A/n: Chapter...freaking...two. Um...do I need to say anything? Well, cheers to chapter two! And to Akatsuki, who will need so much tolerance in the following story.

Kai is what I imagine to be the name of the character who may be better known as Blue or Hana, or, right now, Konan, but I wouldn't know that her name would be Konan at the time that I wrote this story, and I'm really not one to go back and change that.

Please stop me if I'm using family member titles incorrectly. Just make sure to tell me the right way while you're at it.

And...holy shit, I'm suddenly popular or something! I mean, yeah, two reviews and a bunch of random faves/subscriptions, but...that's the most I've gotten here from one story! Actually...maybe from any story anywhere...considering it's only a few days old, yeah, absolutely. Anyway, thanks to darkmoonphase, Shi.no.Tensu.desu, and Martial artist-Mariko for variously showing that you're reading...and, seriously, I'm pretty sure three readers is more than I've had anywhere else for anything else...

Warnings: Um...this chapter isn't as bad as last time, but still. At various points: horrible language, sexual implications, probably some daydreamed violence or something, later non-straight pairings...yeah.

Disclaimer: Do the math. Naruto equals product of Masashi Kishimoto. Masashi Kishimoto is not equal to me. In other words, Naruto cannot belong to me, because Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, and I am not Masashi Kishimoto.

Advertisement: Don't make me make a song out of how I want a beta-reader. Because I will. And I'm pretty sure someone implied that I don't really need a beta-reader, so I'm pretty sure it probably won't be much work--you'll just get to read it before anyone else. I think. I've been wrong before--hence me wanting a beta-reader.

Some twenty-three hours had passed since Tobi dubbed the leader as his father; breakfast was served for the next day, and everyone was sitting calmly at the table, except Tobi, who was standing, stopped halfway in his step, his head turned to face the back of the one blue-haired head. Everyone had their own almost definite suspicions about what he was doing, what he was going to say, but every male eye in the room was fixed on the orange mask as though he was a television program that put everyone's favorite character in a ninety-nine point nine repeating percent chance fatal position. Even Pein was interested; he hadn't picked up the newspaper today, as he was waiting to hear Tobi announce the leader to not be the only one he saw as a family member.

Finally, he set down his one foot, slightly closer to Kai's back in a turn that set him on a straight course to her. She had likely been aware of his stare this whole time, but she ignored it the whole time, until her eating was interrupted by arms around her upper body in a hug. "Good morning, Blue-okaachan," Tobi greeted, slightly more cheerfully than he had titled Pein.

Kai smiled slightly, her heavily lidded eyes reflecting it slightly. "Good morning, Tobi-chan."

What exactly she was smiling about, nobody knew, but Pein's personal suspicion was that he used her nickname rather than her real name; Pein, to his knowledge, was the only one, save Kai, who knew her real name; everyone else settled for calling her "Blue," after her oddly colored hair. He suspected that she was smiling because Tobi hadn't even considered it a possibility that Blue wasn't her real name, although he would say the same for most other members of Akatsuki. It wasn't until his thoughts turned back to reality that he realized how Kai had responded; "Tobi-chan." As though he was her son or something. Which meant that she was playing along—and smiling? Maybe she had been smiling because she liked the idea of being a mother. Pein's mind suddenly fell to thoughts of her life before Akatsuki, if she had ever thought of marrying and settling down with children rather than give up everything for this organization. Or if she still thought of it—maybe Kai wondered if Akatsuki was the right choice, if she would have less regretted starting a family, or if she only wanted a child's love at this point in her life.

Pein, lost in thoughts, didn't notice that a conversation had started among the seven members who weren't related to Tobi's already displayed behavior. "Does that mean that we're all his brothers?" Kisame wondered, eyeing Itachi nervously.

"I don't know, hmm," Deidara answered, but he saw Kisame's fear. "I don't think we have to worry about Itachi-sempai, though. If he starts doing something mean, I think Tobi's not quite enough of an idiot to not change his title, hmm."

"Are you sure?" Kisame asked, fidgeting slightly. "I mean, we're talking about the guy who killed his whole family—"

"Except his younger brother," Deidara pointed out, pointing his chopsticks at the blue-skinned man. "You worry far too much about Itachi, hmm."

"I'm right here," Itachi growled.

"Hey, he's right! Hmm," Deidara announced as though realizing this made him a genius. "You could just ask him and you wouldn't worry about this at all!"

Kisame gave Deidara a look as if to say, "I knew you were an idiot, but I didn't know you were that stupid."

Deidara gave him a look to say, "I'm not asking, it was your idea."

Their conversation through facial expression continued until Zetsu's white half spoke up randomly. "Itachi, if Tobi started calling you—"

Itachi stood up silently, shaking his head imperceptibly, and walked out of the room, presumably to his own.

Let's keep track of the timeline right here:

Day 1: Pein becomes father (Otousama)
Day 2: Kai becomes mother (Okaachan)

Also, a preview thing for next chapter!
Tensions form as Tobi extends his family; Pein might be at the top of the food chain, but maybe he's not at the top of the family tree, and whoever said that names have to follow genders gets overwritten!