Sera paced the tavern floor as the fire flickered, casting long shadows in the open room. It was getting late, and most people had long since cleared out of the tavern long ago, but worry kept her awake. The was Josephine had jumped up, how she had worried, the way she began panicking as she spoke about how the Inquisitor could be hurt. Sera never thought she could worry so much over one person.
"Stupid Josie, not telling me what the frig was wrong," she murmured under her breath, only stopping her pacing when a familiar form approached her.
"You ok there? Maybe you should sit down before your legs fall off," Iron Bull said, offering her a grin. Even so, he raised a concerned eyebrow as he motioned to a nearby stool. Sera took a moment to think it over before resting on the seat. Iron Bull took the chair next to her, leaning back into it with a great sigh.
"So, what's up?" Iron Bull asked, cracking his knuckles. Sera tilted her head, almost defiantly, and stared into the fire.
"What'd you mean? Nothins wrong," Sera mumbled, shaking her head quickly. How was she supposed to explain to him when she herself didn't know what the hell was going on?
"Oh come on, don't give me that crap," Iron Bull responded, waving over at the bartender to bring them a few drinks. He felt like if he was going to get her to talk he would need them. Sera simply shrugged, letting out a long sigh.
"D'know. I went to go talk to the Inquisitor early today about….some important stuff, and she wasn't there!" Sera said, trying to be as vague as possible, "Then I went to go ask Josie about it and she got all worried and ran off. Can you picture that? Our perfect ambassador sending papers flying as she ran through Skyhold. She didn't even tell me what was happening!" Iron Bull let out a chuckle as a maid brought them their ale, taking a large gulp.
"Yeah, that's pretty funny," Iron bull remarked before glancing over at the elf. She was perched on the stool, holding the cup with both hands. A worried expression was planted firmly on her face, something Iron Bull had never really seen before. He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat.
"Was what you had to tell her that important?" Iron Bull asked. Sera simply nodded, causing the Qunari to frown. "If it's so important, why don't you go tell her now?"
"Didn't you hear me? She was gone when I went to tell her earlier today," Sera replied, rolling her eyes slightly. Iron Bull simply shrugged, not taking it personal.
"When I went about an hour ago she was just arriving," Iron Bull said, taking another swig. Upon hearing those words Sera instantly leaped up, her drink spilling to the ground.
"What? Why didn't ya tell me! Is she ok?" Sera exclaimed, already ready to bolt for the door. Iron Bull blinked in surprise, giving her a slow nod.
"I think so," Iron Bull said, but before he had even finished his sentence the rogue was out the door.
Sera stood outside the Inquisitor's door for a second time, trying to regain her breath. Who knew there were so many steps to get to her room? She could hear the blood bounding in ears and she had to take a shaky breath. Her hand came to rest on the door handle before she twisted it, forcing herself to not focus on how nervous she was. She pushed the door open and it swung open silently before she made her way up to the last trek of stairs. She took one last gulp of air before she peered over the top of the railing.
As it was nighttime, the room was pretty dark. A large fire roared, however, illuminating everything in the room it could. Her eyes took a moment to adjust and after a few seconds her eyes fell on the Inquisitor. She was resting on the couch, with her back facing Sera. Her face instantly lit up with recognition as her feet landed on the top step.
"Inquisitor!" Sera announced, breaking the silence in the room. The Inquisitor jumped, wiping around to face her.
"Sera!" the Herald gasped, and even though the room was poorly lit Sera could see her cheeks were a deep shade of red. Movement behind the Inquisitor caught her eye, and Sera moved closer, tilting her head.
"Oh my!" a familiar voice said as Josephine stood from the couch, quickly smoothing out her clothes. Sera felt her heart drop in her chest, but pure denial made her probe forward.
"Sorry, was I interrupting?" Sera questioned, her voice shaking for a second. The Inquisitor stood as well before giving Josephine a reassuring smile.
"Oh, it's alright. Was there something important going on?" The Inquisitor asked, turning her gaze to Sera. Sera felt her knees shake for a moment as she watched the Inquisitor's arm snake possessively around the ambassador's waist, pulling her close.
She wanted to scream, to cry, to throw something. She wished she had put spiders in the bucket she'd placed over Josephine's door instead of just water. She wished that she had never come to the Inquisitor's room. She wished she had never joined the Inquisition. She wished and wanted and hurt. Maker did she hurt.
She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She saw them standing there with each other looking happy and it made her feel sick and cold. She snapped her mouth shut and shook her head, loose blonde hair shifting around. With that, she turned around on her heels and marched down the steps.
The Inquisitor didn't follow after her. Sera shut the door behind her and as soon as she heard it close, her blank expression turned into one of pain. She could feel the hot tears swelling up and rolling down her cheeks. She angrily brushed them away as she stumbled out the main hall.
She doesn't remember how or when, but suddenly she is back in the tavern. Iron Bull is gone now, as are most of the people. Two or three people sit scattered around, but no one pays much attention to her. Her head throbs and she squeezes her eyes shut, every noise like a loud drum next to her ear.
Suddenly a bard that she didn't even know was there starts to strum her lute. She brings her knees to her chest, listening to the tune. It's bright and playful, but it doesn't make her feel any better.
"Sera was never quite an agreeable girl—Her tongue tells tales of rebellion. But she was so fast, and quick with her bow, no one quite knew where she came from." The words pounded into her brain and she feels sick again. All she could think was –Maybe, if I could have been more like Miss Priss, this wouldn't have happened.- The verses poor over her like waves and she finally stands up, shakily making her way up the stairs. By the time she reaches the door, the song is almost over.
"Sera was never quite the gentlest girl—Her eyes were sharp like a razor. But she knew the ways of commoner men, and she knew just how to use them." She closed the door behind her before collapsing on her bed. If she had just been more agreeable, less loud, had more money, was just gentler, she wouldn't have to feel what it was like to have her heart shattered. A sob racked her body as she curled into a tight ball. It took her minutes to finally calm down, to finally give into sleep.
Her last thought before she fell asleep was –What I would give to feel nothing right now.-