Broadcast #2: Panty Thief
A transfer student arrives through mysterious means and now panties and bras are being snatched here and there. Something is not right.
Dear listeners, I have some concerning news. There have been reports of numerous cases of missing undergarments around campus. Class 2-B, class 3-A, and class 1-C have all been affected by what can only be a perverted panty thief. Ladies, keep your bras to your bosom and your panties on.
Akane Higurashi reports that, when she opened her gym locker after swim class, she was shocked to find that her panties and bra were both missing. She stated:
"I don't know why people do this. It's not funny and it's really perverted."
Many other girls have sent in similar claims. It was, however, reported that Kuga Natsuki was not affected. I doubt that. Hold on viewers, Kuga-san has just sent me a text, requesting that I read it over the air. She writes:
'To the bastard who stole my underwear,
I will hunt you down and de-man you.
The hopes you had for having children will
not come true if I get my hands around your neck.'
Kuga-san, I understand your frustration at being panty-robbed…but isn't that just a little violent?
Student Council President Shizuru Fujino has just issued a report on the incidents happening around campus. She stated:
'The student council will not stand for this kind of behavior, whether from an individual or from a group of students. Discord amongst Fuuka's community isn't tolerated. We ask you to stop, lest you want the Executive Committee after you.'
If you have spotted the thief, or thieves, please report it to the Executive Committee immediately, make sure to not forgot name, if possible, grade, and physical description should you see the culprit.
And now, the news.
Listeners have reported that, on more than one occasion, they have seen Shizuru Fujino and Natsuki Kuga conversing once more. I presume that their friendship might be more than just a friendship…but that's just me, listeners.
Head of the Executive Committee Haruka Suzushiro has been given full permission from Shizuru Fujino to set up a task force designed to capture this perverted panty thief. Suzushiro has commandeered the Church, making it base camp for the time being. Anyone entering the church without authorization will be immediately shooed away. This has caused concern amongst the church group, as they cannot carry on with their religious duties if they do not have a church to do so in.
Pretty boy Akira Okuzaki has sent in a statement that reads:
'I am not a ninja. Whoever came up with that ridiculous idea is a moron and falsely informed.'
Listeners, I have received an updated list for next week's events.
Monday is counseling day for the two tennis teams. The reason I say teams is because originally we had just one tennis team, yet the players couldn't get along and had to be split up.
Tuesday is the opening day for a movie titled 'Soundless Cliff', and is about a strange town, that nobody knows of, constantly covered in ominous fog. The plot is a butchering of the series of games the movie is based off of and horror fans and critics everywhere were deeply upset at what they call "a terrible rendition of an amazing game." Fans have voiced their outrage through threats, such as "the director should burn for his idiocy."
Wednesday brings promise of an all-school movie night at the Backstage Movie Bar and Grill complex. The event begins at 6:45 pm and is set to end at 11:59 pm. RSVP early so the student council can rent enough seats.
Thursday is the kendo club's first in-school practice tournament, held in the gymnasium at 2:30 pm.
Friday is the art club's first gallery show. There will be a reception at 5:30pm.
Listeners, I have just received news that captain of the kendo club Takeda Masashi has been surrounded by the Executive committee and was seen holding panties between his thumb and forefinger. The poor boy was not given any time to explain himself, and was immediately subdued and taken to the church.
Natsuki Kuga, Shizuru Fujino, and various others have released statements when questioned about the behavior and youthful tendencies of Takeda Masashi.
'The idiot doesn't get his thrills of off panty-snatching. He's not that kind of guy.'
'Takeda-han is not that kind of pervert. He would need the contents.'
'He's too awkward to pull off a stunt like that.'
Well, listeners, what do you think about all of this? Call in with your thoughts on the issue.
Takeda Masashi has been confined to the church for at least four hours now. He has been subjected to lectures from Father Greer and Sister Yukariko about the 'Passions of youth'. Poor, poor Takeda.
In other news, a second plan to catch this panty thief has been set up around the dorms. I hear that it involves a copious amount of lingerie from a, quote, 'good friend' of the Student Council president, Shizuru Fujino. The kaichou added that this plan was not hers and that she simply gave the 'okay' to the Executive committee. Her reasoning was this:
'I only agreed to this plan in hopes that it may stop the incidents from happening.'
We will return with more after a word from our sponsor.
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We're back listeners! And I have received several letters sent in from various people.
A loud screaming, crashing noise, and what sounded like a motorcycle echoed through the hallways of the dorms. Sources say that the sound came from the room 312, belonging to Kuga Natsuki. Whatever caused the normally composed Ice Princess to react in such a way is unknown to me, listeners.
A random passerby reports that he saw three girls fighting a giant monster type creature. He states that the creature was at least twelve feet tall and that the girls had strange weapons in their possession. He thinks he saw Natsuki Kuga on a mechanical wolf, although he also mentioned that he hasn't been sleeping well for the past week, and could probably have just made up the entire situation.
Student Council President and Executive Committee head have both released statements that read:
'Takeda Masashi has been found innocent and is free from the lectures of youthful passion.'
'While the treat has been subdued, the Executive Committee will be tacking action to ensure that imminents like this one will not happen again anytime soon.'
Natsuki Kuga is in a state of distress over her completely destroyed lingerie collection and has found comfort in crying on the kaichou's shoulder.
Well, listeners, our time is drawing to an end and I must bid you adieu for now. So, curl up in bed, grab a book (or a lover), and relax.
Until next time, listeners, until next time.