Chapter 2
I wearily opened my eyes, dreading the moment when I had to venture out of my cosy bed and out into the cold air. I could hear my roommate Chelsea messing about in the kitchen and smelt bacon. Well, if that wasn't an incentive to get out of bed then I don't know what was. Reluctantly I dragged myself out of bed and pulled on my favourite polka dot dressing gown, stumbling to the kitchen. I immediately plonked myself down on the kitchen table and promptly attempted to go back to sleep again on the table.
"Whoa, what's up with you? Sleepy head."
That was Chelsea. She is always happy. And I mean always. I lifted my head up off the table to see my best friend dancing round the kitchen in her pyjamas, singing along with the radio. I glanced at the clock. Only 9:17. Way too early to deal with Chelsea peppiness. Not to mention the dancing.
"Soooo, how was your date last night?" Chelsea gushed excitedly, whilst proceeding to do the cancan round the kitchen table.
Wait, what happened last night? My date. Ashley Davies. Ashley Davies's ass.
I groaned loudly.
"Ohhh, that bad, huh?"
I looked up to see Chelsea surprisingly now sitting down opposite me, eating her freshly cooked breakfast. Even more surprisingly was that there was now a plate in front of me too, with actual food on it. I gratefully started tucking in.
"Soo, back to the date Spencer."
"Oh," I groaned loudly again, "I am never letting you set me up with anyone again. Ever again," I added crossly. "It was awful. I mean, he never shut up and all he could talk about was himself." I was on a roll now.
"Aww, I'm sorry. Clay said he was nice," Chelsea began making her excuses but I wasn't having any of it. Clay is her boyfriend, by the way, and also my brother – just in case you were wondering. But as for my rant about Brad, or moronic idiot as he is otherwise known, that was far from over.
"I have never met a more ignorant, self-obsessed moron in my whole life. I'm telling you, Chelsea, I am done with men. They're all idiots, the lot of them. I am never going out with another man again. Ever."
I frowned, seeing Chelsea's smug grin.
"WHAT?"I exclaimed rather loudly.
Chelsea bit her lip and smiled at me smugly again. Seriously, what was with this girl today?
"Chelsea," I demanded crossly, "tell me."
"Um, well," Chelsea blushed, "I always had my suspicions but this just takes the biscuit."
Takes the biscuit. I mean, who says that? I mean, aside from Chelsea, obviously.
"Well, I mean you've never really been interested in boys. I mean, I've know I've also known you since we were like fifteen. But even then you were never really crazy about them. You were always obsessed with Beyoncé and Rihanna. Come on, you hated JLS, for Christ sakes. I mean, how could you hate them? They're hot. Wait, don't tell Clay I said that."
Chelsea's ramblings were not making a great deal of sense.
"Chelsea, what exactly are you trying to say?" I demanded. I really wasn't in the mood for her nonsense.
"Well, have you ever considered, you know, trying something different?"
I stared at her blankly.
"Um switching sides."
Still staring.
"Have you ever thought about dating, well…"
I shot her daggers.
"A girl," she said simply.
"A GIRL," I exploded, "YOU MEAN YOU THINK I'M GAY."
I couldn't believe this. I wasn't gay. Wait. What about Ashley? No. I still wasn't gay. I couldn't be. Could I? I stormed off perhaps a bit too dramatically and went and hid in my bedroom.
An hour later, after repeatedly going over the reasons why I could not be gay, I heard a knock on the door.
"Can I come in?" I heard Chelsea soft voice say quietly. I didn't reply but she came in anyway, like I knew she would. She walked in and sat down on my bed next to me and reached in to give me a hug. I tried to pull away but I knew that resistance would be futile.
"You ok?" she asked. "I was only joking, you know that," she said but I knew she didn't mean it. She wasn't joking; she genuinely thought that I was. But I couldn't be. My über conservative Christian mum would kill me. And that was reason enough. Oh dear, here I go again, this really wasn't productive.
"Chelsea, can we go out tonight?"
"Sure thing, where do you want to go?" Chelsea said, trying to get in my good books again.
"I don't care anywhere. A club or something."
"Sure thing, whatever you want," she smiled happily.
"Chelsea?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm not, you know…" I trailed off.
"Gay?"
I nodded.
"I know," she said unconvincingly. And I wondered whom I was trying to convince. Chelsea or myself?
The rest of the day passed surprisingly well. And when we finally arrived at Greys, the club that Chelsea had chosen, we met up with clay and his friend and roommate Sean. And everything was going fine, I had a few shots and was pleasantly tipsy. It was only when the stupid ass DJ decided to play Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl". Needless to say, I wasn't happy particularly when I saw some girls on the dance floor practically having sex with their clothes on. But before I could look away a cute red head girl had caught my eyes and was making her way to me across the dance floor. Just a sec. Cute. I didn't mean cute. Okay, I don't know what I meant. And help, she was almost next to me now. But before I could move into full blown panic mode she was whispering seductively in my ear.
"I saw you watching them."
God, that was so hot. Ah, what was wrong with me?
"Wanna dance?" she said sweetly. And before I even knew what was happening, she had taken me by the hand and led me to the dance floor. She instantly began gyrating against me. This was so wrong but it felt so good. So right.
It was then that I made the fatal mistake. I looked around me at the people loitering at the edge of the dance floor. I caught sight of a man with a disgusted look on his face. Then I really saw that he was looking at me. He shook his head at me. I looked down and saw that the girl's arms were now wrapped around my waist. I looked around, my head spinning. And saw that man's expression reflected on a hundred other faces. This couldn't be happening.
I pulled away from the girl. Hurriedly untangling her arms from my waist, I ran out of the club, pushing past people as I made like a crazy person for the exit.
Only then did I allow myself to break down and cry. I sunk to my knees and buried my head in my hands. Why was this happening to me? I had never felt more alive than in those girl's arms yet I had never felt more disgusted with myself.
I mean, it wasn't like I was a virgin or anything. I mean, I hadn't been with that many boys but I'd been with enough. And the sex had been all right. Oh, who was I trying to kid? The sex was awful. But I had assumed that I just hadn't found the right person, or perhaps they just weren't doing it right. But I defiantly didn't want to have sex with a girl. Did I?
Oh no. Now that having sex with a girl was in my brain I couldn't stop thinking about it. What about sex with Ashley? Umm, that was a nice thought.
"You all right, darling?"
I looked up to see a man with his hair slicked back and the cockiest, most revolting smile I've ever seen. I was not attracted to him. So I can only apologise for what I did next.
"I am now that you're here."
I tried my sluttiest voice imaginable and gave him what I hoped was a sexy smile. The whole time I just wanted to yell at myself to stop. This wasn't me. But there was one thing that kept driving me forwards. It was that I should like this, I should be taken in by this man's charm and I wasn't. And I so desperately wanted to be. I was trying to prove something, not just everyone else. But to myself.
"So, want go back to my place…?"
I stood up and slipped my arm through his and strutted silently away. Scared that if I was to say another word, I would be sick. Or if I let go of his arm I would fall down and never want to get back up again.
The rest of the night was a blur, or maybe it was so horrific I deleted it from my memory entirely. But I remember thinking, just as I was about to fall asleep beside and his ridiculously loud snoring, that this was wasn't what I wanted. I wanted someone that I knew I shouldn't. I wanted Ashley Davies