Author's Note: Wow, this took me a long time. O.o;
Songs Used:
Sacrifice, by t.A.T.u.
Tourniqet, by Evanescence.
Imaginary, by Evanescence.
:::::::::::
Monday
10:00 AM
Alright! Our second mission! We have to catch a Ditto, preferably a trained one. After all, a trained ditto is MUCH stronger than one in the wild... but not as strong as ME. :)
"JAMES!!"
...Or Jessie. :(
"What is it?" I poked my head out of the doorway. "Please don't kill me..." I notice the glare on her face burning through me. "...What did I do now...?"
"I'm not going to kill you."
"Your aren't?"
"No. I'd get fired," she turns around. "But that's the only reason why."
I gulp. "Uhhhhh... right. I'm gonna go hide under that bed over there now..."
I see Jessie roll her eyes. "Loser."
"Aw Jess, Jimmy ain't dat bad," Meowth hops over to the end of the bed and sticks up for me against Jessie A.K.A. spawn of Hitler and a female Hulk.
"Thanks, Meowth, for dying for me," I pet him on the head.
Meowth beams. "Why, I'd stick up fer ya any day, Jim- heeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy... hold on a minute... die?"
Jessie chuckles for what may have been the first time in her life. It was frickin' CREEPY!! It sounded like a female Giovanni! "Mm-hm HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" No... it sounds as if Giovanni and that creepy anime chick, I think her name starts with an "H", mated? Yeaahhh. That laugh would be the SPAWNNNNN...
I see Meowth's eye twich a bit and he shudders. "Don't do dat again. It's creepy..."
Jessie's face turns red. "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" she shrieks. The glass window above Meowth shatters and it lands on his head, cutting him. I swear to god all the Pokemon whithin the ten-mile radius went freakin' DEAF.
Life Lesson Number Twelve: Always leave the room when Jessie is singing. I don't want glass in my toes...
I notice how much my partner's hair looks like the swirly in a cinnamon bun. DAMMIT. Hunger strikes again.
LATER
Well, we got the ditto! YAY for me! ...Except Jessie pretty much caught it. We all got some booze out because we got a raise. Cause for a celebration!
... O.O OMFG holy FRIG! (gets some more booze out, tries to drink self into forgetting the sight before me).
Jessie is getting pretty tipsy... Ah, who am I kidding? SHE'S FRICKIN' HAMMERED.
Jessie is flirting with me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- woah.
Is she...
"MY EYES!!!! I'VE SEEN TOO MUCH!!" Meowth is covering his eyes.
"Meowth, at least she's not taking off her under- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I stumble backwards and knock over the lamp.
Life Lesson Number Thirteen: HIDE THE BEER. (is traumatized)
Tuesday
4:00 AM
Well, today is going to be another fun-filled day of pain. Jessie has a hangover and some nausea and she is in a BADDDD mood. So, if I make a move without her telling me, it will be fatal... but if she has to order me around like a Growlithe then I'll also get killed. Nice. Looks like I'm gonna die no matter what.
You know, at this point, I'd actually embrace it...
WOAH!!! WOAH!!! O.O; EMO LINE!!! BEWARE!
(starts ripping up the page)
(stops ripping up the page) Meh. It's not like anyone will see this book anyways...
Life Lesson Number Fourteen: Never assume the feline on your shoulder isn't nosy enough to read your stuff.
"Woah, Jim, are you toinin' EMO?!" Meowth hops onto the desk and pulls up my sleeves so he can see my wrists. Seeing no visible scars, he breaths a sigh of relief. "Good. I don't want you goin' and killin' yerself."
T.T "Meowth, I'm glad you're concerned, but I'd prefer if you didn't read my uh... private journal over my shoulder," I cover the rest of the page with my hand after I finish writing this sentence.
"Ohhhhh, sorry Jim. I didn't know that was yoir diary!" Meowth shrugs.
I swat him over the head with the hardcover journal. "NO!! This is NOT a diary!! Diaries are for little girls with problems, not (devilishly handsome) men who just write to hide from their sadistic phycopath of a partner who looks exactly like someone they'd not be reminded of."
"...And who might dat be?" Meowth asks, wondering who in the world would EVER want to look like Jessie.
I suppress a shudder with great difficulty. "...Don't ask."
"Uh... shoire ting."
"THANK YOU."
I look over and just notice Jessie standing the the doorway. "WHO looks like me?"
I look over and sigh. "I'll tell you later."
Jessie raises her eyebrows a tad. "I am not a phycopath."
Life Lesson Number Fifteen: Don't call Jessie something behind her back.
(in a mini-coma)
(out of mini-coma)
O.O (blink) WTF? Where the HELL am I?
Ooh... I think I'm in the ditch outside of our hideout. Y'know, the ditch where the train runs through... And I'm tied up... That's kind of weird. Hey, is that a train whistle? Oh....
Crap.
Wednesday
6:00 PM
I'm not really sure how I survived THAT one. I think the last thing I remembered was... I think it was Meowth untying me...
O.O
That little furball saved me!
Life Lesson Number Sixteen: Always make sure Meowth is around when you piss Jessie off. In other words, keep that little kitty around AT ALL TIMES.
I walk up to Meowth. "Hey, thanks for saving me last night. I owe you big time, little buddy."
Meowth just sits there, grooming himself. "Meh, it was nothin'. If you were dead, den I wouldn't have anyone ta talk to without gettin' a beatin' aftawards."
I chuckle. "True. Still, if you need anything, I really do owe you."
"I'll do dat, Jim," Meowth says with an evil look on his furry face. "I'll do dat."
I gulp. "Does it have anything with me going up to Jessie to play a prank you thought up?" I ask.
Meowth grins. "Depends if I'm angry wit ya or not."
"So... in other words, I have to suck up?" I ask.
Meowth nods. "I like my hot chocolate with milk and whipped cream."
I grin. "Coming right up."
"HEY!!" Jessie's face is in the doorway, red as her hair. "I WANT SOME TOOOOO!!!!11!! 8(
Then, I said a word that, in Jessinese, means "kill me". "No."
I think I'm about to owe Meowth a second favor.
Thursday
4:00 PM
I guess I only owe Meowth a bunch of suck-up until one favor passes. Jessie just snorted and walked away from me. O.o I know she has something up her sleeve...
"Your hair is WAYYY too long," she says, turning to me.
"At least MY hair doesn't go all the way into my head like a Barbie doll's, Jess-i-ca." I sip my hot chocolate.
She looks horrified. "Are you calling me a BARBIE DOLL?!"
"No," I say, smirking, "Barbie dolls are skinny."
She is so insulted she can't do anything.
Meowth snickers from beside me. "Walk walk walk walk walk walk BAM!!"
I look at Jessie. "He's right, you did walk right into it."
Jessie runs into her room crying. "WAHHH HE DOUBTS MY PERFECTION!! :("
Life Lesson Number... what, Seventeen? O.o: If you want to insult Jessie, and not get beaten, then you just call her fat VERRYY swiftly. Make sure she walks into it first.
Meowth looks in the direction where Jessie disappeared. He high-fives me. "Niiiceee!"
I smile. That one's going in my "Big Book of Burns: Every Kind of Insult and More!". It's a thing I'm working on for the Boss. He likes insults and they give him a good laugh. So, one day, I was just insulting the heck out of Simon (remember, the scrawny little runt who used to be my partner? At this point, I actually prefer him to Jessie. T.T) and the Boss was just gut-laughing. It was a little creepy, actually. "MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! BURN!!! TOU JUST GOT TORCHED!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! 8D". Yeah, kinda creepy, but hey. I have sections in it, that describe my situations. "Introduction: Finding the Perfect Burn", and everything like that. It's gonna be great. :D I better get a raise out of it... T.T
Friday
3:00 PM
I got chapter two of my Burn Book done. I put that little tidbit with the whole Barbie thing. I called the exchange "Barbie Doll", because I am soooo very creative. Jessie is on Jango or whatever, listening to t. A .T .u. or whatever. She's singing along, and totally butchering it.
"I. Will. Sac-ri-fice, I. Will. Sac-ri-fice, all. I. have in life to clear my-"
"t. A. T. u. hears you singing and they are crying," I say, peeking in the doorway. "Their ears hurt so much they can't help it."
I tell you, that insult just whizzed over her head. She jumps out of her chair and presses her face against mine. (No, she didn't kiss me... she was close though... o.o;) "THEY'RE HERE!! WHERE WHERE WHERE!???" She spins around as if expecting to see t. A. T. u. sometwhere in her room. And, I suppose, they were. There were posters EVVEERRYYYWHERE. You couldn't see the paint on the walls, for StarClan's sake! (Ahh... whoops... o.o; I better lay off the Warriors books for a while...) "WHERE, JAMES!??"
I saw my chance. "They're... uh... in the Boss's office."
You could hear Boss shouting at her from across the town.
Life Lesson Number Eighteen: When you want Jessie out of your hair, just tell her that one of her favorite bands is somewhere very far away.
(Three hours later)
I'm sitting here at the computer, listening to Evanescence (SHUT UP!! It's a good band...) and singing along. (I have to sing an octave or so lower- if I even TRIED hitting some of those notes, I'd sound just horrible.)
"I tried to kill the pain,
"But only brought more.
"So much more.
"I lay dying,
"And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.
"I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming.
"Am I too lost to be saved?
"Am I too lost?
"My God, my tourniquet,
"Return to me salvation.
"My God, my tourniquet,
"Return to me salvation.
"Do you remember me,
"Lost for so long?
"Will you be on the other side,
"Or will you forget me?
"I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming.
"Am I too lost to be saved?
"Am I too lost?
"My God, my tourniquet,
"Return to me salvation.
"My God my tourniquet
"Return to me salvation.
"I want to die!
"My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My wounds cry for the grave.
My soul cries for deliverance.
Will I be denied, Christ?
Tourniquet.
My suicide."
Jessie comes in the room as soon as the second song starts. "That's a bit dark, isn't it?"
I look at her. "Dark? Sure, the suicide part is dark. But, she's realizing her mistake in the song and asking the Lord for salvation."
Jessie blinks. "Fine."
I start the second song:
"I linger in the doorway
"Of alarm clocks screaming,
"Monsters calling my name.
"Let me stay,
"Where the wind will whisper to me.
"Where the raindrops, as they're falling, tell a story.
"In my field of paper flowers,
"With candy clouds of lullaby.
"I lie inside myself for hours,
"And watch my purple sky fly over me.
"Don't say I'm out of touch,
"With this rampant chaos - your reality.
"I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge.
"The nightmare I built my own world to escape.
"In my field of paper flowers,
"With candy clouds of lullaby.
"I lie inside myself for hours,
"And watch my purple sky fly over me.
"Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming,
"Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights.
"Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming,
"The goddess of imaginary light.
"In my field of paper flowers,
"With candy clouds of lullaby.
"I lie inside myself for hours,
"And watch my purple sky fly over me."
Jessie walks in the room again and rolls her blue eyes. "Wow, and you think that my bands are lame, James. Geez you were way out of key with that..."
"I was singing an octave lower, Jessie," I glare at her. "There's an amazing difference."
Meowth hops into the room. "Even I knew dat, Jess!"
Jessie, who now feels stupid, runs into her room and crys.
Muahaha.
Saturday
5:00 AM
The Boss has called us on another mission. We're supossed to rob... A Pokemon Center...?
W.
T.
F?
Whatever. He must know something we don't, I guess....
Erg. "Jessie! Come on!" We hop into the balloon.
(three hours later, over Viridian City)
Jessie snorts. "A wanted poster. How flattering."
"Flattering?" I scoff. "This picture makes me look terrible."
"Then you should be happy the photographer captured the real you," Jessie smirks.
Was that supposed to hurt, Jessica? "Exactly. I'm going to make the people of Viridian City sorry they saw this face!"
"We're all sorry we saw your face. Stay focused. We're here to capture rare and unusual Pokemon!" Meowth yells.
Okay.
That one actually hurt.
(one hour later)
"Wow, Jessie, that chick is as angry as you!" I exclaim, looking out of the side of the balloon.
There's some redhead going down the road, carrying a bike, screaming curses I've never even heard of in my sixteen years. "I SWEAR TO GOD YOU LITTLE (bleep) KID YOU ARE (bleep) GONNA (bleep) PAY FOR WRECKING MY (bleep bleep) BIKE RAHHHHHHHHHHH (BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)!!!"
Life Lesson Number... Nineteen?: Never steal a chick's bike.
"Creepy," Meowth muses. "Look, dere's da Poke-mon Center! C'mon, guys!!"
(one half-hour later)
EPIC.
FAIL.
I have no idea how we managed that. One minute we were almost getting the prize as usual, the next this whole Pokemon Center is getting blown to smithereens by some little yellow rat on a broken bike. Wow. That was just... sad. O.o And some dumb little kid (the one with the bike) was throwing these stupid water pokemon at us...
And then taking them back...
T.T;
Sunday
6:00
"JESSICA," the Boss fumes, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THERE!?"
Jessie looks at the Boss, about as angry as him. "James screwed it up!"
I did not!" I yell. "The stupid little Pikachu blew up the center!"
"BLEW IT UP!?" Boss looks just... amazed. "I want you to catch it! Catch it or get fired."
"Go after a rat that blew up a Pokemon center?" I ask.
"Yes!"
...
......
.........
Crap.
Things I've Leanred This Week:
Chicks really like bikes. O.o;
Also:
Pikachu: The Almighty God of Electrical Pokemon.