Tucker was used to Church being an asshole. It was kinda his thing. You see, in the Gulch, they all had their things. Tucker was the badass good looking Great Warrior from an ancient prophecy, Caboose was the mindless idiot with good intentions, and Church was the loudmouthed asshole leader. That's just how things go. Usually they each did their thing and let the others get on with their things, and that's how it is.

But even Tucker had to pause his badass heroics sometimes when things got out of balance. And today, things were definitely out of balance.

Caboose was a crybaby sometimes, that much was true. This time though, something had to be seriously wrong. Why else would the annoying rookie have kept him up all goddamn night with his senseless wailing. Tucker was surprised Church hadn't noticed. (Or had managed to block is so successfully). Granted, Church usually slept elsewhere in the base. Tucker had to share a room with the blubbering idiot. He had never felt pity for someone until that night.

Caboose hadn't come out of the barracks all day, something Tucker didn't bother fighting with. Let the poor guy sleep off his woes and, hopefully, the aqua-clad soldier wouldn't have to deal with it again tonight.

There was something wrong with Church too, although this one was much harder to pin down. He was clearly angry or upset with someone. It didn't take a stretch of the imagination to figure it out. There were only two other people in base, Tucker certainly hadn't been up crying his eyes out all freaking night.

But Caboose didn't take anything seriously because his poor brain simply could not do it. Church had always been nasty to him, throwing out mean remarks and calling him very rude names. Caboose had always laughed it off with ease.

Until now.

Albeit Tucker had noticed a change in their "fearless" leader lately. These past couple of days, he'd been rather harsh. More than harsh. If Tucker didn't know him better, he'd have said Church was probably depressed and lashing out. But Church didn't get depressed, not even after Tex had disappeared again. So he was definitely angry at someone.

But Tucker didn't think it was Caboose. In fact, Tucker couldn't say what exactly Church was mad at. If he had to take a stab, he'd say his leader was mad at himself. Caboose was always annoying or killing Church, and it had never gotten this bad before. And Tucker certainly couldn't recall doing anything to piss the cobalt leader off. The only other explanation that Church was actually angry with himself for some stupid shit and was now taking it out on the squad.

What a team player.

Caboose peeked into the room, his blue eyes wide with extreme nerves. "Hi guys," he peeped. Nobody responded at first. Tucker, feeling bad for the mentally ill man, finally answered after an entire minute had passed. "Hey Caboose."

The blonde seemed to take that as permission of sorts, because he came into the room after that. Only because Tucker had lived with Caboose for so long did he recognize the differences in his behavior. He wrung his hands nervously, eyes flitting between the two previous occupants and whimpered a little before he spoke. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Alright. You feeling better?" Tucker narrowed his eyes while Caboose twitched.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," he answered mechanically with a very forced laugh. "I am fine."

Tucker snorted derisively. "You were up crying all night!"

Caboose stared at him with those blue eyes round as dinner plates. "Tucker did it," he muttered after a moment. Tucker snorted again and shook his head.

"Whatever," he said, then added under his breath, "Moron."

Caboose turned his head, still wringing his hands together and finally seemed to acknowledge Church. Tucker's pity for the strong idiot intensified. His regulation blue eyes seemed almost taut, his hands clutching the other's knuckles so hard they turned white.

"H-hey Church," he stuttered. His eyes were not entirely focused on their leader.

Their cobalt companion growled low in his throat. It was almost feral. Tucker stared at him in surprise. It was not that Church was upset with Caboose in any way that confused him, but rather his intense reaction to it.

Caboose was too stupid to pick up on social cues though, and continued talking. "H-how are you?" His smile faltered as Church got to his feet.

"Get out," their leader snapped, eyes burning with anger. "Now!"

Caboose took a step back and chuckled nervously. "Yeah. You got it bud."

Church got to his feet. "I'm not your bud," he hissed. "I hate you with a burning passion!"

"Right," he laughed without humor. He seemed more scared than humorous. "That's funny Church."

Their leader lunged. "Get out!" he screamed. "Leave! NOW!"

The blonde idiot squealed, tearing out of the room with haste. Church sat back in his seat, glaring after him with all the burning hatred he claimed to have. Tucker watched his fist ball against the seat, watched the color fade from the skin while he pounded said fist against the armrest. And suddenly it clicked.

"You're frustrated!" he realized.

Church turned to glare at him. "No shit, dumbass!" He shook his head, rolling his eyes. "Anyone who knows that retard would be!"

"That's not what I meant," Tucker said, stifling a giggle. Church looked at him as though he'd said something very strange. He had not thought it would need explaining, but apparently it did. "Do you miss your girlfriend, Church?" He couldn't keep the laughter out of his voice anymore.

Church's jaw popped. "Fuck you, man."

Tucker's shoulder shook with the effort of holding his barking laugh in. "No way man, you're not my type!"

"Shut up!" Church groaned, leaning back. "God dammit Tucker what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Tucker sat forward, looking at Church with interest. "You gotta tell me something bro."

"No, I don't," Church mumbled, a flush in his cheeks.

"How do robots have sex?"

"What?" he sputtered, turning to stare at Tucker with a shocked expression.

Tucker tilted his head, genuinely curious. "Well while you're over there busy missing your girlfriend, you don't really have the necessary…parts…to do anything, right?"

Church gaped at him. After a moment, he answered. "I can still have sex. I just can't get anyone pregnant." Tucker went to speak again but Church cut him off. "Sex feels good because you're stimulating a bundle of sensitive nerves. I can still do that. It's just not organic."

"And instead of orgasms you what?"

"Sensory overload."

Tucker shook his head. "Dude what the fuck does that even mean?"

Church rolled his eyes as if Tucker had just asked something obvious. "It's just like an orgasm dude. Feels fucking amazing."

"You know what, I don't want to know." Tucker got to his feet, just thinking that perhaps a long nap would do him wonders. "Just, you know, take care of it if you can, cause I don't wanna deal with Caboose keeping me up all night any more."