Have you ever been speeding down a highway, and been unable to tear your eyes away from a ten car pile-up? That's how I felt now. I couldn't tear my eyes away from what was happening right in front of me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't pull my eyes away.
They were fighting each other, and it was my fault. I didn't want either of them to win…because I knew it would end up costing the other one their life. My attempts to end their fighting had been in vain. Even when I had yelled and screamed for them to stop, they completely ignored me. I knew that they were fighting because of what had happened between Jacob and me in the tent the other night…and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
When a vampire and a werewolf were fighting each other, there wasn't much you, as a human, could do to stop it. All you could really do was sit on the sidelines and watch and wait. I stared, unsure of who would come out of this victorious. Either way, I knew that I would be upset. I knew that no matter what happened; it wouldn't make me happy. They were fighting for my love…they were fighting for me and yet somehow, I couldn't be happy.
Edward was fighting out of jealousy and hatred. He now had a pure hatred for Jacob, as Jacob hadn't even attempted to keep Edward from reading his thoughts. Edward was no only taking his feelings into account, and not even thinking about me. He hadn't even asked for what I thought…when he found out what Jacob and I had done, he had practically dragged me out to La Push with him to see Jacob.
Jacob, my dear Jacob, was fighting for my life…literally. He knew that after I married Edward I would be turned into a vampire…and he didn't want that.
Did I want that? Now that I really thought about it, I could see the mistake I was making. I was throwing away my whole life for the only man I had ever been with. I didn't even know what my true options were.
People are supposed to have children, age, have grandchildren, maybe even great grandchildren if they're lucky, and die. People are supposed to live long, healthy lives, and move forward. People aren't supposed to keep repeating, over and over and over again.
I stared down at my left hand, where the engagement ring given to me by Edward lay on my ring finger. I stared at the ring that once belonged to Edward's mother, Elizabeth Mason, for a very long time, before sliding it off my finger and putting it on the ground beside me.
As I turned away from their fighting…all the while fighting my own inner battle…fighting away the tears that threatened to spill over my eyelids…I walked away. I didn't hear them stop fighting, and I had no idea if they had stopped or not.
I couldn't bear to see Edward attempt to tear apart Jacob…my Jacob, my sunshine…the man I truly loved. Jacob was the man I truly did love. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Jacob was who I truly belonged with. Jacob was the man I could see myself walking down the aisle to…I could see myself having children with Jacob.
A future with Jacob looked warm and happy, whereas a future with Edward looked cold, bleak and boring. A future with Edward looked repetitive. I didn't want that. I didn't want to have to go to college or university numerous amounts of time through my life. I wanted new things to happen to me, not the same things over and over again. I didn't want to have to go through the same stages of my life more than once.
Edward couldn't give that to me. Jacob could. Jacob could give me anything I wanted, and I didn't mean material things like cars and clothes. Jacob could give me a real life, a life that I wouldn't have to hide from my family. I wouldn't have to fake my death to be with Jacob, I wouldn't have to watch from a distance as my family died. I could give my parents grandchildren. I wanted to be able to celebrate holidays and birthdays with my family, and not just the family I would be marrying into. Sure the Cullens were lovely people, and threw marvelous parties, but I knew that I truly didn't belong with them. I knew that it wasn't my destiny to be with them forever. I wasn't meant to spend the rest of my life as a part of the Cullen clan. I was meant to remain human, as everyone was.
Edward and his family were against nature. They weren't meant to be on the planet. Although Jacob was a werewolf, he didn't choose this lifestyle. It was natural through his bloodline, and it was against his control. Carlisle had made a choice for each of the Cullens to turn them, and that wasn't natural. They should have died when they were on the edge of death. It was wrong for the Cullens to even exist.
As I walked through the forest, going to the house I had spent numerous times a child in, I contemplated my life. I knew that Edward would be the easier choice. He could give me any material item in the world. Jacob, however, was the better choice for me. I knew that Jacob could and would give me the things that I truly needed in life. Jacob could give me anything that Edward could not. He could give me the things that were actually important in life. Things like children…grandchildren for Charlie and Renee and Billy. Edward would never be able to give me children, and I knew that. I knew that that would never be a possibility in our life together.
The other night in the tent, I had already made up my mind. That night I changed my destiny forever. That night I chose Jacob Black over Edward Cullen. I was now meant to be with Jacob. Ever since we were little, I had a feeling that our parents knew that we would ultimately end up together.
I was ninety-nine percent sure Jacob had imprinted on me. The way he looked at me, talked to me, and held me were all tell-tale signs that he had in fact imprinted on me. He hadn`t told me yet, but I was pretty sure that it had happened. I didn`t want to come right out and ask him, he would tell me when he felt that the time was right. I knew that he didn`t want to scare me or anything, but I was ready for it. I was ready for Jacob to admit his feelings for me. I wanted to show him that I was capable of loving him. I was ready for him. I wanted to be with Jacob for the rest of my life. Jacob and I were meant to be together, the more I thought about it, the more I knew that it was true.
I walked up the front steps of his house, and knocked on his front door. I wasn't exactly sure why I was knocking. I mean, Billy had told me numerous times that I could come over whenever I wanted, but I still felt the need to knock anyway. I thought it was kind of rude not to knock. I thought that he might get angry with me or something.
After a few minutes, Billy still hadn't answered the door. I sighed, and pulled the key Jacob had given me to his house and unlocked the door. The house was silent when I went in, and I figured that Billy and Charlie had just gone out for the day. I think that Charlie had said something about that to me this morning before he had left the house. This made me feel less guilty about breaking into the Black house.
I went to Jacob's room, and waited for him on his bed. From where I was sitting I had a clear view outside through his window, and I nervously watched for him. I had no idea what shape he would come back here in. Would he even come back? Who knew what Edward could and most likely would do to him? I began chewing on my fingernails, a nervous habit that I couldn't seem to shake, and stared out the window waiting for him to come back.
If he didn't come back…what would I do? I would never be able to look at Edward again.
And then, a thought that truly terrified me entered my mind…how would I tell Billy? I couldn't even begin to imagine how that conversation would go. I was terrified of just the mentality of trying to tell Billy what had happened to his son, and that it had happened because of me.
Finally, just as I was about to lose hope, I saw Jacob walking up his driveway. It felt as though all the stress had just fallen away from my body. It felt as though a huge weight had just been lifted off of my shoulders. He looked as though he had gone through hell, but he was still alive and walking okay. He was still alive. That was all that really mattered to me. If he was injured, he would heal. Jacob was alive.
I ran to the front door to greet him. I flung the door open and ran into his arms. At first he seemed surprised that I was there, and hesitated before putting his arms around me. He held me, and for some reason I burst into tears. It just seemed so surreal that he had actually survived and made it out of that fight with Edward…Jacob was holding me in his arms while I bawled my eyes out as if I was a baby.
"Bella, it's okay." He soothed. "Don't cry." He shifted his arm a bit in a way that I knew it was hurting him. Immediately I broke away from him.
"I'm sorry." I sputtered. "I didn't mean to hurt you…Jacob I'm so sorry. I never wanted you and him to fight."
"It was bound to happen sooner or later." He said stretching his arm and wincing slightly.
"Are you okay? Do you need Advil or something? Or ice?" I asked, hands fluttering uselessly near his arm.
"No, it's already healing. Thanks though."
"Are you sure?" I asked worriedly as we walked back into his house. "I could get you…"
"Something in my own house?" he asked, glancing at me and smirking.
I rolled my eyes.
"Bella, seriously, don't worry. It's already healing. I took a good couple chunks out of him, too."
I winced slightly. All my feelings for Edward hadn't suddenly vanished when I realized my feelings for Jacob. I still felt some feelings towards him, even though I was in love with Jacob.
Edward had been my first real love. Even though those feelings for him had decreased immensely, I still felt some love towards him. I couldn't help it. I wished that I could say that my feelings for him had completely diminished, but that would be a lie.
"Aw Bells, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."
I shook off his apology. "Don't worry about it; I guess I just can't help but still have…feelings for him. Don't be sorry Jacob. There's absolutely no reason to be sorry."
He pulled me into his arms again, and it made me smile. I felt so comfortable…and warm with Jacob. Edward could never give me the warm, pure, wonderful comfort that Jacob did. I knew that I would always be welcome in Jacob's warm embrace. The difference between Edward and Jacob was insane. I would spend the rest of my life with Jacob, and I would be happy when I grew old and died.
I was meant to be with Jacob Black.