A/N: Here's the next chapter. Second to the last day of finals week. :celebrates: Thanks to the people who reviewed previous chapter!
Chapter 2: In a faraway land…
I could hardly believe it when I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
- How Am I Supposed to Live Without You, Michael Bolton
XXX
The coffee had long been cold, the aroma long been gone. It was surprising that despite the trembling of his hands, Yami had not dropped his cup. One of the doctors, Dr. Yamamoto, placed a hand on his shoulder to show his condolence before whispering an apology. 'I'm sorry, we made a mistake, the doctor said. Apologies wouldn't bring him back, Yami thought bitterly.
"There was nothing to be done," another doctor reasoned out, as if by his explanation the apology could make everything better again.
"I need some time alone," Yami muttered, doing his best to not meet the gaze of any of the three doctors who approached him. Behind the doctors was the door leading to Lance's room.
"We will…" Dr. Yamamoto stuttered, apparently the most affected one among the three, "… be in our office. You are welcome to talk to us, Mr. Motou." At the curt nod, the doctor sighed and bowed his head. He knew that this teen wouldn't come to him or any of them, for that matter. They never go and talk about deaths like this—and the fact that they, experienced doctors that they were, made a mistake and kept this man's hope alive was a burden that hung on his shoulder.
"Thank you," Yami said eventually, aware that Dr. Yamamoto had stayed behind. "But I will be fine."
"Mr. Mo—"
"I will be, sir." And Yami left it at that.
He could feel the stares from the nurses who sat silently from the station. Instantly, Yami turned his back on them and stood up instead. There was a reason behind him going to the hospital once, or twice a week; and that was to avoid people like them to gossip over the 'grieving lover'. Yami was done with being in the spotlight. And he was done being branded like some product.
When he was alone, the former pharaoh sighed and closed his eyes. Somehow the news hadn't sunk in yet, or if it had, Yami was pretty much in a state of shock that he couldn't react properly. Lance was dead. Time of death was 9:15 p.m. Where was he at that time? He was only headed to the train by then. Gods, he was only headed to the hospital at that time!
Guilt made Yami shiver and look at the closed door forlornly. They had been together for one month, and within that short span of a time, Lance became an important person in his world. (Oh yes, Yami has definitely turned into a romantic sap.) Love was overrated so it wasn't necessarily out of love that he had an interest on the guy, right? He liked Lance. But love? How does one know what love is?
You love someone when you'd do everything for that person.
Aibou had said that out of the blue a couple of months ago. They were arguing about Anzu again—try as he may, Yugi just couldn't get over the fact that his friend had grown out of her 'schoolgirl crush'. The same question had been raised, and Yugi was confident with his answer. How troubling. What, then, is the difference between friendly from romantic love? Was there even a difference? If that were the case, then Yami loved his friends. Of course he did, he'd die for them. He loved his classmates even though they were annoying because he'd do everything to help them.
People call that 'hero complex', Yami.
He could imagine Lance pointing it out with his familiar, teasing voice. And Yami would be annoyed at the notion, punch him playfully before proceed on ignoring him all day. Then Lance would think up of ways to annoy the former pharaoh some more until Yami gives in and start banter between them.
Yami realized that he should be more affected than this. If it weren't for him, those thugs wouldn't have ganged up on them and hit Lance on the head with a rock. Lance wouldn't have been on a coma and eventually die. The former pharaoh wouldn't have lost him. And it wasn't because Lance was his boyfriend. He was also Yami's friend, and perhaps one of the few people who knew Yami well enough. It wasn't the knowledge that Lance was someone who not only befriended him, but treated him with more care and affection. It wasn't that at all.
He could have done something. He could have called for help the night that they were cornered. He could have pushed Lance away so that he would be the one who gets hit, not Lance. Yami could have protected Lance the same way he protected his aibou, or his other friends. But he didn't… and now Lance was dead.
"Mr. Motou."
Yami fought hard not to glare at Dr. Yamamoto. That man was persistent!
"I said I'm okay, Doctor."
"Of course you are, Mr. Motou," Dr. Yamamoto decided to agree. Perhaps it would be better to calm the teen down before letting him meet the patient's sister. Anastasia had made it clear that she didn't want to see Yami Motou at the moment. But they were bound to meet, seeing that Yami was already headed back to his boyfriend's room. Anastasia was rather inconveniently waiting for the doctors to arrive in what used to be her brother's room in the hospital.
"Then why are you here?"
It was more of a demand, come to think of it. It was impatience, not inquiry and it should have hinted out that Yami was not in the mood to talk to anyone. But the doctor was determined to see things through and make things—if not better—at least bearable to an extent. He shouldn't have kept Yami Motou's hope up only to gun it down. And Dr. Yamamoto was sure that Yami wasn't the only one who was affected by the patient's death. Lance's best friend, Daniel Grey, kept calling night after night to ask about Lance's condition.
This guilt was overwhelming.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save him," the doctor blurted out. For some unknown reason, seeing a young man before him bow his head then look away, shoulders sagged as if wearied and dull eyes clouding every emotion with blankness troubled him. The youth, as a whole, were known to have an unquenchable thirst for life. No time to stop, no need for delays. They had vigor that men like him, the old, the weakening, no longer had. But Yami Motou was anything but what is known about the youth.
"I'm sorry, too." And Yami left it at that, walking away to prevent anyone from seeing the tears in his eyes.
XXX
Yugi sighed tiredly as he collapsed on his bed. Jonouchi laughed from the doorway before turning the lamp on. The amethyst-eyed teen glared at his blonde friend.
"You know, just because you and Honda plan to cram on your project doesn't mean all of us have to. At least I won't have to stay up late tomorrow," Yugi pointed out. This only earned him another chuckle, which came from behind Jonouchi. "Shut up, Honda." Said teen bowed teasingly before he fell on the bed with a plop. "Lazy heads," Yugi muttered.
"Aww… calm down, Yugi," Jonouchi playfully soothed, resting his hands on each of the other's shoulder. The blonde looked at the desk lamp, which had a clock built in with it. The time read 11:18 p.m. "Hey, aren't we supposed to meet Yami tonight?" He asked, staring at his friend and waiting for the answer.
Yugi shrugged, "He's supposed to call. He said he would go here but I haven't heard from him since last week. I'm really worried. Maybe we should visit him? What if something—"
No! He's not dead!
There was despair in such cry, and Yugi, for the best of him, suddenly found that he couldn't breathe. He doubled over. He knew. It was Yami's voice! Something did happen… and from the emotion itself, pure God-forsaken despair that it was, Yugi felt that he needed to see his dark immediately.
"Yugi?"
Yugi gasped. "We need to go."
"Where?"
"Something's wrong with Yami, Jou," the teen pleaded, "We have to go!"
Jounouchi Katsuya frowned in confusion. He had long accepted the fact that Yugi and Yami could really converse without talking. Mind link or something… but this change was unexpected. A minute ago, Yugi was busy talking to the both of them. He couldn't have been talking to his dark at the same time, could he? That wasn't possible. But then, how did he… and how did Yami…? This was very confusing.
"What are you staring at, Jou? Come on!" Honda smacked him with a pillow and dragged him towards the car. How Honda managed to get a driver's license was a story for another day, but to Yugi, at least it wasn't Jou. He knew he would fear for his life and the one in the afterlife if it was Jou on the wheel. Yugi sighed. He hadn't communicated with his dark via the link since their Ceremonial Duel. As far as the link was concerned—and according to Ishizu—the link should have been gone.
But it was really Yami's voice!
Exactly. And for him to be able to feel something that Yami was most likely feeling, it can only mean that whatever it was, it was intense. From the looks of it, it wasn't a pleasant feeling, either. But what if he was overreacting? What if Yami was really alright and that Yugi had only imagined this? Could he even risk such a thing when there are higher chances of Yami actually hurting at that moment?
XXX
It seemed impossible to get any sleep. There were just so many things to think about. Dr. Yamamoto had finally left him alone, something that Yami was so grateful for. He couldn't help but wish the elderly man didn't go, though. The silence was quite stifling and he wasn't in the mood to deal with it right now. Anastasia never liked him. Then again, Anastasia didn't like her brother being bisexual anyway. So Yami guessed it was only natural that the girl would transfer her hatred to him.
The former pharaoh leaned on the vending machine beside him.
This was unfair. It wasn't his fault that Lance was attracted to him. It wasn't his fault that Lance and Monica broke up and that Anastasia was rather disappointed with the break-up of the "most wonderful couple in the world!" He conceded, though. Anastasia made it clear the moment she cast her contempt-filled eyes on him earlier that there would be no forgiveness on her part. He ruined her brother's life and that would forever be the fact in her world.
It didn't do anything to lessen the burden on Yami's shoulders. Grief hung over him like a cloud and the guilt was making it worse.
Was it possible to die just by choking from these emotions?
Dr. Yamamoto could only watch silently, helplessly as the girl slapped the former pharaoh hard upon entering the room. Any hope of reconciliation with Anastasia flew out of the window. Unfortunately, it made Yami feel worse. So much worse.
Okay, it was his fault. Lance shouldn't have died. God, did she think he wanted Lance to die? For crying out loud, he was no psychopath! Contrary to what she believes, Yami really did care for her brother a lot.
"Why didn't you protect him?! Why didn't you stop them?"
And it always boils down to that.
Try as he may, he couldn't find the answer.
"You need to rest, young man. Do you want me to drive you to your dorm?"
Oh God, why is he back? Yami fought down a groan and shook his head. He quickly muttered an 'I'm fine' before pulling his knees together and resting his head on top of both.
"I'm afraid his sister had arranged everything including the funeral," the doctor pointed out, sitting beside the former pharaoh.
"Look, I appreciate all—" Just as Yami started to send the doctor off, his cellular phone rang. Funny, he didn't recognize the number at all.
"Hello?"
"Yami, what's going on?"
Daniel. Yami stiffened. How do you tell someone that his best friend had just died and expect him to handle it well?
"Yami? Are you still there?"
"Come to the hospital, quick," was all that Yami could say. He saw the doctor shake his head before he was called away by a nurse. Apparently, Lance wasn't the only one who would be dying that day. Yami frowned and closed his eyes. His head hurt and it was most likely caused by a lack of sleep. But something else hurts, too; and it doesn't look like it's going to stop any time soon.
He eventually woke up to someone shaking him. Daniel's voice rang out loud enough to make him wince. Yami opened his eyes, immediately adjusting to the light. Was it morning already? How much time had passed since the phone call?
"Daniel, hello," the monarch greeted only to be met by a hug. Compared to the hug a few hours ago, this was tight and more meant to comfort than something to cling onto. Daniel sighed. "The doctors told me," his dorm-mate told him. Yami looked away but the other just forced him to look back. "Hey, listen… this isn't your fault, Yami. It isn't."
Yami shook his head, "Sure, it's not. It doesn't change the fact that he's dead, either," he retorted.
"Yami—"
"No, Daniel!" Yami bitterly wiped the tears away. He had been crying? How pathetic of him. "I can pretend all I want and I can say that I didn't kill him. I'm sorry, I did. We weren't supposed to go out that night but I insisted, damn it. I insisted!"
"Don't be an idiot. You know well enough that you couldn't have known. You didn't know. Don't be too hard on yourself."
"No."
"Yami…"
"I said no. Thanks for all your help, Daniel, but…" the tri-haired teen trailed off, seeing the visible traces of disappointment and sadness in the other's eyes, "… I have to go. I'll just call you or something."
Yami darted off despite his friend's calls. In the first place, he didn't even hear any of those calls. He didn't hear anything but Anastasia's words. Honestly, he agreed with her completely.
TBC