordinates.

"You didn't get any blisters did you?" Breda asked then snorted as he laughed. The Flame Alchemist sighed for what must've been the millionth time that day.

"Okay men, you had your fun, could you just drop it now!" Roy asked as calmly as he could through gritted teeth.

The door to Roy's office swung open; it was Edward. He was dressed in normal civilian clothing for once. He didn't look too happy though, maybe something bad happened on the way to Mustang's office…

Roy's subordinate's laughter stopped for a moment when Ed entered, but they soon began their idiotic snickering.

Ed grunted, obviously not in a good mood.

"I bet even Ed is cleaner than you are colonel!" The fat one said out loud. Ed glared at Breda. Of course Breda was too engrossed in his oh-so-funny jokes to notice.

"That's no way to take care of yourself colonel. No woman wants a castrated man." Havoc chimed in again.

Everyone contributed to beating on Roy's ego. Even Hawkeye; she was the one who brought in the "Safe Sex" book in the first place!

Fuery and Falman just continued to say how disgusting the whole thing was. None of which helped the colonel's mood or pride.

Edward glared at Havoc. His cheeks slightly flustered. "You shouldn't be talking second lieutenant!" Ed yelled.

Havoc blinked; a little question marked dance above his head. He didn't expect someone to talk back.

"Huh? C'mon cheif, we're just teasin'. Besides you can't deny that you would want a man who would go so far as to flame his own jewels just to get rid of a problem that was his entire fault. It's only karma for stealing everyone's girlfriend. Especially mine!" Havoc said the last part in a huffed tone.

Edward's golden like eyes shined maliciously. Why was he pissed, only he would know…

"If you were good enough of a man your girlfriends wouldn't have left you for Roy in the first place! Your loneliness is your own damn fault. No one wants to be with a whiner, not even a whore like me!" Edward growled.

Havoc gasped in but soon started choking. He swallowed his cigarette.

"And no one wants to be with a disgusting smoker either!" The blonde young man added.

"Hey calm down Ed. There's no need to attack anyone like that." Breda said slowly. He soon regretted it though when Ed gave him the look of death.

"You shouldn't be talking, fat ass! Go eat your emotions away with a bowl of chocolates!" Ed barked. At this point no one said anything.

Facing Ed's wrath was not something anyone would wanted to experience in their life time.

Roy looked… surprised to say the least.

Although Roy was confused he couldn't help but be a little… happy. Even though Ed was always a rebellious bastard, an annoying prick, and a real bitch at times, Roy realized that Ed still had respect for him.

'Maybe I should stop making fun of his height…" Roy thought to himself.

--

Ed glared after Mustang's subordinates as they finally took the hint in his smoldering golden eyes and left, filing out one by one, Riza the last to leave after shooting a worried glance over her shoulder at the dazed looking Roy. She wondered if it was really a wise idea leaving him alone with the young Elric.

Ed continued to glare after them even after the door had been shut, his eyes burning. "Why do you take that crap from them, Roy?" he snarled. "It's bullshit."

Roy twitched, startled out of his thoughts. "I know….I know. I should send them all off on some sort of unpleasant mission or something like that but…with no wars the military isn't the most exciting place to be." He sighed and scratched his head. "It's sad, but you have to understand that shit like this serves as entertainment around here. Had this happened to any of them I would have been the one spitting insults and damaging pride."

Edward snorted. "That's rather pathetic if you ask me."

"It is."

Growling, Ed spun around to glare at Roy. "But you don't deserve that shit! You're better than that."

Roy's eyes widened a bit in surprise and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards in the beginnings of a familiar smirk. "Was that…a compliment, Ed?"

His cheeks burning, Ed whirled back around and crossed his arms stubbornly. "A compliment? Pull your head out of your ass, Mustang. Not everyone worships you, you know!"

"Sounded like one to me."

"Yeah well…you're a dumbass."

Roy grinned. Trust Ed to put him back in a good mood, even if he was only insulting him again. "I must be a dumbass if I'm crazy enough to keep you around as a friend." He chuckled, amused as Ed whirled around once again, face flushed now with anger.

"What's that supposed to mean!" the boy snarled.

Mustang's grin only got wider. "Take that as a compliment, Edward. How many prostitutes do you know that spend their off-time in a military office with a colonel?"

"Uhhh…."

"That's what I thought. Now come on, I'm sick of this place for today and it's almost time for me to leave anyways; let's go get one last drink and then I'll walk you home."

Ed's eyebrows shot up at that. Sure he and Roy had shared many afternoons and nights drinking together at the bar, but not once had the colonel offered to walk him home, or indeed taken any interest whatsoever in where the older Elric brother might live. Then again, he had never really been forthcoming with details about his personal life. He wasn't even sure if Roy knew about his brother or not.

But he was used to people not caring about that anyways. People only saw him as a willing fuck or a good drinking partner. But some of what Mustang had said tonight had led Ed to believe that might be changing. Maybe he could count the Colonel as a real friend and not as just a decent drinking partner.

He allowed himself a rare smile. "Sure. Let's do that."

--

As it turned out, Ed had to do enough walking for the two of them on the way home from the bar. "Goddammit Mustang," he growled, as the heavier man leaned against his shoulder, "Try walking for yourself a little, you can't be THAT drunk."

"….sorry…."

Ed sighed. 'I shouldn't have let him drink so much,' he thought. 'I have NO idea where he lives and housing a drunk colonel in our shabby little apartment has got to be breaking some sort of law…'

Surprisingly enough, as many times as they had drank together, Ed had never witnessed the colonel truly drunk. The man always seemed too reserved to allow himself to be comfortably drunk in public. But apparently the stress of today had been enough to allow his composure to slip enough for him to be leaning drunkenly against Ed as the much smaller boy attempted to walk him back to his apartment.

"You weigh a ton, Roy….god."

"…sorry…"

Ed twitched. "Who knew you were a quiet drunk…" he mumbled with a half-smirk. "I expected you to be loud and obnoxious."

Roy fixed him with a glare and he chuckled. The colonel's normally intimidating glare failed miserably when he was stumbling drunkenly and trying not to fall over.

He allowed himself another smile. He felt oddly special. After all, how many people had witnessed a drunk Roy Mustang? And the man was strangely cute with the way he jumped at every loud noise and the way his eyes were glazed and his hair ruffled and…

Ed shook his head to clear it. 'Don't think that way,' he chided himself. 'Roy would kill you if you made any moves on him when he was sober…. What would he do to you if you tried it while he was drunk?' The boy shuddered at the thought, and focused on trying to ignore Roy's warm shoulder pressed against his own, and his arm wrapped around the colonel's waist to steady the man. 'Think happy thoughts….think happy thoughts…'

He was so wrapped up with trying to ignore the man that, when he finally reached his apartment and was fishing around in his pocket for his keys, he was completely taken off guard when the taller man suddenly stepped away from him and shoved him roughly against his door.

"What….what the fuck!" Ed stammered, looking up at Roy with wide golden eyes. "…Roy?"

Roy was smirking his normal smirk but his eyes were glazed with some indescribable emotion. But before Edward had a chance to feel truly unnerved, Roy's lips were pressed hungrily to his own.

He was too shocked to even try to resist, his body acting on autopilot and returning the kiss eagerly.

'This is bad….this is very, very BAD,' his mind screamed at him, 'Don't kiss him! He doesn't know who you are right now! He's gonna kill you in the morning!'

Against his will, he continued kissing the colonel, leaning forward against him then grunting when he was shoved heavily back against his door with a dull thump, Roy hands pressed to either side of his head, his mouth warm and hungry, tasting faintly of booze.

Ed's eyes glazed over, '…fuck it….'

He was about to give in completely to temptation when he suddenly fell backwards as the door was opened behind him, falling on his ass while Roy collapsed, passing out drunkenly to the floor.

He blinked, dazedly up at his brother's tired looking eyes. "Umm….Hi Al…"

"Brother? Who's that? What were you guys doing?"

Ed stood shakily, brushing himself off and trying to fight the blush that wanted to stain his cheeks red. "That," he said, gesturing at the passed out colonel, "Is Roy Mustang, the flame alchemist."

Al's eyes went absolutely huge. "W-what!" He squeaked. "What is he doing here! What's wrong with him!"

The older Elric brother grinned sheepishly. "Well…you see, we were drinking together and he had….a bit too much…."

"So you brought him here!" Al looked horrified.

"Well….yeah."

"WHY! Ed! We could get arrested when he wakes up! Do you realize how high up in the military this guy is! How are we ever supposed to become alchemists if you're kidnapping drunken colonels? Are you crazy!"

Ed sighed. This was more difficult then he thought. "It's fine, Al."

"How is it fine!"

"He's…a friend of mine. A drinking buddy. He said he was gonna walk me home tonight anyways, I don't have the faintest idea where he lives so I just brought him back here. I'm sure he'll understand when he wakes up." He snorted to himself. 'If he doesn't kill me, that is..'

Al looked doubtful but Ed just grinned at him. "C'mon Al, let's get him inside, he can borrow my bed tonight, I'll just sleep on the floor. We wanna make a good impression right?"

"….R-right…."

A/N: Review and keep them flashlights shiny ya'll.