I can't believe I'm updating this thing. Rampant OOCness, rampant stupidity, rampant cursing. Should not be read by anyone.

I'm so so sorry.

Title is from the album Mickey Mouse Operation by Little People (yes you read that right), where I got the first title from. Figured I'd keep going with it since its a bit amusing considering Levi is the star character. I'm so sorry. Don't do drugs kids.

PS: Don't take any of this seriously.

Chapter 2 Summar: [Levi x Annoyances] Levi hates living with other people.

To say that Levi wasn't much of a people person was a gross overstatement. Or at least to Levi it was. He was, effectively, around people about eighteen hours of the day, more or less depending on what was going on. He was continually having orders ushered to him and continually having to give orders to others. And he was humanity's strongest and one of the highest ranking individuals in the scouting legion, which meant he had people up his ass pretty much constantly. In all that time he had managed not to cut someone's head off. Very impressive feat indeed.

Therefore Levi regarded himself as quite the people person. Sure he may not be the most talkative or the most approachable (you wouldn't be either if you were 5'3 and everyone kept mistaking you for a young teen or older child when you're in your mid-thirties for the love of God) but he was most definitely a people person.

But even a people person has their limits. Especially when it comes to suddenly having six roommates plopped into your lap.

It didn't start out all that bad really. At least for the first week or so. Moving into the castle had seemed like the best idea. It was big and there would be plenty of room for everyone, but it had to be cleaned. No not cleaned. Scrubbed. Everything. Levi even made Gunther put on 3d gear and sweep the roof. Gunther had tried saying something about the wind just blowing the leaves and dust and whatever the fuck else he had been talking about back onto it but Levi had insisted, saying he had better be able to eat off the fucking thing once Gunther was done.

So the first week was good. Everyone cleaned. Everyone was polite. They mingled amicably and everyone was considerate. Even dopey Eren was relatively quiet and peaceful so long as nobody brought up titans.

However it didn't take long for things to deteriorate.

It started at dinner. Everyone had finished their meal and were getting up, talking and joking in their usual way. Customarily everyone would grab their plate and bring it to the kitchen where they would wash it. But tonight. Tonight Erd got up and left his dirty plate on the table.

It took Levi a good minute before he could form words. "Why the fuck is that still here?" He stared at the dirty plate as if it were a dead rat.

The others turned to look. "Oh, sorry." Erd laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "I just forgot it."

Levi watched like a hawk as Erd retrieved the plate, his fictional hackles slowly falling from where they had risen. Okay. That wasn't so bad. Erd had just forgot, that was all. He wasn't being lazy on purpose. Surely.

Levi stared at the full garbage like he was trying to set it aflame. His eyebrow was ticking in a very peculiar manner. Why? Why was there a full garbage can sitting here? Why had nobody bothered to take it out? It even looked like people had been carelessly throwing stuff on top of the already full garbage can.

When Eren walked in a few minutes later, he stopped. "Something wrong, Heicho?"

Levi's mouth twitched like a cat watching birds from a window. "Why is this here?"

Eren looked confused.

"This full garbage. Why is it here?"

"Oh." Eren looked at it. "Cause that's where the garbage is supposed to go," he said brightly.

Levi's eyebrow was ticking worse than before. He seized Eren by his shirt front and dragged the teen towards him until their noses nearly touched. Eren's eyes widened.

"Get. It. Out. Now." He released the teen and walked away from the icky garbage. Fucking idiots.

Then there was the noise.

Levi sat in his office, looking over reports regarding the brat. Erwin had been trying his best to collect as much data as he could about Eren's past in the hopes there might be some clue as to where his father had disappeared to. Unfortunately most of the records were shot due to the wall falling. It had been a tedious and frustrating affair.

From outside his office, Levi heard singing. It wouldn't have been so bad had it been good singing. Or if the song consisted of anything besides big butts, loose women, and getting drunk. Levi lowered his paper.

Who the fuck was singing? Didn't they know other people could hear them? Why did that person think other people wanted to listen to his nonsense?

"Keep it down out there," Levi shouted.

Silence descended and a moment later Hanji yelled back, "Sorry!"

Levi returned to his papers, grumbling.

Then the lights.

Levi had a hard time sleeping. Everyone knew that. If it wasn't completely dark and silent, Levi found it almost impossible to fall asleep. He also hated closing his door. Maybe it was a pet peeve or maybe it was because he associated closed spaces with being in jail, a place he had visited one too many times during his thug days, but he liked to sleep with his door open. Plus he would then be able to keep an eye on anything that might be happening elsewhere.

So when Levi went to bed he blew out all the lights. He was very careful about this because leaving candles and torches burning when there was no one there was a waste to begin with. Levi hated wasting things. He went to bed in the blissful dark. Things were quiet. It was great.

A few minutes later and a light shined onto Levi. He cracked open an eye. Someone had lit the lights. He could hear them shuffling about. Okay, that was fine. Maybe they had forgotten something. Levi yawned and turned over, waiting for the light to go out.

Time passed. The light was still on. The shuffling faded but the light was still on. Levi waited, his finger ticking on the bedclothes, annoyance building. Finally he got up.

The other room was vacant. Just a bunch of candles lit with no one in there. Scowling, Levi blew them out. He got back into bed. A few minutes later another light shone on him. Levi growled.

Three times he got up and went to various rooms. Each time he went in there no one was in there. People were just leaving lights on for no reason. "The next person who leaves candles lit is going to get my sword up their ass!"

From down the hall someone called out, "Would you keep it down! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

Levi muffled his scream into his palms.

Then they started running out of things.

Levi stared at the empty drawer. Spoons. They were out of spoons. Not a single spoon. He looked over at the sink. There was only two or three in there. And they were dirty.

Surely there had to be more spoons. There had been close to forty of them when they had first moved in. Levi knew, he had counted. What else was he supposed to stir his tea with? A fork? Please.

So Levi went on a spoon hunt. For some reason he had a pretty fair idea where they might be.

In the basement. In the basement he found eight. Eight spoons in varying degrees of dirtiness. Some were sitting in tubs of what must have been fruit or bowls of soup. Some were just sitting there not even in anything, as if someone had grabbed the spoon just for decoration purposes.

"Eight!" Levi yelled at Eren later. "Eight spoons! Why were there eight spoons down there? Why didn't you bring any of them up to the kitchen? You have to walk by the kitchen on your way out of the basement for God's sake! Is it really so hard to bring them upstairs! Eight spoons! Why were there eight spoons down there?"

"Sorry, Heichou." Eren was positively cowering. "I get hungry at night so I use the spoons."

Levi's eyes flared. "Does that mean you're the one who's been leaving lights on too?"

"What lights?"

Levi glowered. He threw a spoon at him. "Get it cleaned up."

From down the hall Levi could hear people talking. They were talking so loud. He turned over in his bed. He had to get up early. He had paperwork to go over, he had to talk with Hanji about her ideas for experiments (none of which were safe or, more importantly, sanitary), he had to meet with Erwin, and he had so much to clean because nobody else in the castle seemed capable of cleaning up after themselves.

He had to get up early and people knew that and there they were talking in the hall right outside his door like it was no biggie.

Levi marched to the doorway. Auruo and Petra looked guiltily up from their argument about marzipan.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Levi's voice was like a whip crack. "Unlike some people I have work to do tomorrow and have to get up early! Some of us actually work around here! Why don't you get a job? Jesus Christ."

"S-Sorry, Heicho," Petra began.

Levi slammed his door shut, fuming.

When Levi opened the box that contained crackers he expected, well crackers. To his surprise when he opened the box, all the packets of crackers were gone. It was just an empty box. An empty box taking up a shit load of room in the closet. "Why the fuck did nobody throw this out?" Levi could feel a rant building. "Why is it just sitting in here taking up valuable space? Why the hell did someone just leave garbage in here? Wouldn't the logical thing to do be to throw it out when it's empty? Why is this sitting in here?"

He glared at the other residents of the castle. All of them looked sheepish or overly innocent. With no proof as to who left it in there, Levi had no one to focus his wrath on.

He kicked the box towards the trash. "Good fucking God."

Plates began to build up. Everywhere. It became not that unusual for Levi to walk into a room and see a stray cup or stray plate sitting there like an owl hunting for mice.

He began to find cups in their bedrooms. So many cups. Why did someone need a cup for every new drink?

Then the garbage. It had to be some sort of physical impairment. No one was physically capable of taking the trash out. Instead it just sat there until Levi did it or he bullied someone else into doing it. In fact people had even started putting trash by the trash instead of just emptying the trash.

And the castle as a whole. Everyone's hands must have fallen off because unless Levi cleaned something, everything remained dirty. He couldn't recall the last time he had seen somebody pick up a broom, much less a mop. If someone else cooked, the dirty pots and pans would sit there until he took care of them.

Then there was that time Auruo had asked to borrow some money, only for Levi to find out he had spent it all on beer.

Levi could feel his patience wearing severely thin.

"You broke it."

Eren flinched. In front of him the broken wash table sat with a pile of clothes that would have killed a cow on top of it. "I—I didn't mean to. I was only trying to do as much as I could to make it quicker."

Levi's eyebrow had developed that strange twitch again. "I thought you said you had lived on your own for years. How is it possible that you don't even know how to do your own laundry?"

Eren turned red. "W-well, Mikasa usually does it for me."

Levi closed his eyes. He counted slowly down from ten. Okay. So now the washer had to be replaced. And he would have to do it. He sighed.

When Levi finished with what he needed to do for the day he wanted nothing more than to sit down somewhere with a cup of tea and not do or hear anything. That's what he liked. A good unwinding after having to deal with other people's bullshit for eight plus hours.

But now everyday when Levi got ready to settle in for some relaxation all he heard was singing. Bad singing. Raucous singing that was grating on his eardrums and so loud. Across the room from him Gunther started to sing along with Hanji.

Levi buried his face in his hands. His managing to not kill anyone since joining the scouting legion was becoming dangerously close to not being true anymore.

"Levi seems to be rather tense lately," Hanji observed. She set down her empty coffee cup and then conveniently forgot it where it was. "The other day he went off on a five minute rant about too much soap being used, said we went through two huge bottles in a week. I don't know what he's talking about because I haven't cleaned anything. I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head."

"He has become rather insufferable," Erd agreed. "The other day he was yelling at me about plates. What am I, the plate king? It's not my responsibility to find all the plates."

"He was yelling at me for leaving lights on." The corners of Petra's mouth were downturned. "I only left a few on, why's it matter?"

"Yea!" Eren slammed his cup down, spraying coffee everywhere that he didn't bother to wipe up. "He's been a total dick! All I did was use a few spoons! It's a free world! I even offered to spoon with him and he punched me in the face! I know that's how he likes to flirt but it hurt damnit! He tried to kiss me when he was bitching about the trash can too-"

"We need to have a house meeting about this," said Gunther, who was eating the last packet of cookies but had left the empty box in the closet for some other poor slob to deal with. "He can't keep living with us if he's going to be so oppressive."

"Hear, hear!" cried Auruo, raising his beer into the air.

Levi had no idea what the fuck a house meeting was but Hanji had seemed pretty serious when she approached him about it. When he walked into the room she had indicated, everyone was seated there as if they were about to have an intervention.

"What the fuck is this?"

"Now no reason to get upset," said Hanji. "We just have a few things to say to you."

"In regards to what?"

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as the housemates looked at each other. Petra was digging her elbow into Erd's side. "W-we just feel like you've been uhhh…a little stressed out lately."

"…Oh really?"

"Yes, and we've each found it a little unfair that you are taking your stress out on us."

Levi was silent for a long moment. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You're always yelling," said Hanji.

"And always so grouchy," said Gunther.

"You treat us like children," Petra squeaked.

"And your face is always in this permanent scowl," said Eren, aiming a poke at Levi's face.

"My face always looks like this," Levi growled. "And don't fucking touch me."

"See?!" Auruo cried. "That's what we're talking about! You're always in this shitty mood." He belched loudly.

"I'm always in a shitty mood?" Levi could feel another rant coming on, almost like word vomit. "You want to know why I'm always in a shitty mood? Maybe it's because people are always leaving lights on or maybe it's because people will talk loudly all night so I don't get any sleep? Maybe it's because I seem to be the only one capable of doing a single dish in this whole place or how nothing gets cleaned unless I do it. Or how there wouldn't be a single clean plate or cup available here if I don't go scouring for them. Or how empty boxes would sit there and pile up if I didn't take care of it. Or that if anything breaks I'm the one responsible for fixing it. Or maybe it's because every day I have to come back here and listen to the shittiest singing in the history of humankind. Maybe it's because none of you seem capable of wiping your own ass without me there to hold the tissues for you!"

There was a very long moment of silence. The others were looking at each other as if they had reached some sort of agreement.

"Levi," Hanji coughed. "I think it would be best for everyone involved if you moved out."

A week before the mission outside the wall, Levi got the news.

"Did you hear they burned down half of the castle?" Moblit sighed in aggrieve. "Hanji is always a mess when left to her own devices."

"Eren apparently turned into a titan and destroyed a bunch of fencing at nearby farms as well," added Mike. He sniffed. "Erwin is not going to be happy about this." He looked to Levi. "Are you going to tell him?"

"Nope." Levi leaned back in his chair and placed his boots on his desk. He put on a pair of sunglasses. "I don't give a shit."