When Bad Anime Gets Worse!
Chapter 2: Now it gets weird...
By: Sovios Falchion Romantic of the Four Elements
Disclaimer: I own Angel and myself. Oh, and I own my arm-blades and my kites. (Ha! I've finally learned how to dual-wield!) I do not own anything else. NOTE: The Katt from Breath of Fire 2 will be known simply as Katt, while the Katt from StarFox will be known as SFKatt.
Scene: The War Room.
Zelda: Okay, here's the plan...
SoFaRo: Yes?
Zelda: What we're gonna do is...
Inviso: Uh-huh?
Zelda: Will you two stop interrupting me!
Both: Nope.
Zelda: Well, whatever. We're gonna enlist the aid of the DWS!
All: The what?
Zelda: The Drunken Waitresses' Society!
SoFaRo: Uh-huh. And exactly HOW is a collection of dipsophiliac hostesses going to aid us in our mission to rid our fair sovereign state of theseperverse hellions?
Zelda: Saywa?
SoFaRo: How are a bunch of drunken waitresses gonna help us get rid of the Digidestined?
Zelda: I... don't know!
--Everyone facefaults--
Link: Well, least it's not Ganondorf.
SoFaRo: The hell? Why are you still talking like an NSuck reject?
Link: WTF RU talking about?
Inviso: You're still talking in AOL-speak.
Link: OMG, IM!
Lex: This retard is the Hero of Time?
Karo: I couldn't believe it either.
Tatl: Hey, have some respect! This guy has saved Hyrule!
Lex: Yeah, well so have I.
Karo: Hey, I helped!
Lex: Nobody said you didn't.
Zelda: Who the hell are you?
Lex: I am Lex, hero of the Dark Triforce!
Zelda: And what game are you from?
Inviso: Actually, he's from my fanfic, The Razor Sword Chronicles.
Zelda: Riiight...
SoFaRo: Hey, if Inviso's allowed to have an original character here, I want one too! --Angel Dantes walks in--
Angel: Hey Sovi.
SoFaRo: Hey Angel. Did you hear?
Angel: About the Digidestined? Yep.
SoFaRo: Cool. Got any plans to get rid of them?
Angel: Why should we get rid of them? I hate Pokémon.
SoFaRo: That's beside the point! If they successfully blackmail Game Freak, what's to stop them from blackmailing all the other game developers! I won't be able to make MY video game!
Angel: But you're not even a developer yet.
SoFaRo: Well, I WAS gonna put you in one of them, but...
Angel: Okay, I'm in.
Zelda: Objection! Don't we have ENOUGH anthropomorphs for you perverts to ogle?
Invi/Sovi: Nope.
Zelda: Tch, fine...
Krystal: Exactly what do you have against anthropomorphs?
Zelda: Nothing. My problem lies with the perverts with a fetish for them.
SoFaRo: Look who's talking, Little Miss "I-have-pictures-of-Fox-and-Falco!"
Zelda: Gasp! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYONE!
Falco: What? --To Fox-- I thought you destroyed those pictures!
Fox: I threw them out!
SFKatt: Hah! I always knew you two were as queer as a thirty-dollar bill!
--Krystal runs out of the room crying, followed by Fox trying to comfort her--
Zelda: Way to go, jackass, you just broke those two up!
SoFaRo: Oh, boo-hoo, Krystal sucks anyway. They only put her in in a vain attempt to prove Fox is straight.
Falco: You know, we were both drunk that night...
SoFaRo: What about all the following nights! Or the night this video was made! --Holds up a videotape.--
Falco: Touché... --SFKatt is laughing her ass off-- Hey, shut up! We all know about you and--
Zelda: Hey! This may be fun to talk about, but it's not getting anything done! We need a plan!
SoFaRo: Oh, sorry. Hey, I have one. How about we distract the Digidestined by having a band play something off Metallica's "Master of Puppets" and then, while they're rocking out, we-- umm... --Picks up a cellphone and dials a number-- Hey, Shadow? What should we do about the Digidestined? Mm-hmm, 'kay. --Hangs up-- Shadow says we should drop them into a pit of tentacle monsters, but I figure they'd enjoy it too much. What sayest thou, MS?
Mecha: What if they start throwing yaoi at the band?
SoFaRo: Well, I'll simply put up a barrier around them beforehand! It's foolproof!
Zelda: It's proof you're a fool.
Inviso: Hey! No clichés! --Throws lox at Zelda--
Zelda: Eewww! What is this, fish crap?
Inviso: Yeah, but people like to eat it on bagels for some reason. Irregardless--
Rauru: Grammatical error! Ho ho!
Inviso: --Glares at Rauru, then leaps into the air and dives at him with a spear-- DIIIIIE! --Bounces off-- The f--k?
SoFaRo: Oh, I forgot to mention, his durable fat exterior protects him from all direct attacks.
Inviso: WELL THANKS FOR THE F--KIN' BACKSTORY! --Sits back down--
Freya: Hey, how dare you use my signature Jump attack!
Inviso: I've been jumping since before you were even an idea, Freya!
Freya: What!
SoFaRo: It's true.
Freya: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! --Runs up to a wall and starts beating her head off it-- ALL THAT I KNOW IS A LIE!
Inviso: No, Freya--
Freya: A LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! --Hits her head off the wall extra hard-- xX
SoFaRo: Dammit!
Inviso: Tell me about it...
Zelda: I thought you two hated FFIX.
Inviso: But Freya was hot!
SoFaRo: And she and Amarant were actually somewhat interesting, unlike the others...
Inviso: I don't know, Vivi had his moments too...
Zidane: Hey, where is Amarant?
Zelda: Why don't we all go look and find him immediately on our first try?
Zidane: Good idea! --Runs off--
All: Dipsh-t...
--A little later, the members of Incineration are gathered in the War Room--
Anthony: And you want us to do WHAT?
SoFaRo: I already told you, all you have to do is play the heaviest song you know for the Digidestined, so we can run in and beat the living sh-t out of them!
Cooper: Well, I'll do it. Anytime I can help suppress homosexuality by rocking out, I will.
SoFaRo: Umm, it's not technically suppressing homosexuals, it's just preserving the sanity of Hyrule.
Cooper: Close enough.
Derek: I'll do it. I hate Digimon! It's crap!
Tiffany: Well, if they're doing it, I guess I'll have to help out too.
Zelda: Great. You guys remember where the stage is, right?
Derek: Uh, no.
Zelda: --Sigh-- Follow me. --Leads them to a huge outdoor stage--
Inviso: Now, we just need to lure the Digidestined here...
SoFaRo: I'll help, on one condition: Not it.
All but Cooper: Not it!
Cooper: But-- you know how I feel about gay stuff!
Inviso: Hey, too bad. You didn't say "Not it".
Cooper: Dammit!
2bc!
A'ight, it's now Mecha Scorpion's turn. What will happen when the most homophobic member of our crack team goes head-to-head with a metric ton of yaoi? Only the Scorpion knows! Review, bitches!
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--Sorryabout that, it was supposed to be an ASCII art of my signature, but FF.N, in its unbridled toolbaggery, screwed it up, as well as Inviso's, which was supposed to be the Razor Sword.