She really hated crying, and she wasn't going to give him the pleasure of seeing her cry. It was his lost.
That rejection hurt, it hurt a lot. She couldn't say that she loved him, not yet, but she could say that she had growing feelings for him. They had spent the last two years together, and she couldn't deny that. If the circumstances of what happened had been different, who knows maybe…no, she knew exactly what would happen, she would eventually love him, but that was now over. If he hadn't flaked out on her, if only…. damn him! If he had not flaked on her, if he had stuck by her side, then that slowly blooming love would have been unbreakable, not perfect, because nothing is perfect, but still unbreakable.
Why did he have to be so insecure? He never really knew what he wanted, his convictions were never really set in stone, it was as if he never really harbored any thoughts of his own. He really was unreliable, and until he could resolve his insecurity issues, nothing could happen between himself and others.
She wanted to hate him, but hate doesn't come as easy as people might think. Yes, she resented him, but she didn't hate him…. at least not yet.
"Grrrrr! I can't believe I am actually going through with this! Why am I doing this1' she asked herself. Why was she going to marry a man she felt absolutely nothing but repulsion for? In other times, nobody could have bullied her into something so dumb. Maybe this was her subconscious attempt at revenge. Yes, revenge, she wanted him to suffer, even if it was also hurting her.
'You can't go through with this Cagalli. This is crazy and you know it!' Her brother, Kira had tried to reason with her, but she was stubborn and wouldn't listen.
She had countered with a lame 'You know I've no choice', but Kira thought otherwise. She had a choice; she just wasn't willing to decide for the best one.
'By the way, Kira, can you get rid of this.' She said, handing him the ring that he had given her. It was a promise ring, ha, what a joke! He had given it to her shortly before the second war started, and then he had left her without much to say shortly after the war started. The ring was a sign of what might have been, but now it was obsolete, the ring lost all it's sentimental value the day he decided to walk out of her life. Well, screw him!
And now that day had come. She had to drag herself to her own wedding.
"What a drag." She mumbled as she got to the place where the ceremony was going to take place. She saw many people congregated there, but the person she was hoping to see was not there. She suddenly felt so lonely. Nobody that she knew, or cared about was there, nobody wanted to see her do that. Nobody liked the groom; she didn't like the groom. God what was she doing?
Somewhere deep in her subconscious she had hoped that he would come and carry her away, like in the movies, but this was real life. The ceremony went underway, and she started to get even more restless. As the pastor droned on and on, she remembered a "conversation" she had had with her to-be groom. A conversation that she had pushed to her subconscious and the thought of it was now making her nauseous. She just wanted the ceremony to end before she jumped off the pyramid where the ceremony was taking place.
'You're a virgin, right?' Yuna asked out of the blue.
'What kind of stupid questions are you asking? Why do you care anyway?' Cagalli had retorted angrily.
The idiot had given her a smile, 'It's elementary, honey, you have been spending to much time alone with that bodyguard of yours, and well I wouldn't want to buy used and/or defective merchandise.'
She should have killed him then. 'What are you implying? He's a gentleman, and besides, what is it to you? This 'marriage', if it ever comes to pass, will be a political one, so it wouldn't matter what I have been doing with my sex life!'
'No, no, political or not, a marriage is a marriage, but I am glad to hear that that bodyguard is a gentleman, I don't have to worry then.'
How come she hadn't gotten it then? How come she had 'forgotten' about it when the marriage deal did consolidate? Why was she thinking of that now? It was too late, but the thought of being touched by the groom sickened her. He as a person sickened her, so why, why would she want to have sex with him? Even if he was going to be her husband why? She knew that he could care less for her, but she also knew that there was nothing she could do to prevent it. After the ceremony, that night, she would officially become Yuna's wife. She felt like she was going to barf, but then it happened. A miracle.
Like in the movies, the hand of God (Or what it seemed to be the hand of god, but it was just Kira's gundam) descended from the heavens and stole her away.
For some strange reason, she was angry though. A moment before she had wanted to commit suicide before having sex with Yuna, but now, she was angry. Maybe it was because this was done without her consent, or maybe because she felt even stupider that she was going to marry Yuna, seeing what a coward he was.
After being safely boarded on to the Archangel, Kira came by her room.
"Here, take this." He said, handing her the ring.
"What do I want with this? Didn't I tell you to get rid of it?" she asked angrily, but secretly relived that he hadn't thrown it away.
"It's yours. Now you have no reason to hide it, you are not bound to anyone. If you want to get rid of it, you do it with your own two hands." Kira told her. She clutched the ring in her hand and shoved it in her pocket.
It seemed that no matter how hard she tried to run away from a phantom, the phantom just wouldn't let go. I guess there are some ties that are not easily severed, as there are memories that are not so easily discarded.
But life moves on with or without the ring.