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Chapter 2: Nip it the Butt

Clare awoke the next morning to a nauseous feeling in her stomach. She barely managed to turn her alarm clock off before sprinting to the bathroom where she dumped the contents of her stomach into the awaiting toilet bowl.

Normally, hangovers were something that Clare would just brush off and deal with. Pop a couple ibuprofen and chug water throughout the day; maybe take a shot of something to relieve the hangover a bit quicker. But Clare had been drunk and hungover enough times to know that the sickness she was currently feeling had nothing to do with what she drank the night before. Hell, she didn't even drink that much; Fitz's flask was only half-full at best.

Panic swept over her as she thought back to the hours before she killed Shane. They had sex; drug-induced, sweaty, no holds bars sex. And while she could remember seeing Shane slip on a condom, she knew very well that any type of birth control (besides abstinence) was never 100% effective.

"This is not what I need right now." Clare whispered to herself, rubbing her eyebrows in contemplation. But then again, she could have a stomach bug, maybe even food poisoning. Thinking back to her Sex Ed class and the common symptoms of pregnancy, Clare whipped off her shirt and studied herself in the mirror.

She had always been a curvy girl, so it was hard to tell if the slight roundness in her stomach was normal or from embryo forming inside of her. She reached up and gave her breast a gentle squeeze, wincing at it's overly tender state. This was not a good sign.

The sound of her cellphone going off in her bedroom distracted her from the crisis at hand. She pulled her shirt back on with an annoyed sign and walked back into her bedroom.

With no surprise to herself, Eli's name appeared on the screen.

"Hey." she answered, masking the panic and annoyance in her voice.

"Hi Clare, I'm really sorry to do this, but I can't give you a ride to school today."

"That's fine, I'll manage. Taking a mental health day?"

"No, I uh-" his voice wavered a bit.

"Eli? Is everything alright?"

"I just had a little too much to drink last night." he admitted guiltily.

Clare laughed lightly, "Been there before myself once or twice. No need to feel ashamed."

"You are the best girlfriend ever." Eli said gratefully. Ever since Clare had been a bit more open on her experiences with drugs and alcohol, their relationship had been steady. Eli didn't feel as bad, getting drunk behind her back with Adam on Guy's night.

"Do you want me to stop by before school? I could mix up a Bloody Mary for you, nothing like the hair of the dog that bit you." Clare asked slyly. She could hear Eli make gagging noises on the other end.

"No, no- I'm good. Just need some sleep and some water. If anything, Adam's in way worse shape than me. I think he still might be passed out in the living room."

"Well, I hope you feel better." Clare said. "Call me later tonight if you're up to join the living again."

"If I find it within me, I will. Have a good day at school."

"I will, now go get some sleep." she ordered jokingly

"I love you, Clare."

Clare, becoming more and more accustomed to this phrase, didn't miss a bit. "I love you too." and with that she hung up.

At that point, if Clare Edwards really did believe in a higher power like everyone thought she did, she would've dropped to her knees and recited 500 Hail-Marys. Eli's absence from school presented the perfect opportunity to see whether or not she really was knocked up with Shane's bastard child.

After a quick trip to the pharmacy, Clare found herself anxiously waiting for five minutes to pass. The pregnancy test lay on the counter, taunting her. She paced back and forth, repeatedly reading the instructions on the pink cardboard box the test had come packaged in. After what seemed like hours, the kitchen timer buzzed and Clare rushed over to the counter.

Her stomach dropped.

The pink plus sign starring back at her confirmed it; she was pregnant. Nearly half-way through the first trimester.

"Fuck!" Clare exclaimed to an empty house. The only positive thing about this situation was that she had detected it early, before any real signs would show themselves to the external world. Her mind drifted off to Jenna, and how her pregnancy came about. The dumb bitch lived in denial for nearly five months before she even decided to take a test. Clare allowed herself a dark chuckle; Jenna deserved to be a miserable single mother, not because she had "stolen" KC from her, but because she was a waste of oxygen as far as Clare was concerned.

Clare however, had no plans to be breastfeeding and changing diapers at age sixteen. Adoption was out of the question as well; she sure as hell wouldn't be attending the first half of her junior year being referred to as "the pregnant girl".

No, there was only one reasonable option for her at this point. An option that "Saint Clare" would scoff at and deem immoral. Truthfully though, Clare herself had no hang-ups on the issue.

With a heavy sigh, Clare slipped on her shoes and grabbed her purse. She headed out the door and began walking in the direction of the local clinic.

Hours later, Clare awoke in a small recovery room containing several other beds, all occupied by girls in similar situations. She felt groggy and nauseous as a result of the anesthesia along with a cramping pain in her stomach combined with a throbbing soreness in her nether regions.

Despite her physical pain, Clare couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

The entire thing went over easier than she expected. The doctor at the clinic made her do yet another pregnancy test before setting her up for the abortion procedure. She was able to forgo the trouble of getting parental approval, thanks to a fake ID she had scored just weeks ago. Without Shane around, she was forced to go about her own means when it came to buying alcohol and drugs.

"How are you feeling Ms. Edwards?" a nurse asked while checking her blood pressure with a Sphygmomanometer.

"Sore, nauseated; but otherwise fine." Clare answered. The nurse nodded and turned her attention back to checking her vitals.

"Well, your blood pressure and temperature are normal. I'll just grab your clothes and a prescription for some pain medication and you'll be good to go." she chirped.

"Great." Clare smiled weakly. The nurse walked over to the foot of the bed, pulling out a plastic bag containing her clothes and personal items. She gently handed them over to Clare.

"Is your ride here? Or do you need to make a phone call?"

"Oh no, no need. I walked here."

"Oh, honey," the nurse started sympathetically, "you need someone to drive you home. Standard procedure dictates that we can't let anyone leave without someone to drive them back home."

"I can call a cab."

"It has to be someone you know, sweetheart. Do you have a parent you can call? Maybe a boyfriend?" she asked sweetly. Clare shuddered at the thought of having to call Eli to pick her up from the abortion clinic. He still thought she was still a virgin, of course. Calling Helen was also out of the question for obvious reasons.

"Yeah," Clare lied. "I have someone I can call."

"Good." the nurse smiled. "Get dressed while I go grab that prescription." she pulled the curtains around Clare's bed closed, giving her some privacy to change.

Clare silently cursed inside her thoughts as she whipped back the thin bed sheets and hoisted herself out of bed. She hissed at the slight stinging sensation between her legs and began rifling through her bag for her clothes. Her mind raced as she stripped out of the hospital gown and dressed herself. Who could she call to pick her up?

Seeing as how most of her friends didn't have cars, calling anyone from school was out of the question. Eli, as mentioned before, was not an option. Shane would've been the perfect person to call, had not been dead. Calling Darcy was out of the question as well, since she was dead and secretly buried at the abandoned church. Randall would have been the more understanding parent in a situation such as this; but he too, much like his eldest daughter, had died at the hands of Clare.

And then, her mind clicked.

She pulled out her phone and sifted through her contacts, stopping at one that had been added to her phone less than 24 hours ago. She could only hope that he would answer.

The line rang twice before a deep voice answered with a confused "Hello?"

"Hey, I know this is going to sound weird, but I could really use a favor right now..."

Thirty minutes later, Clare walked out of the clinic, prescription in hand and Fitz at her side.

They silently loaded into Fitz's pick-up truck, a rusted orange number, and sat unmoving for several moments before Fitz broke the silence.

"This is weird."

"I know, I know. It's completely unexpected and a pain in the ass and I promise I'll make it up you, just please- they wouldn't let me leave until I had someone come to pick me up-" Clare rambled.

"Clare!" Fitz interrupted her, "I didn't mean that any of this is a bother or anything. It's just..." he laughed lightly. "Who would've ever thought that Saint Clare would need to be picked up from the abortion clinic."

"Yeah, I'm just full of surprises." Clare muttered darkly. "Now drive."

Fitz started up the truck and pulled out. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sore and sick, but fine." Clare answered shortly.

"Most girls who get abortions are usually emotional wrecks afterward." Fitz pointed out.

"I'm not most girls." Clare snapped. "So I guess this isn't the first time you've given someone a ride home from the abortion clinic?"

"No." Fitz answered softly. "Besides, I thought abortions weren't allowed in your religion."

"I have no religion." Clare answered honestly. "I only let people think I do." Fitz gave her a confused look.

"Why didn't you just call Eli? Why me?" he pressed. "You know, most girls make the baby-daddy drive them home from the abortion clinic."

"I don't see how any of that is your business." Clare snapped.

"Unless of course, Eli isn't the father and you were carrying the next Jesus or something." he continued, "Well I guess if anyone is capable of immaculate conception it would be you right, Virgin Mary?" he chuckled.

"I'm surprised that you even know what immaculate conception means." Clare snapped. Fitz's grin immediately fell. "Just shut up and drive me home or let me out so I can just walk." she ordered.

"You can't expect me to not ask questions." Fitz glowered. "You can't just call someone up who you barely know and ask them to drive you home from the abortion clinic without assuming that they'll be asking questions! Nor can you expect me to make you walk all the way home after having a baby vacuumed out of you."

"Look, Fitz, I really don't-" Clare began gagging on the rising bile in her throat. "Oh shit. Pull over!" she ordered with a hand over her mouth.

"What?"

"Pull the fuck over!" she grimaced through clenched teeth. Fitz complied and Clare whipped open the door before the truck had even come to a complete stop. She leaped out and began hurling onto the pavement, ignoring the concerned looks of passers-by. Fitz watched her from the drivers seat; the wheels in his head clicked in place in realization.

"Holy shit." he murmured. Clare finished vomiting and got back into the truck. "It wasn't Eli's, was it?" he asked her.

Clare breathed in deeply and rubbed her temples in annoyance. "No, it wasn't."

"I bet you guys haven't even fucked yet." Fitz smirked.

"Way to piece together the puzzle, Sherlock." Clare mumbled. "Drive." Fitz merged back into traffic and continued on their path. They remained silent for a few minutes. It wasn't until Fitz turned into an empty parking lot did Clare force herself to say something.

"What the hell are you doing?" Clare questioned.

Fitz reached into his shirt pocket and produced a joint, handing it over to her. "I assume you know how to use one of these."

Clare sighed and accepted the joint. She didn't really feel like smoking, but the nausea was still going strong and she needed something to ease her stomach. She stuck the joint in her mouth and allowed Fitz to ignite the end with his lighter. She inhaled the pungent smoke halfheartedly.

"It belonged to that kid I saw you with once, right? That night when Guthrie, Bee and I found you drunk in the park?" Fitz pressed.

"You mean the night where you soiled yourself?" she asked sardonically while passing over the joint. "Yes. It belonged to him."

"Does he know?"

"No," Clare answered honestly. "He moved." she lied, "wouldn't be any help in this situation."

"Damn." Fitz huffed. He brought the joint to his lips and took a long drag. They remained silent for the next few minutes, something that Clare was grateful for. She felt confused, sick, annoyed and angry; truth be told, she hadn't felt this much in weeks. Not since her reconciliation with Eli. And yet, part of her felt oddly...comforted. Almost at home. For some reason, being in Fitz's company in such an outlandish situation didn't strike her as awkward or unfitting. Quite the contrary, she almost felt right. She hadn't felt this relaxed with anyone since her earlier days with Shane. Even in the presence of Eli, she kept her walls up. But here she sat, having practically exposed her entire double life to Mark Fitzgerald, of all people, within the past 24 hours.

And he didn't judge her for it.

"I have a question for you, Edwards." Fitz declared, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Liar, I bet you have a shitload of questions for me." Clare shot back. Fitz whipped his head to look at her in shock, but eased into a relaxed smile when he saw her teasing grin.

"Why'd you cheat on Eli? I thought you guys were like, really into each other."

Clare sighed. She really didn't want to explain this to anyone seeing as how she didn't want anyone to find out. However, she'd exposed herself to Fitz this far, she had nothing else to lose as far as a reputation went with him.

"Simply put, I had needs and Eli wasn't willing to satisfy them. He said it would go against my beliefs, even though he thinks my so-called beliefs are a load of biblical bullshit."

Fitz nodded slowly, drinking in this shocking revelation about the supposedly saintly sophomore.

"Well, if you ever find yourself with that need again," he cocked an eyebrow, "you have my number. I wouldn't mind throwing you a bone...or two." he smirked.

Clare couldn't help but laugh at his shameless flirting, "Not the best thing to say to a girl who just had an abortion...but I'll keep that in mind." Clare smirked right back. Fitz's eyebrows practically disappeared into his hairline. She felt her face get warm after realizing what she just said; why was she returning his flirtatious banter? Granted, Fitz was fairly attractive, but he was also...Fitz. He was an idiot, at least, she thought he was an idiot. But it dawned on her that he was proving to be much more articulate than the neanderthal she had always thought of as.

Clare brushed off the thought and turned her attention back to the diminishing roach between her fingers. She took one last drag before tossing it out the window.

"So..." Fitz drawled, an odd sense of nervousness overtaking him. "Do you have to go home now, or can you chill for a bit?"

Clare was a bit taken back by his request to hang out some more and was about to answer him with a definite "yes", but then her phone began to vibrate.

She pulled out her cellphone to see a new text from Eli.

I'm feeling much better, but still bored out of my mind. Can I come over?-Eli

"Shit." Clare muttered under her breath. "Fitz, I really appreciate what you did for me today. Not just the ride or the joint, but for your company as well. Seriously." she reassured him.

He noticed the reluctant tone in her voice."Why do I have a feeling that I'm not going to like what you have to say next?" Fitz asked.

"Because you won't." Clare said simply. "I need to get back home...and rest."

"Oh." Fitz's face dropped in obvious disappointment.

"Maybe some other time, yeah?"

"Yeah. Maybe some other time." Fitz muttered, not bothering to look at her. He started up the truck and pulled back onto the main road. The remainder of the ride passed in a slow silence, both teens beating themselves over their heads within their respective minds. Clare noticed the hint of rejection in Fitz's face and voice when she turned down his offer to hang out; she actually wanted to spend more time with him, get to know the man behind the knife-wielding reputation.

But she had worked hard to salvage her relationship with Eli, and she couldn't disappoint him. She texted him back, telling him to wait an hour before coming over. She lied that her mother was home. In truth, she couldn't remember the last time she saw Helen in their house. She didn't really care.

Fitz parked outside of Clare's house and turned towards her.

"Take it easy, all right?"

"I will, don't worry." she paused, "Hey Fitz, are you going to-" Fitz seemed to be reading her thoughts as he interrupted her question.

"I don't plan on telling anyone anything about this, if that's what your wondering." he said calmly. "It's nobody's business but your own." Clare shot him a tired, but grateful smile.

"That means a lot to me, Fitz, it really does." she reached over the center console and placed a hand over his. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Fitz said with a sad smile. Clare got out of the truck and slammed the door, lingering in the open window for a little while longer.

"Give me a call sometime?" she asked, trying to mask the hopefulness in her voice. She must've done a horrible job of doing so because Fitz's sullen expression immediately brightened into one of glee.

"Definitely." he smirked. Clare shot him one last grin before turning around and heading into her house. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, placing a hand over her rapidly thumping heart.

Did that really just happen? The bonding, the flirting, the instant sense of trust between the two of them? Clare shuttered at the thought, she had been down this road before, in a way. When she had been dating KC, she was secretly running around with Shane, someone she felt more attracted to in a both an emotional and physical sense.

But things were different with Eli; she was actually fond of him. Although she would return his proclamations of love, she wasn't entirely sure what love felt like. But things felt right with Eli, despite his unwillingness to take their relationship to a more physical level. While she enjoyed spending time with him, she couldn't fool herself from the truth; Eli was just one component of her mask of sanity, shielding her inner darkness from the external world. There were times when she wanted to tell him everything about her; the entire truth about her past. But she was fearful of how he would react.

Things with Fitz, however, were entirely different. He saw her kill an animal and he didn't show disgust or horror, but rather concern and calmness. Nor did he think of her as a horrible person for cheating on Eli and getting an abortion when the person she always portrayed herself as would've never done such a thing. Anyone else would've called her a hypocrite, a fake, a poser.

Clare shook her head at the thought. She couldn't let herself go down this road again. Cheating on KC hardly had any consequences but cheating on Eli with Shane had left her (temporarily) pregnant. Cheating with Fitz had the potential to destroy every aspect of her life as "Saint Clare" that she worked so hard to establish. Not only that, but it would probably kill Eli.

She couldn't allow herself to fall for Fitz. But as a companion, a fellow traveler down the path of darkness, he was without a doubt the perfect match in that sense.

She just couldn't let herself fall in too deep.

A/N: A Sphygmomanometer, if you were wondering, is the tool doctors and nurses use to measure blood pressure. It's the thing they wrap around your arm which squeezes the hell out of it. I looked it up.