CHAPTER TWO – Don't Close Your Heart

After a long shift, sheer adrenaline facilitated the walk back to the nurses' tent, dry hands fumbling to undo the dirty, blood-spattered smock. Gratefully the casualties were minimal, and no soldiers were taken by enemy forces. A small victory but a victory nevertheless in my eyes. I dumped the smock into a bucket of cold water, reaching for the bar of soap only to notice Bette standing beside my cot, a fierce look upon her face and her arms folded across her chest.

"You've been holding out on me, Genevieve."

"Look," I yawned. "I've been on my feet since five am, can we have this chat after I've slept?"

"No, we can't." She pointed accusingly at my cot where a bunch of wild flowers sat.

Ignoring the ache in my feet, I left the cleaning of my smock and walked over, reaching for the flowers so their scent tickled my senses.

"They are from one Bucky Barnes." She waved the note at me, which I snatched from her grasp.

"There's no need to sound so jealous, we're only friends." I flicked the note open and smiled at his fond words.

"Well? Are you going to explain what he means?"

"You read it?" Bette nodded, and I sighed heavily. "He enjoys our time together, what more do you need to know? He's a good man –"

"So is Joe!"

"Joe? Joe Hartford? What does he have to do with anything?" I asked pointedly, placing the flowers in the cup of water sitting on the stool beside my cot.

"Remember we talked about making a good match, and Joe being the perfect match for you!"

"Why are you so obsessed about my love life? You don't even like Joe! You said I could do better than some mechanic. What does it matter to you who I choose to spend my time with?" I turned towards her, pulling my hair loose from its tight bun hold.

"Joe can provide –"

"Money doesn't mean anything to me, I am more than capable of providing for myself! Joe and I went on a couple of dates, there was no talk of a future together. Besides, Bucky listens to me, he is truly interested in what I have to say, he's funny and charming –"

"Charming with all the nurses! You aren't the only girl falling for him, Genevieve! He gets fresh with all of us to see who he can get back to his tent first!"

"That's a hateful thing to say, Bette!" I snapped angrily at her. "I won't be made to feel bad because I find ways to be happy. When I'm with Bucky I don't have to think about the blood caked under my fingernails, or that I can sometimes barely sleep at night because I still hear Corporal Wilson's screams in my head – a boy of eighteen, dying painfully from a stomach wound because we'd run out of morphine!"

"Well somehow, I doubt you were on his mind this afternoon when he had his arm around Lorraine, whispering into her ear, making her laugh!" Bette bit back spitefully.

I averted my gaze when tears formed at the corners of my eyes. There were so many sights I'd never be able to forget; horrors no one should have lived to witness. And the last thing I needed was Bette dumping her drama on top of my already weighed down shoulders. I turned away without another word and stormed out of the tent, banging into another body, dressed in military uniform.

"Ooh, I'm so-so sorry, sir –" I looked up from spluttering my reply to find Bucky standing before me.

His delight instantly faded to be replaced with concern. He instinctively raised a hand to my face, frowning as his thumb brushed through the wet trail coating my cheeks. "What's happened? Is it your brother?"

"It's nothing, I'm fine," I mumbled.

"Doesn't look like nothing."

"Sometimes a girl just needs to cry…a natural stress relief." I hastily stepped away from him, wiping my heated face with my hands.

"And it's got nothing to do with your friend giving us the evil eye from your tent right now?"

My head snapped up, glancing in the direction of the nurses' tent where Bette stood, her hostile glare as hard as daggers before she turned on her heel, disappearing back inside the tent.

"Sure, you don't wanna talk about it, sweetheart?"

"No."

"Okay, why don't you come back to my tent then?" His bold suggestion slapped me with shock. "The boys will be there, and a couple of other nurses. We found an old barn the other day, stored with heaps of stuff, including bottles of wine. I don't know how good French stuff is, but it's gotta be better than the stale coffee we've got."

I started shaking my head, believing a walk around the camp would calm me down enough. Bucky obviously ignoring my mood, threw his arm around my shoulders, forcing me to stumble against his side.

"C'mon, Gin, it'll cheer you up to cut loose."

I ignored the flush of heat bursting in my cheeks when he smiled down at me, Bette's hateful words stabbing through whatever happiness bloomed in Bucky's presence.

"No." I roughly pushed him away, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Why don't you ask Lorraine instead."

"Lorraine?"

"Bette saw you hanging off her this afternoon!" Bucky's confusion at my nasty tone turned into realization. My blossoming feelings unwittingly betrayed me, revealing themselves before I even had the chance to comprehend how to deal with them.

"Gin," he exhaled my name in a long breath. "It's not what you think, we're just friends."

I shook my head, backing away from him further, unable to concentrate on gathering the words needed to backpedal away from the jealous outburst. I didn't want to admit how I felt about Bucky. I hadn't wanted to feel anything for anyone.

"Excuse me, I have to go." Abruptly turning around, I marched off in the opposite direction.

Lingering by the river's edge, I could take a long peaceful moment to collect the water needed to wash my clothes. I enjoyed the sound of running water, it was a calming presence from the usual horrid sounds I was becoming accustom too. I carefully filled the bucket and plucked a handful of wild flowers from the edge of the bank, thinking of the home I'd fled because my dreams of adventure couldn't be contained.

"You shouldn't be down here alone."

A hand instinctively fell into my jacket pocket, fingers grasping the Walther PPK hidden within. Glimpsing back over my shoulder, Bucky emerged from within the trees, entering the small clearing with his rifle posed and ready.

I exhaled a long sigh standing up. "You shouldn't sneak up on people, Barnes."

"I figured it was the only way to get you to talk to me."

I released the Walther PPK and reached for the bucket. "Contrary to belief, my world doesn't revolve around you, I have a lot of work to do."

"Work eh? You don't think I've noticed how you disappear most mornings, nowhere to be seen around the camp. Couple of the nurses think you're a spook."

He sounded bothered, as if he'd taken to stalking my movements to uncover some hidden truth. A truth he either wouldn't believe or attempt to talk me out of whatever suicide mission the SSR had planned for me.

"Do you think I'm a spy?" I raised an eyebrow at him and his serious expression.

"I think you do more than nursing."

"When I'm not stitching up wounds, mopping up blood or sterilizing equipment, I have reports to write, letters to reply too and a stern matron who finds extra work if she feels I have too much time on my hands. My days are full, I barely have a moment to think right now, so I don't know where I could possibly disappear to."

Bucky's shoulders relaxed, an effortless smile curving his lips as he walked over to take the bucket of water from my grasp. "Either way you've been avoiding me."

"Maybe you should try focusing on your work instead of me." I walked beside him as we left the clearing, concentrating on my boots tramping through the wet grass.

"I've been thinking 'bout the other night, I should've said something."

"There wasn't anything to say," I replied curtly, refusing to allow myself to give into the dull ache in my chest.

Training with Peggy kept my mind occupied, never allowing a moment for any thought of Bucky to creep in. I didn't have the same luxury at night, laying silently in my cot when all I could do was stare up at the tented ceiling and wonder how I got myself into such a mess – falling for a man who obviously didn't feel the same way.

"It was a long day, I was tired and…and don't think on anything I said."

"It wasn't what you said, it's how you acted, like you thought I'm stuck on Lorraine or something." I glanced at him to find his blue eyes purely focused on me. "I'm not by the way, we just have a laugh. She's from my neighborhood."

"You seem to have a laugh with most people." My bitter words burned passing my lips, regret far from my mind.

"Yeah," he nodded in agreement. "But you're the only one I've been kissing."

We stopped at the edge of camp, watching as soldiers and other personnel went about their day. Rain clouds quickly rolled in overhead and I didn't doubt I would be in for a long night, with small holes in the tents I'd be swapping out buckets till dawn.

"Is there a guy waiting for you back home?"

I dismissed his unexpected question with a light shake of my head.

"You're kidding?" He scoffed.

"Why are you so surprised?"

"Most of the guys round here would kill to have a dame like you waiting back home for them."

"Well this dame wanted a career before settling down. The war has drawn that plan out longer than expected." I grabbed the water bucket from him, heading towards the nurses' tent, hearing Bucky follow behind me.

"I know a few of the guys got hitched to their girls before shipping out."

"And how many of those girls are widows now?"

"Least they weren't afraid to give it a go, make use of the time they had," he murmured behind me, his voice calm and almost thoughtful.

"Don't you have someone waiting for you to return home?"

"No girl, just my best friend…a punk kid I've looked out for, for as long as I can remember." He smiled fondly as we stopped outside the nurses' tent. "You two would probably get along, both stubborn about fighting in this war."

"Sounds like a smart man." My smile matched his.

"Yeah, figured you'd think so." Bucky shook his head with a sly smile. "Have dinner with me in the mess tonight?"

"I can't, I'm working the night shift."

"I'll bring you something then," he counted persistently.

My head cocked slightly to one side, regarding Bucky with a puzzled look. "Even though I was rude to you?"

"I know you can't resist me, Gin, even though you're trying too." He reached over to kiss my cheek and then wandered off with a spring in his step.

I lightly shook my head heading into the nurses' tent with a spring in my step.