A/N: Thanks so much for your lovely reviews on my last chapter. So sorry it's taken so long to update but life kinda got in the way. This chapter was hard to write (I cried a couple of times ngl) and only having short spells here and there in which to write didn't help. It's mainly background really - I can't believe it got to nearly 3000 words though! Hope it's still enjoyable to read. Let me know! The next couple of chapters will really move the story on I promise. Bizarrely I've already written quite a bit of chapter 4!

headchantal / Shaz1 / Is-there-somewhere-x / CharieK / Guest - thanks for your reviews and encouragement to keep writing

twighlightwonderer - glad you liked it! I think it's the description that means it takes me so long to write at times! I have this vision in my head of what I want to get across to the readers and i don't stop until I think I've managed it. Hopefully this chapter will be right up your street!

Randomgurl / corriemad2002 - glad I'm providing something you felt was missing from the show! Exactly what I wanted to do for myself too! ;) Thanks for your encouragement

Tanith Panic - I'm sure you know exactly what it's like when your favourite has left and you're desperate to know how they would have reacted to subsequent events. They are obviously still at large in fictional world and would get to hear of these things so... (I guess it's similar to wondering how Lofty would have reacted to news of Dylan being involved with the care of his baby half sister?) It would only have been a week or so since Rita left so I wanted to explore where she would have been and how she would have found out. So much the better that I could involve another departed favourite. Thanks for your positive words and encouragement

earthling1970 - wow. your review blew me away it was so eloquent and detailed. Thank you! You're obviously another one who believes Rita and Iain belong together. I'm afraid they will both have very different fights on their hands before there's any chance that that can happen here...

Milly and Amy on Tumblr - glad you loved it sorry to kill you both. Ooops...

Please keep the reviews coming they are such a boost and such a rewarding part of writing fics for me. Thank you! XxX

Less than twenty minutes later the women were in Rita's dark blue mini, travelling East up the A30 in the direction of Holby.

Rita had barely spoken since they'd been in the lounge together. Huddled on her bed, arms wrapped tight around her knees, she'd merely nodded her head as Dixie held up toiletries, clean clothes, underwear, PJ's. Swiftly packing bags that would see the pair of them comfortable for however many nights it took. Neither woman willing to contemplate what the 'it' was.

Dixie had had a similar response when she suggested it was her that should drive Rita's car. It was more of a statement than a question anyway. The younger woman still looking too shaken and the car Dixie shared with Jess already in use on a trip out with Olivia.

A quick note to Jess for the kitchen table and the women had loaded themselves and their bags into the car, Dixie announcing that phone calls could wait until they were on the move.

In the silence that descended again in the car both women rued not taking the chance to chat before now. Before the events unfolding on the news had changed the landscape so massively.

Dixie recalled the phone call she'd received just over a week ago.

"Dixie, hi! How's it going?" Rita had sung down the initial greeting down line as breezily as she could muster.

"Rita! Darlin', nice surprise! How are things with you?"

"Erm…" A long pause. "Not good" She barely got the two words out as her voice cracked and faltered. Rita couldn't believe it. She didn't cry in front of people. Not if she could help it. It wasn't her style. She'd learned the hard way with Mark that it showed weakness and she'd taught herself to hide it. She had thought she'd be able to keep it together for this conversation and she'd not even managed two sentences.

"Rita…?" Dixie's concerned voice broke the silence as Rita gulped and blew out a breath slowly to steady herself.

"Erm… Yeah I was just wondering if you fancied having a visitor for a bit?" She braced herself for the response, the excuses. It only just occurring to her that Iain may well have spoken to her first. And that she didn't actually have a backup plan if her former colleague couldn't accommodate her.

"Seriously? Of course! Can you get here tomorrow?! Ha ha if only it was that simple to book holiday eh? It's just I'm between jobs at the moment so I've a load of free time. God we'll have to stock up if that northern lump is coming down, he's like a human dustbin isn't he? You can give him a kick from me and tell him to return my texts and…" Dixie tailed off mid sentence suddenly realising that Rita hadn't actually said 'visitors' plural.

Another deep breath and Rita responded.

"Okay so it would… erm... it would just be me. And I...err, I could actually be there tomorrow. Unless you were joking of course? I don't need to book holiday. I'm - well I guess I'm between jobs too… " Rita grimaced down the phone. This had been a bad idea. She wasn't ready for any questions. "Look I'll understand if it's a no. I don't want to put you in an awkward position with Iain…"

"Oh sweetheart, what's happened? Sorry, you don't have to answer that now. And don't be daft, of course you can come. As soon as you need. We've got a little annexe for visitors so it'll be fine with the girls too don't worry. You just get yourself here safely okay? Stay as long as you want."

"Oh Dixie thank you!" Rita had exhaled with relief. "I just really need to get away for a bit. It's a long story. Maybe over a few G&Ts hey?"

"I'll hold you to that kiddo!"

A few more minutes spent organising the logistics and it was all arranged. Dixie ended the call and sighed. Whatever it was it sounded messy. A mess involving two of her closest friends and one that she'd been completely oblivious to. She tried to banish the thought from her head that she had been deliberately so. Rita had been there for her in the past when it mattered. A concerned call to Charlie later and it hit home just how much her friend might need her now too.

Dixie had had the conversation with Jess as soon as she got in from work.

"So Iain Dean's a heartbreaker? Didn't see that one coming" Jess had muttered sarcastically at her girlfriend's opening couple of lines about Rita's situation. She'd held her hands up and allowed Dixie to continue knowing it pained the older women that she hadn't hit it off better with her best friend while they were in Holby.

"Oh god I can't even imagine" Jess's hands had shot to her mouth when Dixie summarised what she knew of Rita's past with Mark and what, courtesy of Charlie, she now knew of the horrific day in the ED Rita had suffered when he and his pregnant young girlfriend had been brought in. Adding to that what she knew of Rita's public shaming following her and Iain's break up and Jess was round at her partner's side.

"I knew he'd mess her around. I'll bloody kill him if he's to blame for any of this" Dixie sighed as Jess's arm snaked around her waist.

"Probably best to wait til you've heard the full story before there's any killing done love?" Jess teased gently. Dixie raised an eyebrow, impressed that her girlfriend was giving Iain the benefit of the doubt, however briefly. "I always thought he was punching above his weight with her if I'm honest" she finished before adding "Rita is welcome to stay as long as she needs to"

"Rita's coming to stay?!" chimed up Olivia as she skipped into the room. "As in my favourite nurse Rita? Does that mean Iain is coming too? He's so funny. They are totally my favourite grown ups left in Holby" she enthused.

"Rita is coming yes" said Dixie softly, wrapping her arm around the young girl's shoulders "you might need to help me cheer her up a bit though. Iain won't be coming with her, they aren't together any more. It's complicated" she finished as the little girl's brow furrowed in confusion.

Olivia sighed "Adults always say that when they are being silly and just need to sort things out" she announced before heading out to the garden.

Rita had arrived the next day and Dixie did well to hide her shock at how shattered the younger woman looked. She wasn't used to seeing her friend without the makeup and neat hair that had become her standard at work but it was more than that. Rita looked like she hadn't had a good night's sleep in ages and as Dixie pulled her into a hug she worried that she'd lost weight too. Fighting back the tears, Dixie vowed that if nothing else Rita would leave them rested, well fed and with the glow that only the sea air could help bring to your cheeks.

That air had got to work quicker than she thought. When Dixie had brought Rita a cup of tea having shown her to the garden annexe and left her to unpack, she'd found the blonde woman already curled up asleep on the bed. She smiled sadly as she set down the mug, gently removing Rita's converse trainers and draping a blanket over her small frame.

"You'll get through this kid I promise" she whispered softly before planting a kiss to her forehead, drawing the curtains and retreating from the room, leaving her guest to the nap she so obviously needed.

It was 10 o'clock the next morning when Jess and Dixie finally relented to let a desperate Olivia check in on their visitor. The ten year old walked carefully down the path balancing a tray in front of her, setting it down temporarily so she could knock on the patio door. A few moments passed before a sleepy Rita stumbled to answer, still wearing the leggings and baggy hoody she'd driven down in, blonde hair fluffed up around her face. She broke into a smile as she saw Olivia proffering coffee and toast and welcomed her into the room.

"Hey Rita, mum and Dixie said I had to let you have a lie in but you've slept for like 100 years now so I thought you'd be starving" Olivia grinned a toothy smile in Rita's direction as she put the tray down on the bedside table.

"Well aren't you a sweetheart?" Rita rubbed her eyes as she continued to try and orientate herself. "It's Monday already then?" she queried, unable to believe she'd slept since the previous afternoon "hey sorry to crash your summer holidays"

"It's fine. I love having people here. Gives me a chance to practice my baking. And given how much you looked after me and mum in hospital I think you get an extra big cake really" she smiled shyly at the nurse who was clambering back onto her bed tucking her legs underneath her. Rita patted the duvet for Olivia to join her and the young girl hopped up beside her.

"I'm sorry you and Iain aren't going out any more by the way. I really liked him" Olivia commented softly, catching Rita slightly off guard.

"Umm…I really liked him too. It just turned out he didn't really like me I guess?" Rita shrugged.

"Well I think he's stupid then! Either that or you do know that boys do stupid things when they like girls don't you?"

Rita allowed herself a small laugh "Is that what it is? I'm afraid I did some pretty stupid things too" she said the smile dropping from her face as the painful memories infiltrated her thoughts once more. Olivia seemed not to register her reply, already deep in thought about something else.

"Rita…? You know when I was in hospital that last time? You knew didn't you?"

"Knew what poppet?"

"You knew without me saying that I was scared of Nikki, you kept her away from us so that you could all help me and mum. Did someone make you scared before? Is that how you knew?" Olivia's upturned face was now scrutinising Rita's, spotting the slight gulp before the woman replied.

"Oh gosh that's a question isn't it? But yes… yes they did seeing as you asked" Rita smiled sadly "Not Iain though" she added quickly, keen that the girl didn't have any doubt. "And I'm not scared anymore"

"You're still sad though aren't you?" Olivia observed continuing to peer at Rita's face "My old school friends didn't really get how I could still be sad once we weren't living with Nikki anymore but… Well I guess you get it don't you?"

Rita inhaled shakily "Yes. Yes I do sweetheart" her voice was barely a whisper. Not trusting herself to speak anymore she simply held her arms out to Olivia who snuggled into her side. Rita kissed the top of her head. She chewed her lip and squeezed her eyes tight shut trying desperately to banish thoughts of how differently she'd thought her life would pan out. How she could have been hugging her own daughter now. She took a deep breath. "So tell me. How did you get so wise? Your mum and Dixie must be so proud of you" she said, rubbing the girl's shoulder gently as she spoke.

"Dixie and my mum have been brilliant. There's a lady I talk to at my new school too. She helps. You know, Dixie is really good for talking to Rita. She also taught me to do this…". Olivia pulled far enough away from Rita to be able lift the hood of the woman's top up into her head. "I dunno why but it helps somehow. Ha! you look like a pixie!"

Dixie's head appeared around the door just in time to see Olivia positioning Rita's hood and she hesitated briefly, fully aware of its probable significance.

"So who fancies hitting the beach this morning?" She questioned brightly, smiling as the pair turned towards her.

Looking down guiltily at her outfit of the last 24 hours, Rita pushed her hood down and grabbed her coffee cup "Give me a sec for breakfast and a quick shower and I'll be right with you"

"Rita…?" Dixie's voice broke through her thoughts as she continued to stare out of the car window. "Did you want to try calling the ED?"

Rita had already tried a number of their former colleagues but had gone through to voicemail on every one. Charlie was the only one she'd left a message with. A stuttering account of what they'd seen on TV and the action they were now taking. With all the others she'd hung up, her head battling with the logical - them being understandably too busy to pick up - versus the emotional - that they were screening their calls from her. Or worse. That they couldn't face the bad news they'd have to pass on.

Hands shaking, Rita picked up the scrap of paper on which Dixie had scribbled the helpline number and tapped the digits into her phone. The line rang out for what seemed like a lifetime and Rita was about to give up when the call was answered by a familiar voice.

"Noel! It's Rita! God are you ok? Is everyone ok? Is Iain ok?" She gabbled. A pause. "Rita! Rita Freeman, Noel it's only been a couple of weeks. I…" Another pause while she listened to the man on the other end. Her shoulders slumped. "Noel I saw him on the news. I know he's in a bad way. Please!... Yes! I appreciate I'm unlikely to be his next of kin but… Noel please! I've got Dixie with me? We're driving to… Noel? NOEL?"

Rita screamed in frustration as she threw her phone into her lap. "He hung up on me" she said through gritted teeth, shaking her head. Dixie reached across and squeezed her hand.

"He's just doing his job darling, I know it's hard"

"It's not about him doing his job it's about me" Rita began meekly. "What they all thought of me. They are still punishing me. I tried to be a good colleague and friend to all of them and this is what I get in return?" Her voice got stronger and angrier as she continued. She jumped as her phone vibrated in her lap and she shot Dixie a terrified look as she clocked the caller ID.

"Charlie?" She tried to keep her voice steady as she answered the call "Can… can you tell us anything? We're so worried after seeing the news. We're on our way" her fingers shook as she fumbled to put Charlie on loud speaker. The veteran nurse's voice filled the car.

"Rita… I… Look I think you'd both better get here as soon as you can. I've got space if you need to stay so… I'm sorry… I've got to go..."

Silence filled the car once more as Rita's hand shot to her mouth and Dixie gripped the steering wheel even harder.

"Oh god what if he's…? I just need him to be okay, I..." Rita failed to keep the tears from falling again. She concentrated on taking big breaths to steady herself again. Her chest visibly heaving with the effort. Slightly calmer, she looked across at her friend, her lip trembling. "I still love him Dix" she whispered.

"Oh sweetheart I know." Dixie glanced sideways and smiled sadly at her friend. "You haven't stopped mentioning him since you got here."

"What sort of fuck up am I Dix? The fucking irony. All those years I spent pretending Mark wasn't abusing me. Iain goes someway to building my confidence back up again and when things start to go wrong I pretend that Mark was abusing me" The tears were streaming down her face now and, finally, with the confirmation of her friend's abusive marriage, Dixie struggled to not follow suit.

"Look if you need to stop and get some fresh air just say the word darling. We're doing what we can for Iain, for everyone, by just getting there but… well… we've still got two hours sitting in this car together. If you want to talk to me about it I'm not going anywhere. I'm no expert but this has obviously never stopped eating you up from the inside. And it isn't going to stop if you keep it all bottled up. Why don't you try me? Tell me anything. Everything. Start with you and Mark?"

Rita let her head fall back against the headrest and cast her eyes upwards in an attempt to stem the flow of tears. She knew she had to start doing things differently. She took a deep breath, pursed her lips together and nodded.