Disclaimer: Again, people, places, things belong to J.K. Rowling, lyrics are Taylor Swift.
A/N: I wrote this story in a night, I don't really have a lot to say here.
Broken Roller Coaster
But I miss screamin' and fightin' and kissin' in the rain
and its 2am and I'm cursin' your name.
You're so in love that you act insane
and that's the way I loved you.
It didn't matter how great his late evening may have been, when the time for sleep came to claim him the pain would be back. The great boyfriend, the great friends, the great grades, and the great position couldn't mask it when he was in the one place that was always able to remind him that his life wasn't great. His bed for a year and a half housed another body when the dreamworld wrapped him in its embrace, and strong arms kept him safe from the nightmares that tried to overtake him. For two months he had been forced to try and sleep without those arms, with out that heat, and most of all with that snore not in his ear. He wondered if it would be easier when that dog-like snore wasn't reverberating around his room anymore, and then prayed for the summer to come faster again.
Eventually the dreams would carry him away, but they would carry him to a place he wanted to be even less. The memories that he forced back all day, every day would push back when he was most vulnerable, and he would be forced to remember. He would be forced to remember the way that voice would say his name when they were moving together as though they shared the same body, the same being. He used to have dreams like this, when he was realizing that he was not just a werewolf, but that he was a gay werewolf. His dreams would always be of the same person, the same person would open his curtains and crawl beside him. Dark hair would brush against his scarred cheeks, and just a touch to red to actually be called pink lips would lock onto either his own or onto his pulse point. Hands roughed by bludgers, bats, and brooms would glide across his body, and led him into that place of absolute bliss. Then the words, the words he refused to let his new boyfriend say, the words that held all of the power in the words three fast syllables would be uttered over and over again.
Sometimes, some nights that wouldn't be what he dreamed about. Though he said those were the hard dreams, they were by far the easiest. To remember that still made him feel warm, even though he swore he could never feel that again. It was the others, the ones that showed the reason that activity, that was by no means simply, was so powerful when it was between them. The dreams where he would see gray eyes vividly glaring into him as words that couldn't be harsher were screamed back and forth. Words that had started out in jest, but somehow always cut at just the right places so that they never were able to stay that way. Words like "book-worm" always turned into "pansy" always turned into "prude" and ended in "werewolf prick." Words like "scoundrel" always turned into "delinquent" always turned into "man-whore" and ended in "pure-blood bastard." Then he'd win, because Remus would just want the words to end, so he put their mouths to better use.
It was the dreams that didn't just jump right into the action that were the hardest. It was those dreams that proved to him that no matter how much he thought he loved the other boy, they weren't meant to be. They couldn't have been meant to be when it was so very easy for the boy that said he loved Remus to betray Remus like he did. When two people truly loved each other they didn't try and use the other as a weapon to kill one they found annoying. When two people truly loved each other they didn't do things that would end up with their love in Hell on Earth. His former half, the one that whispered sweet things in his ear after a fight, things like "you are my everything" had used that same tongue to direct Remus and another on a path of great horrors. Had used the same tongue that used to draw beautiful patterns across Remus' skin to direct another to horrors that used Remus as the main attraction. Remus had always known that tongue was good at lying, he had just never thought it would lie to him.
That was what made everything about the whole ordeal so hard. It wasn't the fact that Remus had almost been sent to the dementors, or that another had nearly died. Those were both horrible things to happen, but that it was orchestrated by the one that told Remus that he was loved above all things. That the one that had broken into the shell Remus had careful constructed for himself, that the one that had figured out what he was and blown it off as though it was no big deal. That it was the one that showed Remus that he was more then just a condition that was controlled by the full moon, that was what made it so very hard on Remus. That the one that had broken through the shell and found the heart Remus had tried hard to hide, the one that had given that heart new life, new meaning. The one that made Remus understand that he had potential and a life worth living, and yet tried to take those dreams away with a simple slip of the tongue. That was what made it hurt so badly.
Remus had tucked a time of ups and downs, adventures, and feelings that he didn't know he was allowed into a heart he worried would stop working properly again. He had memories of happiness and. what he wished he could think of as, love that he could cling to. He had a past that he could look back on, and as long as he didn't think about the ending, he could smile on that past. He had a future that he had worked hard for, and people that wanted him to do great things with that future. He had more people that loved him, and more times of happiness awaiting him. He just had to let go of the past, to truly tuck it away as the past. He had to stop thinking about making it his present again, it was over. The one that he had given his heart to had moved on already, as he had tried to. Now it was just a matter of proving that he really had moved on, not to the rest of the world that already believed, but to himself.
Breakin' down and comin' undone
it's a roller coaster kinda rush.
And I never knew I could feel that much.
And that's the way I loved you.