Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, however I do own all of my own special themes and characters. Thanks.

Chapter Two: Sorry, didn't catch that

Sunlight poured in through the windows of Number Four Privet Drive. It illuminated Harry's small bedroom, causing the Boy Who Lived's eyes to flutter open. He muttered a curse and felt around for his glasses. Not finding them, he swept his hand across every surface he could find and walked into the wall.

"Damn!" He swore aloud.

Shaking his head like a wet dog, Harry searched for his glasses and eventually found them underneath his bed. Wondering how they got there he stared at his bedroom. There were bags everywhere, each one with a set of Harry's belongings in them. Harry stumbled around his room for a second, trying to discover the best way to hop around his room to the door and eventually just kicked the bags out of his path.

Rubbing his arm, he walked down the creaky stairs, silently reveling in the fact that this was going to be the last day he lived at this terrible house. In such a good mood, he decided to make the whole family coffee and eggs, even setting the table. Like bees to honey, Vernon and Dudley gravitated towards the smell of food in the kitchen and sat in the kitchen speechless as Harry whistled a cheery tune.

Petunia remained absent from the silent standoff and the tension could have been cut though perfectly with a knife. Harry however kept on smiling and served four plates of food, wondering where his aunt had gone to. His uncle and cousin just stared at the food presented in front of them as though there was no logical reason it was there. Harry smiled, and just dug in voraciously. Dudley took one poke at it and all of a sudden Petunia walked through the door. Harry had gotten up to grab himself a glass and Petunia glared at him.

"What?" Harry asked.

Petunia continued her glare and accused him, "You know what! This is it then, you've had enough now. You're just going to kill us now, give us a good breakfast and then mumble some words and have us be dead."

Harry gave her an utterly bemused look and actually snorted out a laugh. "Serve you breakfast and kill you? And you lot call me crazy. I'm leaving today, for good."

Petunia's lips tightened into what could have been an attempt for a smile, but actually turned into a grimace. "Oh, I see. Just shove off without any reimbursements for keeping you alive for the past 17 years? You are an ungrateful little brat, just like your mother and father, always about me-"

Harry rolled his eyes as he cut her off, "You locked me in a closet for months at a time. I think I'm going to win this argument Aunt. You don't get any money and I don't set every child-lawyer on you."

Petunia still looked confused so he said loudly, "With lots of investigations, and pictures, and people asking the neighbors lots of questions."

She looked positively horrified and he sat back down again, pouring himself some juice and taking a long, annoying slurp. Petunia and Vernon cringed and he cracked a smile on the inside. He knew about their pet peeve about table manners and he intended to be as annoying as possible. Taking a particularly large bite of eggs and toast, he made some exaggerating chewing noises and began to pick his teeth for a bit of egg stuck in between his molars.

Petunia looked horrified and scooted her chair away from him, as if a neighbor would burst in with a camera and take a picture of the two of them eating together. Vernon cleared his throat and asked in what he supposed was a nonthreatening manner, "So um, boy- Harry," he cleared his meaty throat again, "How are you getting your stuff out of here. I mean, are your lot coming here, respectfully?" He posed a smile that made him look like a demented whale.

Shaking his head from that particularly disturbing analogy, Harry smiled again, " I think you should clear your fireplace again." Vernon's face turned into a bad mix of current ice cream and he snapped up the rest of his food ferociously before moving into the common room, muttering for a crowbar. Petunia checked out the window out of habit and moved the shades down as to not see Harry Potter.

The day rolled on and Harry eventually tired of scaring his relatives. He finally retreated up to his room and followed the path to his bed that he kicked out this morning previously. Moving his wand from his front pocket to his back pocket (just to spite Moody if he was part of the moving group) Harry silently awaited the Weasleys to arrive. He ran his hand though his hair and wondered if Ginny was going to be there. Fighting off a silent pang that went through his heart as he thought of her, his scar flared.

He yelped out in pain and grabbed his forehead. Closing his eyes he laid on his bed watching the scene unfold. A high cold voice came out from the darkness, "Lucius bring him here."

"Of course milord," Lucius said as he scurried away and dragged a thin balding man in front of Lord Voldemort. Voldemort smiled and twirled his wand in between the second and third fingers of his hands. The house slowly became illuminated to Harry and he observed a drafty house and cold peeling paint along the walls.

Voldemort finally spoke, "I require you to do me a task." The man stared at Voldemort and then spit on the floor. Voldemort shook his head and clutched his want in his right hand. "Maybe you need some persuasion. Crucio." Red light shot out from his wand and the man began twitching out on the floor, begging out for help. Voldemort ended the spell with a wave of his hand and grasped the mans neck.

Hoisting him up until they were only inches apart, Voldemort spoke quietly, "Mr. Swills, you are going to do as I ask you, or else I will break you until you will beg for death."

The man stared up at him and then cracked a smile and spoke for the first time, "We have a phrase in America, it's called 'up yours'."

Lucius gasped and Voldemorts fury broke. A green light flashed in the room and the man died. Voldemort sighed and grasped the bridge in between his eyes. "Lucius, dispose of this vermin and leave me be, now." Lucius Malfoy levitated the body and left the door while Voldemort's mouth curved into a frown, much remained that he needed to have done.

Harry's eyes jolted open and he felt a warm fluid drip down his forehead. Wiping the blood off with his hand, he exhaled violently. Checking the clock in the hallway he realized that the Weasleys should have been there by now. Running downstairs he saw Mr. Weasley, Charlie, and Ron sitting down on the couch with a very uncomfortable Dursleys.

"Ah, Harry, have a nice nap?" Mr. Weasley asked.

Harry's eyes shifted down and he said, "Yeah it was refreshing, but you could have just woke me up you know. You didn't have to wait..."

Mr. Weasley smiled and replied, "Oh no, it was delightful. We were just discussing eklecticity, Vernon seems a little bit of an expert." Ron and Charlie shared a look while Harry fought the urge to snort.

"Yeah he's bloody fantastic, can we get out of here?" Harry asked, slightly anxious to be done with Privet Drive forever.

Mr. Weasley checked his watch and smiled reassuringly, "Of course Harry." And with that, Mr. Weasley flicked his wand and all of Harry's bags and his owl came down the stairs. Throwing them all into the fireplace, Harry's eyes widened as they all fit in. Charlie chuckle and said, "Standard sizing charm Harry."

The Dursleys looked positively petrified and Ron stepped in with the bags, giving Harry a small wave before shouting out, "The Burrow!" and getting swallowed with all of his bags by the green flame.

Charlie went next and soon it was just Harry, Mr. Weasley, and the Dursleys. "Well, this is it then, goodbye," Harry said. Petunia looked like she had just swallowed an unripe lemon and Vernon finally spat out, "Goodbye then, and don't come back, we've already had enough trouble to last a lifetime."

Harry rolled his eyes again, "Somehow, I think you're going to lose this argument to. Goodbye." And with that he stepped into the fireplace and shouted, "The Burrow!" Tumbling out of the fireplace he walked straight into the middle of Knockturn Alley. "Not again," Harry cried out. He took out his wand and started looking for the easiest way out.

Harry heard a shout and on instinct, he ducked. Three men in pitch cloaks were chasing after him, casting all manner of spells. He immediately nonverbally cast levicorpus at the throng and by accident, hoisted up a pedestrian. "I have to work on that," Harry muttered to himself as he ran through the twisting streets of Knockturn Alley.

An explosion to the side of him knocked him five feed forward and the three men were nearly 10 feet away from him. Cursing, Harry yelled out, "Stupefy!" and the duel began. The odds did not favor Harry as he began only to be able to shield versus the three attackers. Finally, he yelled out "Impedimenta! Sortius!" The first hex was blocked by one of the three men, but the second advanced stinging hex pierced the defenses and caused a man to drop his wand in pain. Down one... Harry thought.

Unfortunately, the next two men were quite cautious forcing Harry into a dead end while one only blocked and one only attacked. Harry looked behind him and swore, while ducking a nasty looking yellow curse. In desperation, he yelled "Confringo!" at the wall next to the attackers. The blockers shield charm did not extend to the wall and it exploded, striking both men with heavy bricks.

Breathing heavily, Harry lowered his wand and walked past the two prone bodies and decided to leave them there and not waste time messing with their unconscious bodies. Finally navigating his way out of Knockturn Alley (after asking for directions from one ghastly looking witch) he arrived in Diagon Alley and walked into the Leaky Cauldron. Remus Lupin was at a stool looking anxious and as soon as he spotted Harry, he ran over and embraced him tightly. Harry wondered idly how awful he looked and embraced his godfather back. Lupin let go and asked, "Harry, what the hell happened?"

Harry explained his story and Lupin swore. "Damn, if it's not Voldemort, it's some imbecilic death eater wannabes. I'm quite sorry, next time, we're doing it by portkey."

Harry looked at Lupin curiously and asked, "Why didn't we just apparate?" Lupin sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"It's because Minister Scrimgeour has deemed it prudent that no apparation of flying of any kind be done over Little Whinging, trying to keep death eaters away, but actually keeping you prisoner. Next time, we're doing it by portkey, trust me."

Harry nodded and they walked behind the bar giving Tom a nod and they grabbed a rusty old metal plate. Lupin gave a lopsided smile, "No more worries Harry, I made this portkey myself." Lupin counted down, "Three, two, one-" Harry let go as soon as the portkey flashed blue and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like Lupin would ever say the word 'wannabe'."

The imposter's eyes widened and Harry gave him a little wink and a wave goodbye. He grabbed his wand and went to go take a rest in the Leaky Cauldron and wait for a real order member. As Harry sat by the bar and nursed a butterbeer that Tom had spotted him (apologizing for almost letting him get captured) Harry saw the real Lupin burst through the door and walk over to Harry.

Harry asked, "What's your nickname Lupin? I've already met one fake you today." Lupin smiled at Harry's good use of security, "People call me Moony," he said, "And I keep on telling you to call me that, but you still call me your professor even though it's been four years since I've had that job, what form does your patronus take and who is it after?"

Harry answered shortly, "It's a stag, after my dad's animagus form, prongs." Lupin then proceeded to ask what happened and Harry explained thoroughly for the second time of the day.

Lupin commented, "You don't look very flustered, are you getting used to this?"

Harry smiled and said, "Maybe a little bit." He then yawned and Lupin grabbed his arm, and they apparated straight into a familiar looking kitchen. Mrs. Weasley gasped and embraced Harry. "Oh Harry dear, it's so good to see you, we thought you had been captured, we were all so worried, Ronald feeling guilty."

Harry smiled and said, "It's nice to see you too Mrs. Weasley, and I'm fine, just had a run-in with some not-so-nice guys, thats all." Ron walked into the kitchen looking downcast and looked a Harry miserably.

"Sorry Harry," he started, "I should've checked more thoroughly."

Harry waved it off with a flick of his hand. "Don't worry about it, you might not've caught it anyways."

Ron still looked downcast but said, "Yeah, I s'pose." There were to loud cracks in the middle of the kitchen and Mrs. Weasley dropped her cooking spoon on the ground.

"FRED! GEORGE! I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!" Mrs. Weasley screamed. They both gave Cheshire grins and raised their hands to show their innocence.

"But mum, you know you love much to dearly to do anything rash with that knife you have there, right?" One of the twins asked.

Mrs. Weasley flexed her fingers, "Out, now! Dinner will be ready in 30 minutes, and no more surprise apparation!" Fred and George gave broad grins and walked out of the room with Harry and Ron. Harry walked into the room that he and Ron were sharing and saw all of his stuff dumped down on the floor next to his makeshift bed. Ron plopped down on his bed and moaned.

"You got the letter that Hogwarts isn't reopening immediately?" Ron asked.

Harry felt his mood get depressed and replied, "Yeah... it really really sucks."

Ron smacked his head, "An extra three months with my mum, you have no idea, although I guess you'll have some idea since you'll be here for the entire time, eh?" Harry just nodded, not telling Ron about the letter he had gotten, deciding to mull it over for the time being.

"What happened to your head?" Ron asked after a moments pause. Harry thought he was talking about his scar until he saw where Ron's eyes were traveling and realized he had a nasty bruise where he had hit his head on his wall.

Harry snorted, "I was looking for my glasses and I ran into my wall." Ron just stared for a moment and then burst out laughing. Harry also joined in on the laughter and they were doubled over laughing for a few minutes, forgetting about the state of affairs. Harry heard a dinner cry from Mrs. Weasley and stood up, wiped his eyes and stared at Ron. Ron gave him a glance back, and they went downstairs to have an uneventful dinner after which they both fell asleep in blissful peace.