A/N: OK, this is chapter Two. It will feature not one but Two lovely little pieces of crack, both requested by the lovely Chiisarin! Here are your requests—the first is a mid-length het oneshot and the second is a yaoi drabble.

Disclaimer: NOTHING IS MINE.

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II. Elatyriaf (Auron/Olette)

Once upon a kingdom called Twilight Town, there lived a princess with brown hair and green eyes who liked sea-salt ice cream, shopping, and the color orange. Her name was Princess Olette.

Like so many others of her kind, Princess Olette needed rescuing.

But not by a prince. Oh no, she had enough of those. Four, to be precise, who had nothing better to do with their time but sit around Twilight Town boasting about which one would finally win Princess Olette's hand in marriage. They were Prince Hayner, who was athletic and handsome, Prince Pence, who was kind and caring, Prince Roxas, who was quiet and mysterious, and Prince Seifer, who was commanding and strong.

However, all four of them seemed to neglect the fact that Princess Olette was not in love with any of them.

She couldn't stand them, actually. The boasting was bad enough, but the last straw came when the foursome finally decided to get off their posteriors and actually have a fight to the death, the winner becoming Princess Olette's new husband.

So there they stood, squaring off in the Sandlot Jousting Arena, gripping their sword and yelling challenges, with Princess Olette in the middle trying to explain that she didn't want any of them dead.

Then he came.

He was tall, dark, and anything but handsome. He was cloaked and battle-scarred and looked at least forty years old. He was everything the four young, fair princes weren't. And he identified the problem right away.

"These guys bothering you?" he asked Princess Olette. The usually spunky girl could only nod in astonishment.

He smirked. "You want me to get you away from them?"

Nod.

"I'm no prince," he informed her. "Quite the opposite. I'm Dark Mage Auron."

"I don't want one," she told him. "A prince, that is."

He grinned. "Then let's go."

As soon as she got home that night, Princess Olette took out her cell phone and put in a call to Princess Kairi and Princess Selphie in the faraway Kingdom of Destiny Islands. Through swollen lips she told them of her day, unable to keep from bragging.

Because after all, any princess can have a fairytale ending. It takes a pretty special person to get a reverse fairytale.

III. oops, almost blew my cover… (Xigbar/Donald)

As the one-eyed man faded into black, putting away his guns for the last time, Donald Duck felt a stab of regret.

They'd had so little time together, really, they'd barely known one another. They had been on opposite sides, after all.

"There's no future for us together," Xigbar had pointed out that night in the Land of Dragons.

And Donald had shrugged and replied, "But there's a now."

And the gunman had grinned. "That's the most philosophical comment I've ever heard from a duck."

Now he was dead, killed by Donald's own best friends...

"Hey, Donald, are you okay?" Sora inquired.

"As if." Too late he realized he'd used his love's catchphrase.

The brunette's brow screwed up in concentration. "Didn't I hear someone say that recently?"

"Erm…no?" the duck stammered.

"OK," Sora agreed and continued on walking, humming softly to himself.