Kensi had been gone for almost three weeks, and Deeks had never been more miserable. In a way, being without her was more difficult than recovering from the torture at the hands of Sidorov. That was physical pain. That was something he could understand and wrap his mind around. He had endured physical pain before from other criminals and even from his own father. He was not a stranger to this kind of suffering. But this... he was so confused and tormented by his feelings for Kensi and her being gone only added to his misery. At first, he thought being away from her would help him, that it would give him a chance to clear his head. He could not have been more wrong. It made the storm in his mind even worse and he was losing what little control he thought he had left.

He was consumed with worry for her safety. He knew nothing of the details of her mission or what kind of danger she could be in. All he knew was that she had said she didn't know if she was coming back. Those words had not stopped haunting him since she spoke them. When he thought about this possibly, he would suddenly feel like all the air had left the room.

He regretted everything about their last conversation. He was angry for the way she stormed out on him. What she was asking him to do, to open up to her, was more than he was capable of doing at the time. He was being completely honest with her when he said he didn't know what to say. And now, weeks later, he's still not sure. He was furious at her for not trying to understand the chaos in his mind. She gave him her demands and when he couldn't comply... she just walked away.

And he also felt guilty. What if that was the last time they got to see each other? What if those words were the last he got to say? Could he have tried harder to understand and then express his thoughts and feelings? Those feelings that he was so certain of when he kissed her, they were now just beyond his reach, beyond his comprehension. Why couldn't he have tried harder, for her? Maybe if he had, she would still be here and at least something in his life would make sense.

Finally, he had enough and he knew what he had to do. He had to find a way to talk to her. He didn't know how and he still didn't know what he would say. All he knew was that he had to try. There was only one person who could possibly help him with this. He prayed that Hetty would understand.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Deeks?"

He was lingering outside Hetty's office, trying to think of the right words to say, the right way to ask. He thought he had kept his distance from her as he wrestled with this, but he should have known better. Hetty seemed to have eyes and ears everywhere and she was definitely aware of the troubled detective. Deeks sighed, knowing that he couldn't put this off any longer. He walked into her office and sat down. She glanced up from her book and waited. There was a long moment of silence. Hetty looked knowingly at Deeks, waiting for him to speak.

He was finally able to find his voice. "Um... I need to ask a favor of you."

"Alright, I'm listening."

"I don't even know if this is possible, but I figured if anyone could do this, it's you. I need to talk to Kensi."

Hetty arched her eyebrows. "Mr. Deeks, you know that Miss Blye is on a classified mission. Very few people know where she is. Even fewer know how to contact her. Furthermore, any contact with her could jeopardize that mission and her safety."

Deeks nervously ran his hand over his beard and took a deep breath. "If there is any way, any way at all, that I can talk to her... I need to."

Hetty narrowed her eyes, making Deeks feel even more nervous. He was convinced when she looked at him like that, she was able to read his thoughts.

"Mr. Deeks, may I ask why this is so important to you?"

"The last time I saw her... it was not a pleasant experience. There were things I said that I regret and most of all there were things I didn't say that I regret. I just... couldn't live with myself if... those were the last words we ever said to each other."

"I have noticed you have seemed even more distracted since she left."

"Even more? What do you mean by that?"

"Mr. Deeks, you have to know that you have not been the same since your ordeal. You also have to know that everyone is worried about you. Especially Miss Blye."

"If she's so worried then why did she leave?"

Hetty sighed. "I don't agree with all the ways that she has handled this situation, but I know without a doubt that she cares for you and she is worried about your well-being. And the same goes for all of us here. We have tried to give you your space. We have tried bringing the matter up to you gently. But it seems that your heart, your emotional center has not really improved. And since Miss Blye has been gone, you have seemed worse."

Deeks couldn't look her in the eye. He looked down and spoke softly. "I've been doing the best I can."

"I know you have, but sometimes our best isn't good enough. Sometimes we need others to help us."

"I don't know, Hetty. Every time I think about it... about what happened... I don't know. I just, don't know if I can talk about it. I'm afraid it would be like reliving it again."

"Could it be any worse that what you are enduring right now?"

Deeks didn't answer her.

"Okay, Mr. Deeks. You are asking this of me and calling it a favor. Well, if I am able to arrange this for you, then you will owe me a favor in return."

Deeks thought for a little while. He would owe Henrietta Lange a favor. That could be terrifying... but not compared to the alternative. He had to do what she asked... no matter what. "Ok... Fine. I'll do whatever it takes. Just let me know when you want to cash that in. Although I'm not sure what I could do for you that you couldn't just do yourself..."

"I already have in mind what I want."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. If I can arrange a conversation between you and Miss Blye, then I want you to talk to a doctor about your... recent struggles."

"Hetty, I already told you... I don't know if I can do that..."

"Mr. Deeks, this is not negotiable. That is my condition and I will not back down. I must say that you are not the only one who is concerned about someone they care about. I have seen this happen to others before you... and everyone who was determined to fight it on their own... they have all failed. Thankfully, some were able to get the help they needed in time. Some were not. Mr. Deeks, I cannot allow you to keep going down the path you are on. If you want me to do this for you, then you must do this for me."

She had him right where she wanted him. This was not at all how Deeks imagined this would go. He was prepared to debate and argue and beg if necessary. He never would have predicted that this would have been Hetty's requirement. Even though the thought of talking to a doctor about his experience scared him, the thought of possibly never talking to Kensi again would be unbearable. He knew that he would have agreed to anything, if it would gain him another chance to make things right. He had no choice.

"Ok. I'll do it. I'll do what you want. I just need to talk to her before it's too late."

"I will let you know as soon as possible if it can be arranged."

"Thank you, Hetty."

"You're welcome. I'm hoping that a little more sunshine and gunpowder in your life will help."

Deeks smiled at her, knowing exactly what she meant. "I hope so, too."