A/N: I don't own Persuasion. I hope you enjoy the story though.
Chapter One: I pretended to be somebody…
"I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until finally I became that person. Or he became me." –Cary Grant
Before going to Maya's house, I spent a week with Sarah Russell before she left to spend the summer on Martha's Vineyard. Her house was peaceful and relaxing, a good quick vacation from my classroom and my family. From the minute I walked into Maya and Kevin's house, I was expected to be fixing things and solving all of my younger sister's problems. Maya is a hypochondriac because that got her attention when she was in boarding school and there's a part of her that's still a ten-year-old girl whose mother just died. She's very needy and clingy; she's always been that way even before Mom died. But she also has trouble accepting responsibility for things. So whenever she could, she shoved her children off on me. I love children especially Josh and Tony. So when I walked into her house, I wasn't surprised to hear, "Anna, after you put your things in your room, can you go grab Tony? He should be just waking up from his nap and I just can't handle him right now. I'm so exhausted and my migraines are killing me."
"Of course," I told her quickly before hurrying up to Maya's guest bedroom and my little nephew. I could hear Tony screaming for Maya and I sighed; I knew that Maya didn't have a migraine. She was always exaggerating things like that for attention. Her head might be bothering her and she might be tired, but she's never had a migraine. I've had migraines since I was eleven years old and nothing my little sister has ever had approaches the pain of migraines. It's funny; she's a hypochondriac but I'm the one who actually has "bad health." I have migraines, I'm lactose-intolerant, which really isn't a big deal, I'm anemic, and I get the world's worst menstrual cramps. But if Maya gets a paper cut, she thinks she's going to bleed to death. It's actually very interesting having a melodramatic hypochondriac for a sister. I can't imagine what it's like to be married to her or be her child. My mother was always attentive to us when we were small. Even if she was in the midst of writing she'd still pay attention to us. She almost never shoved us off on nannies or babysitters. But my nephews bounced from Grandma Musgrove to varied aunts such as Marietta and Gretchen Musgrove or myself. And Maya had also tried the nanny/governess/au pair route a few times, but every single time she always ended up terrified that whoever she hired was going to steal Kevin from her and she'd fire them before they had a chance to do anything.
I threw my suitcase on the floor next to the bed in the guest room and hurried down the hall to Tony's nursery where my fourteen-month-old nephew, Anthony Kevin Musgrove, was standing in his crib howling "Mama" at the top of his little lungs. I picked Tony up and kissed the top of his head. "Are you hungry, Tony?"
My nephew just kept screaming and I sighed. He was wearing a t-shirt that said "Baby Gap" on the chest and shorts that I knew were also from the Gap; Maya could always be trusted to dress him in the best clothes money could buy. The Gap was "playwear" for my nephews; for "dress-up" they wore designer clothes. But she couldn't be trusted to actually take care of her children. That was why I found myself changing Tony's diaper and taking care of giving him his bottle. Maya was a very interesting person. Life in a boarding school with little or no contact with her family had left her unsuited for family life once she and Kevin were married. She didn't know how to cook or clean or even really take care of herself. Boarding school had not prepared her for real life; it had only prepared her for life in an insulated world with nannies and cooks and private jets. Kevin worked in his father's music production company, Musgrove Records, and he did pretty well for himself there; he was good with people, he knew good music when he heard it, and he had a good head for business. But he was twenty-eight years old and he'd only been at Musgrove Records for six years. It was going to take time before he would be able to afford a cook, a nanny, a maid, a chauffer, and a private jet. But my silly sister wanted all of those things and now. Growing up, Wally had given her whatever she wanted. Mom had been a bit stricter with us but that wasn't Wally's style. When faced with a motherless ten-year-old, Wally simply sent her away so someone else could deal with her problems. If Wally had died, Mom would have dealt with the situation very differently. And if Sarah had been allowed to advise my father about the situation, things would have gone differently again. But Walter James Eliot is a free spirit and he does what he wants. He doesn't really take advice from anyone or listen to anyone else's ideas about how he should raise his children.
I was in the kitchen talking to Tony when Josh wandered in looking for a snack. "I'm hungry, Auntie Anna," he whined, grabbing hold of my leg. "I want something to eat but Mommy says it'll spoil my dinner."
It was just after three o'clock and dinner wasn't until six-thirty or seven; there was no way a small snack was going to spoil Josh's dinner. So I gave him some pretzels and then took my nephews to the backyard. I love spending time with Josh and Tony especially moments when I get to have them to myself. Kevin liked to play with them before they went to bed and his younger sisters, Marietta and Gretchen lived nearby and would frequently stop by to play with the little guys, and I was glad that they got to spend time together. But I love my nephews; they're some of the only family I have, so I would always jump at the chance to play with them. In a few minutes, I had them both settled in swings and was pushing them while Tony squealed with delight and Josh yelled, "Higher, higher, Auntie Anna, I want to go higher!"
I gave him an underdog and smiled as he laughed and cried for me to do it "Again, again, please!"
"Not right now, Josh," I told him. "I have to push Tony some too. We don't want him to feel left out."
"Okay, give him some pushes and then give me another dog."
I laughed. "All right, I'll give you another underdog in a couple minutes."
He clapped his hands as I pushed his brother a few more times. We played outside for at least an hour. After the swings, we spent some quality time on the slide and then it was time for the sandbox, Josh's favorite place in the world besides his grandma Musgrove's house. But when I brought the kids inside, Maya was mad because I let her perfect angels get dirty. "And now I'm going to have to give them baths and they'll get me wet and it'll ruin my outfit and my hair. Anna, why did you have to take them outside? This is ruining my day!"
"I'll give them baths," I told her. "We still have time before dinner and I don't mind."
"Kevin just called to tell me that he invited his sisters to dinner, so make sure the boys look nice."
"I'll do my best, but they're always adorable," I told my sister as I dragged her sons upstairs.
"Just put them in nice, clean clothes," my sister yelled as we walked further up the stairs. "I don't understand why Kevin has to invite his sisters over today. It's the hottest night of the year."
If whining was an Olympic sport, Maya would win a gold medal so often that they'd have to retire the category. She whines about everything from her house to the heat to her relationship with Kevin to her kids to her in-laws. She loved whining about things to me; she'd been known to call my cell phone while I was at work and leave me multiple lengthy voice mails complaining about how Kevin and her sons were ruining her life. The other day Tony was the cause of a broken nail and she was in tears over that. I love Maya, but some days she drives me nuts. She hates Kevin's younger sisters, Marietta and Gretchen. If she ever wrote a book, it would probably be about how much she dislikes Marietta and Gretchen.
Kevin is the oldest of seven children spaced over about twenty years. Kevin is twenty-eight. Marietta is twenty-two; she went to college for four years and got a degree in art history. Now she parties until four in the morning only to go home and sleep until two. She tells her parents that she's looking for herself. When she finally wakes up, she goes to work at Starbucks where she's a barista. It helps pay the bills and it convinces her parents that she's actually doing something with her life. I'm not sure how much Charles and Alicia Musgrove actually believe their daughter but that's their problem, not mine.
Gretchen Musgrove is twenty-one and a student at UC-Santa Barbara. However, she is an expert at finding time in her busy schedule to party and socialize like none other. Both Marietta and Gretchen have expertly dyed blonde locks that inspire jealousy in Maya's heart because she was born with the same dark brown hair that my mother had given to all of her daughters. My older sister has no qualms about dying her hair but Maya refuses to dye her hair because she's afraid of hurting her "delicate scalp." Marietta and Gretchen are also always dressed in the peak of fashion, which drives my little sister nuts because apparently her body has yet to recover from giving birth to Josh and Tony. If Maya really wanted to do so, she could have fit into a pair of leggings and looked wonderful. But she doesn't really want to dye her hair or fit into the trendy college-girl clothes; she doesn't know what she really wants. Maya complains because she's unhappy with her life. She married Kevin because he could provide her with security and a safe, comfortable life. She's not sure if she loves him or not, but the fact that he really does love her helps her out a lot. And they have a comfortable life with good friends and he gives her what she wants. She would never leave her children because while they drive her nuts, she does love them.
Kevin, Marietta, and Gretchen have four younger siblings. Benjamin is seventeen, Nick is fourteen, Eva is eleven, and Jonathan is eight. Ben is your typical high school jock. He's extremely athletic and while he has a brain, he doesn't like to use it; Eva says it makes his head hurt too much. Nick is what most kids his age call a nerd; he has pale skin and wears glasses while he spends most of his time in front of a computer or playing video games. He's a good kid, just a little isolated from the rest of the world. Sometimes his mom has to remind him that the real world is not in Call of Duty or Resident Evil. Eva is a spunky, sassy miniature version of her older sisters in looks, but someone who is much more focused on her education than she is on her social life. She's also one of the best people I know to watch old movies with. Mrs. Musgrove, Eva, and I like to get together once a month or so to watch movies with Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly. Jonathan is your typical youngest child of a large wealthy family. He's spoiled and he's used to getting whatever he wants. He is cute but sometimes he just drives me nuts. He's used to getting whatever he wants. Whenever I'm at his parents' house, he always expects me to play with him. And I don't mind it but I do like to do other things besides play with small children.
The Musgroves had a fifth son who died of a drug overdose a few years earlier. AJ had run away from home when he was seventeen; he'd be twenty-five if he were alive now, but he died at the age of twenty-one. His family hadn't seen or heard from him except when he wanted money since the day he walked out the door after telling his parents to "Fuck themselves to fucking hell!" Then one day four years ago, shortly after Maya and Kevin's wedding, Charles and Alicia got a phone call from a hospital in Michigan telling them that their son, Andrew Joseph Musgrove, had died from an overdose of ecstasy and heroin. Since then, AJ had become somewhat of a hero-god to Marietta and Gretchen. They seemed to forget that he had run away from home and become a drug addict. Their memories were completely wiped of the fact that he had died of a drug overdose. AJ was a victim of circumstances and a martyr in a war against the Man. They were desperate for information about their brother's final moments and always full of gratitude for that "dear, sweet doctor who stayed with poor AJ when he was dying." All anyone knew about the "dear, sweet doctor" was that he was a third-year medical student who had stayed after his shift ended to make sure that some poor, homeless boy didn't die alone or unnoticed and that his name was Alex. Of course, there were probably twenty medical students at the University Hospital in Ann Arbor and the likelihood that Gretchen and Marietta would ever be able to find the "saintly Alex" was slim to none.
Gretchen and Marietta came over for dinner that evening full of news of the new residents of Kellynch whom they'd seen while driving past the estate earlier that day. Kellynch is next door to the Musgrove's house but somehow we never met them until Wally's charity ball a few years ago. So the girls stopped by the estate and met the new neighbors. Their names were Harrison and Sophia Croft and she was a writer, which I already knew. "They really want to meet you, Anna," Marietta enthused. "And Sophia's brother is a doctor and he's been working in LA for the past two years and he's going to live with them because it's less expensive than where he lives now. Mom is going to have Harrison and Sophia and Sophia's brother over for dinner next week and you'll all have to come."
"We'll definitely be there," Kevin replied; he's a very easy-going person and always ready to please others. It's amusing to see him married to my sister. She's never happy and he lives to make other people happy. Needless to say, he doesn't make her happy very often. But he does try, which earns him points in my book.
"I saw a picture of Sophia's brother while we were there today," Gretchen announced. "And he looks delicious. He has dark brown hair and gorgeous eyes. He's a doctor and his name is Alex."
Oh Lord, hear we go again. Every single time they hear about a young doctor named Alex they start thinking that it might be the "saintly Alex."
"Maybe he was the medical student in Ann Arbor," Marietta suggested.
"It's possible that he is," Kevin said and his younger sisters both beamed with delight. "But it's also possible that he isn't."
"How can you say that?" Gretchen shrieked. "All we want to know is that poor AJ died peacefully and happily. But you have to be a downer and suggest that maybe Sophia's brother isn't the wonderful resident who was so sweet and stayed with AJ while he was dying."
He died of a drug overdose; the only reason that he didn't die alone on the streets is that the police caught him trying to break into a house and arrested him. I wanted to scream this information at the clueless Musgrove girls, but I resisted the urge knowing that I would be criticized for hating "poor AJ." Kevin didn't look on his little brother as a saint and had once tried to remind his sisters of the true facts of AJ's death but he was basically accused of heresy. I knew better than to try to argue with Marietta and Gretchen over the details of their brother's demise.
The day of the dinner with the Crofts and Sophia's brother dawned with hot and humid. I went over to Kellynch early in the morning to pick up a few things that Sophia had found in the house and she thought I might like to have. "There were so many photographs left in the master bedroom," Sophia told me when she met me at the door. "I was stunned."
"I'm not really surprised," I replied. "My father doesn't like to think about my mother too much. In all honesty, I'd be surprised if he'd taken them with him."
"But these weren't just pictures of your mother," the beautiful young woman told me; Sophia had dark skin and beautiful black hair that was twisted up off her neck, probably a measure against the oppressive humidity that was pervading the area that day. "There were family photos, pictures of you and your sisters. Why would any father leave mementos like those behind?"
"Because he doesn't want to be bothered by memories," I told her.
She smiled and nodded. "I understand. When my father died, my mother refused to look at pictures of him for ages because they reminded her of him. Even looking at my two younger brothers reminded her of them. She used to say that Nick's face was my father's face come back to haunt her."
My father wasn't like that. He didn't think that my face or Maya's face were haunting him with visions of my mother, but I wouldn't tell Sophia that. It's hard to explain Wally to people. His problem is that he doesn't want to think about things other than himself. He'll think about Liz because her priorities coincide with his, but forget Maya or me; our lives don't fit in with his. Maya has the life of a wife and mother; she may not always like that life but she has accepted it. It is her life and she won't let Wally criticize her for the decisions she's made.
"I also noticed that your father left many of his books behind," Sophia added as we walked through the house. "Do you want to take them with you or should we ship them to him?"
I sighed. "The books don't belong to my father or me. They were my mother's. I know that Wally doesn't want them and I can't see Liz or Maya wanting them. Honestly, if I took the books, I would just sell them on Amazon or to a used book store. I'm willing to take them and sell them, but if there are any you want, feel free to take them."
"Your dad doesn't want any of these books? What about the ones your mother wrote? His dead wife wrote these books; why wouldn't he want these books?"
I sighed. "Listen, Sophia, my father does not want any of my mom's books. He doesn't like to read much aside from movie scripts. As far as I know, he's never even read most of my mom's books. He doesn't like memories of her around, so I can't see why he would want the books. I don't want them; I already have copies of all of her books and she wrote notes in the pages of all of my copies. I don't need five copies of every book she ever wrote. My mom died fifteen years ago; I love her but I don't need her ghost haunting me night and day. Also, I'm staying with my sister a few a months and I don't really have the storage space to handle all these things. I suppose I could store them in my apartment."
"Could you please?" she asked eagerly. "I hate to be a bother or put you out, but I just want to have some of my things around here."
"I understand," I replied. "I'll get some boxes together and get these books out of here over the weekend."
"Oh no, you don't have to go through all that trouble. Alex has a couple days off this week. I'll have him pack the books up for you and bring them over to your sister's house for you. Will that work?"
I shrugged. "I suppose so. I could just ask Kevin and Maya if I could keep the boxes in their basement until I move back into my apartment or whatever I'm going to do next."
"What are your other options?" she asked.
"I'm not really sure yet," I told her. "I could keep working where I am now and stay where I am now. I could follow Wally and Liz to New York; I'm pretty sure I could get a job there. I could pretty much do whatever I want. But I know that Maya probably needs me to stay here."
"She has a family here. I've met Mr. and Mrs. Musgrove; I'm sure they could help Maya whenever she needs it."
I shook my head. My younger sister is complicated and if you don't know her, she's hard to understand. I love Maya to death but I've explained her a bit already. She's confusing to most people; I'm not even sure that Kevin understands her. She'll do whatever she can to get attention even if it means taking advantage of her children or her family members.
…and that is how I ended up babysitting Josh and Tony while Kevin and Maya had dinner with his family and the Crofts. When I got back from the Crofts, I found out that Josh had been playing in the backyard and had fallen off the swing-set and broken his collarbone. Maya and Kevin took him to the ER, but he was sent home quickly with directions to keep him well-rested and calm. So they took him home and Maya immediately went to her bedroom. She was emotionally overwhelmed and needed some "me time." So she went to her bedroom, Kevin took a bottle of beer to his office to help him relax, and I took Josh upstairs to his bedroom to relax. Thankfully, he had a TV with a DVD/VCR player in his bedroom. Most of the time I hated that luxury in his life but today it was going to make life easier. I could keep Josh and Tony in his bedroom and we could watch a movie. I could make them dinner, something simple, and we'd just camp out in Josh's room until they fell asleep. Then I'd put them to bed and go watch a movie or read a book. Now, I hadn't been asked to stay with the boys yet and I knew I'd never actually be asked. But Maya would make a big production about how she needed to stay behind and take care of the patient but it just wasn't fair that she never got to have any fun. Then Kevin would give me that look that begs me to just help him out, just this once, and cover for his wife with their kids. And of course, I'd agree to it because I love my sister and my nephews.
Okay, so I'm psychic. I came downstairs from Josh's room around five-thirty; dinner was going to be at six o'clock, but Kevin wanted to be there early. Maya was standing in the living room explaining to him how she desperately wanted to be polite and meet the new neighbors but she just didn't want to leave Josh alone like this. "He's so young and I'm sure he's in pain," she sighed. "But I do want to meet the people who are leasing my father's house."
"Well, then you can go and I'll stay here with Josh and Tony," I told her.
"No, that's silly," Kevin said. "The nanny can stay with them; that's what we were originally planning to do."
"Your wife fired the nanny this morning," I replied coldly. "That's why your son was climbing around the swing-set unattended and why someone has to stay here and take care of the boys tonight. You both want to go and I've already met Sophia Croft, so it's not a big deal. How much attention is her brother or her husband going to pay to me anyway?"
"But I'm Josh's mother," my younger sister whined. "I should be taking care of him."
"Maya," I sighed. "Just go to the Musgroves' house. You know you want to and I really don't mind staying with the boys. No one will miss me."
"I guess you're right," she admitted. "The boys like you anyway. Kiss them for me and have a good evening."
"You too," I said, sighing as they walked out the door.
So I spent my evening watching Toy Story and eating macaroni and cheese, a meal that required a LactAid pill for me, but the little guys love it and that's all that matters. Tony fell asleep long before the movie ended and I put him in his crib once he was out. Josh took a little longer, but the doctors had given him something for the pain that made him tired, so getting him in bed was pretty easy. Then I went to my bedroom and took out Flight of Dreams; it was time to figure out what my mom wanted from me. Maybe she'd use this book to speak to me from beyond the grave.
A/N: I hope you like it. Feel free to criticize. I'm still not sure I like it but we'll go with it. I'm hoping to have Alex show up in the next chapter.