Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar the last Airbender. No matter how sad that is!
"Uncle this is not ok." Zuko said sitting up in bed, his voice a high and girly pitch. It had been days since Zuko woke up but the shock was still fresh every time Iroh looked at his once nephew. The body of a young girl sat before him. His hair was long and brown lighter than what it used to be, his nose a little rounder, but his eyes just as gold and his skin just as pale. The look he gave Iroh very familiar.
"You're alive Zuko, that's all that matters." Iroh said rubbing his thumb over the back of the small hand in his. His hand nearly covered his now.
"He did this on purpose." His eyes furious as he spoke. "He must have lied!" Iroh sighed.
"Have faith, from what you told me he followed your wishes in the only way he could."
"He didn't have to do it like this! He could have made me a man Uncle! At least a man!" Zuko yelled his body trembling now.
"He creates life from the ashes of death; there was no guarantee what he could have made." Iroh said looking at him compassion in his eyes.
"I don't even look like myself" Zuko mumbled staring down at himself, glaring at the body he had been given. It was pristine, youthful and soft. Feminine in ways he had never been, soft in places that should be hard, curved in places that should be straight. He hated it. It was a prison.
"You are yourself, just as handsome as before." Iroh said brushing a piece of hair from the Prince's cheek, tucking it behind his ear. Zuko frowned.
"This is permanent." He said swallowing looking to his Uncle. "I'm a girl, I will be a woman."
"Yes you will."
"What will I do Uncle?!" Zuko exploded "I can't be older than 9 in this body! I'm not of age anymore! But what about when I am! Huh? When I have breasts and monthly blood!" With that Zuko collapsed against the bed, pillows catching him as he covered his face in his hands, and then flinched at the smoothness of the skin there, the whole face.
"You will live Zuko and we will figure out how to give you the throne again." Iroh said prying Zuko's little fingers from his face. He needed to see it, adapt to it. Learn his new nieces face, his new daughter's face. Yes that was how Iroh would give Zuko the throne, claiming him as a night of passion 10 years ago could work. His wife had been dead by then and with Zuko's eyes anyone would believe it was a noble bloodied whore.
"Will I learn to cook and sew?" Zuko spat "Or should I spend time learning to please a man!"
"You are a Princess, you will never work a day in your life ever again. No one can force you to do anything."
"If you think that helps it doesn't."
"Prince Zuko!" Iroh snapped grabbing his nephew by the shoulders "You pleaded for your life to come back to me, to come back to this world! You cannot throw it away because of this new vessel! All that matters is that your soul is yours! No can change that, no even a God."
"Uncle leave."
"Zuk-"
"It's nothing you did! Jus- let me be by myself, even if it's only for a little bit okay?" Zuko said turning away. Not daring to turn back until the old man had left the room. He stayed like that for a long time, simply sitting not wanting to think.
After a while he pulled the thin summer blanket from his waist and stood up walking to the mirror, his limbs not shaking from the weeks of disuse. He came to the full length mirror hanging by the door, stretching from the near the ceiling to the very base of the floor, wide enough to fit three people side by side and covered by a large wall tapestry. Shielding the wounded from pain. It was still shielding him when he ripped it from the wall. Pulling it from the hooks with all his strength, he ran when it topped down. Coughing and whacking at the dust he walked back over the mirror stepping over the fallen wall décor, his head down. When he looked up he found the strange body, an innocent girl with the soul of a damaged prince. Small feet and dainty legs, little arms and delicate hands, a tiny waist and flat chest, Zuko cringed at the thought of how that would change with age and his face it had changed, new, so different, but still something to be ashamed of.
Iroh walked out of Zuko's room quietly. His nephew needed to process, they both did really and that was something Iroh could not help with. Iroh went to the sitting room closet to Zuko's room pushing the door open he found his nephew's friends just as he had expected.
"How is he er…she?" The young waterbender asked. Her face filled with concern for his nephew. Iroh took the heavily padded chair by the door before speaking, addressing them all.
"My nephew is happy to be alive. But is upset by his new circumstances, learning to navigate womanhood will be had for him."
"I can only imagine." The waterbender agreed, sharing tense glances with her friends.
"He'll be fine as long as he doesn't take pointers from Toph." The Water Tribe boy said receiving a punch to the arm from Toph. The Kyoshi warrior snickered at the boy's yelp of pain.
"I can talk to him" The Avatar stated "I've dealt with spirits before and they are hardly ever fair, especially the great ones." Iroh couldn't help it as his thoughts drifted back to the Northern Water Tribe. The Ocean Spirit and the Avatar Spirit hadn't been fair that day. Bitter memories of the bodies hitting their raft, thankful his nephew had gone to sleep and missed most of the worst carnage, most. He let his mind go blank before speaking again.
"Agni was fairer that you know to my nephew. This is not about injustice but Zuko's fear of this new way of life. It never gets easier to change after every time. I'm sure we all know that if Zuko had been placed it his old body he would have already left his room drafting peace treaties and planning his coronation. But as that girl he does nothing but fake weariness and try to hide from everyone including himself."
Zuko was huddled against the blanket again the next day, ignoring the call of the sun and staying in bed until late morning. Toph had had enough by then, she stalked into the prince's room and promptly ripped the cloth from over Zuko. Zuko cried out at the sudden gesture.
"I am done with this Sparky! This I'm alive but I'm a girl so my life is over anyway crap!" She yelled into the Prince's face. Zuko flinched back at her words, but she continued.
"You need to grow up! You were fine five days ago! I came here to see my friend not some whiny little loser!" With that she grabbed Zuko by the arm dragging the smaller girl from the bed with ease. Once Zuko was to his feet Toph didn't let go still. She pulled him right out of the room. Zuko hadn't left it in nearly a month. They continued walking turning through hallways familiar to Zuko, servants stopping to stare at them as they passed. The heir's comrade with some unknown girl, many assumed by the way Toph held the other girl she had stolen something and was to be punished. They quietly stepped out their way to avoid the rage.
Toph and Zuko came to the palace gardens after a while. The foliage in full bloom full of vines, flowers and the distant quack of turtle ducks. Zuko eagerly stepped into the sunlight his body eagerly soaking up the rays. His inner flame had been starved in that room. Turning his face toward the sun he sighed.
"Feels good doesn't it. You could have had that a week ago if you weren't mopping around. " Toph said stepping into the garden as well; she came to stand next to the Princess her eyes facing straight ahead.
"Its fine ya know." She said quietly after a pause.
"What?" Zuko said flatly looking everywhere but the taller girl.
"You know what!" Toph said raising her voice, sighing she lowered it again. "We won't treat you any different Sparky you'll still be- Oma and Shu I hate this mushy stuff!" Zuko looked at Toph with a puzzled expression written on his face. Toph tried again.
"Your still the big brother of the group, the oldest. Looks or not…you'll still be my big brother too." Toph finished scrunching her toes in uncharacteristic embarrassment, while Zuko stared at her in awe something stirring in his chest at such words and he began to blink rapidly. Curse this body.
"Are you crying?"
"No"
"I can feel you lying."
"Shut up Toph" Zuko said as Toph punched him in the arm, just as hard as before, but in the new body it felt twice as painful, he jumped away from the earthbender after receiving the blow and laughed instead of letting out a cry of pain. This was normal, this was ok.
"I'm going to try Toph, I promise." Zuko whispered to himself.
"How about Qiao?" Iroh asked looking over a long parchment on the desk to his right, filled with names. Across from him sat his niece looking overwhelmed at the whole situation. She was dressed in loose light thin red robes. She had not been announced to anyone yet, they had to wait until the cover story was perfect for that. For that story she needed a new name Zuko would not work, after all they were going to announce Zuko's "death" in a few days.
"No"
"But you are quiet handsome."
"Uncle" Iroh shook had head slightly at the child before calling a new name.
"Ping"
"That's a commoner's name."
"Your mother raised you among common folk on the edge of the Royal Caldera so I could keep you from court until her death in the winter."
"No"
"Tianhou"
"My patron goddess isn't the one of sailors Uncle. It's the Guan-yin goddess of mercy, remember?" Zuko said giving Iroh a strange look. Zuko had been born in the beginning of winter in the dead of night, the worst time for a Fire Nation child. It almost always meant certain death for the child. After a difficult night not knowing if Zuko would live, the fire priest gave Ursa permission to name the baby along with its patrons that morning. Most Fire Nation children named up to 90 days after birth, but with Zuko so fragile they wasted no time. She gave ward to Agni and Guan-yin. Any other goddess names were ruled out in respect to his patron.
"Ah yes forgive me. How do you feel about An?"
"To short."
"I think the name peace would be powerful in the times we are in." Zuko rolled his eyes and Iroh got the message.
"Xiaoli"
"You're joking!"
"I assure you I am not."
"I know you love tea Uncle but calling me morning jasmine is too far!"
"No one would question that I named you Zuko."
"But-"
"It's a nice name very fitting to you. If you truly do not want it we can keep trying." Iroh said looking at Zuko with a weary expression. Expecting some sort of outburst or moodiness. Zuko saw the look and stilled, reminded of the years on the ship hating everyone. His Uncle had stood by and took that the longest; he owed him this one thing, and with that let himself be called Xiaoli.
Yan looked shaken as she stood before the other healers gathered around her, as head healer it was her responsibility to break the news, to tell them the heir was dead. Iroh and Zuko had drilled her head a million times on what to say and some would say she appeared so frightened because of them not the news she was delivering.
"Master Yan what is wrong?" A woman said fearfully.
"Did something happen?" Said one of the others, stepping forward, eager for a wound to treat.
"Th-the Prince has passed!" Yan said loudly all in one breath, closing her eyes and bowing her head in mock pain. Her words were followed by gasps and one fainting spell. There was an outcry from a young woman seeming to only be in her late teens.
"How did this happen? You mean he's…"
"I was sitting with him in the middle of the night and he began to struggle for breath. I started to try and help him breathe, but it did not work… his heart gave in." Yan said turning away as if hiding fresh tears.
"One of you go tell the generals. Another tell Iroh and the rest help her on the ground." Yan said before leaving the room her hand covering her face.
Zuko stood in his room as his funeral proceeded in the royal courtyard. He was not allowed to attend at the orders of his uncle. He thought that was stupid, no one would know it was him. But he stayed away anyway, if Uncle really was to be his father he would have to stop taking what the man says as suggestions. He had to obey like a noble child. It was going to be a hard change after just learning he could defy his father and that he could defy anyone for what he thought was right. But the room had a full view of the ceremony so nothing was truly lost if he didn't go.
Zuko stood at the window sill and looked downward. There was a good size of people there, enough to fill the yard, but not enough to make it crowded and uncomfortable. It was certainly not his grandfather Azulon's funeral the people had spilled out the courtyard and into the streets. But Zuko had never been sure if it was with love for the Fire Lord or not.
He recognized some faces in the crowd as the Fire Sage dragged on about how for every firebender Angi gives he takes one away and that their ashes would create the next person who would then be given a spark, a piece of Agni himself, those sparks being the power to bend.
He saw his mother's two sisters standing together with their children and husbands. He had only seen them in the few portraits his mother had from her life before, but he knew them immediately. His mother had talked about his other side of the family a lot and had always wished they were allowed to see them, but they never were. Letters were allowed but that was it.
Zuko remembered opening birthday letters from the aunts and uncles he had never known, wishing him well, updating him on their lives and telling him funny stories. He had saved everyone, pleading with his mother to hide them so Azula wouldn't burn them like she burned her own.
He had never received any letters from his cousins except from the eldest daughter of his mother's older sister. Her name was Hua and she had sent him a letter out of the blue one day it had been funny and playful making him laugh. He had sent one back but after her second letter Father told him he was not allowed to write letters her.
The adults in the two families looked heartbroken the wives gripping their husbands. It was strange to Zuko how they had never met Zuko but still cared so much, and then he supposed it might be Ursa's funeral as well for them. In one of the last letters he read before his banishment the younger of his two aunts had said that in her heart his mother lived through him not his sister. It had been a strange letter written in sloppy print and covered in tear stains.
The children simply looked lost or stony faced. Zuko couldn't blame them, they didn't know him. They shouldn't be expected to care that he was dead. But standing next to the other children was a girl about the age of Katara with tears streaking her face. Zuko liked to think it was Hua but there was no way to be sure.
He wanted to reach out and tell them it was all fake, that he was alive and it was all because of the body of a little girl he had been given. He wanted to tell them about his banishment, his uncle, the Avatar, everything. He realized their distance from him was for the best.
After looking to his family his gaze rested on his friends, standing even closer at the front of the crowd. Zuko had worried they wouldn't really look sad and someone would see through the illusion. But he could see now that was for nothing. Aang had a familiar slack look on his face like he was lost. Zuko supposed someone would say he hadn't processed it yet.
Katara and Sokka stood near their father who looked sad. The loss of a teenager not much older than his son didn't sit well with him even is this certain teenager had spent a long time as his enemy. Katara looked close to tears, maybe at the words of the people speaking at the elevated patio of the palace about him, about Agni and about how they could all move past this. Sokka surprising had tears in his eye. Zuko's eyes widen as he studied the Water Tribe boy confused until he saw Sokka rub his arm and realized Toph had probably hit him.
Toph had her head down and a tremor was going through her body every once in a while.
Suki looked stone faced and stiff. It was a weird response to fake grief.
Zuko didn't bother looking at Iroh. The old man had always been a good actor, those skills coming in handy many times when they were in the Earth Kingdom. Zuko hadn't been the best at hiding his nationality and class at first. Iroh knew how to look sad probably letting his feelings for Lu Ten's death cloud his face.
Zuko focused instead on the ceremonies. At the stage the Fire sages had surrounded his coffin and were about to set it on fire, a firebender's death. This was the worst part of the whole thing. In that box was someone Zuko didn't even know, with some scar painted on their face and a crater in their chest. They didn't get to have a have a proper funeral with their family. No this teenager was still M.I.A. to them not killed a week after training the day of Sozin's comet, when Zuko would have died as well if it weren't for Katara's healing abilities. But even then it hadn't been enough; it had taken a God so he could finish his destiny.
The flames fully engulfed the decoratively carved wooden box. It shined like a fiery beacon, a bright red and orange symbol of his passing. After today everyone would try to keep his mention of a minimum, trying not to say his name out loud. In the Fire Nation it is believed that ever y time you say the name of a dead person they must come to you, their name a way to connect to them again. But it's rude to make them leave the spirit world for anything.
When the wooden box finally whittled down to ashes the funeral was over mourns turning to leave slowly filing out the courtyard. His journey to the spirit world had been blessed; Uncle and Aang had spoken and host of other traditions having taken place. Ending with a small vial of his ashes presented to Uncle on a thin golden chain. As a member of the immediate family he would wear it for 60 days in mourning, before it was poured into a smaller urn to be put in the royal palace. A larger urn was where the rest of his ashes would be placed, kept in the Dragon bone crypt. It was nearly sundown. Fire Nation funerals were always long events especially royal ones.
Zuko left his perch at the window when everyone was finally gone and his friends began to walk inside the palace once more. The urn was being carried away to the crypt. There weren't any ceremonies for this part of a funeral. It was his final resting place and there was nothing truly glorious about being moved there. It was just the end.
Hey it's Blueberry! I have more ideas for this au. But I want to put it on the back burner after this 3,000 word monster to focus on my other stories.