*Disclaimer: As many do, I wish I owned the Twilight saga… but I don't, although I have borrowed some words verbatim from her books, and quite obviously the characters. Though I have used my own artistic license I must give credit where it is due and cite such parts to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer.

Edward:

The earth was covered in a trackless waste of snow, all nature appearing desolate and dreary, the sky illuminated with fires of a thousand hues and figures. They move in a motion like that of a pair of colors, waved in the air; the different tints of their light giving them the appearance of so many vast streamers of changeable silk; the flashes sometimes having the appearance of contending armies, fiery chariots, and a thousand other prodigies. I lay back against the snow bank, my cold skin accustomed to the temperature, the flecks of snow feeling almost warm. In vain I tried to appreciate the site before me, but that same thought I couldn't shake. She was in everything… the stars were that glint of light in her eyes when she figured me out, the red of the borealis the hints of red in her hair, the snow was the color of her skin… the wind the sound of her breath in a soft gasp; truly she had become my world.

It hurt to think of myself as weak. Before Bella, I had never had reason to doubt myself, but I had never felt for anyone, or anything, the way I did for her now either. So I ran… I ran far away, clearing my mind of her presence, my air no longer tainted by her scent, hoping I could think. Even so… all I could think about was her. Lost in my thoughts, I almost did not notice Tanya's light padding moving around me, about a mile into the surrounding wilderness.

Her thoughts reached me soon after her noise: "Humans get in the way…" she cooed in her thoughts as she alighted into my lap; I did not move. She burrowed into the hollow of my neck, her strawberry curls betraying the scent for which they were named. She smelled milky, like vanilla, which matched her skin and swirled in my nose. "They're not forever." A glint of mischief sparkled in her amber eyes, and broke me from my stone exterior, abandoning reason for a time.

I tangled fingers through the spider-silk strands of her hair, grasping a gathering at the nape of her neck. Her rose lips were raw and full, matching mine with insufferable perfection. As she removed herself from the haze I had thrust upon her, the nature of the succubus within her emerged with incredible force. Her passion was undeniable; it was like I had fanned the ashes of a dormant phoenix within and she was reborn with a new, vibrant light; but as for the gaping hole in my chest… it did not suture itself. This was not lust, this was not love, this was not Bella… this was nothing.

I wanted to feel something for this porcelain doll of a vampire before me, I tried to, but even as I breathed in a chilling breath of her scent I could not escape my muse. Tanya breathes whispers on the back of my neck and I close my gaping mouth; choking on a mouthful of misty air and unuttered phrases, I take it as a sign from heaven – if there actually is one – that I have to end this. "Tanya."

"Edward."

"I must go."

She doesn't say anything, and we spend a few last moments wrapped up in promises of one day and later and the crisp, wintry smell of night. I glance inside her mind to find her remembering a summer in 1986 in Spain, during a time of wealth and happiness, their 'cultural renaissance.' A rocky, moonlit street, a warm salt-scented breeze, an exchange of empty, lackluster promises between one another to find true love; and a then thought in her mind of '… with you.' I traced the line of her lips, "I'm so sorry Tanya." I whispered, and her face dropped, the madness has ended, forever; neither of us expecting our oath to come to fruition. "We will always have Spain, Tanya."

She sighed longingly and gave a half hearted smile. "Go find her Edward, be happy again," and so I went… back to find myself the only way now possible.

***

It had been slightly over one hundred years since my romance in Forks, a time of my existence that I could never possibly forget, the best time of my life. She had lit up my world with as many colors as the borealis itself, and gave me joy. A tortured artist I had been for many years before her, and now many years after I remain such, but for that short time that she blessed me as my muse, making my heart swell and urging it to overflow with a passion for life that I hadn't had ever before, even when I was living a mortal life, I truly lived.

She and I had also made promises to one another; true, full promises that we believed in with all of our hearts. Perhaps that is why I felt this unmistakable draw to this place, this… institution. I was sure that is how she would have felt had she come here, small and insignificant, as though she would blend in with the crowd and go unnoticed. She truly did not see the effect she had on people. Gazing upon the white-paneled buildings I wished she could have witnessed with me by her side, I would have cried if I were able. Living some 'mortal' time here in New Hampshire was the only way I could think of to honor my long lost love, and for now, it would do.

The death bell eventually tolled for Bella Swan as well, untimely as it was. I can still see the headline on the newspaper those many years ago: "Vicious animal attacks continue to wreak havoc on the small town of Forks, WA." I can't believe I was so ignorant, to think that by leaving her mortal, and alone, she would live without ever facing danger again. But she deserved to be mortal; basking in the light of the mid-day sun, live without fear of a lover killing her with his bare hands, create a family and grow old with someone more worthy. Those were things she deserved; those were things I yearned to give her, but instead I live on, a cursed soul.

Alone, I explored the campus, searching for… something. Soon enough I found myself in the library. The selection was scanty compared to the hundreds of libraries I had seen before… le bibliothéque nationale de France for example, which I visited many times during my stay there ; surely I wouldn't find anything new here. As I perused I heard a pencil drop to the floor beside me, I reached down for it and looked at the female I was handing it to. Her face was caked with makeup and her eyes showed surprise at my sudden appearance. She took a staggered breath and foolishly fluttered her eyelashes whispering a feeble 'thank you.' That was when I noticed her shirt, a white eyelet lace camisole; it was exactly like Bella's favorite, the one she wore hidden beneath the layers required for her kind to survive in the weather of the Olympic Peninsula. I must have let my face betray me because soon I heard her tiny voice break into my thoughts, "are… you okay?"

"It's nothing… your, shirt…"

"This?" she said looking down. "Did I get something on it?"

"No, it's just, it reminded me of someone."

"Oh well, it isn't mine actually…" I heard her begin after I had turned to walk away, she must not have noticed yet. "My roommate and I share clothes all the… time." She had finally noticed my absence, and scoffed at my rudeness. I did feel rude, slightly, but I was more interested in what I had just heard as I was leaving. My mind was racing, surely there would have been more than one female in the world who owned such a shirt, but why did this image still affect me? As though the person on the other end was trying to interrupt my thoughts, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I answered it swiftly, "Hello, Alice."

***

"I finally figured out where you were before you left!" she said brightly as she bounced in her seat.

"What are you doing here Alice, and why are you trying to keep me out of your thoughts?"

"I'm not."

"You're calculating the square root of pi for fun?"

"No… but I'm not allowed to tell you why I'm here. Besides, you'll know soon enough."

"Alice-"

"Edward."

"Fine… how is everyone?"

"It's not the same without you around, Esme misses you like crazy." Mom… I could see her face in Alice's mind, not quite as bright as before. Dad, worried, yet confident as ever. "I wish you'd come home."

"I can't right now."

"How long can you wander the world, how many sites can you see before…"

"Alice, you are my sister, I know you miss me but I need you to understand how hard this is for me."

"I'd like to think I do…"

"How would you feel if you lost Jasper?" She was caught off guard with that image, her face dropped, I felt awful. "Alice, I'm sorry." I pulled her into my arms and hugged her close; she grasped handfuls at the back of my shirt. After a short time she pulled away.
"All right Edward, you know we're always there for you, when you're ready, you know where to find us."

"Thank you Alice." She smiled up at me with a small smile on her pixie-like face. "I love you, tell Esme I miss her too; and thank you, all of you, for respecting my decision."

"Of course brother." She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek, I returned the favor. "Just don't forget about us ok?"
"Never," I said as I smiled. "Some day soon, we'll all be together again, I promise. Go on home Alice, be careful, and don't worry about me." And that was all; she grabbed her cashmere scarf and wrapped it around her slender neck, tossed her still full coffee cup into the trash and pushed through the door.

I watched through the window after her, she turned and blew me a kiss before climbing into her car. Her breath left no fog, though the weather outside was cool, enough so that all the humans wore woolen jackets to protect themselves from the elements, snow flakes melting off of them as they entered the coffee shop. The place was eclectic, with wooden rafters showing on the ceiling, paper lanterns and strings of lights cascading from point to point along the rustic canopy and tiny candles left burning on each uniquely mosaic-patterned table. Artwork adorned the wall, mostly of the post-impressionist style and presumably by local artists, and below these compositions were high-backed booths. I followed the line of booths up to a small stage at the back of the room where something unusual caught my eye.

A tall, slender redhead, with wavy tresses cascading down to her waist had taken her place on the stage, her back to the audience as she removed her jacket. The flashing lights reflected gloriously off of her skin while fascinated whispers lofted through the air, and I gathered from their murmurings that she was a common act here. Then, she turned. I couldn't believe my eyes, there was no possible way.

I sat there mystified, captivated by this gorgeous spell caster's song. I didn't feel emotion; I was lost in some kind of beautiful dream watching my late lover sing to me, and I never wanted to wake. But she seemed tormented, and the words that passed through her lips were sorrowful, and pained. All too soon it was over; she flashed a gleaming smile and took a seat in one of the booths closest to the stage. I had to know who this goddess was; I stood and walked to the stage, seating myself at the slightly out of tune piano and let my fingers travel across the keys. The patrons of the coffee house whispered to each other, wondering who this stranger was on the stage. When I searched the minds in the room, trying to see if anyone knew who this woman was, and I reached hers… nothing.