Questions In The Head

by Kenny's Most Wanted

Kyle questions his approach towards his crushes, Stan questions his feelings towards his friend, and Kenny questions why he can't get a break. Pairings both het and slash.

2. Do Women Have Vodoo Powers?

Chapter 2- Do Women Have Voodoo Powers?

Another debate club meeting let out. As he had done each day since joining the group, Kyle approached Wendy after class to congratulate her on a good performance, no matter how good it actually was or what side Kyle was actually on during the debate.

Wendy eyed the Jew suspiciously. "You were fighting against me today, Kyle. Do you know NOTHING about debates? I'm not your friend in this one. I'm your enemy."

Kyle grinned. "Well, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer, right?"

Wendy rolled her eyes slightly. "I suppose. You're in the club now you know. You don't have to suck up."

"I just think you're a worthy opponent, that's all." Kyle made extra sure each time he complimented her that he looked deep into her eyes, sending a subliminal message of what his true intentions were. True, Kyle found Wendy mysterious, but he was also a guy. He'd thought of other ways she'd be a good opponent. "Besides, why would I want you to be an enemy? If I burn my bridges now, we might not work so well when we get teamed up together." Which he made sure would happen...very soon. Teaming up together meant doing research together.

"Fair point." she admitted. "But a truly good debater is able to argue any side of an issue. Even ones they themselves don't believe in."

"What's the issue for next time?" he asked curiously.

Wendy crinkled her nose. "It is NOT my idea of a topic at all."

"What isn't?" Kyle extended his neck to hear better.

"Manbearpig," Wendy grumbled. "At least, that's what I've heard."

"God." Kyle rolled his eyes. "I'd rather talk about the fish again."

Wendy sat down on a nearby folding chair. "That's what I said! That ridiculous concept has been floating around for far too long now. I can't believe there are people that actually believe it!"

Kyle nodded and took a seat next to her. "I know huh? I guess that's what happens when you live in a town like this."

"Yeah."

Kyle paused at this thought. He knew Wendy thought of herself as worldly, despite her never having been out of Park County. He decided to go a different direction. "When I turn 18, the first thing I'm doing is getting out of this Podunk mountain town. I can't stand the thought of all of these inbreeds tainting my brain any longer."

Wendy smiled at the thought, daydreaming a bit herself now. "Personally, I'd like to see the world a little before college. Maybe go around Europe or something."

"I've been to Israel," Kyle said proudly, pressing his palm on his chest and emphasizing the word "I". He frowned. "But not because I wanted to."

This caught Wendy's attention, as Kyle hoped it would. "Was it a family trip?"

Kyle shook his head. "More like an insane misadventure."

"Whaddaya mean?" Wendy asked, curiously, crossing her legs and leaning over them with intrigue.

Kyle grinned. He had her right where he wanted her.

About twenty minutes passed by the time Kyle finished telling his crazy story about world travel, as only it could happen in a place like South Park. The sun was setting at this point, and the school had long since emptied out of people staying after school hours. "...And then we snuck home." he finished before taking a deep breath.

Wendy had forgotten to blink a long time ago. Her eyes felt as though they were literally glued to Kyle. The entire time. She had found that she inched herself closer with every fluctuation in his voice, so that now she was practically sitting in his lap. She blinked her eyes, registering the end. "So did you get to keep the llama?" she asked, proving to him that she could listen intently.

"Nah. We gave it to some animal shelter." He shrugged. "It sucked ass there."

"Kyle..." Wendy paused to take a deep breath. "That is...incredible. I had no idea you were so...adventurous." She shrunk back into her chair. "I've never been outside of Park County myself. But that won't be true come next September." And Wendy sat there telling Kyle about how her family and her family had discussed the possibility of her becoming a foreign exchange student in France.

All the while, Kyle sat quietly, offering the occasional conversation maintaining "uh huh", and staring dreamily into her dazzling blue eyes.

"And so that's what I think." she finally finished. Another twenty minutes had passed by the time she was done.

"That's pretty cool." Kyle said, smiling at her. "So wait, you'd be gone for a whole semester?"

"Well, yeah. That's how the program works."

"Oh," Kyle said, unable to mask his disappointment.

Wendy noticed it. "B...but that's not until next year."

"Sure." he replied, trying to be a man about it.

"Even if I liked it, I already applied to some perfectly good American colleges," she said, trying to reassure him.

"I applied to Harvard. My dad kinda forced that one on me," Kyle offered, silently hoping that was a school she was talking about. He didn't know why he was letting the next few years bother him so much--he barely held on to a girl for the next few weeks.

"I applied to a few different places."

"...Out of state?" he dared to ask.

"Mostly, yeah."

"...Huh." Kyle said.

"What?"

"It's just...Nothing."

"No, what?"

"...Well, I'd...I'd just...miss you if you moved."

Though they had been flirting, Wendy's eyes widened at Kyle's sudden confession. She was speechless for the first time in her life.

"... B-but um, that's cool though." Kyle said, worrying already that he'd screwed up. "I mean, you said you wanted to see the world."

"...It's...It's not like I wouldn't come back." she said. "I mean, there just aren't very many good colleges out here."

Kyle sniffed, scrunching his nose and wiping it off with the back of his hands. "Yeah its cool." He looked to a window. "SHIT, its dark outside! We better get going, sorry to have kept you Wendy. Good luck with the exchange stuff." In less than a second, Kyle was speeding out the door, refusing to look back.

---

Some more time passed. By that the following night, Kyle felt like he had to call someone. He couldn't seem to get Wendy off of his mind, and it was strange. The idea of her leaving town bothered him. He was sure he could get with her before then, but what was the point if she was moving? At least the other girls he'd been with had stayed around afterward. He picked up his phone and dialed Stan with a heavy sigh.

"Dude, you've gotta help me!" Kyle breathed into the phone. Not only was Stan his best friend, but Stan was also Wendy's ex. He was BOUND to help Kyle in some way.

"Hey, Kyle," Stan answered, admiring his new haircut in a mirror. "What do you need?" he asked.

"I've got a problem," he confessed. "It's Wendy. She's looking into leaving South Park."

Stan couldn't help but chuckle. "Damn, you driving her away THIS quickly? I woulda thought you'd try to put on the 'ole Kyle charm before that could happen."

Kyle glared at the receiver. "NOT cuz of me! Cuz of college and stuff."

"Oh."

"Oh! Dude she might leave! That'd suck!"

"Kyle, that's over a year from now! Aren't you thinking ahead a bit too much?"

"That's my problem. I shouldn't be. What's wrong with me? Did she do this stuff to you?"

Stan sighed. "You've fallen under her spell, I see. Kyle, how long do you think it took me to get over her?"

Kyle didn't respond.

"Well, it was too damn long! I was only nine at the time of our break up...I didn't get over her until a few years ago! She does that, I'm pretty sure she's got some voodoo on boys or something."

Kyle snorted. "That's ridiculous, Stan."

"Maybe she's just that awesome of a chic?"

"...Maybe." Kyle admitted. "She's definitely doing -something- to my brain. I don't like it."

"Just enjoy her while she's here dude. You can still get your two weeks in. Or however long it'll be."

Kyle growled frustratingly at the phone. He didn't like how his friends automatically assumed he was going to dump girls just as soon as he learned their names. Stan's lack of faith in him angered him a bit, which set him off. "Why you gotta be like that, man?"

Stan shrugged. "Like what? That's what you do, Kyle!"

"It might be what I've done, but that doesn't mean that's the kinda PERSON I am! Maybe I'm just picky? Maybe I'll find someone great and stay with them? Did you ever stop to think of THAT? Huh?"

"Whoa, dude, calm down!" Stan pleaded. "You're...you're not that kinda PERSON, Kyle. You're just...a typical guy."

"Oh, and you aren't?" Kyle challenged through barred teeth.

"Actually, I've never even dated a single girl SINCE Wendy. So my guess is no."

"...Oh." Kyle paused. "Well, okay, but you're a typical gay guy then."

It was Stan's turn to feel frustration. "JUST BECAUSE I DON'T WHORE MYSELF OUT TO WOMEN DOESN'T MAKE ME GAY, KYLE!"

"You're right. It's the lack of interest in any girls that does that." Kyle said.

"I have interest in girls!" Stan lied. "They just don't interest me as sex slaves. Dude, females aren't just holes for you to stick it to."

"You're right. And you don't WANT to stick it to them," Kyle backfired.

"...I...I do so!" Stan snapped.

"Dude, whatever. The point here is about Wendy. What am I gonna do? I told her I'd...I told her I'd miss her if she moved. Christ, she probably thinks I'm a tool now."

Stan blinked. "You told her you'd miss her? Kyle, she doesn't think you're a tool. She probably thinks you're a fool! Dude! You don't say that to a girl you haven't even kissed!" He couldn't contain his laughter. It was uncomfortable, letting off the aggression from the previous conversation. Just the same, it infuriated Kyle more.

"God dammit, it just slipped out!" he retorted. "We grew up together. We went to school together. It's NORMAL to miss someone when they're gone!"

"Are you gonna miss me?" Stan asked, curious. He knew the answer, but wanted Kyle to think.

"Well, duh. Not in the way YOU want me to though," Kyle joked. He shook his head. "That's different anyway, dude. You're my best friend. She's...just the girl I've known since you puked on her."

"Well there you go. You can't miss her too badly. You guys aren't even that close."

"Yeah? Well maybe I wanna be...And maybe that'd be pointless if she's gone in a year."

Stan slapped his forehead. "KYLE! This isn't you! Stop thinking about a year from now and just live in the NOW! Do what you wanna do! Fuck who you wanna fuck! Stop worrying! You're giving me a headache."

Kyle grumbled something inaudible.

"What?" Stan questioned.

Kyle grumbled something again. Whatever it was, it ended with the word "fag."

"...I'll take that to mean I'm right."

"Stan..." Kyle started. He breathed out. It was useless. Stan WAS right. Kyle had never seen any relationship through in his entire life. Why was he even worrying so much about the future when he hadn't even gotten to first base? "I'm pathetic," he admitted.

"I know, so stop it." Stan agreed.

"Fine, I will." Kyle decided. "Thanks dude."

"No prob." Stan bit his lip, wanting to ask a question but too scared to continue.

Kyle could sense his uneasiness and called him out on it. "What're you thinking about, Stan?"

"Nothing." he insisted. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Stan..."

"Goodnight, Kyle!" Stan practically yelled, slamming down the receiver. He sat on his bed, pondering why he even opened his mouth about not dating any girls. It bothered him what Kyle had suggested. He didn't want to think about how close to the truth Kyle really was...

---

Stan was up until the wee hours contemplating what Kyle had said. He couldn't sleep with those thoughts on his mind. At least not until his brain also insisted he needed sleep. He walked through the doors of school the next day looking very tired.

"Check out the zombie!" Kyle nudged Kenny as they neared Stan after first period. Kenny simply smiled at Stan in return.

Stan looked up to his two approaching friends. A temporary glaze had fallen over his eyes, and it was hard to see much of anything except a big red Afro and two entrancing blue eyes behind a mess of yellow.

"You look like shit." Kenny observed. "Except for your hair." he joked.

Kyle stared a bit closer at his best pal. "You did get a haircut huh?" he finally noticed.

"Guess who gave it to him?" Kenny said proudly. The look on his face and the stance he had would have made it awfully hard for Kyle to guess wrong.

Still, Kyle decided to play dumb. "Stan, did you do it yourself? It looks pretty crappy," he said while smiling.

Kenny playfully punched the teasing Jew in his arm. "I did it, and it looks damn good."

Stan blushed. For no real reason, just because. Kyle took notice. "Ah, now that you mention it, it DOES look damn good, Ken. You're not so bad with Stan, are ya? You should do it to him more often."

Stan's eyes went wide and his blush went from a light pink to a deep maroon.

Another perverse thought entered Kenny's mind. He smiled and responded with "I will if he'll let me," as subtly as possible. He quickly added "I'll do your hair too, but only if you pay by the hour." just to make sure the conversation remained on hair.

It was too late for Stan to clean up Kyle's purposeful gay stab. Kenny made sure to deepen that wound. "Dude, I've...I've gotta get to class," he said, trying to break the force field of the boys in front of him. He felt too weak to pry them apart enough to get past. This is pathetic, he thought. With one solid attempt, he pushed past them and waved with the back of his hand. He heard laughter filling his ears from behind.

The laughter slowly died down, leaving Kyle and Kenny alone in the hallway.

"So," Ken asked, changing the subject. "How's it going with Wendy?"

Kyle groaned. He didn't want to talk about Wendy anymore. And he was sure he had detected a slight undertone of Kenny's mocking, so he opted to possibly give Stan a push. "Its fine, dude. Hey, I think you should catch up to Stan. He doesn't look so good, and I think he's pissed at me for some reason," he lied.

"So why don't you catch up to him and work it out?" Kenny challenged.

"B...because...I need to catch up Wendy!" Kyle decided, already walking in the opposite direction. He patted Kenny on the shoulders twice and spun around. "See ya later, dude!"

Kenny smirked, knowing that Kyle had yet to get some off of that girl. This was probably the reason for his retreat, but the blonde decided to bite his tongue on the matter and catch up to Stan. He DID look tired, and Kenny didn't want him falling asleep in inappropriate places and falling down the stairs or something.

"Hey Stan!" he yelled with his hand up, rushing to greet his friend who was about to turn the corner. "Wait up, dude!"

"What dude?" he replied as nicely as possible. "I gotta get to class."

Kenny smirked. "Skip it. I've got a better idea." He didn't really, but he wanted to see Stan's reaction.

Stan paused, blinking at his friend. That damn blush returned to his face. "L-like what?" he asked curiously.

Kenny's smirk remained as he put his arm around Stan's shoulder and twisted him the other direction. "Just come with me."

Stan eyed him suspiciously, ignoring another feeling that was spreading like wildfire all over his body. "Kenny, I can't afford to miss this class. Maybe...maybe after school?"

"Why can't you miss it?" Ken questioned. "What class is it?"

Stan lowered his eyes to the ground. "Study hall," he said, barely above a whisper.

Kenny scoffed. "And you can't skip that?"

"No! Cuz, see, if I miss another class I'll...I'll get in trouble." he lied. "And uh...A-and I'm damn sure not getting in trouble for ditching study hall."

Kenny dropped his arm, causing a chain reaction of Stan's shoulders falling and Stan letting out a deep breath. "FINE," Kenny said, noticeably backing off. "I was just trying to cheer you up, dude."

Stan felt guilt replace his unexplained fear. "Well, we can...do what you want after school if you're up for it,' he offered. "I mean, it IS Friday."

"Yeah, maybe." Kenny shrugged in response. "Don't worry about it."

Stan stood there awkwardly, waiting for the unknown. Kenny just smiled and did the same. "Well, I'll see you after school then."

"Kay" he replied.

With that, Stanley headed to class. Kenny watched after him. After school huh? At least that was a start.

Stan made his way into the crowded study hall, taking his seat by some random kid that vaguely resembled Kyle's cousin Kyle. He set out his books in front of him, laying his pencils and pens in a nice, neat row. Finding he couldn't bring himself to crack open a book, he stared at the clock until the bell sounded, not a single thought in his mind (except for maybe one).

---

Stan did meet up with Kenny after school, as they'd agreed upon. As Stan crossed the tracks into Kenny's neighborhood, he noticed a large pop tent being set up in the front yard of the McCormick residence.

Stan laughed as he walked up to his busy-at-work friend. "WHAT are you doing, Kenny?" he asked, mildly amused.

"Setting up the tent. What's it look like?" he replied.

"This was your big idea?" Stan questioned.

"What's wrong with camping?"

"In your front yard? Dude, I know they say it's a jungle out there...and you've got the yard to prove it...but seriously. This isn't what I'd call roughin' it," Stan mocked, unable to hide his grin.

"Well we all can't afford to rent a space in the mountains." he replied, flipping Stan off.

"Kenny...you don't need to "rent" spaces in the mountains. Kyle and I..." Stan trailed off. He didn't want to bring up an unpleasant memory for himself. Seeing that Kenny was now exasperated at Stan's jokes, though, he continued. "Kyle and I used to sneak up there and camp out without paying a dime."

"...Then what the fuck are we doing here?" Kenny wondered out loud.

"Beats me."

Kenny shrugged. "Okay then. Help me move this stuff up there."

Stan did as he was told, piling it all into Kenny's broken down truck that had sat in the front yard so long, it was growing roots. Several weeks ago, he had convinced his dad to take the cinderblocks out from under it, and replace them with tires he snatched from the junkyard. Because of this deed, his dad rewarded him with access to the truck on the weekends (when he didn't need it for beer runs).

"Did you get caught?" Kenny asked on the way up.

"Huh?"

"Camping with Kyle," he explained. "You obviously don't do it anymore."

"Don't do WHAT?" Stan asked, embarrassed.

Kenny turned to him and feigned a "duh" look. "CAMP with KYLE, you retard! Did the park rangers kick your ass or something?"

"Oh, heh," Stan replied. "No, no, we just...we don't do that anymore."

"No shit. Why not?"

'We just...don't." Stan shrugged.

Kenny drove for a bit, until another question entered his mind.

"And another thing. You never invited me along even when you DID do it. What the fuck?"

Stan searched Kenny's eyes for answers. "Well, its just...we were...we didn't want...it wasn't anything against, you, dude."

"You...I...blah blah blah," Kenny mocked, uninterested in Stan's excuses. "That's shitty, Stan." He leaned over and patted Stan's knee. "You've got A LOT of times to make up for then, don'tcha?"

Stan flinched slightly when he felt Kenny's hand on his knee. He glanced downward at it ever so slightly, before returning his gaze straight ahead. He laughed nervously in response to Kenny's statement. "I guess so," he said.

The mountains increased in size as Kenny's truck sputtered down the Mountain pass and dirt roads leading all the way to the spot that Stan had directed him to. He pulled up next to a branching tree, and nearby a small pond. "How'd you find this place anyway?"

"Oh, Kyle insisted we stay here one night to prove that there was no Manbearbig," Stan informed him.

Kenny nodded understandingly. In their world, a statement like that made total sense.

"Well, this is pretty cool." Kenny commented. And it was. It was Stan and Kenny. Together. And alone in the woods. As he set up their campsite, Kenny's concern about getting busted decreased. Stan's theory seemed to be correct so far. If you acted like you reserved a spot on the campgrounds, everyone assumed that you did.

The air turned chilly as the sun started to set, producing reddish purplish hues across the horizon. It was almost October in South Park, and the leaves had started to change color. It was too cold to even think about swimming in the lake, no matter how inviting it was. Still, Stan eyed it as though there was a memory hidden deep within.

"You got a history with that lake?" Kenny asked as he propped up the sticks in a fort-like fashion around the pre-made fire pit. He gave up lighting it and went to work on setting up the tent.

"I swam in it sometimes." Stan responded honestly. "How's the tent coming?"

"Fine." Kenny said. "...You know, you could help instead of staring at that lake."

Stan frowned at how Kenny called it "that lake." Stan had shared some amazing memories in "that lake", and as much as he forced himself to forget about them, he was afraid that going up to scene of the crime might not have been a good idea after all. He looked over at Kenny, who was an amusing mess, tangled in the tent he had put up earlier in his front yard. Stan chuckled. "I thought I saw you put that thing up earlier."

"I did. It's this fucking...new ground!" Kenny accused.

Stan laughed again. "Right dude. Sure."

"Get up off your ass and help me!" Kenny roared, getting further and further entwined with each passing breath. He was barely visible to Stan now, who eventually sat up and moved over.

"Why, so I can get just as tangled up as you?" he asked, peeling back the part that covered Kenny's face.

With Stan's aid, the tent was up within a few minutes. Once it was, Stan went right back to staring at that damn lake again.

"Do you wanna go swimming or something?" Kenny asked. "What's with you and that lake? Did you and Kyle drown somebody?"

"Its far too cold to swim Kenny," Stan as a matter-of-factly. He failed to answer Kenny's next string of questions.

Kenny ignored Stan's somber attitude and plopped down on the seat beside Stan. They were sitting on a giant tree stump, cut down to the nub, and particularly suitable for two people. Kenny observed Stan's profile, waiting for a further response.

"When it's warm, it's a good lake to swim in." Stan informed him. "I've gone in it with Kyle before."

"Oh?" This statement peaked Kenny's interest. It was obviously a sore subject for Stan, and Kenny enjoyed poking and prodding for more. "Did you guys like..." he couldn't bring himself to say anything, "...it?"

Stan groaned. "No dude, of course not! Kyle doesn't do that...He likes girls. A lot. You know that."

Kenny nodded. "A whole lot, yeah...And that bugs you?"

Stan sighed.

"Gotcha." Kenny said. "No wonder I didn't get invited before. Heh..."Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kenny, no," he said, as if that explained everything. "It's not like that..."

"...Anymore?" Kenny assumed. He was intrigued at this newfound information about his two best friends. One, who he happened be sitting suspiciously close to.

Stan looked at Kenny without saying anything. In seconds, he averted his gaze to the lake again.

"It's cool." Kenny promised. "Tell me all about it."

Stan sighed once again. "We used to come up here. It was really cool. We even went swimming like I said...It was nice...After a while, I thought maybe..." He trailed off.

"Now was this swimming...without clothes?" Kenny asked, mostly for his own personal scene playing out in his head. He didn't want to admit to Stan that the thought of him and Kyle together was turning him on.

"Well, we didn't want to get anything wet..." Stan reasoned. He sighed. "Anyway, its not a big deal. He's my friend, and I'm completely over that anyway." Stan's words were truthful.

"Lucky bastard." Ken muttered, before speaking up a bit. "Sorry your crush didn't work out dude...Least you got to see him naked."

"Not a good thing when you want...that..." Stan said, thoroughly uncomfortable with the dramatic shift in direction their conversation had taken.

Kenny looked at Stan thoughtfully. "Did he ever know? About your feelings?"

"I never told him, but he probly figured it out." Stan shrugged. "He's made it pretty clear that he liked girls though, so I had to move on...Skinny dipping was kinda my way of...testing things."

"Not a bad idea." Ken admitted.

Stan shifted positions. The will to do the same trickery with Kenny crossed his mind, but quickly faded as he realized he had TOLD Kenny of this trickery. It'd be too obvious. Besides, he didn't want to act on his budding feelings too quickly--if ever. "So, what do you we do now?" he asked, instead.

Kenny's brain thought of a dirty response to the question. Stan's plan to seduce Kyle really was a good one, and Kenny knew this. Why else would he invite Stan to go camping out of the blue? Instead, he too decided not to push things.

"Well, seeing as how we don't have any clothes or food or anything, I say we go get some things."

"Dude, you didn't plan this out very much, did you," Stan teased. "We're out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Getting back to civilization is a waste of gas."

Kenny shrugged. "Guess we'll be wasting gas then, cause there ain't no fucking way I'm going without roasting me a marshmallow on a camp fire," he grumbled. "Without getting set on fire," he added.

"Fine." Stan agreed. "...At least you set up the tent okay."

"So where's the nearest place to buy shit?" Kenny asked eloquently.

Stan contemplated this for a second. "...Well, since I need clothes and stuff, the J-Mart by my house. Next time you should really tell me we're going camping first."

"Next time you should tell me we could camp up here instead."

Stan laughed. "Next time you should realize that by getting in your truck that means we're leaving your house and you should bring something other than a tent."

"Next time you should remind me." He smiled at Stan and reluctantly stood up from the tree stump. "Let's go."

Stan returned the smile, and for a brief second, finding is unnecessary to move from the very spot they were in. Why screw up a good thing? He shook his head and decided that food DID sound good. "Alright, I'll direct you back."

Thirty-two minutes later, they pulled up in front of Stan's house. "I'll be two seconds," he told Kenny, and dashed out of the truck to collect his clothing.