Chapter 2: Netherworld

Emma woke up with a start, her heart thumping against her chest, the image of the boy still clearly in her thoughts. She quickly looked around, reassured that she was still in the quarters. Killian wasn't there; he was probably still on deck. Lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, Emma was slowly catching her breath, repeating to herself it had only been a nightmare. But the words of the boy were haunting her and she flattened her lips to prevent tears from filling her eyes.

Pushing the blanket aside, she got up and left the quarters. She hurried up on deck and spotted Killian right away, standing behind the wheel. She ducked under his arm and buried into his embrace. His arm instantly wrapped in her back.

"Emma, are you alright?" he asked with a voice filled with worry.

"Nightmare," she simply replied.

"The same one again?"

Somehow it was the same one; she had found herself in this same red room with curtains on fire. But the worst part of it had not been the room itself. It had been the boy. A boy she didn't want to talk about. "Yes, the same one."

Securely held in his tight embrace, she finally let tears silently roll down her cheeks.

"Smee!" Killian called after a few minutes. Emma looked up at him while the man with the red hat came. "Liam should come soon. Meanwhile, take the wheel."

"Killian, are you sure this won't be a problem?" she asked as he tenderly grabbed her hand and led her below deck.

"Being the captain has its advantages," he said while opening the door to their quarters. "I've noticed you don't have so many nightmares when I'm with you."

Looking down, her tongue lightly brushing her bottom lip, Emma considered this for a moment. He was right; she had never had any nightmare when he had been holding her in his arms.

"There must be something magical about the way you hold me against you." A soft smile tugging at her lips, she lightly kissed him. "You must be my dreamcatcher, because the night is always good when you're here."

"One more reason for me to stay with you," he said with a tender smile.

Their theory seemed to be verified as Emma had a dreamless night. His embrace was so soothing to her that she had even forgot about the boy for a few hours. But even Killian's embrace was not powerful enough to soothe her all night long: as soon as she woke up, the image of his face came back to her. It was still dark outside; obviously too early to be awake. It was impossible for her to fall back asleep, not with the image of the boy haunting her. Even if she knew it had been a nightmare, it had been enough to remind her of this period of her life, this time when the man she thought loved her had let her go to prison for his own crimes, abandoning her while she was pregnant. She was still young at this time. How could have she been a mother when she had spent her childhood in the foster system, in families who had always ended up abandoning her, making her feel like she was unlovable and unwanted? It had been clear to her that the baby would be better without her and she had given him up for adoption. She had spent the next years trying to forget him, trying not to think of how old he was, or to wonder whether he was receiving more love than she had. She realized the boy in her dream looked like he was the right age; he could be her son. But he wasn't. This had been a nightmare. Emma was just wondering why she had had this nightmare now, now that she had put her past behind and started a new life.

Realizing her pillow was wet, Emma quickly wiped away the tears which had been rolling down without her knowing. Tempted to turn in Killian's arms, she resisted, unwilling to wake him up so early. Time seemed to go by extremely slowly. It was with relief that Emma saw the first lights of dawn breaking through the window. Unable to wait any longer, she finally turned in his arms and pressed her face in his neck. As every time it was the case, he seemed to perceive there was something wrong.

"Love, are you alright? Did you have a nightmare again?"

"No. I just need to forget about the one from yesterday night."

She pressed her lips against his skin, breathing his scent and letting it intoxicate her. Feeling his fingers slipping under her top and caressing her back while he trailed soft kisses across her cheek, Emma melted in his embrace. This had the expected effect since her thoughts were monopolized by him and only him.

"Do you want to practice magic again, today?" he asked after a moment.

Emma had not considered the idea yet, but she felt like she didn't have the strength for this. "Not today. I think I'll read some books."

On the ship was a collection of books about magic. Maybe she could find something about nightmares. She didn't know what she was expecting, but anything may help.

Later during the day, after having unsuccessfully looked through a first book, Emma grabbed another one and went up on deck. Reading had kept her mind busy and she had managed to stop reliving the nightmare over and over again. Lightly pressing a kiss on Killian's cheek, she then showed him the book to indicate him he didn't need to leave the wheel once again. She went to sit down on the railing, at the spot where they were usually going, close to the bow, and opened her book. But unlike the quarters, the deck was much more distracting: besides the sound of the waves crashing against the hull of the ship, looking up was all it was taking to see the man she loved. Most of the time when she did, she caught his eyes, as he didn't seem to take his eyes off of her. With a smile, she was looking down, pretending to focus on her book. But as soon as she looked down, her smile was fading away; unable to focus on reading, her nightmare was haunting her again. She was wondering whether it had actually been a nightmare, and this was precisely the reason why she was looking for any piece of information about it in books. But whether it had been a nightmare or not, the problem was the same: she had abandoned a baby and had not told Killian anything about it.

Emma didn't realize she had been blankly staring at him for the past few minutes. Nor did she notice he had left Smee with the wheel again. Her eyes followed him as he came closer, but it was only when he sat down by her side and took her hand that she regained consciousness.

"Emma, I can tell that your heart is uneasy. I know you are troubled by this nightmare, but I want you to know that, whatever weight might be on your shoulders, you don't have to go through this on your own. I am here." He cupped her cheek and, faced with so much tenderness coming from him, she bit her lip to fight back the tears. "Love, you can tell me anything, you know that?"

Biting her lip with an increasing intensity, she nodded. She knew she could.

"I…" she started, willing to tell him everything. But the words simply didn't come. "…will be fine. I'm going back to the quarters."

She kissed him and Killian watched her go back below deck. There was no doubt about it: something was wrong. He could just see it; besides being more distant, he had noticed how much she had been biting her lip, how each of her smiles wasn't reaching her eyes, or how she seemed to avoid these lingering gazes which so often were getting them lost. Something was wrong, but he also knew she was used to deal with everything on her own, and opening up was not natural to her. This was part of these walls she had built up, walls he was slowly breaking down. Knowing this, he just knew he shouldn't insist: if she wanted to share, she would tell him in her own time.

Shutting the door closed, Emma leant back against it and slid down. Sitting down with her head in her knees, she quietly burst into tears. This was all too much. This nightmare had confused her and the more she was trying to answer her own questions, the worse it was. The more she was wondering if it had only been a nightmare, the more she was thinking it had been more than that. But besides the thought of the boy haunting her, the fact she was hiding this from Killian was the worst. Though she knew he was aware that he didn't know much about her past, in this moment when the baby she had abandoned was all she could think about, she felt like she was betraying his trust by not telling him. Since keeping that secret was bothering her, she had wondered why she didn't feel like opening up to him. If someone might be understandable, it would be him. But she had realized why she was so reluctant to tell him only when he had come to talk to her on deck. The tenderness of his voice as he had reminded her she could tell him anything, the love she could see in his eyes as he gazed into hers; what if telling him changed everything? The more she was thinking about it, the more abundant were the tears. Now, she knew why she hadn't been able to tell him. The reason was this fear of losing the most precious thing she had ever had: his love for her. She was already blaming herself for what she had done, why would he find her deeds acceptable? What would he think of her if he knew? He didn't have any flaw; how could she, a lost girl who had abandoned a baby, deserve his love? Carried away by the torrent of her thoughts, the answer to this question seemed obvious to her: she didn't deserve him. There were even more tears but she did nothing to stop them. Instead, she let them roll down while the same thoughts kept haunting her. Killian didn't come to see her and she was thankful for this. This was one of the many things she loved about him: he just knew when she needed some time alone and he respected that. Though she wished she could be in his arms, she knew she wasn't ready yet to face him without bursting into tears. Still sitting on the floor, her head in her knees, she kept crying and lost track of time. She only knew she had been crying for so long that she was now exhausted and didn't have any energy left for any more tears. Looking up, she considered lying down on the bed. She knew what could happen if she did, and she was terrified to go back there, but maybe the red room was the only place where she would find answers.

Determined, Emma took a deep breath and got up on her feet to go and lie down on the bed. Exhausted, it didn't take her long to find herself in the room with curtains on fire.

"You came back!"

Emma spotted the boy coming to her. She tried to remain calm. Though she wanted answers, a part of her had been hoping he wouldn't be here so she could consider it had only been a nightmare and forget about him.

"What do you want with me?" she asked quite boldly, anxiously glancing around.

"I'm your son, and there's something I need to tell you."

"How could you be my son?" She was hoping she could find an escape out of this room and wake up, but she still wasn't controlling how to get out of this place.

"Ten years ago, did you give up a baby for adoption? That was me." Emma stepped back and he closed the distance again, holding out his arm towards her. "Please, don't leave me again. I don't like being alone in this room. Please. I don't know how much time I have left here."

Emma figured out this was the right time to get answers. "What is this room, and how are you here?"

"We're in Netherworld, it's a place you're visiting when you're asleep because of the sleeping curse, and how I'm here would be too long to explain, I'll tell you that later, when you find me. This is what I need to tell…"

But Emma was not listening to him anymore. To find him? Panic struck, her heart rate increased; she didn't want to find him. It felt suddenly warm and the next second, she found herself sitting on the bed, in Killian's arms, her heart still thumping in her chest. Before she had time to stop them, she burst into tears. Though willing to know what was wrong, Killian still decided not to rush her and simply held her in a tight embrace for a while. Tears finally stopped and her breath steadied, synchronizing itself with his.

"I don't want to have this nightmare anymore."

"You won't. It indeed seems like you're having nightmares when I'm not with you. So I'll just stay by your side."

"Killian…" Emma bit her lip, once again overwhelmed by his tenderness. Keeping her face buried in his neck, it took her some time before admitting it. "Yesterday night, when you asked me whether it was the same dream… I've lied to you." She looked up at him, tears filling her eyes. "There was something different about it. The place was the same, it was still this red room, but I wasn't alone, there was a boy…"

Emma wasn't able to tell more about it as the lump in her throat kept her words from coming out.

Killian, however, didn't consider she had lied to him; it had been obvious there was something more than this nightmare, he had been aware there had been something she was keeping secret. He tilted his head, gazing into her eyes as he tried to know more. "A boy? Do you know him?"

Tears started again to roll down her cheeks, but she didn't look away, because she was afraid it might be the last occasion for her to see this love and this tenderness in his eyes.

"I've done something terrible, something I've never talked about. Ten years ago, I was pregnant, but I couldn't be a mother, and I've abandoned him. The boy said he was my son."

Emma had talked very fast without taking her eyes off of him, judging his reaction. He looked surprised and confused at first.

"You have a son?" he repeated.

Biting her lip, still trying to fight back the tears, she nodded. She kept staring at him, studying his features, afraid he might decide to leave any second. But instead, his expression softened and he caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, wiping her tears away in the meantime. There was a soft smile on his lips, and there still seemed to be the same love in his eyes. She gazed, wondering whether what she was seeing was real.

"Do you still love me?"

Though she was afraid of the answer he might give, she had to be certain what she was seeing was not just the fruit of her imagination. Killian stared into her eyes, his eyebrows raised in surprise, for a second wondering whether he had heard the question right.

"My love, I have loved you since the moment when we met, I love you, and I will never stop loving you. Emma, you are the one I love and nothing will ever change this: you are my only one."

A tear rolled down her cheek and she pressed her forehead on his shoulder.

"I'm not worth it."

"Love, trust me, you are. If you could see yourself the way I see you, you would know."

"What I've done is horrible."

"I wouldn't say horrible is the right word. But even if it was," he cupped her chin to make her look up at him, "I know who you are today, and whatever you've done won't change the fact that I love you. If the roles were reversed, it'd be the same."

"Have you ever abandoned a baby?" she asked, trying to prove her point: roles couldn't be reversed.

"No, but I know that whatever I might tell you about my past, you'd choose to see the best in me. And I, with you."

Looking into his eyes, Emma wondered how she had been so lucky to meet him, or how he could consider she was worth his love. Tears were still threatening to come and he seemed to notice.

"Come here," he said in a tender voice.

He lied down on his back and softly pulled her on top of him. Resting her head over his heart, her fingers curled around his biceps and she closed her eyes, enjoying the way his fingers slipped under her top and trailed over her back. Silence blanketed them. As minutes passed, her breathing steadied as his embrace soothed her.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yes." She lifted up her head and shifted up over him to press a soft kiss on his lips. "Thank you."

"My love," he said, cupping her cheek, his eyes locked on hers. "I want you to know that whatever it is, you can always trust me with your burden. Nothing you can do or say can make me love you less, you don't have to worry about this."

"I love you," she said, overwhelmed with his tenderness.

"As much as I love you. It'll be all right, love, I won't let this nightmare trouble you again."

Emma sighed, wishing she could forget about it. "Killian… One of the reasons why I've spent hours thinking about it is that I doubt it is just a nightmare."

He raised his eyebrows and lightly tilted his head. "What do you mean? Do you think the boy is truly your son?"

"I've spent hours trying to figure it out but I just don't know. This is why I need your help."

"If it is not a nightmare, what else could it be?"

"The second time I saw him, the boy told me we were in a place called Netherworld. He said it was because of the cursed sleep that I had these nightmares. Do you think he's right?"

"So this place would exist and be part of the curse?" Killian asked.

Keeping her eyes locked on his, Emma thought about it. It sounded strange, but somehow made sense. "This would explain why I don't have these nightmares when you're with me."

Again, Killian tilted his head, so she further explained her hypothesis.

"You broke the sleeping curse with a true love's kiss. If these nightmares are part of the curse, maybe your embrace is enough to chase them away." She gave him a smile, the first one since she had awaken, and leant her forehead against his. "I think I've told you already how soothing it is to be in your arms."

The captain was seriously considering the issue, determined to figure out what these nightmares were exactly. "If the boy is right and you're in this Netherworld place, what was he doing here?"

"He didn't tell, he said he'd tell me when I find him, that he didn't have time and had to tell me something."

"What did he want to tell you?"

"I don't know. I think I woke up right before he could tell me." Emma tried to think but indeed couldn't remember anything more. She searched Killian's eyes again. "Do you believe in this Netherworld thing? Do you think I'm supposed to find him?"

"I've seen things only magic can explain, and this theory about nightmares being a part of the curse, I'd say that's plausible; you started having these nightmares after the sleeping curse, right?"

Emma nodded. As usual, he was right. The theory was too much plausible to have been made up in her dreams. The boy was probably saying the truth. But then… She gazed into his eyes, looking for a solution, and Killian seemed to read her thoughts again.

"You're not going to like it," he said, "but perhaps you should try to go back there. The boy is the only one who can give us the answers we're looking for."

Emma sighed and pressed her face in his neck as he confirmed what she had been dreading: she couldn't simply forget about the boy and had to see him again.

"Love, you don't have to if you don't want to."

She looked up at him. "There's no other way to get the answers, and I want to stop asking myself all those questions. But since you're my dreamcatcher, I can't stay in your arms."

This was actually what was annoying her the most at the moment, and despite what she had just said, she didn't move and stayed on top of him, gazing into his eyes.

"You're quite good at knowing how I'm feeling. Can you stay with me for now, and leave me alone when you feel I'm falling asleep?"

"Of course, love."

"And you can't wake me up, you have to wait for me to wake up on my own, or I could have not enough time there."

Killian nodded, though not liking the idea of having to watch her shuddering in her sleep without being allowed to do anything. Shifting to be both lying on their sides, Emma unwillingly tried to fall back asleep. She was afraid to go back there, afraid to see the boy again, afraid of what he might tell her. A part of her was still hoping all of this was only a nightmare she could forget about. Turning in his arms after several minutes, leaning back against him, she sighed.

"I can't fall asleep."

Until then trying not to interfere much, Killian pressed his lips in her neck and softly trailed his fingers along her arm. It worked because, by focusing on his touch, there was no place left for her thoughts. Finally, Killian felt her breathing steadying. Pressing his hand over her heart, he felt her heart rate slowing down. She was falling asleep, he knew he had to leave her alone. Surely he could stay a bit longer; if he got up too early, she might wake up. Unwilling to let her face this nightmare again, he needed to remind himself this was what she wanted to find the strength to get up. Not taking his eyes off of her, he stood next to the bed. He was tempted to sit by her side, but wondered whether she would feel his presence. Not willing to take the risk to make the plan fail, he stepped back. After a few minutes, she started to twist and turn.

"You're here!" said the boy when Emma arrived in the room with the curtains on fire. "I was afraid you wouldn't come back soon enough, I think I will wake up soon."

Maybe it was because she had been prepared to see him again: having him standing in front of her wasn't scaring her as much anymore.

"I have many questions." So many that she actually didn't know where to start: Emma wanted to know what he was doing here, or how he could have been waiting for her for so long in this room, but she thought of what he had told her the last time she had seen him. "There was something you wanted to tell me, what was it?"

"Yes, it's about where we'll meet." At these words, Emma felt a lump in her throat. But the boy kept talking. "If you're going back to the Enchanted Forest, you should sail through an archipelago soon. Stop at the first island which is on your path, I'll be on the docks."

"How do you know where we're going?"

He glanced down at his hands.

"I don't have time to explain it to you right now, I'm waking up!" Indeed, Emma could see the boy was becoming translucent. He looked up at her. "Remember, the first island of the archipelago!"

"But I don't even know if there's an archipelago on our way, or how long it'll take us to get there!" Emma talked quite fast, seeing how translucent he now was.

"Just go there, I will find you!"

Emma didn't have time to say anything before a gust of wind made her protect herself behind her arms. When she looked up, the boy wasn't there anymore. She was alone, and the gust seemed to have revived the fire; until then limited to the curtains, the flames were now invading the room, getting closer and closer. Giving into panic, Emma glanced around, looking for a way out. Now would be the time to wake up, but it simply didn't happen. She looked down at her hands, hoping to see them become translucent, but she was still as opaque as she could be. Almost completely circled by fire, she headed towards one corner of the room, and jumped backwards as a flame licked her wrist.

Watching her twist and turn was to Killian a real ordeal. He hadn't been able to stay away from her very long, and had come to sit on the bed. Resisting the temptation to wake her up was even more difficult than he had expected, mostly because he knew holding her in his arms would be enough to stop the shudders, to soothe her and make her forget about this nightmare. He kept his eyes locked on her, waiting for the moment when she would wake up. But this moment didn't seem to come, and she seemed to twist and turn more and more. Several times, he held out his hand but stopped himself before he would touch her. He heard a soft whimper and thought she was waking up, but she wasn't. Something then caught his eye and he took her hand to look at it more closely.

"Emma!"

He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips in her neck. The red blotches on her wrist could only be a burn, something he had not expected could be possible; no matter whether she had got enough time to get her answers or not, he couldn't leave her in here any longer.

"Love, wake up."

"Killian!"

Taking a deep breath, Emma immediately turned over to wrap her arms around his neck and made her lips crash against his. It didn't take long for the kiss to carry her away, momentarily making her forget about the room on fire.