Through Glass Chapter Two, a ghostbusters fanfic

Title: Through Glass

Rating: K

Pairing: None

Summary: Elizabeth's take on the events in Through Glass.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Ghostbusters, all original characters and this story belong to me, I do not give permission for this story to be reproduced anywhere. The lyrics to Through Glass belong to Stone Sour.

Chapter Two... Through Glass, from the other side.

Elizabeth sat in the bar and tried to contain her nerves as she waited for her name to be called for her spot on the open stage. It had been a long time since she had sang anything in public and she feared that it would be obvious to everyone listening. She brushed her fingers across the strings of the guitar and held her breath as she counted to ten. The small glass of wine she had ordered had done little to calm her nerves, though she did not want to drink anything else as she would be singing soon.

She had heard very little of the acts that had previously performed on the stage, she was too focused on the song that she would be performing and remembering the words. The half an hour break was going too quickly for Elizabeth's liking, she would be the first on once it was over. She took another deep breath and tried to stand up, it was time to check her guitar and make sure it was ready for use.

Elizabeth tried to focus on the task at hand, she needed make sure that the tuning was right now that she was inside the warmth of the bar. She gently adjusted the tension on each of the strings until the sound was perfect, as she moved down each of the strings she became aware of the gaze of someone watching her. She looked around the room, but she was unable to work out who was watching her more closely than the rest.

Once the guitar was fully tuned, Elizabeth moved to the microphone and she brushed her hair back behind her ear as she checked it was turned on and at the right volume for everyone to hear her. She checked the angle of the microphone to make sure it would be where she needed it to be when she sat down, the person that had used it before had been a lot taller than her. The feeling that she as being watched returned once she had prepared her equipment and sat down to let the owner of the bar introduce her to the small crowd.

Elizabeth felt her nerves rise as she grew ever closer to beginning her song and she let her fingers drift over the strings of the guitar. "Good evening everyone, I want to tell you a little bit about the song I will be singing tonight." She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "Being different is hard, there are many people who will put others down simply because of the way they look or what they are into. It takes courage to be different and go against what is considered normal. I sing this song whenever I need a reminder to be strong and remain true to myself. I hope that if there is anyone out there who is struggling to be themselves that they take some strength from these words." She looked out over the crowd and hoped that they would like the song.

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God, it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

A rush of memories hit Elizabeth in the chest; memories of being told not to daydream and to live in the real world. She felt other memories start to bubble to the surface, all the times she had been called a freak or bullied because she wanted to believe in worlds where magic where was real. She remembered all the times when the other children at school had bullied her so much that she had eventually stopped talking about all the things that had once made her happy.

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget, you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
And while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Elizabeth tried to remember what it was like to feel something, she had closed herself off from other people to avoid the pain of being judged by others. She remembered all the times that people had been quick to judge her and decide they did not want to be friends because she was too weird. She remembered all the times she had sat alone because nobody wanted to be friends with someone they had decided was a weirdo. She also remembered all the times that people had stared once she had started dressing in a way that normal people did not. She almost cried out in pain when she remembered the day that her hope of being accepted for who she was had died.

Elizabeth heard her voice start to waver as she sang the last line of the chorus, her memories of all the time she had spent alone were still at the front of her mind. She remembered all the nights she had spent awake worrying that she would always be on her own. She also remembered the nights she had cried so hard that she had fallen asleep out of exhaustion. There were times when she wished she was able to be normal, that she would be able to fit in with society. She briefly recalled the time when she had stopped being herself to try and fit in. She also remembered the pain she had felt because she had not been true to herself.

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(No more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

The lesson that trying to be normal only caused her pain had been learned quickly by Elizabeth. She hated looking like everyone else, she wanted to be herself, she promised herself she would never put herself through that pain ever again. She promised that she would always listen to her heart and do the things that made her happy, even if it upset the people around her. Elizabeth smiled a little bit, she would always be herself, she would still be listening to heavy metal and wearing the shirts of the bands she loved when she was well into her eighties.

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

Elizabeth finally allowed herself a quick look at the audience, she noted that none of them looked as though they truly hated what she was singing. She gave herself permission to relax a little bit and let the emotions released by the song wash over her. Elizabeth scanned the audience, she felt someone watching her, the intensity of their gaze almost knocked her off the seat that she was using. She tried her hardest to see the person that was watching her, though it was too dark in the audience for her to see who it was. Elizabeth turned her attention back to the song, maybe whoever it was would reveal themselves to her once she had finished singing.

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you

The words of the little bridge in the song had always made sense to Elizabeth, the world lied to everyone, it always worshipped the conventionally beautiful. It lied to young girls about how they had to beautiful to be worth anything. It told them lies about how their intelligence meant nothing and they should become the wife of someone rich and powerful and concentrate on making babies. There would always be some people who shined brighter because they had been blessed with perfect genes and were worshipped because they had been born lucky.

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God, it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

Elizabeth felt the control she had over her emotions slipping away from her, she closed her eyes tight to try and stop the tears she felt gathering from falling. She could not cry in front of a room of people, crying in public was something to be avoided. She remembered being taught that a strong woman did not show her emotions to others, she kept them inside and away from the world. Elizabeth lowered her voice as she sang, she would only make it through the rest of it if she kept her emotions in check.

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you

Who are the stars
Who are the stars they lie

Elizabeth breathed out a sigh of relief, she had made it through the song without betraying her emotions to the audience. She felt an edge of sadness around her eyes, though it would only be seen by anyone that was truly looking for it, she was certain she could mask it from everyone in the room. She packed up her guitar in its case and she was making her way towards the entrance when a woman in the audience stood up and smiled.

She took in the details of the woman that was now stood in front of her; she had on a pair of glasses with yellow lenses in them, the blonde hair was pinned back, but it was working its way loose here and there. She was wearing a mismatched shirt, waistcoat and trousers, and a battered leather jacket. She also looked to be wearing a pair of black boots under the trousers. Elizabeth noted that none of what she was wearing would work for anyone else, but it seemed totally right for her. "Hey, I thought you should know, you were amazing up there." Elizabeth felt the surprise instantly replace the sad feelings she had been having, no one had ever complimented her singing before. "Thank you, that's very kind of you."
"I mean it. You look like you're headed off home, but, I'd like to buy you a drink." Elizabeth hesitated, she wasn't sure what the woman wanted from her. She was sure that she was going to say no and then the woman smiled, Elizabeth felt her conviction of saying no completely cave in. "I promise I don't bite," the woman said with a wink. Elizabeth tried her hardest to bring the blush she felt creeping up her face under control, she felt as though she was being flirted with. "Okay, one drink." The woman smiled again and Elizabeth felt it right through to her core.

Elizabeth took a small drink of the wine that had been put in front of her, she felt nervous now that was she was the centre of attention of the woman that was sat in front of her. She watched her take a drink and then put the glass down. "First things first, what's your name?"

"Elizabeth."

"That's pretty, just like you." Elizabeth felt the beginning of a blush, it was the first time a woman had called her pretty and not thrown an insult her way. "I'm Jillian, though my friends call me Holtz." She wondered where Jillian had got the name from, it was very unusual.

"Holtz, is that a nickname?"

"It is, my last name is Holtzmann, they just shorten it."
"Oh, I see." Elizabeth momentarily wondered where Jillian's parents were from and if she had been born in America or somewhere else and moved here.

A few moments of quiet passed and Elizabeth waited for Jillian to start talking again, she was wondering if she should ask her something when Jillian spoke. "What do you do, other than sing in this bar?"

"I own an independent coffee and book shop with a friend."
"Sounds cool, I'm a nuclear engineer."
"Wow, so you've done a lot of training then?"
"I have, though I struck out on my own with a group of friends, a bit like you, we're an independent company."
"Sounds interesting." Elizabeth was genuinely interested in what Jillian had to say, it was obvious that she was intelligent woman with a passion for her work.
Elizabeth noted that Jillian was interested in her, she always looked directly at her when she was talking. "Where are you from originally, your accent is definitely not American?"
"I'm from a small village in England, just outside of Cambridge."
"A beautiful English rose so far away from home."
"I suppose that's true, I am far away from where I was born."
"Why did you leave?" Elizabeth felt every muscle in her body tense, she was not ready to share that information with someone she had only met that evening. She would have to build up to telling Jillian anything about her past and the reasons she had left England behind. "You don't have to tell me if it's something you don't want to talk about."
"Thank you." Elizabeth heard the relief in her voice, she was glad that Jillian understood and hadn't been offended by her reluctance to share that information with her. "I left my home too, my parents did not approve of me wanting to go into science, apparently it's not ladylike. The final straw was when I came out as a lesbian, my mother said I had shamed the family."

"I'm sorry, that's a horrible thing for someone to say to their daughter."

"I'm over it, I have a family that loves me now, they are the best friends that anyone could ask for."

"Glad to hear it."

"What about you, do you have friends here?"

"Only the one, I find it hard to get to know people."

"Well, you know me now, so you can say you have two friends. I can introduce you to the rest of the women I work with, I think they will like you."

"Maybe one day, if you're not busy that is."

"I think we will find the time, we'll drop in for a coffee." Elizabeth smiled, though she was wondering why some parents were so keen on telling their daughters who they can and cannot be. She wondered if those parents knew how much pain the caused their children and if they cared what it did to them.

Elizabeth talked about the shop that she owned and the books that she liked, anything to try and take her mind off the ghosts of her past, the memories were still painful. She noticed that Jillian was taking in her every word and every so often she would smile. It was new to Elizabeth to meet someone so genuinely interested in her that hadn't written her off as a freak or weird. She had almost stopped waiting for the inevitable judgement to begin and the insults to be thrown her way. There was something about Jillian that made Elizabeth feel more comfortable in herself and she felt herself starting to trust the woman that was sat in front of her.

There was a moment when Elizabeth found herself watching Jillian, she noticed that the woman was almost always moving even though she was sat down. Her fingers were making little doodles across the table or she shifted in her seat from time to time. She wondered if Jillian was always on the move when she was at work, she seemed to have a lot of energy for someone that had been up all day. Elizabeth looked at Jillian again, she looked vaguely familiar, though she couldn't quite place where she had seen her before.

Elizabeth snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Jillian starting to speak again, "Elizabeth, do you have a boyfriend?"

"No, I don't have boyfriends." She wondered why Jillian was asking her about a boyfriend, did it mean that she could be interested in her? She felt her heart rate quicken, no, that couldn't be it, could it? Elizabeth tried to push down the idea that Jillian could be interested in her, but it was there and it was blooming at an extremely quick rate. She wondered if Jillian had noticed that she was a bit uncomfortable as she had changed the subject and talked about something else.

An awareness of time crept up on Elizabeth and she looked at her watch, she would have to leave as she had to be up early in the morning. "I'm sorry, I have to go, I have an early start tomorrow morning. We have an order for a client that is going to take most of the day to get ready."

"I'm sorry too, it has been nice to talk to such a beautiful and talented woman." Elizabeth couldn't help the smile or the accompanying blush that came with it, something about the warmth of Jillian's words let her know they were genuine. "I tell you what, I'll give you my number so you can call me and we can talk about those tattoos of yours." Jillian took a pen from her pocket and scribbled her name and number down on a napkin. She took the number from her and carefully put it into the pocket of her bag, zipping it up so she wouldn't lose it. "Here, you should take this, it has my number on it." Elizabeth felt Jillian's fingers brush against hers as she took the business card that she held out, she watched her tuck it away in the pocket of her trousers.

Elizabeth picked up her guitar and she started walking towards the door, it surprised her when Jillian walked with her, she hadn't expected the other woman to walk her out. "Make sure you're careful going home, there are some strange people in this city."

"I know, I have been here for a year, I have seen some odd ones in that time."

"Do I count as odd?" Elizabeth saw the cheeky smile that had spread across Jillian's face, she was obviously expecting to be told that she was weird.

"Not at all, compared to some you are perfectly normal."

"Normal, no one has ever called me that before."

"Don't worry about those who say you're not normal, they don't know what they are talking about." Elizabeth found herself drawn into a hug and the unexpected nature of the hug caused her to stiffen. She told herself to relax, that Jillian wouldn't hurt her, she was not like anyone from her past. "I don't, most of the time, my friends accept my weirdness."

"Good, glad to hear it."

A taxi pulled up outside the bar, Elizabeth was a bit sad that it had stopped so soon, it meant that she had to leave to go home. She smiled when Jillian held the door to the taxi open for her, it was an almost gentlemanly gesture. Jillian leaned against the side of the taxi, "I'll call you," she said through the open window. "We can talk some more."

"I'd like that."

"Me too."

"Goodnight Jillian, or would you prefer if I used your nickname?"

"You can use my nickname."

"Then, goodnight Holtz, talk to you soon."

"Goodnight Elizabeth."

Elizabeth turned and looked out of the back window, she saw that Jillian was standing there and watching the taxi as it drove away with her in it. She wondered what had happened that evening that meant she had met someone nice. She also wondered where she had seen Jillian before, her face was definitely familiar, maybe she would look her up on the internet at some point. Elizabeth caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror in the front of the taxi, there was a look in her eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time, hope.