"It doesn't mean anything..."
Tristan muttered, his face heating up almost immediately as Miles's lips left his. Miles put a hand over his mouth, unable to speak for the longest time. He looked up longingly into the blue eyes he never even realized he missed so much, still feeling Tristan's strong pull on his collar. Tristan fiddled with his jacket for a little bit before letting go and sighing.
"Why haven't you gone crawling back to Maya?" Tristan hissed bitterly, staring down at his shoes. Miles stayed silent, pulling on Tristan's nerves once more.
"There it is… That silence. You always stay silent whenever I ask about her, and it pisses me off!" Tristan snapped, making Miles look up at him.
"Did you ever once think that I could want you to!—" Miles cut himself off. He couldn't admit it, he'd just be doing the selfish thing, pulling him back, but having him pissed off and clearly showing confusion in front of him was just as painful. He was afraid of losing him, but at the same time, all he could think about was letting him go. He's too good to you. Bite your damn tongue, time and time again, doesn't matter if you bleed... At least he won't be caught in the loop. He won't be dragged down with you.
"Want me to, what, Hollingsworth? Want me to walk away? Do you want to have nobody?" Tristan's voice wavered, but never weakened. His fists were clenched, his face turning a shade of red from fury and confusion. Tristan knew the sad truth was that if he just walked away, he'd truly be alone. Maybe that's what he needed. A nice slap in the face from the bitter realization that he's alone, and that if he doesn't confide in someone he will be alone forever.
"That isn't what I want at all…" Miles admitted, taking Tristan's hand. A pang of selfishness shot through him. It was ripped away as soon as he grabbed it, and while relief was what his mind was telling him to feel, his heart was twisting in a million different ways, just wanting to... pull him back, and cry, unloading all of his turmoil onto him.
"Then what do you want? You can't just leave everything hanging and expect me to come crawling back!" Tristan snapped. Miles just stood there, biting his tongue once more. Tristan sighed angrily, stepping closer until their faces were only inches apart. He wanted to trust him, to let him in and tell him everything... Yet he found himself silent once more, the cat of shielding Tristan from him, who he really is, grabbing at his tongue. Sometimes, he wondered what was worse; having to keep up his facade around the people he wanted so badly to trust or watching them leave when he finally let it down.
"Figure out what you want. Because until then, I'm done. I'm done dealing with this shit, with you!"
"Funny, coming from the man that just made out with me." Miles spat, spinning around. Tristan grabbed him by his hood, bringing his mouth to his neck. Miles shivered from the sudden movement.
"I fucking told you. It meant nothing." Tristan hissed into his ear before walking away, jerking Miles's hood forward, leaving him a bit off balance.
It doesn't mean anything to you.
um: I'm shit. I'm sorry for this vent chapter, I was so bitter over the Triles breakup that I had to write this. Props to you if you can spot the Thunderstruck parallel.