Gasping awake as though I hadn't been able to breath, I flung myself up in the bed, wincing at the needle taped into my arm while leaning back against the palm of my hands placed against the hardness of the white sheeted mattress.
What the hell had happened?! I thought with a groan. Lying back against the mattress, staring up at the sterile white ceiling, I noticed a black fan turning its blades around and around in the middle of an air vent. I knew I was in one of the Cullen's 'hospital' rooms. But why had they put me here?
The only thing I could come close to describing the feeling I had throughout me, was the feeling of death. I felt weak, exhausted, starving, empty, and lifeless. I felt as though there were things missing too, but I wasn't sure what. There were other feelings too, though they were that of something I could not describe, if my life depended on it.
Suddenly as my mind came to and caught up with my body, I remembered Ness. Was she okay? God I hoped so. I didn't know what I'd do if anything happened to her!
Grabbing the edge of the blankets, in a flap they were off the legs of my jeans, lying in the middle of the bed as though someone had placed them there, instead of been thrown off. I found it odd I had even noticed such a detail. I barely ever made the bed, let alone noticed how it looked.
Swinging my legs over the edge of the mattress, standing to my feet, the ground began to spin out from under me, the whole room felt as though it was within a tornado, going around and around at an unbelievable rate—it was that or the world suddenly had pms and was throwing a fit, tempting to throw us all off its surface … Stumbling back, I tried finding something to grip to, not able to see the bed or bedside table that I knew was somewhere around me, before I felt someone grip my arm, steadying my balance.
Closing my eyes for a moment, they reopened to look up to Sam, staring down upon me with a look of concern I had never seen. His jaw was clenched hard to the point his teeth would have been grinding together and his eyes appeared the emotion of wariness.
Slowly as he eased me back to the side of the bed, I noticed he was holding his shoulders tight and his lips were pursed together. I could see the movement under his the dark russet skin of his jaw dragging forward, to graze his teeth over the bit of lip that was out of my sight, inside his mouth.
How long had he been standing there? And why hadn't I sensed him?
Touching my hand to my bare chest, half expecting to have felt my heart quicken in the sudden fit of dizziness, I blinked when I didn't feel its pattering against my palm. From the sterile white floors of the Cullen's hospital room, my eyes swept up to Sam's face. I could feel my eyes had turned wide with shock and Sam's gaze only reflected my own.
"I'm dreaming," I muttered huskily, glancing out the floor-to-ceiling window to assure myself. The sun had set and it was beginning to turn dark on the forest of endless trees, and of course, it was raining—which provided no relief. If it hadn't been raining, maybe I would have believed the sound of my own words.
My glance went from outside, back to Sam's stern gaze. He was still wary, but didn't speak. I felt as though he was trying not to speak a word for if he did, he'd say something wrong.
"Aren't I?" I had meant it to sound as if I spoke in fact, but instead it came out in a question.
Shaking his head, Sam let out the breath he must have been holding for the loud sigh that escaped his grasp. "No, Jacob," he answered deeply.
My eyes narrowed and my head tilted to the side as he glanced out the door on the opposite end of the white room. "What do you mean, no, Sam?" I murmured, my voice turning out almost silent. "I have to be! We don't live without a freaking pulse!" I shouted, panicked.
What was he talking about?! No, I wasn't dreaming? I had to be! Our kind didn't live without a heartbeat.
Suddenly the dizziness returned. With a groan, my eyes shut and I fell back against the bed, the mattress flexed under my weight, causing my body to jump once under the bounce. What the hell was going on?
Reopening my eyes, I could see Sam's figure blurring with tremors shaking through him, like small earthquakes, I could feel them through the ground where my feet reached down to the tiles. Sam never lost control this easily! Maybe he had since first phasing, but never since.
"Sam, tell me what's going on? Please," I begged, turning desperate for information of any kind. "Is Ness okay?"
His hands balled at his sides as he shook his head. I could hear him taking deep breaths in an attempt of stopping himself from phasing. "No Jacob … and that's why you don't have a pulse," he growled low, stalking out of the room before the wolf could take over and probably trashed the room and seriously hurt us both … but what did he mean?
Was, Ness alive?! And what did that have to do with my heart?! What the hell was going on, and where were all the Cullens?!
"Bella?" I groaned, trying to get to my feet, only to fall back again, forcing a springy squeak out of the mattress ... and here I thought they were rich. I waited for Bella to show, but she didn't.
"Alice? Bella? Anyone?" I yelled, knowing one of them had to have heard me unless they were all out; which I knew shouldn't have been the case.
From where I laid on the side of the bed, if I didn't move a muscle, I could hear quiet hums of murmurs downstairs, but I couldn't pick up a single word that was being said.
Now this was just getting frustrating! I felt as though I was in torment.
"Bella you know I hate been kept in the dark!" I shouted louder so she couldn't ignore me and within seconds, I heard someone sigh and someone else—I think Carlisle—speak.
Hearing steps coming up the stairway, at first I thought it was Alice, as the weight associated with the sound didn't sound heavy enough to be Bells. But then I saw her, peaking around the side of the white painted frame of the door. She wore a velvet blue dress. Her shoes were missing from her feet.
"What in hell is going on Bells?!" I demanded.
"What do you mean?" her voice whispered. I blinked, shocked by what my ears were telling me I was hearing.
My eyes narrowed. "Don't play games with me Bella. How about how Sam just stormed out of here, about to phase? How about me not having a pulse or a heartbeat for that matter?! And this dizziness I keep getting whenever I try and stand?"
Biting down on her lip, she stood across the side of the bed from me, with her hands resting in her lap. Again, I saw that look, the look of 'I'd cry if it were possible.' That look, melted away what little anger I felt. My eyes softened and relaxed as I reached my hand out to hers, for help to sit up.
Taking my hand into her cool grip, Bella pulled me up into a sitting position in the middle of the bed. With still feeling like the world was spinning out of control, slowly I scooted up the mattress and leaned back against the hard wooden headboard while Bella sat back against the icy steel end of the bed, where just behind her was a small wheelie-table with a tray of food on it. For some reason, I wasn't hungry.
"What's going on?" I murmured. My eyes stayed narrow on her face as her golden eyes flicked blinks while being completely fixated upon the woven pattern of the white hospital blankets that lay, spread between us.
Bella looked drawn in the face, older, for some reason. I had seen the same appearance once before in Edward … and I didn't want to think about it.
"Sam was worried when he seen you out there, a few days ago. He followed you back and you were asleep. He's been here since."
I blinked in disbelief of how she had just spoken, like sleeping for days was natural for everyone! I was lucky to sleep for a few hours, not days!
"A few days ago?!" I questioned. "Why haven't I woken since then Bella? Why have I got a drip in my arm?" I winced sharply lifting my right arm to show my fact. The needle and tape pulled on my skin and vein. I hate IVs! "And why don't I have a heartbeat?"
She swallowed hard, like chocking back a lump of tears and then I knew I was right when her eyes were fluttering like butterfly wings, like tears were actually possible to accrue for her anymore.
"Tell me Bella!"
"Renesmee died for three seconds Jacob. That was when you went to sleep, before they turned her. Since then you haven't had a heartbeat, but because she is like us and because you imprinted on her, you're alive, Jacob. I'm sorry," her voice broke, and if I didn't know better, I could have sworn Bella was in fact crying.
Hearing her, I felt my world somehow shatter. But how could I feel that way? So what I didn't have a heartbeat? I was still, weirdly in some way, alive. And now Ness was a real vampire? I still had her and she still had me. I'd gotten used to Bella's scent, along with the rest of the Cullens. But then, I realised … I couldn't feel or sense my wolf.
Swallowing hard, I realised now why Sam was so upset. I'd lost my wolf and La Push had lost their main protector.
"Is she awake?" I murmured.
Taking in a shaky breath and sitting up straight from leaning over, resting her head against her arms that were wrapping around her legs, Bella nodded and met my gaze. "She's been worried about you—wanting to see you."
I forced a small smile over my mouth. "I want to see her too … but now what? What happens next, Bella?" I didn't know what had made me ask it or even why I had … it just left like this couldn't be the end of the path. Something else had to happen. We couldn't be both frozen in time, like two unnaturally frozen humans, together forever –if I had that—trying to live normal, natural lives. I didn't even understand nor yet grasp what I was questioning.
"Renesmee has to learn to keep her thirst under control, but you're safe, now you don't have a pulse."
"I guess … that's an upside," I muttered, shrugging my shoulders, trying to act as normal and unfazed as possible. I didn't want to mention the whole fact that I had lost my wolf, but then I wondered if my scent had let that cat out of the bag already. But I hadn't exactly meant what she had answered with.
"What about the dizziness?"
"Your body still thinks you're, humanly alive, with a pulse just your blood-pressure is too low. Carlisle says it'll adapt over time. Take these for now." Leaning over to the table, Bella reached over the tray of food and picked up a small though fat white bowl into the grasp of her fingers and handed it to me.
Slowly reading the label while my eyes fought me all the way, my brow rose in question. "It's blood-pressure medication Bells."
She nodded. "To stop the dizziness Jacob … Carlisle said to give it to you."
"Right." I highly doubted that it'd work, but I guess I had nothing to lose anyway. Reading the label Carlisle had obviously written for its beyond neat script-writing, I threw back two pills and swallowed hard as Bella offered a cupful of water. Sipping a mouthful, it washed the sickening flavour of them out of my tastebuds.
"Thanks," I murmured, sitting back and slowly felt the world beginning to slow. I reached over and placed the cup on the table.
"Ow!" I cried out abruptly, looking to Bella as she pulled the IV from my arm, unexpectedly. Shaking her head, she wrapped a band-aid over the none-bleeding hole in my arm and threw out the tubes and needle.
"Ready?" she sighed from the other side of the bed.
Still feeling slightly dizzy, I stood to my feet once more to find I was able to at least walk now.
"I think so," I breathed, feeling like this was going to be some monumental moment in my life, for what reason, I was clueless. It felt like it was my wedding day—which I hadn't yet experienced but had imagined for years that, this would be the way it felt.
I knew if my heart could still had its beat, it'd be racing right now. As it was, I could feel the clenching nervousness tightening in my chest and stomach.
Standing at the door, Bella offered her hand out with a small smile over her pouty lips—she must have been wearing lipstick for her lips to have been flushed such a bright red. Instead, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and took slow strides down the creamy white carpet of the hall.
Coming to the glass stairway, my arm dropped to my side, hearing Ness's new magical voice … but something was missing. Where was the pull? From the top stair, I could see Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Edward crowding around her as she spoke with the voice of a beautiful bird. Taking another two steps down, I could see Alice appear within my view, sitting on the leather couch with her legs daintily crossed, wearing black stockings, black flats and a royal blue dress, similar to Bella's, only thicker in material.
Hearing me coming, with his hands crossed behind his back, wearing all white, Carlisle turned and raised his head to meet my gaze. With a gentle nod of his head, his usual gentle hospital smile spread over his mouth. I had only seen his professional smile a few times, but for some reason, seeing it now put me on edge. It wasn't like I didn't trust the guy, it was just the fact I was half expecting to see a hospital-like scene with Ness, like I had with Bella all those years ago.
"Jacob," he murmured, holding my gaze with some hidden, 'be prepared,' message in his stare. I glanced to Bella as she silently stood beside me. She offered a small encouraging smile.
"Jake?" Ness sang. I could hear the anticipation ring throughout her voice.
The nerves in my chest tingled, as though I was waiting on something bad to happen, but why would I be? Going down the rest of the stairs, I turned to see Renesmee, sitting next to Alice, her skin paler than usual, but still how I remembered Ness.
She was slightly taller, her lips paler but still Ness's. Her hair shone a different tone of reddish-brown, I was sure Alice had dyed it or something to go with her new red eyes. She wore an elegant, fitted shimmering red dress, sparkling in the bright lights of the Cullen house.
Apart from that, she was still my Ness … but it was missing. The pull was missing. The imprint … it was gone and without it … I didn't feel the same, after all these years, I thought it was real. But it had only ever been the imprint.
I had been right the first time—before Ness was born—imprinting just screwed up your life and took away your own freewill and want for who you really wanted to be with.
"Jake, what's wrong?" Ness asked through a whimper. I was staring at the foot of the couch, unknowing to my hands turning to fists and that Nessie had moved until she took it into her own grip. She cupped the side of my cheek with great care. My eyes eased closed as I shook my head
"I can't …" to my surprise, my voice broke, like somewhere deep, deep down my wolf was still there and howling out in pain of what I was feeling and what he was seeing. But I didn't sense him… feel him, like I wished, so much, I could.
Taking in a staggering breath, my eyes reopened to meet her gaze. "I can't Ness … I love you, but … I'm not in love with you. The imprints gone … I'm sorry."
Pulling out of her light grip, I ran out of the house, while hearing Bella and Renesmee's cries for me to stop—if they wanted to, they could have easily stopped me. I ignored and kept on running, I couldn't turn back, because the life of who I thought I was and had become; an alpha, a shapeshifter, protector of La Push, my people, my imprint, of my imprint's family and of my own kids, died in that house, and I didn't see how it'd come back in a million years, if I had that long now. I was just a human ... without a heartbeat.