I have heard it said once that, 'love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.' Who ever it was that said that knew what she or he were talking about. I've been sitting here in my truck for the past thirty minutes outside my house. I know that Charlie is probably wondering why I haven't ran into the house and into the arms of Edward whom I assume is pretending to watch the game with him, but for some reason neither of them have came out to check on me.
The rain pounding on the windshield sounded like a nail gun going off in my heart. How was I suppose to pick between the man that I love more than anything and the man I love and am infatuated with so much that I feel like I can't breath with out him? I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat and gathered my thoughts enough to make it into the house. I opened the door and there Edward sat on the bottom of the stairs, his head buried in his hands. Charlie sat in his recliner, with his eyes dead on the T.V., I doubt he even knew I was sitting outside.
Edward slowly raised his head until his golden eyes met my tear stained eyes. I felt my heart sink deep within my chest. How can I do this? How can I pretend that I don't love them both?
"Can we talk?" He said as he stood up and walked over to the door. "Upstairs."
I didn't say a word; I just followed him up to my room. He walked directly over to the window, leaning against the frame. It was as if he knew what I was thinking, but I knew he had no ideal what was in my head.
"What's up?" I asked trying to play it cool. Trying not to let him know that anything was wrong, but I knew it was written all over my face.
"What happened at Jacob's house?"
Straight to the point, that was Edward Cullen. Always serious, always on his guard. "We talked." I said, not wanting to go into detail just yet.
"What about?" He asked as he turned to me.
"Our future" I whispered.
A breeze blew by me and suddenly he was standing so close I could feel the coldness of his breath. "As in yours and his, or yours and mine?"
"Both." I dropped my head to avoid his gaze.
He smirked, "I guess Alice was right."
I quickly looked up at him. "Alice… Wh-what does…" I trailed off, she must have had a vision that I would change my mind.
"You're in love with him aren't you?"
I bit my bottom lip; I could feel my tears start to swell up into my eyes. "Yes…" I just couldn't bring myself to lie to him. "But I love you too… and I'm so confused." I stammered out.
His eyes grew dark and I could hear his voice start to hiss. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know,… what did Alice say I did?"
"She didn't. She just said that you would come back with a dilemma that would leave your heart torn." He walked back over to the window with his back turned to me. The room seemed ten times colder than it actually was. "What did he ask you?"
I walked over to him, turning him towards me. "Edward, I love you. That's all that matters."
"I wish it was that easy, Bella."
"It is."
He placed his hands against my cheeks, I felt chills all over. "I want you to live. I want you to have the opportunity to grow old and have a family. I want all the things that I never got a chance to have for you."
"Edward," I pleaded. But he was right. Those were the things I wanted too. I wanted to have kids with Jacob and know that my father and mother could be grandparents. But I still wanted to be with Edward. I still longed for him too. "Edward, I want to see where it goes with Jacob. I want just a little more time. Time with just him and me and no distractions."
"No me." He said with pain in his voice.
"For now. But not for-ever." I reached up on my tip toes and kissed him softly. "Wait for me."
He traced my lips with his fingertips. "For-ever, I will wait for you."
And just like that he was gone and I knew it wasn't just out of my bedroom, but out of the state and probably the country. And as much as it ached this was what I had to do, before I could decide to leave Jacob and Renee and Charlie behind for-ever.