Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Well, here's the second chapter. There is actually some slight changes to the number of chapters. After this, there is one more chapter and then we're done! xD I wrote too long to make it into a complete two-shots, so here's a three-shot instead. I'll ramble more at the end, hope you guys enjoy it!

Chapter 2

SIX YEARS LATER

The sky in San Francisco this morning was blue. It rained yesterday night, so the roads looked damp and the trees looked wet. But overall, the air was fresh and well, it was as if this day was going to get better from now on. Jim smiled as he got out of the hover cab. He rolled his shoulders before tightening his grip on the small suitcase he brought with him.

This was it.

He grinned widely as he walked into the Star Base 1. Cadets ran past him while other ranked officers had their hands full with orders to follow. Jim swiftly walked past them to his station, sighing when he finally reached his appointed place. He took out his comm and identified his beaming up coordinates before finding it.

After six years, here he was finally.

It had been a bumpy six years but it was worthwhile when he was finally promoted to Captain and was given his own ship.

The U.S.S Enterprise.

The ship that was once captained by Admiral Christopher Pike now belonged to him.

He only met Christopher Pike a few times but he had taken a liking to that man and vice versa. He admired the old man, now an Admiral. He was a model captain and Jim took it as a challenge to become as good as him—or even slightly better. He sighed to himself when he received the familiar cackle from the comm—knowing that it was time.

He was excited and maybe slightly nervous.

But most of all, he was terrified.

He might look calm and collected outside, maybe even a tad happy but really, this was going to be his first ship. This was going to be his first crew solely under his responsibility. What he had in his hands at the moment was heavy and he couldn't afford to mess it up. He remembered his times when he was serving U.S.S Farragut before being promoted as Commander, skipping Lieutenant Commander in the first two years there.

Then, he was assigned to another ship when U.S.S Farragut ended their two year mission. Bones ended up separating from him after U.S.S Farragut but that didn't stop them from being in contact. At the end, he found out that Bones was assigned as Chief Medical Officer in U.S.S Enterprise and that made Jim work even harder to get to where he belonged.

Christopher Pike himself recommended Jim as his successor, as the next captain for U.S.S Enterprise when the time finally came. Well, never say good luck didn't run in the Kirk family either. Of course, Jim wasn't allowed to change the crew. He could request additional members but the original crew must stay. The crew was what made U.S.S Enterprise well known for its successful mission rates and credibility after their two year mission.

Jim wasn't planning on changing the crew either.

He was honoured enough to lead them.

So, when he received the names and profiles of those who were going to work with him, he didn't think he would be meeting an old ghost. Logically, he thought it had been six years after all. Maybe some of them had been transferred to another ship and Jim was—well, he secretly wished this person would be one of them.

But he wasn't.

Instead, Jim couldn't believe that history was going to repeat itself.

The blond-haired man panicked that day. He knew Bones told him about him a few times but the name never really resurfaced after a while and Jim didn't ask. But when he saw the name on the crew list, he let out a stuttering breath and wondered what he did in his previous life to have caused him to have such bad karma now.

Suddenly, the captaincy didn't sound so appealing anymore.

Okay, so maybe that was a lie. He still wanted to be the Captain of U.S.S Enterprise but he knew it wasn't going to be an easy ride. So, he had a few days to steel in every strand of courage and determination in himself before he had to step into the ship.

But even so, he couldn't actually ignore the bubbling nervousness at the pit of his stomach. "Jim!" Scotty's voice came through the comm. Jim grinned at the voice of his engineer. He had known Scotty a while as well. He had been working with Jim for a year before he requested a transfer because he said he couldn't work with 'idiots who berated him like he knew nothing about his ship'.

Jim wasn't one of those idiots so they became fast friends.

"Speaking," Jim said with a chuckle.

"Ready to beam up, sir?" Scotty said with pride leaking through his voice. Jim took in a deep breath before he clutched onto his suitcase a little tighter.

"Ready as I'll ever be, Scotty," he said. "Beam me up."

"Aye', Captain!"

Then, Jim felt the familiar buzzing vibrating through his body and before he knew it, he was materialised on the transporter pad. He licked his lips and blinked, trying to get rid of the buzzing before he sighed, a smile gracing on his lips. He stepped down from the pad when Scotty surged up to him with a hug.

Dropping his bag on the ground, he hugged him back. "Scotty!" he said.

"It's good to see ye, Jim," Scotty said as he released him. "A captain now, eh? I always 'new you had it in ya!"

Jim grinned widely in response before he slapped Scotty's back. Jim looked around the room, taking in the details and storing them in his mind. "Where's the rest of the crew?"

"Waiting for ye at the bridge," Scotty said as Jim nodded. "I bet the good Doctor is gonna be excited as well, eh?"

"Bones?" Jim asked. "Well, it had been some time since I had one of his Hyposprays-of-Doom." Scotty went visibly pale at that. Jim knew that by now, everyone on board the ship had noticed Bones's secret infatuation with the hyposprays. He liked using them as a weapon, even though he would deny it until his dying breath and then deny it some more.

His bag was carried off by an ensign before he walked into the turbo lift, his heart starting to pound in his chest. Here he was, going to the bridge to meet his crew. He didn't know how he was going to react or how they were going to react per say to a young captain. After being captained by a more experienced leader, Jim wondered if they would be able to accept someone like him—someone so fresh and new to this easily.

Probably not but Jim could hope, couldn't he?

The doors opened and Jim knew that this was it.

He took in a deep breath before Scotty nodded at him. With that, the engineer walked out first. Jim then followed Scotty, felling all eyes aimed directly at him. He had this urge to rub the back of his neck like some shy teenager all of a sudden but he couldn't afford to look anything less than confident, so he didn't. He walked in until he was standing at the centre of the bridge.

Jim eyed each and every one of them, taking in their looks and slight traces of their personality. He knew who each and every one of them was. He had studied everything about his crewmembers, making sure he wasn't about to mess this up for missing a detail.

His eyes then landed on Uhura and his heart stopped beating for a second. He hadn't really had any contact with her since graduation and secretly he was glad. He didn't think keeping contact with the person who was the main reason why his first real relationship ended was a good idea. But now, he was painfully aware that she was here as his Chief Communication Officer. There was no avoiding her now.

She looked sharp, neatly dressed with her ponytail high on the crown of her head. When his eyes met hers, she was staring right at him deeply as if she knew something he didn't. Jim looked away from her, composing himself for a second.

He was also aware of him. He was standing next to her, his hands behind his back and Jim simply breezed past him without lingering his gaze on him for more than a second. After that, he took in a deep breath, deciding that he better get this over with. "Right," Jim said before he grinned. "I'm James Tiberius Kirk and I'm your captain from now on."

The bridge crewmembers eyed him like he was some specimen. Jim knew he was being judged, being evaluated at how good of a captain he could be. It was uncomfortable honestly.

He cleared his throat and looked at his captain chair. Huh, his chair. He liked the sound of that. Just then, the senior officers took a step forward to him, ready to introduce themselves to their new captain.

"I'm Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, the helmsman," Sulu stepped forward. Jim grinned once more before he nodded. He had heard a lot about Sulu's piloting and he was honestly impressed and honoured to have him as a helmsman. He extended his hand out and Sulu took it, a smile gracing his face.

"Nice to meet you, Lieutenant," Jim said even though he didn't think calling his everyday bridge crewmembers by their rankings was going to work for him. Then, a Russian kid, maybe not even more than a passing adult stepped up, beaming widely at him.

"I am Ensign Pavel Chekov," Chekov said. "I am ze navigator."

Jim took in the ensign's form and noted that despite he looked slightly—younger than the rest of the crew, he was smarter than all of them combined. He was actually honoured to be with such a smart kid so he smiled at him. Chekov brightened visibly at the acknowledgement. Uhura was next, she took a step forward and her ponytail swished from the movement.

Extending her hand out, she caught Jim's eyes again. "I am Lieutenant Commander Nyota Uhura. I assume you know my position here, Captain." There was some disdain in her voice but Jim didn't contemplate on it too much. Instead, he took her hand and shook it—noting mentally that her grip tightened to the point almost painful by the time he tried to pull away.

"We meet again, Lieutenant Commander," Jim said with a smile. She simply smiled back but they were tight around the edges. She nodded at him before the next person stepped up to him. Jim visibly tensed as he finally looked at the half-Vulcan's face.

"Captain, I am Commander Spock. First Officer and also a Science Officer of this vessel."

Jim's breath got stuck at this throat when he finally caught Spock's eyes. After so long, after six years, he finally met him again. Jim took in how he looked, realising that this half-Vulcan in front of him hadn't changed much from the last time he saw him. Something bitter crawled into his heart as he nodded at him. He tried to smile but he knew it came out slightly grimaced.

So, he was acting as if he didn't know Jim, huh?

Fine by him, if it would be mandatory for the performance of his crew, then he guessed he had to indulge in this as well. Though his heart protested, he simply locked away any further noise that might make him look at the half-Vulcan again.

"Right," Jim said, immediately looking away to the rest of his crewmembers. Just then, the turbo lift doors opened and Bones walked into the scene, grumbling as usual before he halted at the doorway. His eyes met Jim's and the blond-haired man grinned widely. "Hey."

"Jim!" Bones said as he walked up to the man and dragged him into a hug. Jim hugged him back, taking in the warmth of his best friend before they took a step back from each other. Bones eyes travelled from Jim to the First Officer standing behind him before he looked back at the blond-haired man.

There was a question in Bones's eyes but Jim simply smiled at him in response.

"Chief Medical Officer, huh?" Jim said and Bones simply rolled his eyes, straightening his uniform.

"Don't you have a ship to start commanding, Jim?" Bones asked, raising his eyebrows. God, Jim missed him. Nodding, Jim looked back to his crewmembers.

"Return to your posts, we're getting ready to leave," Jim ordered before looking back at Bones. "You too, Bones."

"Like I wanted to be here," Bones groused but Jim couldn't help but to smile at him. Flicking his wrist, Bones head his way to Sickbay leaving Jim on the bridge. After that, he took in a deep breath and watched as his bridge crewmembers went back to their posts, leaving Jim alone with his captain seat.

He sat down, immediately looking at the small compartment near his right hand. He opened it up and couldn't help but to feel an inner child yelling happily inside when he saw the flashing buttons. He pressed onto the intercom and spoke through, introducing himself to everyone on the ship and asked them to get ready as they were about to leave. He settled into the comfortable chair and sighed.

"Where should we go first?" Jim asked to everyone around the bridge. There wasn't any command at the moment from Starfleet Head, just an order to start exploring first. Sulu glanced at him before he grinned.

"Anywhere you want to go, sir," he said as he went back to his panels. Jim hummed before he looked at his First Officer. Spock was sitting at his post before he turned around in his seat to look at Jim. The blond-haired man felt the same prickling sensation in his heart once more when their eyes met and for a moment, everything around him blanked off.

It had been six years and it took him a lot of time before he could get over the pain.

But just one look from him again and here the pain was, as if it never really went away. Jim broke the eye contact. He knew that somewhere deep inside he never really forgot about Spock. How could he? If anything, he was his first love. He felt the bitter irony washing into him when he glanced at Uhura's station. She was here too.

Jim guessed maybe they would have become closer now that he wasn't in the way.

"Where should we head first, Commander?" Jim asked, breaking away from his thoughts. He needed to make a first good impression. He had taken six years drowning in his work to forget about Spock and now, it wasn't going to be any different.

Spock eyed Jim for a second before he looked back to his screen. "It is entirely up to you to decide, Captain." His voice was cold and distant maybe slightly edgy but Jim ignored it. He shrugged that off before looking back to the main viewer.

"Take us anywhere, Sulu, first course you can find and plot it," Jim said immediately and Sulu nodded.

"Aye' Captain!"

When his shift ended, Jim decided to head to the mess hall. The beta shift had taken over and Jim had the pleasure to get to know who his acting Captain for the shift was. Jim picked up his tray and walked to an empty table, sitting down and sighing, rubbing the back of his neck from the sudden kink he got.

"Well, look at ya," Bones said as he placed his own tray in front of Jim. "How's the first day as Captain treating you, Jim?"

Jim laughed for a moment, feeling the surge of familiarity as he looked at Bones in the eyes. He had missed him, he certainly did. He always was the closest with Bones. "It was—it was nice, Bones," Jim said as he went to his food. Bones eyed the plate before he looked back at Jim. The blond-haired man noticed the look and shook his head. "No way. You're not going to force me into one of your weird diets, Bones."

Bones simply shoved a forkful of the salad into his mouth as he kept his stare on Jim. "Did I say anything, kid?"

Jim narrowed his eyes at his best friend. He knew Bones better than that. He knew that look. "Nu-uh, that's not going to work on me. Not this time. Stay away from my eating habits, Bones! That's an order!"

Bones had the nerve to snort as he looked at Jim with a smirk on his face. "Jim, what makes you think I give a damn about your orders when it comes to what you eat? I'm your doctor, kid. If I see the food you're taking isn't healthy and could potentially make you sick, which by the way can affect your captaining, I can order you back to eat according to what I prescribed. Doctor's orders override the Captain's, Jim."

Smug bloody bastard.

Jim glared at the doctor. "Oh haha, how I missed your humour. Guess what? I didn't."

Bones simply shrugged his words off. "Like I'm feeling any opposite."

After a while, Jim simply sighed and rolled his eyes at Bones. Just then, the doors to the mess hall slid opened, Spock walking in with long strides and squared shoulders. Jim froze midway with the fork to his mouth, his eyes raking familiar figure. Uhura joined a split second, walking next to Spock to the replicator and Jim looked away.

His heart started to ache again and he sighed loudly.

It had been six bloody years. He thought he was over Spock already.

"See him?" Bones asked after a while. Jim glanced at him before pressing his lips into a thin line and nodding.

"He's my First Officer, Bones," Jim said, lowering his voice so nobody else could hear them. "And—Uhura's here too."

"I did say he was here, Jim," Bones said after a while. "I thought you forgot about him. Moved on. Found another one."

Jim fidgeted in his seat remembering his failed love conquests after Spock. After he left Spock, things had gone downhill for the blond. Every night, he didn't fail to dream some kind of memory they shared and it always bothered Jim. He would wake up in the middle of the night, gasping out his name with the longing feeling in his heart.

So, he tried to focus on his work. That didn't help either. Even though he managed to achieve extraordinary things when he focused solely on his work, when there was nothing else to do at night, when he just lied awake staring at the ceiling, his mind would drift back to the half-Vulcan.

Even though at the end everything turned sour, they were still beautiful at the beginning. Jim had never felt like this for anyone else for the past six years. His mind and heart always rotated around the half-Vulcan, always pulling out some kind of lost memory to present to him when he closed his eyes.

There was a time when he was assigned to an away team during his duty in U.S.S Farragut and somehow, he got shot at by one of the members of the anti-Federation group. When he was bleeding at the transporter pad with a hole in his right shoulder, his mind raced back to Spock.

He didn't think of anyone else until he went unconscious.

What they had was magical and probably the only thing that was right in Jim's life. The pain lessened slowly, it took a while but it did lessened slowly until one day, he woke up and realised he didn't dream of Spock. Even if he thought about him, the pain wasn't blaring at him anymore.

It took him three and a half years to finally remember Spock and not feel pain.

But that didn't mean the dull ache wasn't there in his heart.

It was there along with unresolved jealousy at the thought that Uhura had him now.

Sometimes, he wondered if things could've been different if he was more like her—more logical, witty or maybe even more serious. If worse to come, maybe even a woman. But just as the thoughts entered his mind, he would push them away and head back to his work.

The love in his heart was still on fire by the time he was reassigned to another ship. It was still there. Jim could feel it now and then but as time went by, he finally fell out of love. He finally decided to let Spock go and that was it. It was his fourth year by then before his captaincy.

And life was good after that. He could smile brighter, he could finally ogle other people without feeling like he was betraying his love or cheating on him. He finally slept with someone just a little two years ago with a woman named Carol Marcus.

She was beautiful, talented and she was everything Jim was fascinated with.

She convinced Jim to try again with her. He wasn't sure at that time. He had just forgotten about Spock and even though he was healing slowly, it didn't mean he was ready for another blow, for another failure. But she was persistent, always smiling at him and giving him the encouragement he needed and finally—he relented.

Suddenly, he found himself liking her very much.

Too bad they didn't actually have enough time to make it into love. She had a different goal in mind when he got his captaincy. She was a woman with one mind-set for success and she wouldn't settle for anything less than that. Jim understood her, tried to tell her that it was fine, that he would wait for her—

But she didn't want to.

And Jim found himself failing at keeping another one of his sincere loves close to him.

They ended their relationship just a little ten months ago. Though, it didn't hurt like how it felt when he left Spock. For her, he simply felt resigned and after three months, he was able to move on with his life. He was slightly guilty about how he felt for her but his feelings weren't so strong for her back then and somehow, he realised even if he stayed with her, they would never be strong either.

So, he took the captaincy and here he was.

But then, when he saw those familiar eyes staring right back at him, Jim felt everything that he tried to forget rushing into him like their breakup happened just yesterday. The whole seriousness and complicated nerves involved in this situation ended up like a punch in the gut feeling for Jim.

He thought he could do it but when he saw Spock: that was it.

He was back to square one and he didn't know why either.

Why was his heart so adamant on hanging onto the half-Vulcan?

"There was," Jim said slowly. "But she didn't want to stay."

Bones looked away, sighing. Silence filled in between them and Jim just shrugged the heaviness in the atmosphere off. After a few seconds, he spotted Chekov and Sulu walking up to him. "Mind if we join you?" Sulu asked with a grin. Jim grinned back, deciding that for now, he would forget about them. He pushed away all thoughts about Carol and Spock to the back of his mind.

"Sit away," he said. Bones pulled out a scowl as he eyed the helmsman and the navigator. The Japanese simply placed his tray next to Bones and sat down, Chekov doing the same on the other side of the doctor.

"You both better not squish me," Bones grumbled out. Chekov glanced at Bones before giving him a smile, innocent enough but Jim knew his best friend wasn't buying it. "I mean it."

"I hev not said anything," Chekov said as he looked at Jim. "Keptin."

"We're off duty," Jim corrected him. "You guys can just call me Jim."

"Jim," Sulu said nodding. "I've seen you around the academy, you know. Now, you're our captain."

Jim immediately tried to locate Sulu from the times when he was in the academy. However, shamefully, he couldn't. "I can't say I've noticed you though, Sulu. I wasn't really that perceptive of my environment."

Sulu simply shrugged at him, letting him know that it was alright. "We've received and read your report," he added after a while. "We're really impressed and honestly honoured to have you as our captain."

Jim felt shy all of a sudden, giving them awkward smiles. "Well, it's been my dream for a while now."

Chekov beamed up to him. "This is the best ship to keptin!"

Jim nodded in agreement. "She's a beauty."

Sulu smiled proudly at him. He guessed his crewmembers really did take pride of their ship—his ship now. He couldn't help but to feel the slight gush of warmness inside of him at that thought. His ship. It definitely rang beautifully in his ears. He sighed as he went back to eating his food, his eyes leaving the three people in front of him to gaze around the hall.

The mess hall was lively and it would actually put a smile on anyone's face once they realised how light the atmosphere in general was. Every one of them got along pretty well with each other and Jim was proud to say that yes, this was the ship he wanted for some time now. Of course, his eyes didn't skip the particular pair surrounded by other officers, two tables to his right.

Jim knew he shouldn't associate himself right away with those two. But they were his crewmembers and what happened in the past should stay where it belonged—in the past. His heart throbbed when the half-Vulcan caught his eyes from across the hall. Jim stared into them and just like the first time he had seen those eyes, he felt his soul being searched deep inside.

Jim didn't know what to do. Spock had made it very clear on the bridge that he didn't want to admit that they ever had anything prior this meeting. That thought made Jim slightly put off as he broke the eye contact and looked down to his tray, munching on his food.

He glanced up to see Bones staring at him with his eyebrows raised.

Jim walked out of the turbo lift, heading down the hallways to his quarters. He was painfully aware that since he was the captain, his room would be next doors to Spock's. They would even have a joined bathroom and likely, this was going to be make things slightly harder.

He walked into his room, the door hissing closed behind him. He took a deep breath before ordering the lights to a hundred percent. He looked around his room for the next few years, smiling to himself as he walked to his bed and slumped down on his back.

In this silence, he could hear the faint humming of his ship. He stared at the ceiling, blinking and remembering today's events.

Spock.

He turned to his right and wondered for a moment what the half-Vulcan was thinking when he saw him again. Spock hadn't changed a bit. He still looked tall and strong with that ridiculous haircut that Jim secretly adored and loved messing it up. He raised his right hand and looked at his fingers. If he closed his eyes and concentrated enough, he could still feel the softness of the jet black hair between his fingers.

He could also remember how cool Spock's skin felt under his palm. All of those details never vanished from his mind. Instead, they strengthened throughout time. It was just the ache surrounding the memories slowly dulled as the years passed. He frowned to himself when he saw the easy dismissal at the bridge.

Spock acted as if he didn't know Jim and that bothered the blond-haired man.

He knew that it would maintain professional integrity between them but the easy dismissal was bitter and cold. Suddenly, the wave of coldness hit him wetting his bones. The familiar loneliness curled itself around his heart. This was what he felt when Spock acted so dismissal towards him six years ago. It didn't change—Spock didn't change.

Did he even mean anything to the half-Vulcan?

Was he even important to him?

Probably not from the way he acted today. There wasn't even that familiar irritated glance from him. Instead, his eyes were so dark and so—vacant. He gave out a shaky sigh before he closed his eyes, breathing in the fresh scent of his bedsheet. Uhura was also there, maybe that was why he acted so composed. Maybe he ended up with her instead.

Maybe he didn't want Uhura to know that they had been together before—that they had something special.

A bitter chuckle worked out of his lips, the echoes bouncing back to him.

His love life was so pathetic.

He had thought that being far apart for six years would give them plenty of time to get over the past.

Guess he was wrong.

He shook it off and decided to just let the tiredness wash into him, lulling him to sleep. He had an early alpha shift tomorrow. "Computer, lights dim to zero percent."

The lights vanished gradually and the room basked in the darkness. Jim closed his eyes and pushed back whatever events happened today out of his mind. With that he let himself drown in this self-bitterness and longing.

Alpha shift didn't start for another hour. Jim had wandered around the ship, trying to get a good look at his long-lost love, Enterprise. He caressed her walls, talked to her absent-mindedly and to his pleasure, nobody walked into his little dramatic attention to his ship.

It was just him and his lovely lady.

After that, he ended at the mess hall, getting some food for breakfast.

He sat down on one of the empty tables, eating on his bread while he eyed around the mess hall. There weren't many people here, mostly either had started on their shift or wouldn't start until later today. He didn't mind eating alone. He smiled at every passing officer who came to talk to him, approaching him cautiously.

But none actually sat down and accompanied him. He didn't take it to heart. He knew they needed some time before they adjusted to their newer—younger captain. Jim continued to eat his bread, keeping a mental list about his reports. After a few seconds, the doors to the mess hall opened, walking in was Uhura.

Jim looked away from her, feeling his heart gnawing silently. She then replicated her tray of food before she walked up to him. Placing the tray of food in front of him, she stared at him in the eyes. "Permission to sit with you, Captain?"

The blond-haired man almost frowned at her conceding tone. He, however, held his tongue back and nodded. "It's just Jim when off duty, Uhura."

Uhura eyed him for a moment before she nodded, sitting down and proceeding to take a sip of her soup. Silence poured in between them before she took in a deep breath. "So, captain, huh?"

"Yes, captain," he said with a smile. There was something in between them at the moment. Something thick and dark but Jim wasn't sure what. She was eyeing him as if she was trying to come to a conclusion. Jim simply avoided her gaze for a few seconds before finally sighing.

"So, Spock," she started and Jim felt everything inside of him halting to a stop. He wondered for a moment if he looked tense. He risked a glance at her and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Yes?" Jim asked, straightening himself. "What about him?"

"He's your First Officer," she said bluntly. Jim nodded at her even though he didn't know where this was going.

"Yes," Jim said as he furrowed his eyebrows. She huffed out her breath before she slammed her spoon on the table harshly, startling the blond-haired man along the way.

"Permission to speak freely, Captain?" she asked clipped.

"Uhura, we're not on duty," he said slowly. She just stared at him, her jaw working. Finally, he relented. Obviously, there was something she was uneasy about with him. "Permission granted."

"Are you trying to act dumb, Jim?" she asked icily, shocking Jim off from his core.

"Excuse me?" he asked, narrowing his eyes right back at her.

"Don't act all innocent, Jim," she sneered. "It isn't you."

"Uhura, what the hell are you talking about?" Jim asked irritated. Her sudden hostile attitude on him was grating his nerves and the worst part, he didn't know why she was behaving this way.

"I'm talking about you and Spock," she said after a minute, her lips thinning. Jim's eyes widened at the declaration. He felt his heart stop beating for a second and his mind frantically working out an answer to her sudden words.

Did she know?

It wasn't possible. He made sure nobody else besides Bones knew about their relationship. "I'm not sure what you mean," he asked her slowly.

She simply scoffed. "Please, Jim. Denying this is like denying my intelligence. I know you know what I'm trying to say."

There was really only one way she could've known about their past liaison and that was if Spock told her. His mind screeched to a panicked halt. Could it be possible he told her about them? That didn't seem possible at first thought but the look she was portraying at the moment spoke volumes.

Suddenly, dread washed into him.

Spock told her about them.

"Spock told you," he said, not a question but a fact. She finally curled one corner of her lips upwards in satisfaction.

"He did," she confirmed. Jim's grip on the bread tightened. He didn't know what else Spock shared with her but apparently, this woman in front of him knew everything there ever was between them. Hadn't it been like that since the academy days? His bitter heart on the past grew bitterer. He remembered when he was with Spock, the half-Vulcan kept a tight lid on some things.

He wouldn't let Jim know about it even when the blond-haired man used the excuse of them getting to know each other. But with Uhura—suddenly Spock didn't see any problem to pour out his problems and secrets to her. His eyes sharpened at his Chief Communication Officer.

Somewhere deep inside of his mind, a childish accusation that she was the cause of their fall out rang out through him. But he didn't say it aloud, knowing that it was better to get along with his crewmembers despite their differences than to get hostile with them.

"I'm not sure why you're bringing this up, Uhura," he said, his voice sounding tight. "It's in the past. If he told you about it, then you should know it's been six years and the past should stay as such."

"The past, Jim?" she asked. "You're telling me you've moved on from him already? The best thing that ever happened to you?"

"Look," Jim started. "I told you. It's been six bloody years. I had my reasons and if he told you that too, then you should know you're involved in this mess as well."

He knew that that was a low blow, blaming someone else for their fall out but the inner child inside of him grinned in malicious satisfaction when he saw Uhura's eyes dimming and sharpening.

So, at the end he summarised, Spock told her. He knew that the half-Vulcan had told her about why they didn't make it this long. Of course.

The look on Uhura's face was like a punch to his gut. Anger, old resurfaced anger washed into him at the thought that she still had the nerve to sit in front of him and question about his past with Spock. The half-Vulcan was single now, wasn't he?

"If you're insecurities got the best of you because of me, then that should tell something about your trust on Spock, doesn't it?" she said coldly. "Just for the record, I never planned on stealing him from you. He was the only one who understood my way of thinking. He means a lot to me but not in the way you think. But then again, you never trusted him, did you? And I bet you still don't."

That got to Jim. He felt like someone decided to slap him across the face and his face fell. He stood up abruptly, glaring down on Uhura. "That is none of your business, Uhura," he said annoyed. "If you want to bring this up now, go do it with Spock but don't come prying on my business. What we had was over. Enough digging the past up. If you'll excuse me."

With that, he took his tray and walked to the tray disposer, his appetite vanishing.

He walked out of the mess hall, half of his mind was indulged in annoyance with specks of anger. He wasn't particularly angry at Uhura but mostly it was directed at Spock and maybe slightly to himself. He guessed he was at fault too for their failed relationship.

He guessed he didn't really trust Spock as much as he thought he should.

But it was in the past now. He groaned internally feeling the familiar numbness working back into his heart. He had thought that he was safe from this. He had thought that even after six years, if someone walked up to him and asked him about his old affair with Spock, he wouldn't get irritated or angry or even upset.

But he did.

It was as if nothing changed and that boggled Jim's mind for a second. Why was he feeling this way? Was it because of some old unresolved tension between them? Was it because Jim never really got to find out if Spock actually fancied her when they were together?

Whatever it was, Jim prayed it would go away.

It was long gone and done for Jim to pry it back into the open. It was buried with layers of insecurity, broken trust, disappointments and anger. It would only be painful to open the old lid again.

Wouldn't it?

He shook his head as he walked up to the turbo lift. Once the doors opened, he walked in, immediately freezing when he saw who it was occupying the lift as well. He immediately turned his back to the person, pressing onto the bridge button. Spock was standing next to him, rigid and tall with his hands behind his back.

"Captain," Spock greeted him.

Jim gritted his teeth, wanting nothing more but to punch this Vulcan in the face. He took in a deep breath before he glanced at Spock and nodded. "Commander."

Once the doors opened to the bridge, he walked out, relieving his substitute captain with a bright grin even though today, it was slightly dimmer. Spock walked up behind him before Jim sat down on his chair. "Status report?" he asked and the beta-shift crewmembers informed him that everything was fine.

Spock then stood near his chair, a PADD clutched on his hand. Jim crossed his legs before looking at Spock. The half-Vulcan gave him the PADD, his lips pressed firmly into a straight line. The blond-haired man steeled back the nerve to deck this Vulcan in the head with the said PADD and just grabbed it. "The recent reports for you to review, sir."

"Very well," he said as he looked through the reports and signed them off. He handed the PADD back to Spock, who in return took it and without another glance or even another word headed to his post. Jim felt the sharp pang hitting him heavily inside his heart at being dismissed so easily again.

He bawled up his fist, trying to calm down his emotions.

He needed to be professional now, shouldn't he?

After a few minutes, the Alpha-shift crewmembers started to take over the bridge and they were off again. Jim was aware of the tense atmosphere this morning at the bridge. The captain tried his best to sound fine but Uhura's words kept on coming back to him and by the end of the day, he was more than worn out.

Lunch break wasn't even much fun or relaxing. He was restless at the bridge due to the fact that there wasn't anything going on and from the sheer awkwardness between him and Spock. Bones simply stared at Jim for a few seconds before he shook his head and told him that he didn't have time for some consolation and that Jim had a physical after shift tomorrow.

Jim like always, protested. He never liked physicals and if Bones was doing his physical, he was sure the hyposprays would make an appearance. Like always, his best friend simply snorted at him and was actually amused to think that Jim even had the power to deny Bones's orders.

The captain grumbled to himself by the time Bones left the mess hall, leaving Jim alone to go through his own PADD and finish his lunch. Glancing upwards from his PADD to the doors of the mess hall, he spotted Spock walking in. Despite his inner self protesting to ignore the Commander, his heart was following his moves.

For a moment, he thought Spock was going to walk to a new table, ignoring him again. But then, surprisingly, he walked towards him. Jim immediately looked back to his PADD, trying to make himself look busy. The tray of food was placed in front of him before the familiar deep voice spoke to him.

"May I sit here, Captain?"

Jim felt himself freeze as he looked at Spock. A few seconds ticked on before he nodded, looking down to his PADD once more. Spock sat in front of him, already picking up his spoon in a graceful manner and eating his—soup. Jim tried his best to look nonchalant.

He tried ignoring the half-Vulcan but after a few minutes, he ended up shutting his PADD off and placed it aside. He shifted in his seat a few times before he ate his food, occasionally glancing at Spock.

It was as awkward as two ex-lovers sitting together and eating could be.

The half-Vulcan however seemed undisturbed. He was eating his food as if this was his place. For a few seconds, Jim mourned at how indeed he looked so right just sitting in front of him. But then, he pushed away the thoughts realising that probably there wasn't going to be a second chance between them.

What they had had long gone and died six years ago.

Jim bit his inner cheek, wondering if he should try and talk to Spock. He guessed he should. Wouldn't it look weird if the Captain didn't talk to his First Officer? But secretly, he just wanted a reason to be able to talk to Spock. He didn't know almost anything about this man in front of him at the moment and it didn't settle well for Jim.

"So," Jim started. Spock tensed, his shoulder wound tight and his eyes boring into his soup. Jim cleared his throat before shoving the spoonful of rice into his mouth. He then looked at Spock, noting that the half-Vulcan had met his eyes. They were still as dark as he remembered and yet, they looked very unfamiliar. They were vacant, cold and Jim didn't like that look on Spock. A sudden stab of guilt washed into him making him ask himself if this was what he did to Spock when he left him all those years ago. But the guilt turned into resignation when he remembered that it was for the best they separated.

Spock stared at him, taking him in detail and Jim wanted to squirm under the harsh gaze. After a minute, the half-Vulcan finally blinked and looked at his food. "Is there something you wanted to ask, Captain?"

Jim wanted to correct him, ask Spock to call him by his name like he used to but held himself back when he realised that it probably wasn't appropriate at the moment. His voice was also quite distant and uninterested when he talked to Jim. The blond-haired man flinched at the thought of being the least fascinating person to the half-Vulcan at the moment.

He sighed to himself. "Nothing," Jim said finally. It wasn't as if he could ask how the half-Vulcan was doing after six years. It was too bitter for him to ask casually. Spock simply looked at him again before he blinked, his face neutral.

"Very well," Spock said finally.

Very well? Jim questioned bitterly inside of him. After six years, didn't it occur to him to at least ask Jim how he was? He almost laughed at how silly and illogical that sounded. Spock must've thought that once they separated, it was illogical to try and reconnect to the said person as it would not hold any significance or advantage to any of the parties involved.

Jim guessed it was right but that doesn't usually work that way.

It was such a lonely thought. Jim's grip on his spoon tightened, feeling the familiar frustration working in his heart. Nobody ever got to him like this. It was only ever Spock who pushed every emotional barrier he ever placed in his heart. Even Carol didn't make it as far as eliciting unexplainable feelings for her.

Awkward silence once again washed in between them as Jim slowly found him losing his appetite, again. This morning because of Uhura and now because of Spock. He chuckled dryly, wondering if those two thought it would be fun to make his life harder than this. Spock looked up at Jim blankly. "Is something the matter, Captain?"

It was so robotic. It was so dull. It didn't sound like Spock at all and Jim refused to believe that this was how he was being treated at the moment. Jim slammed his spoon on the table and stood up, grabbing his PADD along the way. He wasn't about to be tossed away that easily. He had his own feelings to take in consideration and he didn't appreciate being pushed away just because they weren't together anymore.

"I'll be heading to the bridge, Commander," Jim said icily before he walked away, dumping the tray at the tray disposer and marching out of the mess hall.

Days went by and Jim was finally settling into the routine of being Captain of the U.S.S Enterprise. A new command came in shortly after two weeks since he started working and they were currently on their way to a new planet. Jim always thought that discovering new planets were fun. It was the sense of completion when you get to check the new planet out that Jim enjoyed these types of missions really much.

But that was beside the point.

The thing was the atmosphere on the bridge for these past few days had been tense and moody. Ever since that day with Spock talking to him after six years only to sound so decisive, Jim had taken the habit to ignore his First Officer, talking when merely work was related. After his shift, he would leave first or wait until the half-Vulcan left before striding out.

Jim knew he was acting childish. He knew that he wasn't making the working environment any less suffocating. But he wasn't Spock. He was a Human and even by his species standards, he was too emotional. He kept them contained, of course. He made sure his personal affair didn't interfere his work.

But that didn't mean nobody else could sense the friction in the air.

Spock didn't hover around him instead, he would keep his eyes focused on his screen, only looking at Jim when there was any report or an order was given. Jim, on the other hand, didn't turn around to look at the half-Vulcan either, simply ignoring that he ever had such a pointy-eared-bastard as his First Officer.

Their performance wasn't bad. Jim noted that they still managed to get their missions done smoothly. It was just the irritation of getting ignored took a toll on him on more than one occasion. Also, it turned out that Spock never really saw eye-to-eye with any of his suggestions. Besides being cold and unapproachable, he was determined to make sure Jim knew how illogical and stupid his orders were.

Every time—without fail—his orders were criticised and belittled. What was worse, Spock didn't sound offensive to a superior officer at all. His words were constructed so perfectly that if he was anyone else, he would've thought the half-Vulcan didn't mean any harm.

But that was it. Jim knew Spock. He knew what his head was like, heck, he had been in his head before. It was as if the half-Vulcan decided to make his life a living hell. Ife he suggested something, if it sounded even a slightly illogical, he would immediately cut Jim off, letting him know how stupid his actions were. He would make sure Jim felt the sting of his words as if there was some grudge in them.

And somehow, Jim couldn't shake off the feeling that there was grudge in them.

There were some trickles of doubt in his heart, asking himself if Spock was behaving this way because Jim left him that day. But when he saw how vacant and how uncaring those dark orbs aimed at him were, he forgone the idea immediately and frowned.

And if that particular day was too tense, he would quote out the fucking rulebook like Jim hadn't been to the damn academy.

Unfortunately, today was one of those days.

They were preparing to beam down to the planet's surface. They had talked directly to the ruler of the planet and they were invited for an exploration as long as they didn't break any rules. Jim had bounced up from his chair on his feet, grinning widely once the main viewer went blank and the familiar landscape of the space reappeared.

"Alright, let's prepare an away team," Jim ordered as he looked around the bridge. "Besides me, Sulu, you're in."

"Aye', Captain," Sulu said as he stood up from his post.

"Spock, you too and we need Lieutenant Carly," Jim rattled off, ticking off the people that could benefit from hand-to-hand contact on the planet. This planet actually fascinated Jim. It seemed to have rich cultural evidence in their civilisation and not to mention, they had a variety of flora that weren't just familiar with Earth forests but almost seemed to have the same structure and purpose.

Jim knew Sulu liked botany besides his job, so this would benefit him. Spock as well since somewhere deep inside of him, he remembered that the half-Vulcan was very much infatuated with everything scientific and this could be his latest discovery or research. Even if he had started to get agitated with Spock nowadays, he couldn't really remove the knowledge that he still knew things about him. Like this one, for an instance.

Besides, Lieutenant Carly would also be interested in the geological pattern of this planet. She was their best geologist on board to date.

Just as he was about to give his chair to someone else, Spock stood up from his station and spoke up, cutting Jim's thoughts along the way, "That is unadvisable, Captain."

His cold and sharp voice had Jim staring at him for a minute, the bridge immediately quietening down and the atmosphere around them thickened.

Jim raised his eyebrows at the half-Vulcan. "And why would that be unadvisable?"

"It is not in protocol for a captain and his First Officer to beam down together," Spock said, his eyes were perfectly blank. "If your presence is not in importance, the First Officer should lead the away team. You are advised to sit back, sir."

Jim's jaw clinched tight. He recognised that tone. Despite his eyes were portraying the perfect nonchalance, Jim had been with this person for three years. He knew when he was being mocked and he knew when he was being praised.

He was being mocked.

"But this is a new planet we're visiting," Jim said trying to keep his cool. Suddenly, this Spock was much more infuriating that the man he knew six years ago. "I need to be there face-to-face with the leader. Besides, they aren't hostile."

"Not as we know of," Spock said as he straightened himself. "However, it is still unadvisable to do as such. It is against protocol and thus if I shall have to enter my report with the orders, it would cause some doubts about your captaining."

Jim narrowed his eyes and suddenly, the situation just got slightly tenser. "Spock," he started. "Are you threatening me?"

Spock simply raised his eyebrows in a mocking manner. "Am I, Captain? I do not believe I have implied as such."

"I'm going, Spock," Jim hissed. "I'm the Captain. I know what I'm doing. You're my First Officer. Your job is to protect me and advise me. If I don't listen, it isn't your obligation to threaten me for otherwise." Suddenly, Jim felt the same ache washing into him again. There it was—the same emptiness every time he argued with Spock. It always left him hollow and disappointed.

Briefly, Jim thought bitterly that Spock hadn't changed at all.

In fact, if anything, he was worse now and everything he did was in sole purpose to hurt him.

But Jim had six years to prepare for this. If Spock wanted to act hostile with him then fine. He would play this game too. He wasn't known for being stubborn for nothing. He would make Spock regret ever agitating him. "Indeed," Spock said, clipped. "It is my duty to protect the captain and thus, that is why I am advising you to sit back from this away mission, Captain. As First Officer, I am merely looking out for your safety."

Jim bit his tongue back. He could practically hear the mock behind the words. "And like I said, Commander," Jim said slowly, looking at Spock in the eyes sharply. "I know what I'm doing. I'll be responsible if anything goes wrong, alright? Will this appease you?"

Something flashed in Spock's eyes and Jim almost smiled in mock triumph at that. He didn't know why but he felt pleased of himself realising that even after all these years, he could still elicit such emotional response albeit anger from Spock.

He briefly glanced at Uhura, noticing that she was staring at him from her station, her eyes sharp and narrowed. Maybe she was jealous, Jim muttered bitterly in his head before looking back to his First Officer. "Chekov, you have the conn." With that, he walked away from Spock, beckoning Sulu and Carly to follow him.

Once he reached the transporter room, he smiled at Scotty and headed to the pad. Spock followed him, glancing at Scotty and nodding curtly at him before he stood next to Jim. "It is still unadvisable for you to lead the away team, Captain," Spock said as he placed his hands behind his back. Jim shrugged his words off as he clicked onto his belt and placing a phaser in it just in case.

"We'll see," Jim muttered under his breath.

"Ready, Captain?" Scotty asked as he looked up from the controls.

"Beam us down, Scotty," Jim said and Scotty nodded.

Within seconds, they had materialised on the planet's surface.

The mission had gone smoothly just like Jim predicted.

But that didn't mean Jim was happy.

No, he was pissed off at a certain pointy-eared idiot.

He grumbled to himself as he walked down the transporter pad, taking off his belt and handing it to an ensign nearby the door. "Report back to the bridge for the updates in the log and then shift's over," Jim hollered the order out over his shoulders and stormed off to the turbo lift.

He sighed heavily once the doors of the turbo lift closed and leaned against the cool walls. He was going to get a terrible headache if this was how things were going to be between Spock and him for the next few years. The blond-haired man shuddered slightly at the thought of having to deal with an annoying cold bastard like Spock on daily basis.

Once the doors opened, he walked into the bridge, heading to his chair as Chekov got up and walked back to his station. He keyed in his log before the rest of the away team members walked in. Sulu jogged to his station before he took his seat. "Bring us out of here, Sulu. Warp 6."

Sulu nodded at his captain before doing as he said. "Warp 6. Course plotted, Captain."

"Engage."

"Engaged, sir," Sulu said once they were out of the orbit.

Nodding, he finally stood up and stretched a bit. He noticed Spock standing at his station, ignoring him as if he didn't do anything wrong. He gritted his teeth as he walked out of there, heading to the one place where he could let his thoughts out without being judged.

"I don't understand anymore, Bones!"

The said person was sitting at his desk, looking down on his PADD before signing it off and handing it over to Nurse Chapel. The nurse simply glanced at Jim before she gave him a wary smile and walked out. Bones stared at Jim, raising his eyebrows.

"Jim," he started. "You just barged into my Sickbay yelling about the hobgoblin and infiltrated my working space. What if I had a patient right now that is more important than your teenage angst?"

Jim settled in his chair and grinned. "But you don't."

"And if I did?"

"But you don't," Jim protested.

"And if I did, kid?" Bones asked not backing down.

Jim leaned against the desk and placed his hands on it. With a smug smile, he said, "But you don't."

"Oh for the love of," Bones grumbled under his breath as he leaned into his chair and rubbed his face. "What now?"

"He's insulting me, Bones," Jim said. "Indirectly."

Bones simply dropped his hands to the armrest and continued on staring at Jim. After a while, when the blond-haired man wasn't going to say anymore, he simply snorted. "Jim, he had always been annoying. You were just over your head to notice it back then. Your point being?"

"My point being," Jim hissed. "Is that he humiliated me in front of the ambassador's daughter."

"Ah," Bones said dryly.

"Bones!" Jim protested. "He fucking thinks I can't do my job. He just prances around the place like he owns it and keeps shoving rules into my face like I hadn't been to the academy. He acts like he doesn't know me and he's—he's—god, he's bloody annoying. How did I fall in love with such a guy?"

"Beats me," Bones said and Jim glared at him. "You both act like two goddamn teenagers back then and you two act like one now."

Jim furrowed his eyebrows at his best friend. "What does that mean? I'm trying to keep professional integrity here. He's the one acting cold and uncooperative!"

"I'm not surprised, Jim," Bones said slowly. "He's a Vulcan."

"Yeah, we established that already, Bones," Jim said sarcastically.

Bones sighed before he sat properly. "Jim, the bridge crewmembers already thought you two had a war on going from the way you goddamn teenagers can't talk without getting into a bloody fight," he said.

Jim shuffled in his seat with a sigh. "Do you think," Jim started, swallowing as he looked at his best friend in the eyes. "Do you think he acts that way because—because I left him?"

"Heck, could be, could be not," Bones said. "But let me tell you something about that hobgoblin. I've seen him work on hand and he's bloody cold and serious. He's always work first, Jim. I wouldn't be surprised if one day, he'd leave you dead one day if it would mean following the rulebooks a hundred percent."

Jim looked away, working his inner cheek. "That doesn't sound like Spock, Bones."

"Is it?" Bones challenged.

Jim looked back at Bones in the eyes and he wanted to say no, it wasn't Spock but he realised then he didn't know. The person he fell in love with wasn't this Spock. This Vulcan wasn't acting like how Jim used to know him of. He knew that six years would change a lot about a person but wasn't this slightly too drastic?

He ran his fingers through his hair and shrugged. "I honestly don't know anymore."

There was still zero communication between Jim and Spock.

After that mission two weeks ago, Jim decided that this needed to end. He needed some professional integrity with Spock even if they didn't end their liaison last time in a good manner. But Spock wasn't giving the time of his day. Every time Jim was about to ask him about anything or something, he was shot down with a cold gaze or the uninterested response of 'Is something the matter, Captain?'

The bridge crewmembers always tiptoed around them—especially when Jim kept on getting criticised by Spock. That part didn't relent either even after the mission. In fact, it got worse and Jim would sometimes end up losing his cool. And when he did so, he thought he would see a smug look on the half-Vulcan's face.

It really irked Jim from inside.

Jim tried to talk to Spock, he did. But there must be a two-way communication for this to work and right now, Spock wanted nothing to do with him. It was as if he wanted to make his life a living hell and drive him insane.

"Captain—"

"No, Spock," Jim gritted his teeth as he glared at the half-Vulcan. "Just no."

"It is still my duty to ensure that you are taking the logical course of actions to avoid—"

"I know what I'm doing!" Jim finally yelled, shocking everyone including the half-Vulcan into silence at the bridge. He groaned internally at the reaction and took a step back, rubbing his face and sighed.

This time, their mission was to investigate the disturbance at one of Federation's mining colony on Delta V. Jim had devised a plan to ensure that they investigate and identify the source of disturbance in peace. Of course, he wanted to join in as usual. He knew the protocols but that didn't mean he should follow them thoroughly.

To Jim, they were guidelines. Besides, he wasn't helpless, he knew how to defend himself. But Spock, today, decided he needed to be exceptionally cold. He was dragging out every rule known to mankind and cadets into the open and Jim felt so incompetent at the moment.

"I," Jim started as he looked at the half-Vulcan. He thinned his lips before he looked away. "I know what I'm doing. We'll prepare the away team according to your layout but I'm following. You have the conn."

With that, he walked away from the bridge. He felt the eyes of his crewmembers at the back of his head. But that wasn't what bothered him at the moment. It was the way Spock had managed to elicit such negative responses from him that took him off guard. Jim slumped against the turbo lift walls, heading to his quarters to just forget about this.

They would be arriving to Delta V in another two more days. They were discussing who were to follow the away team and what they were supposed to do before Spock took in the chance to insult him in front of everyone. Jim knew he could sue Spock for being rude to a superior officer. He knew he could and he damn well should.

But he just didn't want to.

He didn't want to admit saying that he couldn't work with his once ex-lover. He didn't want to give the satisfaction to the half-Vulcan or Uhura that he couldn't even separate his private life and his work life. He knew he could do it, he just didn't know how at the moment. They hadn't even had the chance to talk properly since he had joined the crew.

Maybe that was why this partnership wasn't working out.

Before the doors of the turbo lift closed, Spock slipped in, standing next to him, his hands behind his back and shoulders squared. Jim ignored him and pressed onto the floor number. He crossed his arms against his chest and looked ahead. Silence filled in between them as the doors to the lift hissed open, Jim walking out with long purposeful strides with Spock following.

After a few steps, he finally stopped and turned around, glaring at the half-Vulcan. Spock stopped as well, looking at Jim in the eyes. "What?" Jim demanded. "What more could you possible want?"

Spock didn't even flinch at the harsh tone. He simply said, "Captain, I am still unsure of your course of actions for the Delta V mission. It is in everyone's advantage if you stayed behind the ship. You are the captain. You are needed here on board."

Oh for the love of.

Jim's lips thinned and he dropped his hands to his sides. "I see," Jim said as he took a heavy step forward. "Do you know what I think, Spock? I think you're bloody enjoying this."

"Vulcans do not enjoy," Spock said immediately.

"Yeah? Well then I'm talking about the human side of you," he hissed. Spock's eyes flashed danger, his jaw clinching tight and his shoulders wound tenser. "You enjoy this, don't you? I'm trying to act civil with you, Spock. But you're not giving me much room to budge."

"I do not know what you mean, Captain," Spock said. "I am merely carrying out my duty as First Officer."

"Yeah and by criticising me at every opportunity you get!" Jim exclaimed before he took a step back. After searching Spock's face, he finally frowned. "Is this about what happened six years ago?"

Immediately Spock dropped his hands to his side. "Captain," he said and there was some note of warning in his voice.

"No, really," Jim said. "Is it? Is that why you're being so spiteful? Old ex-lover hate thing?"

Spock's eyes narrowed on him. "Captain, let me make this clear for future references," Spock said deadly cold. "Whatever liaison we had prior Enterprise has ended and thus it does not matter to me any longer. It does not cloud my judgement neither will there be any exceptions for your rash and illogical behaviour. I am merely doing what I was trained to do. I hope you will do the same and not bring unimportant facts into this matter. It is not relevant and unbecoming of a captain."

Jim felt like someone had slapped him across his face. He flinched at the sharp tone, feeling the way his heart was being shredded to pieces. "Okay," Jim said as he bit his inner cheek, anger flaring inside of him. "Fine. Our past liaison be damned. So, this makes it clearer to me then. Don't go stepping your boundaries ever again, Spock. Advising and mocking are two different things. And since I'm not acting like a proper captain, let me remedy this. Mock me one more time like that ever again and I'll haul your ass to court."

With that, he turned around and walked away to his quarters, not bothering to look at Spock. Once the doors to his quarters slid closed with a silent hiss, Jim let his whole body to slump against it. His mind was clouding and the sudden pain flared through his body, causing him to crumple on the floor. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down but it wasn't working.

It was true after all.

Spock didn't care about him.

He wasn't important—never was important to him.

He didn't know when things got so bitter between them but it did. Jim didn't like this feeling inside of him. He had thought maybe indeed he could do this. It had been six years after all but who was he kidding? He never felt so alive whenever he was with Spock.

And he had never felt so broken when Spock treated him like this.

He took in a deep breath and leaned the back of his head against the door and laughed bitterly.

"I heard about what happened at the bridge," Bones said as he entered Jim's quarters. The blond-haired man simply stood up from his desk and rubbed the back of his neck. He headed to the replicator and replicated himself a mug of Earl Grey. He grabbed the mug and sighed, realising that he no longer drank Vulcan Spice Tea ever since that day. Huh, well, who knew he would let it go?

He glanced at Bones and shrugged. "So?"

"So?" Bones asked as he walked to the replicator and replicated something to drink as well. He sipped onto the drink and leaned against the wall, watching Jim. "They never saw such a dramatic argument before."

"Well, the award goes to Spock, for being an ass as usual," Jim muttered bitterly. "I don't fucking understand him, Bones. He—Fuck him. He's the worst person I ever worked with!"

Bones's eyebrows climbed his forehead. Jim sighed harshly. He didn't know where he went wrong. "Huh, never thought I'd hear you say that," Bones muttered under his breath as he sipped his drink. "What did the hobgoblin do now?"

"He," Jim started before he slumped his shoulder forward in defeat. "He said he doesn't care, Bones. He—he never cared about me, about us. I know, I know it's been six years but nobody—nobody Bones, not even Carol, came close to making me feel like I did with him and he said he doesn't care. He said I'm being unprofessional and whatever that we had meant nothing to him now. I—How in—he, I don't even know, Goddamnit."

Bones remained quiet before he grumbled. "You two need to solve this, Jim. Either you fix this or one of you leaves."

Jim looked at Bones at the sudden words. "Leave?"

"Leave," Bones said confirming. "Goddamnit, kid, this isn't some playground where if you like a girl you pull her pretty ponytails. This is a working Federation ship and you're the Captain and he's your First Officer. Either you work this out or one of you leave. One of these days, you both are going to get killed because of this stupid petty war."

Jim thinned his lips before he looked away, pondering in his mind "I tried to get into some professional collaboration with him, you know. I didn't want to let these things slide far but he wouldn't let me in."

"And you're giving up?" Bones asked.

"I'm tired, Bones," Jim said slightly annoyed. "I'm tired from trying to figure him out. Whatever he's saying sounds like some bloody Morse's Code and I just—"

Jim took in a deep breath before he sipped the tea, looking at Bones again in the eyes. He knew his best friend was right somehow. "I'll—Okay."

"Just talk logical with him," Bones suggested. "As much as it pains me to say this, he's professional. Work first, emotions—never. He'll understand."

Jim couldn't help but to smirk at him. "Is that just another way for you to call him a heartless elf?"

"Sue me," Bones said mockingly as he quickly took a sip of the drink.

Jim looked away from his best friend to his mug, wondering if Spock really would listen. He had tried once and it was met with resistance. It seemed like their non-existent working relationship was beginning to stretch thin. And Jim had just started being the captain to his beloved ship less than a month.

He guessed he irked the half-Vulcan very much.

He knew he sure irked Uhura, with her glares and scornful gazes.

Damnit, he didn't sign up for this when he decided to captain the U.S.S Enterprise. He needed to solve this. Would he ever at least get along with his ex-lover? Somehow, that seemed like an impossible feat at the moment, maybe ever. He simply hoped that he would at least get a comfortable working environment.

Bones was right.

This wasn't the place for them to play poker with their feelings. He was frustrated with the Vulcan and he knew that Spock certainly had a strong dislike on him too. It felt humorous honestly when he started to revaluate their non-existent relationship.

They were so in love back then and now, they seemed to almost hate each other.

Life was such a cruel place to be, especially for the Kirks.

Two days had passed and things got slightly weirder. Ever since Jim—shamefully as he now realised—threatened Spock about his almost every day chastising regarding his orders, the half-Vulcan seemed to have gone monotonous. He wouldn't suggest anything or defy Jim's suggestion, merely agreeing with a nod or a 'very well' thrown in there somewhere.

The atmosphere around the bridge was much tenser than before as well.

He knew that he should resolve this immediately but Spock looked so unapproachable. Uhura had even started giving him the 'This-is-getting-ridiculous-even-for-you-Jim' look. He wanted to talk to Spock, ask him if they could at least try and cooperate even if he hated him now.

That really didn't settle well for Jim, the idea of Spock hating him.

But then again, there really was no changing time.

So, when they were briefing the mission one last time at the briefing room, everyone had agreed to his plans. Chekov started looking at Spock, wondering when the First Officer was going to object. Strangely, he didn't. He simply stared at the Captain and nodded his consent.

Jim shuffled on his feet feeling uncomfortable with the way Spock was acting so nonchalant. He knew he told Spock off about his behaviour but he didn't ask the Vulcan to stop all together. Just tone it down and make it sound like an actual advice instead of a mock. So, when everyone left, he finally took in a deep breath and called him out. "Spock, if you could spare a minute please."

Spock stopped at the entrance, lingering there a few seconds before he turned around, his hands behind his back. He raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner and Jim cleared his throat, standing straight facing him. "You don't have any suggestions you wanted to add into this briefing?"

The half-Vulcan stared at Jim for a second before he said, "I do not. I believe you have arranged everything as you see fit. My expertise on this matter is not needed. If you'll excuse me, Captain."

"Spock—"

But before Jim could stop him, he had turned around and walked out of the room, leaving a dumbfounded Jim. The blond-haired man tried to analyse what he had just heard. The words sounded awfully like someone who was sulking. Jim couldn't help but to smile confused at that thought.

Spock sulking?

Now that was a sight.

He knew he was harsh two days ago but that was because he was hurt. He didn't think Spock was capable of sulking. Jim pushed away the thoughts from his mind, heading out to the transporter room. Once he was there, he grabbed onto the phaser and got on the transporter pad. Spock followed with a few security officers and two geologists.

Jim glanced at Spock. The half-Vulcan simply nodded at Scotty, ignoring Jim. The captain just rolled his eyes internally before giving Scotty the thumbs up. "Beam us down, Scotty."

The engineer glanced at Jim and Spock before he cleared his throat. "Aye', Captain." With that, they were materialised on the planet's surface. Jim waited for a few seconds after materialising to get rid of the slight buzzing before he looked around at the place.

"This way," Ensign Kyle said as he pointed ahead.

"Lead the way," Jim said as they walked forward, Spock walking next to him.

He grabbed his tricorder out and started scanning the place, wondering what it was that was disturbing the mines. "No signs of life so far," Jim muttered as Spock nodded next to him, his recordings showing the same signs.

It took them twenty minutes before they entered the mining village. It turned out they had some disturbance in the mines ten minutes from here. A few of their people were found dead and it was terrifying the other workers down there. Jim frowned as he decided to head to the site, trying to get some details on this case.

What they didn't expect was to get attacked the minute they were spotted near the mining entrance. "Ah, Goddamnit," Jim cursed as he immediately found protection from bulky trees nearby.

"Captain, what's going on down there?" Sulu's voice came through the comm.

"We're being attacked," Jim said before he started hearing the sounds of phasers being shot. He took out his own phaser and set it stun when one of the attackers approached him. Stunning him, he tried to find a better place to protect himself when he found Spock, crouching behind a large stone and shooting one of the attackers down. He joined him afterwards, crouching down next to him and shooting the other side.

"Status?" he asked as Spock glanced at him.

"It is as we see," he said curtly, seemed to have been annoyed with the question. Jim huffed out before he shot another one of the attackers.

"I mean," Jim said as he looked at Spock. "Is it a rogue attack?"

Spock immediately ducked behind the rock when another phaser shot was aimed at him. He looked at Jim and thinned his lips, his grip on the phaser tight. "It seems so."

"Assume," Jim said as he spotted another one of the attacker trying to shoot Lieutenant Harold. Stunning him, he didn't see another gun was being aimed at him. A strong hand wrapped on his shoulder and tugged him backwards behind the rock before Spock shot the person.

Crouching behind again, he let Jim go and stared at him. "Captain, I believe it is a rogue attack or maybe if we must conclude the worst, an anti-Federation group," Spock said quickly. "Also, it would be wise if you were to beam up now."

"Excuse me?" Jim asked Spock, frowning. "And leave my crew to fight alone?"

"It would hardly be alone, Captain," Spock said, his eyes flashing dangerously. "It is as I said, it is unwise for you to have joined this away team in the first place. Do not make this difficult and beam back on board the ship."

Jim felt the twinge of annoyance in his heart as he scowled. "I know what I'm doing," he said before he looked out cautiously. With the confidence that the surrounding was clear at the moment, he immediately ran out and hid behind a huge tree.

"Captain!" Spock said, his eyebrows furrowing deep.

"Just focus on stunning them, Spock," Jim said to him before he started shooting again. "Fuck it, why the hell are there so many of you?"

Just then, one of the attackers had managed to catch Jim off guard, wrapping his arm around his neck and bringing him into a headlock while Jim was busy trying to keep the enemy from wandering close to him on his right. Startled, Jim accidentally dropped his phaser. "You Federation rats," the voice said gruffly.

Jim grabbed onto his arm, trying to twist away from the headlock when Spock appeared. The Vulcan pinched the man while he was busy with the blond-haired man. Once the man dropped onto the ground limply, Jim immediately grabbed back his phaser and stood up, rubbing his neck and tried to take in deep breaths.

"Captain," Spock said hurriedly as he grabbed onto Jim's right arm and dragged him close. Jim blinked away the light fuzziness before he looked at Spock. Right there, the captain saw the worry etched in Spock's eyes. His dark orbs were finally familiar to Jim. "Captain, are you alright?"

"Fine," Jim rasped out, coughing a bit to get his vocal chords working. Damn, that man's grip was strong. "Fuck, that hurts."

"Commander, Captain!" Lieutenant Harold called out. Jim immediately looked at him and noticed two men charging up to them with something sharp on their hands. Fumbling onto the phaser and Spock tightening his grip onto Jim's arm, it was an impossible feat.

"Captain," Spock said as he pulled Jim away from the attack. "We must beam up now."

"Scotty?" Jim said through the comm. Checking his comm, he groaned out loud. No signal. "Explains why we haven't beamed up yet," Jim mused on dryly as he tried shaking the half-Vulcan away and get safe. Spock, however, continued to drag him until they were behind the rock again. Shoving him to the ground, Spock immediately stood next to him and fired his phaser. "Spock!"

"Stay down, Captain," Spock said. "You are hurt. You need medical attention."

"I do not," Jim said as he stood up, already hoping that this would end. Spock however simply glanced at him and grabbed onto his arm, dragging him down to the floor.

"Captain," Spock said sternly, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Commander!" a voice shouted from behind them. "In front of you!"

Both heads whipped at where the voice was pointing and found a large phaser being aimed at them. Shit, Jim thought. They were too distracted to notice someone had brought the big guns out. Before the man could fire, the familiar feeling of being materialised vibrated through his body and the next thing he knew, he was at the transporter pad with Spock crouching down in front of him and his hand tight on his elbow.

"You fucking idiots!" Bones exclaimed as he hurried to the pad with his tricorder. Spock let Jim go immediately, standing up.

"The captain was involved in a headlock. I believe his oesophagus had retained some damage," Spock explained as Jim tried to protest. Bones simply rubbed his face, grabbing Jim by the arm and hauling him gently on his feet.

"Sickbay, now," Bones said as he looked at all the away team members including Spock.

"I will join you shortly," Spock said quickly, heading out of the room to the bridge. "I am unharmed at the present and am not your first priority."

Jim grimaced at the soreness around his throat. He glared at the disappearing blue back. Bones then dragged him to Sickbay and Jim was already mentally sighing at the lecture he was about to get.

He knew Bones was monitoring their health status through the medical screens. And he was sure he would have heard most of the commotion going on down there.

"You bloody idiots!"

"Bones."

"No, shut the fuck up, Jim," Bones said as he finally took a step back from the Bio bed. "What the hell happened down there?"

"There were too many of them," Jim said. "It was definitely an anti-Federation group attack. I heard one of them calling us the 'Federation rats'."

"Was that when you were getting your throat crushed?" Bones asked dryly. Jim simply sighed and rubbed his now no longer sore neck. "What really happened, Jim?"

"What?"

"Down there," Bones said. "What happened?"

"I told you—"

"Like hell you did!" Bones exclaimed, his eyebrows furrowing deep and his lips thinned. "I thought I told you two to get your acts together. I told you if there is no cooperation between a Captain and his First Officer, both of you will end up dead. Now, I might not know much about this captaining stuff but I do know you need teamwork to handle things, Jim."

Jim looked away, shame and guilt washed into his mind.

They had been bickering non-stop down there and the result was a close encounter with death. That was unprofessional of him and it was certainly not going to look on his image if he kept this up. But then he recalled the flash of worry in Spock's eyes. The protectiveness he showcased just a few minutes ago. It was—it was like Jim was seeing the old Spock.

It made him felt good.

It made him think that maybe, whatever it was between them all this while was indeed about what happened six years ago. And now, they were letting their personal affairs get into their work. If it was anything Jim learned, personal didn't go well with work.

He knew Spock felt it too. He knew that the half-Vulcan had given up his pretence already from the transporter room. "You're right," Jim said as he got out of the Bio bed. "I'm going to solve this now."

Bones nodded at him as he frowned. "You better. You both need each other."

Jim looked at Bones before sighing again. Nodding, he waved at Bones and walked out of Sickbay to search for Spock.

"Captain," Uhura said as she spotted him in the turbo lift. She quickly looked at him, examining him before she sighed in what seemed like relief. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Jim said as he unconsciously rubbed his neck. He glanced at her, wondering if she still wanted to be hostile with him. Before Jim could say anything, she stopped the turbo lift and turned to face him completely. "Uhura—"

"Permission to speak freely, Captain?" she asked. Jim took a step back, wondering what type of backlash he was about to receive now. He looked at her properly, looking into her eyes to identify if this was one of her threats. But strangely, he only saw worry and slight disappointment in her eyes. He finally nodded, giving her consent. She smiled a bit before she took in a deep breath.

"Spock's acting like an idiot."

Jim blinked, letting the words to settle in his mind.

"Uhm," he said slowly. "I'm sorry, what?"

"He's acting like an idiot and you are too," she said exasperated. "You both almost died out there!"

"I know," Jim said as he rubbed his face. "I know, Uhura. That's why I'm going to find him and talk to him, alright?"

She took a step forward, giving him a wary smile. "I'm sorry," she finally said, catching Jim off guard again. "I'm sorry for the things I've said at the mess hall. You're right. It's—It's none of my business and I shouldn't have said that. But Jim, he's—"

But she didn't continue. Jim waited for her to continue but after a while, it was clear she wasn't going to. "He's what, Uhura?" Jim asked slowly, wondering if this was about what he thought it was. She shook her head before she took a step back.

"This needs to stop," she said firmly. "You both need to work whatever problem you have now. Solve it because your professionalism is on the line. I need a capable captain, Jim and I need a logical First Officer to work with."

She then placed a hand on his right shoulder and squeezed it. "I know you two can be the best command team Starfleet had ever witnessed if you just get past this."

Jim was momentarily confused at her words. Get past what? Jim knew that they had some problems between them but it seemed like she knew what the specific problem was and she didn't want to tell him about it. She noticed the look on Jim's face and sighed. "That's for you two to figure out." With that, she let her hand drop and pressed onto the start button.

Once the turbo lift doors opened, she walked out, leaving Jim inside and wondering if maybe—Spock had felt what he felt that day too. He exhaled as he leaned his whole body against the walls of the turbo lift. Could it be possible that Spock did kept the grudge of Jim leaving him all these years?

Maybe he moved on like Jim did but when they saw each other again—something in between them relived. It was possible because Jim knew something in him bloomed again when he saw Spock after all these years.

Was it possible that Spock had actually cared about him and what he said two days ago was just some defence mechanism talking?

He felt hopeful, he didn't know why he was hopeful though.

Groaning, he said, "Computer, locate Commander Spock."

"Commander Spock is currently at Observation Deck 3."

He needed to talk to him now.

Jim walked into Observation Deck 3, the doors slid closed with a silent hiss behind him. He didn't have to look around much when he spotted Spock standing nearby the windows, staring out to the open space with his hands behind his back and concentration marking his face.

The blond-haired man lingered behind him for a few seconds before he took in a deep breath. He, then, walked to Spock, standing next to him before looking outside of the window as well. Silence washed in between them for a while before Jim cleared his throat, catching Spock's attention.

"Is something the matter, Captain?" Spock asked, his eyes still plastered to the scenery.

Jim bit his inner cheek before running his fingers through his blond hair. "Spock," Jim said as he turned to face the half-Vulcan. "We need to talk."

Spock's shoulders squared and Jim could see the tension building in them. After a second, Spock turned to face Jim, nodding. "Indeed," he said. "It seems we must."

"What's happening to us?" Jim asked finally, looking into Spock's eyes. "I mean, Spock, we have to act civil with each other if we're going to work. We can't act like babies and get ourselves killed."

Spock dropped his hands to his side. "I believe," Spock said. "You are correct."

Jim took a step back, nodding at the words. "So," Jim said. "Tell me. As your captain, if you must, don't you like working with me? Do you want a transfer? What do you need so that we can work together without any friction? Do we need to resolve whatever grudge we have left? What?"

Spock stood straighter, his eyes were now boring into the blue ones. Seconds passed with nothing being said before Spock opened his mouth, "I," Spock started. "I apologise, Captain for my behaviour for these past three point nine weeks. They were indeed unacceptable and uncanny for a First Officer. You are entitled to report me for superior abuse if you must. I would understand."

Jim swished his right hand in the air, flicking his words off dismissively. "You really agitated me, Spock. But—you were right at some point. You always had a point. I'm sorry too, Spock if I—I was too cocky or too—I don't know. It just seems to make you hate me and I—"

"I do not hate you, Captain," Spock cut him off immediately.

"You don't?" Jim asked sceptically. "I thought you did. I mean—I get it, I think."

"I do not hate you," Spock repeated. "I believe the appropriate term would be 'uneasy' with your presence but it seems now it is no longer a problem. You are a good captain and I am honoured to be your First Officer. It is my duty to keep you safe from harm and I have almost failed you at this moment. My personal affairs on our ending liaison had indeed clouded my judgement on you, thus making it hard on you. I apologise."

"Well, we both got wrong on ourselves, Spock," Jim said. "I failed to become the captain the ship needed because I wanted to argue with you. God, look at us. We're both acting like a bunch of teenagers. Bones's right. We're doomed for immaturity when we're together, aren't we?"

Just then, Jim saw it. Spock's lips twitched upwards and Jim knew he saw it. Something in him jumped slightly at the sudden appearance of Spock's amusement. It had been so long since he had seen that little quirk at the end of his lips. Jim at the end smiled. "It seems from now on, we should be more professional despite of our past."

The blond-haired man looked away, rubbing the back of his neck as he nodded. He knew it now that being friends with the person he used to love was going to be an impossible feat, so he settled for whatever that Spock wanted to give him. And if the professionalism was what he wanted, then Jim would gladly take it.

"Yeah," Jim said as he looked at Spock in the eyes. He thought he saw the same scars he was holding in his heart at the moment. Spock however nodded before he looked at the door.

"If you'd excuse me, Captain, I would like to head back to my quarters," he said and Jim nodded.

"Yeah, okay."

With that, he watched Spock walk away.

Things were much better now after the talk. Sure, Spock still didn't talk to him after work. There was still no communication after work but the communications they did have during work provided Jim with easiness. The crewmembers started to witness the fluid dynamic between their Captain and his First Officer and Jim couldn't help but to think that this was how it ought to be.

Three months had gone by and Jim finally settled into being professionally acquainted with Spock. The half-Vulcan no longer chastised him harshly even though he gave the disapproving glares whenever Jim bent the rules a bit. And if he had some objections, he let Jim know without sounding as if he wanted to murder the blond-haired man right where he stood.

Jim took it all in. He was beginning to see the real professional side of Spock and he was actually amazed at how dedicated Spock was in his work. Uhura slowly relaxed with the dynamic motion and was now better acquainted with Jim. She would still talk about Spock even if Jim didn't ask about him and told him about the things he recently liked.

Jim didn't know what she was trying to do. She didn't seem like she was showing off the fact that she knew Spock better, instead, she was sharing them with Jim. The Captain simply would acknowledge at first but slowly, he began to get interested in these things that Spock liked. He was soon anticipating what else Uhura knew about Spock.

Their missions ran smoothly and there never was a repeat of what happened in Delta V so far. Spock got his back and he got Spock's. They were indestructible and it was nice to know that they got along well. However, once the shift was over, once there was no more reason to talk to each other, Spock would slink away and disappear.

At the first few weeks, Jim knew that being friends with Spock was not going to happen. But then he suddenly started to catch the familiar quirks of the half-Vulcan every time they talked and he soon found himself wondering if it was really impossible to get a little bit closer to him again after all.

He knew Spock wouldn't let him. Jim shouldn't try either but something deep inside of him wanted to try his luck with Spock again, this time as a friend at least. But Jim was too scared to approach him, too scared to ask him because he didn't want their fragile connection to break apart from one request.

It would seem to be asking too much so Jim hid away the need to go after Spock and ask him to join him for lunch at the mess hall—or ask him if he still played chess.

"So, you and the hobgoblin," Bones said as he ate his lunch, sitting in front of Jim in the mess hall.

"Yeah?" Jim questioned as he drank his chicken soup, grimacing at the floating vegetables inside of it. Bones had successfully tied Jim up with a diet. He really hated vegetables. He sighed as he looked at the doctor and pointed to his bowl. "Really?"

"Really," Bones said matter-of-factly, closing the discussion. "Anyway, you and the pointed-ear-elf seemed to be getting along fine nowadays. The crewmembers are gossiping about you two."

Jim smirked at Bones. "You're the queen of all gossips, aren't you, Bones?"

Bones scowled at Jim. "Jim," Bones started. "That is not the answer to my question."

Jim chuckled before he sighed and drank his soup before shrugging. "I guess," he said slowly, swishing the soup with his spoon, making circles into the bowl. "I mean, yeah. He's—he's fascinating when he works."

Bones stared at him for a few seconds before he sighed as well. "Jim, no."

"What?" Jim asked as he looked back at his friend. Bones simply levelled his stare at him. "Seriously, what?"

"You tried it once and it didn't work," Bones said firmly. "Forget about it and just stick to professionalism."

Jim knew that he couldn't hide this from Bones. His best friend was more perceptive than a telepath. He knew what Jim was thinking even before he could say it. Sometimes, it was slightly unravelling and it always made Jim felt as if he was naked. God, that was a wrong mental image. He shook the thoughts of and placed his spoon at the edge of the bowl.

"I know," Jim said. "But we can't even be friends? I know what happened six years ago was—horrible. But, it's just that. It's been six years ago. And we're going to be working more than two years together. We have to form some kind of out-of-work relationship."

"Honestly, Jim," Bones said. "I thought you moved on."

"I did!" Jim protested. "I just, I thought friendship should be good."

Bones kept quiet, his eyes taking in Jim's face. "Bad idea," he said finally. "What if you still had feelings for him, Jim? What then? What if friendship isn't what you want anymore?"

"What?" Jim asked. "That's ridiculous! Of course I don't have any lingering feelings for him! It's been six years, Bones."

"It's been six years of unresolved misunderstandings," Bones said with a pointed gaze. "There is bound to be some feelings left inside. Whether it's going to turn platonic or romantic, only time will tell. But I'm telling you, Jim. He's a bloody Vulcan. One way or the other, the fact still remains that they don't know Human emotions well enough."

Jim worked his inner cheek, looking away from Bones to his soup. He guessed there was still some unresolved misunderstanding between them from six years ago. But right now, it seemed quite irrelevant. They had matured a bit from the last time they met. Jim knew he fell out of love for Spock already. He had ended up with Carol and he really did like her.

There were no more lingering feelings for Spock left inside of him.

But somehow, he couldn't convince himself to say it as such.

Recently, he did feel some kind of something for Spock. He wasn't sure what it was though. He shook those thoughts off and continued drinking his soup, the conversation dropped and Bones didn't bother to pick it back up.

It was a week later when something between them changed. Alpha shift was over and Jim had decided to just relax in the Rec room. He knew he could just hang out with Sulu or Chekov, maybe even with Uhura but somehow, today, he wanted to relax on his own.

He ended up with the tri-D chess in front of him. He played against himself. It was boring, he concluded when he outsmarted the pieces again. He knew he was still rusty with the game. It had been quite a while since the last time he played chess.

He just didn't have the time. His work came first and rarely did he have the leisure for chess. The Rec room wasn't crowded. In fact, it could be said that the room was quite empty despite himself and a few people scattered around. He guessed it made sense since it was nearing eleven at night Standard Time.

Just as he was about to knock off the knight from the board, someone stood in front of him. He looked up and froze when he saw Spock. The half-Vulcan looked at the board before he looked at Jim. The blond-haired man could literally see the curiosity forming in Spock's eyes. "Hi," Jim said finally, sitting up straight.

Spock nodded at him. "Evening, Captain."

Jim still didn't like himself being addressed so formally. This was going to be his home for the next few years now. He wanted to ask Spock to call him Jim again but once again, the doubt that that request might be stretching the boundaries thin stopped him. "You can sit down, you know," Jim said after a while.

"I do not wish to disturb you, Captain," Spock said as he had his hands behind his back. Jim simply rolled his eyes before pointing to the seat opposite of him.

"You're not," Jim said. Spock hesitated for a few seconds before he sat down in front of him. He then looked at the tri-D chess, lifting his eyebrows once he saw the pieces. Jim noticed the spark of challenge in those eyes however, no invitation for a game was extended out to him.

The blond-haired man remembered how much Spock enjoyed the game of chess. It was a game his human mother taught him when he was young. Jim wondered for a moment if Spock wanted to play with him. If he were to ask Spock to join him for a game of chess, would he do it?

Jim fidgeted in his seat, debating on the question while the silence between them rang on. After a while, Jim finally repositioned all the chess pieces to the start and caught Spock's eyes. "Do you want to play a game with me?"

Spock looked back to the chessboard and Jim thought he was going to deny. "Very well," Spock said and Jim had to blink a few times to get the acceptance settled in his mind. Something light made way into his heart as he nodded, a grin breaking out on his face.

With that, they started playing chess. Jim was rusty, maybe slightly off his original playing but Spock seemed as good as he once was. Jim lost the first round and Spock had that triumphed look on his face. Jim huffed out before he leaned into his seat. "I wasn't prepared, that's all," Jim said and Spock had the nerve to raise his eyebrows in a sceptical manner.

"I believe so, Captain," he said and Jim couldn't help but to chuckle at the intended sarcasm.

"Vulcans don't have sass, my ass," Jim muttered under his breath. Spock simply quirked his lips upwards in amusement. "One more time."

"Very well," Spock said and they started playing the second round. This time, Jim won and the captain crossed his arms against his chest and grinned. Spock simply stared at the chessboard before he looked at Jim.

"I told you I'll win," Jim said. Spock seemed to contemplate his moves before he nodded.

"Your way of playing is still illogical, I see," Spock said.

"Aww, don't be such a sore loser, Spock," Jim said with a cheeky grin.

"I believe the appropriate term would be 'I will beat you next time'," Spock said dryly. Jim ended up laughing, feeling the lightness in his heart growing brighter. Soon, he felt nostalgic and somehow right. This was how they were supposed to be. This was how they were once. So carefree and relaxed in each other's presence. He hadn't seen Spock like this since he started working here but now, in front of him, Spock was the person Jim had fallen in love with from six years ago.

"I see you still have your sass," Jim said as he settled down.

"I do not have sass, Jim," Spock said and immediately, a heavy silence washed in between when Jim realised what the half-Vulcan had said. Jim's eyes widened as he looked at Spock. The half-Vulcan seemed tense as well, having realised what he had done. He immediately stood up and Jim followed suit. "I believe I should go now, Captain."

Before he could leave, Jim immediately reached out and grabbed onto his wrist, wrapping his fingers around it. "Spock," he started. Maybe there was hope after all, right? Maybe he could get something in between them after all. But Spock simply looked back at him and Jim loosened his grip when he saw the—remorse in his eyes.

It made Jim shocked at how many emotions were swirling in those orbs. "I believe it is not wise for us to extend the parameters of our current relationship, Captain. It is for the best, is it not?"

Jim broke their eye contact and looked away, the sudden lightness gone and replaced it was the slight ache. He let Spock go and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, okay."

With that, Spock looked at him for a moment. Jim knew he wanted to say something else but he didn't. Instead, he only said, "Goodnight, Captain."

"Goodnight, Spock."

Their current relationship was still professional. Jim realised that maybe, being only professional with Spock wasn't that satisfying after all. After that day at the Rec room, he wanted more of that relaxed Spock. He knew he was asking too much, so he didn't extend his intentions out to the world.

Of course, that also meant he had been staring at Spock more often than not now. Whenever Spock wasn't looking, he would glance at him and then, he'd realise he had been taking in details of the half-Vulcan and storing them in his mind without him noticing he was even doing so.

Jim felt insecure with the way he was behaving around Spock. He knew the signs when he saw one and these were the early signs of him getting infatuated with someone. That someone was Spock and it didn't settle well Jim.

He had tried it once with the half-Vulcan and look at where they ended up now. It wasn't for the best if he wanted anything closer with him. But his heart yearned out loud, yelling at him that Jim was making a mistake. It told him that Spock was the one and he was too blind, too insecure and too scared to see it, to go for it.

Jim ignored it.

But ever since that day in the Rec room, there was some slight changes in their working environment. Spock was less colder, much warmer and Jim saw the signs of him getting used to someone before. Spock was getting used to him. The half-Vulcan started inquiring if he was alright and started slipping his emotions out more often nowadays.

Jim felt special again.

He felt cherished.

And he knew that this was going to end terribly if he didn't ignore these feelings.

However, destiny had always been a sadist.

It was another away mission, this time they had beamed down to investigate a presence of a new element. Jim found out that it was what kept this whole planet alive. It really intrigued him and Spock expressed the same feeling.

"So, this actually keeps your planet alive?" Jim asked as he looked at the guide, K'Sev.

"Yes," he said, nodding. He looked Humanoid and even though they didn't speak Standard as their native tongue, they could speak it well. "It is our life source and hers."

"It seemed that this planet has a gender," Spock said next to him and Jim nodded. The element they found was a large crystal in bright pink. It was also humming gently like a lullaby and it was actually soothing to whoever hearing it. Something about the element was also very alluring causing Jim to take a step forward.

"I would not do that if I were you," K'Sev said as he took a step forward and pulled Jim away. Spock immediately gently grabbed Jim's elbow and pulled him away from K'Sev's grip. Jim, however, kept his eyes straight at the element.

"It's pretty," Jim breathed out, finding himself flushing. His body felt warm and he wondered what it would feel like if he touched the smooth crystal.

"Commander, I'm reading great levels of static from where you are," Sulu said from the comm.

"Ah, it is time to head back then," K'Sev said. "It is her feeding time. We cannot stay to watch. She will be mad. We all be dead then."

"Captain, we should leave," Spock said but Jim simply waved him off.

"Just a minute," Jim said as he pulled his elbow from Spock's grasp and took a few steps towards the crystal.

"Captain," Spock said, grabbing back his elbow. "Something is wrong. What is wrong with the Captain, K'Sev?"

"Oh no," K'Sev said as he looked at Jim. "We must leave at once."

Jim however was enticed with the crystal, the humming seemed to beckon at him.

"Commander," an ensign said, his face flushed too like Jim was. "I feel funny."

Just then, something bright emerged from the crystal and K'Sev's eyes widened. "We must leave!" he said and before any one of them could do anything, he started running away. "Oh, I am sorry, Madam! Do not hurt them. Do not hurt me! Please! I am sorry!"

But the bright light started to become a sharp laser and before K'Sev could get away, it shot him and immediately, he was on the ground, crying out in agony and pain. Jim however was entranced. He slowly reached his hand towards the crystal as if the crystal was cooing at him to do so. His mind slowly blanking out and all he felt was this strong desire to get closer to the crystal.

"Captain!" Spock said as he ordered everyone to leave. "Beam us up immediately, Mr Scott."

"Stat—ic—," Scotty's voice came through. The light went up through the crystal again and this time, without wasting time, Spock grabbed onto Jim's hand and dragged him away. Jim fumbled on his foot as the rest of the away team followed the half-Vulcan away from the crystal.

They were a few feet away before the static calmed down. Jim was disorientated as he tripped and fell on the ground onto his back. "Mr Scott," Spock demanded through the comm.

"Two minutes! I got your coordinates. Far enough to avoid static. Two minutes to lock down," Scotty said in a rush through the comm.

Spock looked at Jim, crouching down to him to take a better look at his Captain. Jim simply blinked, his head was pounding heavily and the sudden enticement disappeared, leaving him empty. "Captain," Spock started but before Jim could say anything, there was another bright light from the surrounding.

Jim's throat felt dry and he whimpered at the brightness. Spock looked down to Jim, his eyes filled with worry. "Too—bright," Jim croaked out as he closed his eyes. "Feel….weak." It wasn't just Jim who was affected. Another two Human of the away team members were affected as well, however not as bad as Jim.

They were still able to shield the brightness from themselves, waiting to be beamed up. Jim, however, was the closest to the crystal and it felt like someone wanted to split his head open. Spock quickly gathered Jim in his arms, burying his face into his chest and wrapping his arms around him. Jim weakly tried to wrap his arms around him too but he couldn't.

"Is this much better, Captain?" Spock asked. Jim nodded even though he knew he hadn't moved at all.

"S'okay," he slurred. "Jim."

"Captain?"

"Jim," the blond-haired man said under his breath. He inhaled Spock's scent, feeling the headache slowly loosening its grip on his mind. "Call…me…J—Jim."

It was right after that that they materialised on the transporter pad, Spock still clutching onto Jim and the blond-haired man trying to get his mind to work. Soon, relief washed into his mind once he was no longer there and he fell limp in Spock's embrace. His mind shut down from the exhaustion and pain and his whole body felt like they were drained out of energy.

The last thing he heard before he went unconscious was Spock calling his name in his ears, soft and worried.

"Jim."

Jim woke up to the sounds of someone rustling around next to him. His head no longer felt like it was about to crack. He groaned when he opened his eyes and saw a sudden presence of white light, causing his eyes to water. A prickling sensation on his neck gently brought his mind into focus.

Soon, he noticed he was in Sickbay. He blinked opened his eyes before he took in a shaky breath. "Huh, look who decided to grace us with her highness's presence," a deep gruff voice spoke and Jim couldn't help but to crack a weak smile when he saw Bones.

"Hey," he croaked out and winced when he felt how dry his throat was. Bones simply stared at him unamused, his tricorder readings in his hand.

"Don't hey me, idiot," Bones said as he looked at his tricorder. After a minute, he nodded and sighed, rubbing his face. "Goddamnit, I thought you were dead!"

Jim winced at the tone as he gave him a comforting smile. With that, he tried to sit up, only to have Bones pushing him back down. "Bones, I'm fine."

"Like hell you are!" Bones exclaimed. "Jim, did you know what happened to you? Do you have any idea how much brain activity there was in you by the time we brought you in here? You might as well end up in some kind of coma from the way your brain was acting up. We had to sedate you to keep you from shutting down abruptly and dying."

Jim didn't know it was that bad. "Explains why my head felt like someone cracked it," Jim said as he took in a deep breath. "How long was I out?"

"Over fourteen hours," Bones said slowly. "We managed to stabilise you into a shallow sleep by the eighth hour. You're damn lucky the hobgoblin sheltered you from the lights."

"Spock?" Jim asked as he remembered slightly being held by him. He felt warm and secure in his embrace. He didn't think Spock would do that to him after all these times. "He hugged me."

"He had to," Bones said. "You—you scared us all, Jim. You went limp in his arms and the hobgoblin—god, I didn't think I would say this, but he panicked. You didn't breathe properly and you're—technically you almost died. Spock wouldn't let you go until I had to pry you off."

Jim blinked at the declaration. "R—really?" he asked, feeling something warming his heart. Spock acted like that? He reacted as such for Jim? He didn't know what to make of it. Bones simply huffed out in annoyance.

"You're staying back from the next away mission," Bones declared. Jim wanted to protest but the look on Bones's face stopped him. "Please, Jim. Just until I'm sure you're alright again."

"I'm fine now, aren't I?" Jim asked weakly and Bones nodded.

"Yeah, you're fine," Bones said. "But that doesn't mean you get to go on duty for the next two days. Rest, Jim."

"But Bones!"

"No," Bones said. "Or I will sedate you if I must. Do you want to test me, Jim?"

The blond-haired man slowly settled down before he rolled his eyes at the doctor. A mother hen, he was just that. He finally relented and smiled. Bones sagged his shoulders in relief. "But just so you know threatening a superior office is an offence."

"Sue me," Bones muttered under his breath before he checked Jim one last time and gave him another hypospray. Jim winced at the sharp stab and glared at Bones. "Payback."

"Spock, where is he?" Jim asked as he tried settling on his back against the headboard. This time Bones let him.

"Where do you think he'll be?" Bones asked sarcastically. Jim just huffed out and before he could retort, the doors to Sickbay slid opened. The said person walked in, his eyes immediately locking onto Jim's. Bones simply muttered under his breath again before nodding. Spock walked up cautiously to them before he glanced at Boones. "He's fine. Fine for Jim anyway. He's on rest for two days. No work. No moving out bed."

"Yeah, yeah," Jim said as he waved his hand at Bones. The doctor simply rolled his eyes before he walked away from the two. Jim then shrugged him off, smiling softly at Bones's not-so-obvious love and looked at Spock. His First Officer looked—horrible.

He looked slightly paler from he used to. His eyes seemed to look tired and he wondered if Spock was taking care of himself. He frowned at the image in front of him. "Captain," he said and immediately Jim remembered the way Spock had called out his name before he passed out. His cheeks flushed slightly as he cleared his throat and nodded.

"Uhm," Jim started. "Thanks, for you know—shielding me from the light."

Something flashed in Spock's eyes but he just nodded. "It is my duty as First Officer to protect you."

The immanent hope dropped and shimmered dim. He looked away from Spock and nodded, knowing he looked slightly put off. Oh, so it was because of his duty then. Jim didn't know what else he was expecting from this. Of course Spock did so because it was his duty. Jim felt foolish for a second. Seriously, Jim. "Yeah," Jim said. "Right, because of your duty. Thanks anyways."

Silence matched on before Spock said, "We have discovered that with further investigation, the crystal seemed to be indeed—alive. It is as for now unsure of how it is possible and it defies logic but the results do suggests it is alive."

"Huh," Jim said, removing the hopeless thoughts and focused on this news. Furrowing his eyebrows, he said, "Then why was I—you know, loco?"

"Your brain activity was affected with the waves it was emitting," Spock said. "It seemed it felt threatened with our presence. I was unaffected because I have strong shields protecting my mind. Humans however do not have shields and therefore, their brain waves are affected easily by the waves it was emitting."

"So the rest of the away team member—"

"They are fine," Spock said. "They did not get hurt due to the distance they were with the crystal. However, you had gone too close and almost touched it. If you had touched it, the waves would have transferred into you directly and would have caused an antagonising death."

Jim winced at the thought of dying so harshly. He sighed and rubbed his face before looking at Spock in the eyes. Just then, he saw the worry etched in Spock's eyes. He froze at the look and tried to settle his beating heart. He didn't know why he had this hope in his heart, but there it was. He was hoping what he was seeing was real.

Spock immediately looked away and a different type of silence washed in between them. "I will get going, Captain." Before Spock could leave, Jim grabbed onto his wrist and stopped him again. He didn't want Spock to leave, not yet. After what he had felt at the transporter room, at the worry and slight tremors of fear of losing him, he needed to know.

Spock tensed at the touch, his eyes not leaving the floor. Jim licked his lips, wondering if he could get the words out without affecting their thin relationship. "Spock," Jim said softly. "Is it—was it just a duty to you?"

The half-Vulcan looked at him immediately. "Captain—"

"Don't," Jim started, his eyes pleading as he squeezed the wrist. "Please, just the truth. Don't avoid the question. Just tell me. No more lies."

"Vulcans do not lie," Spock said but Jim could feel the hollowness in his words. Jim ignored the words and looked at him in the eyes, expecting an answer from him.

"Do you—Did you do it because it's your duty?" Jim asked. "Or is it because you still care about me?"

Jim watched how his jaw clicked tight and how his shoulders wound tense. He saw how Spock tried to debate with his inner self. He saw the final resignation in the air as he looked at Jim again, this time his emotions bare out to him. He grabbed onto Jim's hand and for a second, the Captain thought the Vulcan was going to tear his grip away from his wrist.

But he didn't, instead, he held Jim there. Something warm washed in between them and suddenly, Jim felt the deep tremors of affection in them. It was there—it was present and he felt it running through him. Jim gave out a silent gasp, the warmth caressing him from inside. He didn't know what to think but this: Spock never forgot about their love. About them. Spock never forgot about him.

"Jim," Spock started and Jim looked at the half-Vulcan, his eyes blurry, tears gathering in his eyes. "Jim."

"Spock," Jim croaked out. "You still—I didn't—how?"

"I do not know," Spock said slowly, his eyes locking into his. "All that I do know was that when I saw you again after six point one years, you had managed to still elicit multiple emotional responses from me. I had thought it would be the best if I did not acknowledge our past liaison. I had thought that if I were to keep my distance, if I were to avoid you, I would no longer care."

"Spock," Jim started. "I didn't—"

"It is illogical for me to have thought you would still feel the affection we shared," Spock said finally. "I confess, I did not think about you anymore after we separated. It was for the best and I had thought I had meditated you over. I no longer felt anything, I have kept it all locked up like it was supposed to."

"But when you saw me again, you felt something, didn't you?" Jim asked, blinking back the tears. "Because—I did."

Spock didn't say anything. "I do not what it is," Spock said. "But I do not like you getting hurt, Jim. You must be more cautious of your safety. I can only do so much."

Jim took in a shaky breath before he nodded, laughing a bit at the lightness in his heart. "Can we," Jim started. "Just friends? Because I care about you, Spock and you—I know you care about me too. I just, can't we start over? Forget our past? Can't we?"

Spock remained quiet and Jim knew he might be asking too much. Their past, even if it was beautiful, it was mostly painful as well. He wanted nothing more but to forget about it. He wanted to start over with this Vulcan again. He wanted to know if maybe things would be different once more. Spock squeezed his hand for a bit before he huffed out.

"It is, I suppose for the best," Spock said. "I do not think I could ignore you any longer."

It was the closest he would get to a yes. Jim knew it and he smiled. He felt everything changing in between them that day. He finally nodded. "Alright," he said before he looked at Spock in the eyes. "Starting over."

Spock's lips quirked upwards even though they looked tired. "Affirmative."

Jim chuckled before he detangled their hands. Before long he finally took a deep breath and said, "Hi. I'm James Tiberius Kirk. And you are?"

Spock watched him before he went along with it, indicating that he was finally ready to let it all lay in the past. "Greetings. I am Spock."

A/N: So? How do you guys like it? I'm trying to take it slow. No need to rush, right? Anyways, all the missions stated above is made up, the name of the planets, the people and whatnot, all made up and I hope it made sense either way. Also, medical mumbo-jumbos. But I hope you guys liked it~ Thank you for those who had followed this, favourited it, reviewed and read. It means a lot to me! Hope you guys enjoy this as well~ Do let me know what you guys thought! Until the last chapter~! -Krystal