-Lightning-
So there we were, the 17 of us; Thunder, Damien, Fang, Sazh, Serah, Noel, Vanille, Hope, Snow, Tai, T.K., Matt, Sora, Mimi, Joe, Izzy, and myself, all wondering around in a dense forest.
"How long has it been since we started walking?" Serah complained.
"Three hours, 47 minutes, and twelve seconds." Damien said like a know-it-all.
"You would know that how?" Snow asked critically.
"...I have a watch." Damien snapped back. That dick just got burned.
While the rest of the group was talking amongst themselves, Thunder was trying to introduce me to some guy I didn't know.
"C'mon," He nagged. "I'll think you two could really hit it off."
"Who is he?" I questioned. "And is he physically attractive?"
"Well, his name is Tidus, and I'm not gay, so I can't really answer your other question."
I turned around to see what this "Tidus" guy looked like, and honestly, he was pretty hot.
"Hey." Tidus said. "So that's what the front of your face looks like."
"...When did you get here?" I asked. "And why are you here?"
"Well, Sin sent me here, and I was planning to get out of here as fast as possible." Tidus replied. "Now for my question. Do you wanna go out sometime?"
"...Well..." Then I thought that if I was with Tidus, Snow will be in emotional pain and be really jealous. He would also back off. "...Of course. When should our date be?"
"A.S.A.P." Tidus answered. Out of nowhere, a giant monster appeared. Fuck, I hate random encounters.
"Get ready, guys!" Snow yelled "By the way, dick face, I'm the leader. So you need to shut the hell up."
Snow glared back, giving me the finger at the same time.
The monster slashed in Vanille's general direction. She jumped out of the way, landing on Sazh's fro. Serah shot an arrow into the monster's knee. Insert "arrow to the knee" joke here.
Tai's dinosaur slave jumped to take a bite out of the monster's face.
Snow tried to punch the monster's face, but instead of actually causing the monster physically pain, he ran out of HP. "Anyone got a phoenix down?" Snow asked.
"What's a phoenix down?" Sora questioned. "It's a drug, fool!" Sazh said in a stereotypical black man's voice.
"Anyway..." I said as I aimed my gun blade at the monster's groin area. I fired a shot, and the monster instantly vanished.
"Typical." Serah commented. "A guy monster would die from a shot to the balls."
"Okay." The short kid Izzy began. "Take these cell phones I managed to make in the past 37 seconds. Put in this number, and you might return home."
"MIGHT?" Hope shouted. "Where will we end up if we don't return home?"
"The recycling bin, but there's only a 46.992876009% chance of that happening." "Okay." I said back. Each of the non-digital-monster-slave-drivers took one. We all put in the number in, and suddenly, there were all sorts of colours, and I found myself back in my dorm room, with everyone else on top of me, for some reason.
"What is this?" The dorm advisor yelled. "No epic orgies before 2 am!