The next several years passed in a blur as my responsibilities within the workings of the monarchy and as a parent continued to increase. Two years after Pierre was born, I gave birth to my second and final child, Philippe. I adored both of my sons; their births had been shining moments in my life. They were the only ones that I would let through my emotional walls. I experienced such joy being their mother. As with any heartfelt relationship, there is both joy and pain. As the boys grew into young men, I must admit that my joy was mired with disappointment. I still loved them, of course, but decisions they made as they grew older demonstrated a blatant disrespect for the duty for which their father and I had sacrificed everything.

Our displeasure with our eldest son grew exponentially when Pierre decided to neglect his duty and join the church. When he announced this decision to his father and me, I had to question whether my conscious might have been right when it whispered to me on the day of his birth – that perhaps Renaldi blood didn't flow through him as I had originally believed.

Shortly after Pierre made his announcement, Rupert passed away unexpectedly. Personally, I think he died of a broken heart; he had invested so much into his country and to his duty…to have his son walk away from all of that…I'm just not sure he ever fully recovered.

I was completely numb by the time I learned of Philippe's untimely death. We had not been close in the years prior to his death due to our disagreements regarding his American wife and the child he had fathered. He ultimately had chosen to let his love for his country overshadow his love for the small family he had created and returned to Genovia to assume his responsibility and, eventually, the throne. I often wonder, though, if his father had not passed away - would he have chosen duty over love.

With that much loss in such a short time, I should have felt something; but the walls around my heart were strong. Either that or…I had nothing left to give…

OoOoOo

Death has a way of providing us with perspective. Before his death, I had seen an unsupportive husband who had systematically forced himself upon me over the years. Now I realize that he had never asked anything of me that a husband would not normally expect from his wife. He believed fully in his duty to his country and never wavered from that responsibility. And despite the fact that he didn't love me and knew that I didn't love him; he never sought companionship outside the bounds of our marriage.

We did make a great team – outside of the bedroom – and that had been enough for the country. Well…that and the fact that we had produced two male heirs. Fortunately for the country, they had no idea that their Princes were conceived under less than ideal circumstances.

Ironically, in retrospect, I realized that the despite our sacrifice and the pain endured, Rupert and I had really not produced any male heirs to assume the throne of Genovia. Of course, I had no idea at the time what significance the young girl who would be my only grandchild would play in not only the future of Genovia but my future as well.

OoOoOo

Now lest you think that my life has been all dark an unhappy, let me correct that notion right away. To many, I've lived a fairy tale life: living in a palace; all of the clothes, jewels and balls, the privilege that goes with being a royal. Admittedly, there were a few bright spots in my life; however, the quality of my personal life improved immensely several years ago. It improved one warm, sunny day – the day that Joseph Romerro walked into my life…

I heard them approach and tried to pretend that I wasn't the least bit curious or nervous. Rupert had insisted that I have a new bodyguard as my involvement in the monarchy had increased. I was traveling a great deal more and interacting with high level political figures. As such, he insisted that he provide the best possible security protecting me. That protection came in the form of Joseph Romerro.

"Clarisse?" Rupert interrupted my thoughts.

I turned away from my roses, planting a smile on my face. "Yes, Rupert?"

"May I introduce Joseph Romerro, your new personal security?"

I watched as the man in the dark suit took my hand and kissed it as he bowed and offered, "It is an honor both to meet and be of service to you, your Majesty."

I realized, almost instantly, that this man was different, or more accurately, my reaction to him. It was the first time I could remember that a man's touch did not require me to stifle a feeling of distaste. I must admit this caught me by surprise and I felt flustered in his presence. If he noticed, he was too much of a gentleman to give any indication. His sapphire eyes locked with mine as I replied, "It is a pleasure to meet you as well."

As the days grew into weeks, months and years, I found myself trying to find reasons to spend time alone with Joseph. It wasn't a sexual interest, rather it was a curiosity. Why was he different? Why did I feel as though I could let my guard down with him? He was unlike any man I had ever known…

OoOoOo

Joseph became my rock – that someone that I knew was there to protect me and support me and he seemed to expect nothing in return – which was a totally foreign concept to me. In the world of politics in which I was quickly becoming more and more immersed, I learned that no one ever does anything from the kindness of their heart or simply because it is the right thing to do. No – there was always an expectation attached. I found it refreshing that other than his continued employment, Joseph had no expectations of me.

I realized exactly how close Joseph and I had become the night Rupert died…

OoOoOo

"I'm so sorry, your Majesty." Joseph offered when he found me in the rose garden after being informed that the King had passed away.

My eyes found his and held his gaze for several long minutes. I finally broke the silence and offered, "Yes, the country has lost a great King."

"And you a friend." He softly countered.

I was intrigued by his choice of friend over husband. "Do you find it strange that I haven't cried?" I asked wanting to hear his thoughts.

"We all grieve in different ways, your Majesty."

"Indeed we do – and for different reasons."

"Indeed."

"Joseph?"

"Yes, your Majesty?"

"Might I ask you to do something for me?"

"Anything."

"When we're alone – would you please call me Clarisse?" I had just crossed the professional line and we both knew it – but I couldn't find it in myself to care.

I will never forget what he said and did next. He reached up and cupped my cheek with his hand and stroked it gently with his thumb as he said, "It would be my honor, Clarisse."

At his tenderness, all of my grief came to the surface and I fell into his warm embrace, drawing from the strength I found there, I mourned the loss of my husband, friend and King.

OoOoOo

Our friendship continued to grow, but there were lines that were not crossed. I was elated to have a true friend that I felt comfortable around. I must be honest and admit that I never gave much thought to a more intimate relationship as that had never really worked out for me in the past.

I found his advice and support of the utmost importance to me as I was thrown into the sole leadership position of running the country until Phillipe was ready to assume the throne. Because I had been heavily involved in matters pertaining to the crown, the country seemed willing to accept me as their Queen until the day Phillipe was crowned King.

Unfortunately…that day never came…

OoOoOo

I had been ruling for close to a year and had successfully guided the country through the loss of two members of the royal family. I was grateful that I had acquired the ability to compartmentalize and suppress my emotions as my people needed their monarch to hold the pieces together for them through such a difficult time.

I was under no illusion, however, that everyone in the country was satisfied with my leadership. Not because I wasn't doing a good job; but rather because they saw this as their opportunity to usurp the throne.

The Von Trokens had been quietly sowing seeds of unrest and discontent among members of Parliament. Their quiet attack on the throne was gaining momentum and I knew it was just a matter of time before they staged a proverbial palace coup in an effort to wrestle the throne from the Renaldi line. I determined that I was going to do anything in my power, perceived or otherwise, to make damned sure that didn't happen. I just wasn't exactly sure what that "anything" was…

OoOoOo

A few nights later, I sat up in my bed – I knew what had to be done! I was so excited; the adrenalin was pumping through my veins at an alarming rate. I needed to share this with someone – the thought that it was sometime in the wee hours of the morning did nothing to dissuade me.

I threw back my covers and ran to the special panel he had shown me a few months ago. He had told me about this hidden passageway to assure me that he was always close by. At first I had been troubled by the knowledge of a secret corridor – not because of Joseph; but because I realized that that must have been how my attacker had gained access to my room all those years ago. I was comforted by the fact that Joseph was keeping watch on the other end now. I had no reason to fear as I knew he would protect me from harm at all cost.

I quietly opened the panel and hastened through the small walkway that would take me to my bodyguard and best friend's room. I burst into his room calling his name. "Joseph! Joseph!"

As I had toured his quarters to approve the finishing touches before he moved in, I knew the precise location of his bedroom. I had barely opened the door when I collided with his solid mass.

"Clarisse, what's wrong? Are you alright?" The fear was evident in his voice and his arms were circling me in a protective embrace.

"I know what we have to do!" I offered excitedly. "We have to find her!"

"Her?" He asked as he separated us slightly to look at me. I think he may have thought that I had finally cracked under the pressure.

"Amelia – Philippe's daughter; she is the Princess of Genovia – a royal by blood. She can assume the throne and carry on the line of Renaldi rulers!" I was so excited to have vocalized my idea aloud that I threw my arms around Joseph and pulled him close. I whispered in his ear. "I just know that this is the answer, Joseph. Are you with me on this? Will you help me find her?"

His warm breath in my ear sent a pleasant shiver down my spine. "I'm always with you, Clarisse; and, of course I'll help you. I will call my American contacts first thing in the morning to start the search."

My spirits were high and I felt happier at that moment in time than I had been for a very long time. I became acutely aware of Joseph's body pressed against mine. He obviously slept without a shirt as I could feel his light sprinkling of chest hair tickling the exposed skin of my chest. His strong arms enveloped me and his soft hands were warm against my back.

The air around us seemed to be charged with electricity and I knew that this was a defining moment in my life. I could release him – apologize for the late night interruption – and thank him for the promise of his help. Or…I could act on my feelings and cross over another boundary for which I knew there would be little hope of return.

With less than a heartbeat of consideration, I made my choice. I whispered in his ear, "Thank you, Joseph. I am sorry that I barged into your room, half-dressed, in the middle of the night."