Pariah.
puh-RAHY-uh -noun
outcast.
person or animal that is generally despised or avoided.
3.(initial capital letter) a member of a low caste in southern India and Burma.
I don't know what I expected, derailing my life goals for a girl. An 11-year-old girl, no less. At 11, how much could I possibly know of life, women and what the future may hold? That I would recklessly charge into the unknown -damn the consequences- shows me one important fact: I, Severus Snape, am wholly and completely obsessed with Lily Evans. I have only one class apart from her, Care of Magical Creatures. I regret not taking that class merely because she is in it, and it means time apart from her. I will not make that mistake again, though I care little for the stupid, stinking creatures the class will no doubt revolve around. I will bear it happily, for she is my sustenance. I would sooner go without food and drink than without her constant presence.
It is an incredibly powerful -and exquisitely painful- feeling.
Like a noose of brambles cinching down around my heart. It gets tighter every time I see her smile. How positively terrifying, this obsession.
This emotional pain is compounded by several factors. Most of my fellow Gryffindors dislike me, and I'm quite sure that James Potter is behind it. He and his gang of imbeciles delight in pulling pranks, and I may well be their favorite target. Ever since Potter insulted Lily in front of me and I hexed his pants off in the Great Hall, he has devoted an unhealthy amount of attention to my public humiliation. Adding to this pathetic situation are my almost-housemates from Slytherin. It turns out that not being sorted into Slytherin has labeled me a blood traitor, nearly as hated as a 'mudblood'. I didn't care. The moment I found out that Lily was hated by their world is the moment their world became hated by me. I don't belong there, and I don't belong here.
It would appear I am incompatible.
Incompatible with the Gryffindors, who are reckless fools. Incompatible with the Slytherins, whose hatred seeps into every facet of their lives. The only person who anchors my life is Lily, and it seems that choosing her has alienated all others. Rather than growing accustomed to her presence, I find myself craving it in ever larger quantities. It is a greedy, selfish ambition. A remnant, no doubt, of the ambition I left behind to follow Lily.
It is, as previously stated, intensely painful.
Even so, it's okay if it hurts.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.