She tossed and turned, the dreams of a knife against the darkness of the sky haunted her. The red of blood oozing out over a blanket of fresh snow on the ground. She awoke with a gasp and flew straight upwards grasping at her neck. The sight of the empty camp frightened her more than the nightmare she had. Her hands shook as she stood up, examining her surroundings. It was impossible. She was still here and not in her apartment. Her dream was supposed to be over. Toma pinched the skin on her forearm, trying to force herself to wake up from a dream that wasn't taking place.

"No, no, no. This cannot be happening. This can't be real."

Toma slid onto her knees, rummaging around in her bag where she had put her phone. The small black phone brought her a small amount of comfort. The words of no service taunted her from the screen. She needed to know this wasn't real, that it was something she had come up with.

She climbed one of the nearest trees she could find-which wasn't all that hard- and began to climb up. It wasn't too tall but just enough to possibly pull off a bar of service if she got to the top.

"What are you doing up there?"

Toma shrieked and slipped on the branch she was on but caught a branch with her hands, she pulled herself up and looked down to see Fili pick up her phone.

"No, don't touch that!"

As fast as she could she climbed down the branches as Fili was turning it about in his hands, pressing the on button and jumped back slightly as he saw the screen light up. She hit the ground with a heavy thud and tried to snatch the phone away from him.

"Give that back!"

"What is it?"

"Just give it to me!"

Although he was shorter, he was much stronger than her. She clawed and grasped for her phone. Toma was not liking this dwarf at all.

"Please," she said trying to hold back her tears. This couldn't be real. It wasn't possible.

He looked at her, noticing her eyes shimmering a bit too much and her bottom lip quivering. A huff of air escaped his lips as the grip he had on the foreign object loosened.

"Here."

"Thanks, Мудак."

"What?"

"Nothing," she said, walking away and trying to not let the tears escape. No service, tiny men a wizard. This couldn't be happening. With a shuddering breath and shaking hands, she sat down on the ground, head in her hands, trying to process what was going on.

"There is no such thing as Middle-Earth. You're in your bed, You're just dreaming." she whispered to herself, repeating it in an attempt to make herself believe it.

Fili stood far off from her, still trying to wring all of the water out of his hair. He could hear her chanting and was starting to regret bringing her. Slowly, the others began to pour in from the stream they had been washing in, leaving behind wet tracks.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see his younger brother grinning at him.

"What's got you down?" Kili asked noticing the look on his brother's face.

"It's nothing."

"Whatever you say."

She stared at the ponies as the company around her moved to put their things on them. She was in deep shit and she knew it. She didn't know how to ride a horse let alone a pony and she really didn't offer much to the table when it came to helping them. They already had a cook and a doctor- healer they had told her- it was still the same. She didn't know how to use weapons. Deep shit, she was expendable and they could get rid of her any moment, leave her alone in the woods or something.

"What are you staring at?" the youngest dwarf asked. She liked him, he was the most civil towards her.

"I don't know how to ride one of those things," she whispered. She bit at her nails, nervous of what would happen.

"You can just ride with me."

"But they'll figure it out and then you guys will take off in the middle of the night without me."

"Do you really think that low of us?" Kili asked a little bit hurt by her assumption of them.

They stood in an awkward silence as she bit at her bottom lip, trying to answer to answer the question, "No, I'm just being paranoid."

"I don't think Bilbo would be too pleased if we left you behind."

"Great," she groaned as she followed Kili. She didn't know how she was supposed to get up on the beast but Kili held out a hand to her, waiting patiently for her. She looked up at him and doing something she rarely did anymore, she trusted him as he helped pull her up.

With arms wrapped around his heavily clothed body and a nervous heart, the company started to move. She wondered how they could do this for so long, sit on a horse and stare ahead for hours at a time without any source of entertainment. As she thought, the conversation picked up towards the end of the group.

"You've been silent for a while now lass."

Toma looked up at Bofur- she was sure that was him- blinking and moving her hair out of her face. "Sorry, what?"

He shook his head, a smile on his face. "I don't know how you can just sleep on one of these things."

"Me too, man," she yawned and straightened up to see above Kili's shoulder. "When are we stopping?"

"Soon, possibly."

"Possibly?" Toma raised an eyebrow and looked at Kili at an awkward angle and then to Bofur.

"Depends on Thorin mostly."

"I can see that; he doesn't seem like a happy camper."

"He is not," Bofur agreed as another dwarf shouted his name. "Kili. Avtonoma." He said, nodding to them as a goodbye before moving up closer to the dwarf who had caught his attention.

"That is quite a strange name," Kili said after minutes of peaceful silence between them.

"How do you think I feel."

He rolled his eyes in good humor and spared a small glance towards her. "And how do you feel?"

"Miserable."

"Is it the pony?"

"Yeah."

"Knew it."

"Cheeky bastard," she said with a grin. He smirked and maneuvered his pony to be next to his older brother. Her smile disappeared as she realized what he was doing. "I don't think your brother likes me."

"What? He hardly hates anyone. He just doesn't know you well enough to decide whether or not he likes you. Ah, brother, how are you doing on this very fine day?"

She moved her head to look away from the blond, thinking and trying to analyze her current situation in every logical way that she could. Toma thought that maybe she had been slipped something but she hadn't even gone out the last day of her vacation. Maybe in a coma and making this all up in her head to make up for all this time.

A voice brought her back to attention. She turned to find the owner of the voice and saw that it was Fili. She watched his lips move but didn't answer. He looked at her in annoyance, waiting for her to answer him.

"Sorry, I wasn't listening. You were saying?"

"I asked you, what is in your bags."

"Oh," she looked down, unprepared for the question. "My scrubs, change of clothes, uh, I don't remember what else."

"Scrubs?"

"It's for my job."

"So you work?" Fili looked at her strange.

"Yes," she said, furrowing her brows and a weird feeling in her stomach. "I do. I'm an emergency room doctor. What's it to you?"

"Just curious."

"Okay."

Toma turned her head away from the blond dwarf and back to the landscape. The green grass growing tall and being pushed down to the ground by the hooves of the ponies. She let her mind wander, thinking about how this had happened but the chatter of the dwarfs streaming in and interrupting her thoughts.

They were all very loud and joyful to say the least. A few, from what she could tell, weren't much of the happy type. The one with the head of tattoos and Thorin. There was something off about them as she looked at the entire group, they were very much so the brooding type.

She shook her head and turned towards the conversation between Fili and Kili. For once she saw the blond smile and it transfixed her. The smile reached his eyes and gave him a look of utter happiness. It was quite attractive to watch him smile and laugh with his brother she thought but she stopped herself as she understood where her thoughts were leading her to. She brushed them off and fixed her position in the saddle, looking straight ahead and trying to keep her mind blank. She could barely understand how and what the point of her being with them was and she didn't want nor need a crush or whatever the silly and short lived feelings that came with it at the moment.

The sudden stop of the pony made her lurch forward, bumping into Kili with her chest landing on his back and chin on the back of his head, making Toma bite down on her tongue hard and Kili's head throbbing in pain. In the end both of them ended up in some way injured from Thorin and Gandalf's sudden stop.

"Fifteen minutes and we are on the road again," Thorin shouted to the crowd of men. She huffed out a breath of annoyance, the air making her bangs move up in the air to only flutter down a short second later.

"Kili, can you help me down?"

"Of course."

He hopped off first and now that she looked down at the ground she realized how ridiculous she was being. She was only about three feet off the ground beside getting off a pony must be like getting off a bike.

She glanced at Kili's hand and she thought for a second.

"Never mind Kili; I think I can do this."

His lips stretched into a straight line and his eyebrows raised like he knew that it would end badly. He opened his mouth to argue but her glare shut him down. "Okay, whatever you need."

"Thanks," she said and glanced to her foot. Slowly, she moved her leg to hover over the pony's back but her balance and grip she had on the saddle had faltered and she could see her mistake in that last second before she hit the ground. She moaned as she blinked up at the bright, blue sky. A shadow moved in over her and she saw the silhouette of some one short and with long hair, which at this point could have been anyone to her.

"Are you alright?" Fili asked as he saw the new addition to their group raise a hand up over her eyebrows and squint up at him.

She was quite surprised of the civility in his voice. "I think so."

The dwarf held out a hand to her but she pushed herself up on her own. The dirt and rocks left imprints in the palms of her hands and she dusted the pebbles that had become stuck in her hand. Toma looked down at him and noticed how handsome he was and now she was more frustrated with her observation than her own silly mishap.

"Uh, thanks," Toma stuttered out before walking in the opposite direction, "I'm just going to go pee."

Toma face palmed herself at her stupidity when she had her back to him. Mumbling under her breath, she continued walking until almost reaching the tree line.

"Where do you think you're going?" Dwalin asked.

"I just need to pee," she said, puzzled at the question. Why else would she be going into a forest alone?

"You need to take someone with you."

"Not going t-" she stopped herself mid-sentence when she saw Dwalin's expression, cold and mean. "Oh how silly of me, of course I'll take someone with me. Any suggestions?"

"Funny," he looked over his shoulder and spotted Kili. He pointed at him and looked back at her, "Kili can take you."

"What?" the brunet dwarf asked, pausing in his tracks and eyes wide as if he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Take her to use nature's best."

"Oh. Okay," he responded, still confused. Kili walked to the woman and led her into the trees that engulfed them in the soft light; the leaves and branches blocking out the harshness. She followed him as he looked around some spots.

Toma was sure she wouldn't be able to go with Kili being able to hear her pee, that would be too awkward for her to handle.

"Do you guys have toilet paper?"

"We have leaves."

"Сукин сын," she said as she tripped over a branch but caught herself on a tree. "I hate this."

"Gets easier over time. Here."

Kili pointed to a spot behind a bush to where she could have a bit of privacy from him. Her shoulders only felt heavier as she crept behind it and could still see Kili.

"Can you move back a few feet?"

"Only a few."

"Thanks."

He hummed a response and moved away from her and kept his back turned. Kili blocked out the sounds, trying to give her as much privacy as he could. She felt even more awkward as she squatted over the grass.

"Um, Kili? Which leaves are good to use?"

"The ones on the bush, I think."

"You think?!" she practically shrieked as she stood up slightly to look over the edge and glare at him. "I thought you knew what you were doing!"

"Yeah, but I'm not an expert," he said in his own defense. Kili turned back to look at her but was caught in her glare.

"Turn back around!"

"Sorry!"

Toma squatted down again and grabbed some of the nearest leaves. "Я не могу поверить, что я делаю это," she muttered in her first language.

Kili moved on the balls of his feet, waiting patiently for her. He hummed trying to mask the sound of her muttering and cursing. Toma stood up and walked behind him; she tapped his shoulder, making him jump.

"Ready?"

"Ready and traumatized."

Everything was sore. She was tired and it had only been one full day. Toma knew that it would be tough adjusting to something she hadn't even accepted to be real but she didn't expect it to be this difficult.

Her head pounded from being under the hot sun for too long. The fire that Nori had made was too bright for her liking and had turned her not so good mode into pure irritability. She mumbled under her breath every time some talked too loud or made to much noise, even the frogs made her want to rip apart trees with her bare hands. He hands clenched into the ground, bringing up blades of grass as she let go.

"Toma?" Bilbo asked, carrying a bowl of stew and a water skin.

"What?" she snapped at him with a harsh voice.

His eyes widened and he looked down at her with a scrutinizing look. He could see bags under her eyes and her lines in her forehead and the skin between her brows from trying to block out the sunlight and squinting the entire day.

"Why don't you eat something?"

"I'm good."

"You need to keep your energy up. The trip will suck the life out of you if you aren't strong."

Toma snorted and looked at the curly haired hobbit, "Well before this, the life was already sucking the life out of me. Looks like things haven't changed nor will it."

Bilbo frowned at her words and set down the food and water next to her. He turned and left her alone with her thought so he could process his own.

She glanced up at Bilbo and saw him walking away to his bedroll then down to the things he left for her. Toma sighed and felt regret for her snappy tone but pushed away the bowl of food and water skin.

AN: Thanks for reading!

Translations:

Мудак- Asshole

Сукин сын- Son of a bitch

Я не могу поверить, что я делаю это- I can't believe I'm doing this