A/N: Okay, I am so so so so so sorry it's taken me this long to update. My writers block kicked in HARD for this chapter. I had the hardest time writing it. Then when I finally finished it, my beta didn't think it was emotional enough and so she had to help me with that and it was just...hard. I'm so sorry. Also, I just got a tumblr (well okay not just but whatever) so if you want to follow me there (same username, I'm so original.) feel free to! I post a lot when I'm frustrated so at least you'll know if I'm stuck.
Thank you to Linnea. You are amazing. This chapter wouldn't exist without you. Thank you, so much for pushing me to do better on this chapter, to unlocking my own emotions about this. Thank you.
Reviews? Please?
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Nor will I ever.
Kurt's POV
Kurt sighs as he enters his room, thankful that Blaine wasn't in there. He collapses on the bed, utterly exhausted. Within seconds he's fast asleep.
"You like that don't you fag?"
"No, please," he pleads, crying. "Please stop," he begs. Karofsky thrusts up against Kurt, groaning.
"You feel so good," Karofsky moans, leaning forward to kiss Kurt hard. "Such a good little slut."
"Please stop, please," he cries, his eyes falling shut. He just wants it to stop.
"Open your eyes," Karofsky demands, slapping Kurt's cheek hard. Kurt's eyes fly open.
"Please, stop!" he screams.
"Kurt, please, wake up," he hears Blaine whisper in his ear as he comes awake. "Oh, Kurt," he mutters, beginning to take Kurt into his arms, stopping when he sees Kurt flinch. Kurt sighs, trying to not notice the hurt look on Blaine's face. Slowly he begins to cry as he wakes up more. He could still feel Karofsky's hand on him, his hot breath before he would lean down and kiss him. The nightmares had been getting worse. Things kept changing, and instead of reliving his attack every night, his mind was creating new scenes.
He hates this. He hates reliving what Karofsky had done. He hates this anger he feels every god damn day. He hates the fact that he was so naïve the day Karofsky raped him. So stupid to trust that the school would be empty. Sure, he had fought, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough. In the end Karofsky got everything. How could he have been so stupid to believe that things were just a little bit different because Karofsky had stopped his extreme bullying? He hates himself. Why had he let this happen? Why hadn't he told anyone when Karofsky forced himself on him the first time? This was his fault. He was so naïve, so stupid, he let it happen. It didn't matter that he had fought against Karofsky, because in the end he let it happen. He had been so stupid. If he had only paid attention more. The warning signs were there. They had always been there, only Kurt had chosen to ignore them. Even before Karofsky had forced the kiss on him, the signs had been there. He closes his eyes, remembering every time Karofsky pushed him into a locker, how his hands had always lingered too long. How he caught Karofsky staring with something other than complete disdain. How had he been so stupid? Why did he always have to believe that deep down each person was actually a good? Why hadn't he told anyone that Karofsky had kissed him? He could never talk to Blaine about this. The entire event had been his fault. If only he had been smarter, and just told someone, anyone what was really going on?
Kurt knew, the moment that Blaine finally got him to open up about his true feelings that everything would change. Blaine would never look at him the same. He was weak, and he was stupid. He let the attack happen and if Blaine knew, if Blaine ever found out, he would leave. He wouldn't love Kurt anymore. For who could love someone who let themself get attacked. How could someone as strong and beautiful as Blaine ever love someone as weak and pathetic as Kurt?
Kurt lies down again, still crying. He knows he should say something, anything to let Blaine know he was okay, or that he wasn't going to break if Blaine touched him now. He knew he was out of the nightmare now.
"Please," he cries, sighing in relief as Blaine quickly takes him into his arms. Kurt hated this. He hates feeling so weak and pathetic. Being in Blaine's arms made things so much better even if Kurt was feeling embarrassed about Blaine knowing that even when he napped he got nightmares.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine asks, quietly after a few minutes.
"Blaine…." Kurt says, already beginning to pull away.
"I'm not pushing, I swear. I just…don't know what to do to make you feel better," he says quietly. "I hate seeing you in this much pain and having no clue what to do." Kurt sighs, he knows this is tough for Blaine, he does. But he hates talking about it, with Blaine or anyone else and he just wishes Blaine would understand that.
"Just hold me," Kurt says softly. "Please," he says again, snuggling into Blaine's embrace. Blaine nods slightly, resting his head on the younger boys.
Blaine's POV
"I love you," he says softly. He waits for Kurt to return it until he looks down at him, shocked to see the boy was fast asleep in his arms. Blaine smiles, staring down at the beautiful boy in his arms and thinks, not for the first time, how incredibly lucky he is to have him. Blaine watches Kurt sleep for a bit before pulling out his phone.
I don't know what to do. The nightmares are all the time now-Blaine
Have you tried to get him to talk about it?-Wes
Of course I have, but he won't. He refuses to talk about anything. Were they this bad before?-Blaine
Not that I remember. Let me ask David.-Wes
In his arms, Kurt whimpers slightly, and Blaine tightens his hold on his boyfriend, leaning down to kiss Kurt's forehead.
"Shhh, Baby, it's okay," he whispers.
David says not as bad no, but he did have them. Kurt never talked about it though; he's kind of really stubborn.-Wes
Blaine sighs placing his phone on the nightstand before scooting down on the bed, pulling Kurt closer to him before falling asleep.
David's POV
"I don't get it!" Wes says, turning to look at David with a pout.
"What, Babe?"
"The physics homework. No matter what formula I try, I don't get the right answer," he says, rolling over to look at the ceiling. "I give up, I'll just fail."
"Wes," David says, glancing up at his boyfriend, "you need that credit to graduate."
"Then I won't graduate," he whines, getting up and jumping on David's bed. "I'll become a bum and live off your money. Will you still love me if I'm a bum?"
"Wes," David says with a glare at the other boy. "I did have those all organized you know," he says pointing to the papers that were currently all over the floor.
"You didn't answer my question, David," Wes whines, rolling over some of the papers that had managed to stay on the bed.
"Of course I'll still love you. Not that it matters because I certainly won't allow you to become a bum."
"But I don't get it," Wes says sighing.
"Well, I'll help you," David says, getting up. "I can't work on my homework now anyways; I have to reorganize all the papers you knocked down."
"Oops," Wes says shrugging and getting off of David's bed. The two settle onto Wes's bed, the physics book in front of them. After ten minutes have passed of David explaining the problems to his boyfriend, Wes starts kissing David's neck.
"Wes," David warns, pulling away slightly. "Pay attention."
"Fine," he sighs. Wes manages to pay attention for about five more seconds before returning to David's neck.
"You're impossible, you know that?"
"But you love me," Wes whispers, placing kisses up and down David's neck.
"Of course I love you," David says, kissing Wes gently. "Will you pay attention now?"
"No," Wes says, shutting his book. "Not unless we're studying anatomy," he says, winking.
"You are impossible," David says, leaning forward and kissing Wes hard.
"You love it," he whispers, losing himself in the kiss, and in his boyfriend.
"Always."
I don't know why but I feel it is important to share this with you guys. You don't have to read it, but it kind of gives you an insight as to why this chapter was hard for me, why probably all the chapters that dive into Kurt's emotional side will be hard for me. Read it if you want, if not it's okay. http:/amandacanzo[dot]tumblr[dot]com/post/6547777100/im-glad-my-beta-is-so-awesome-and-my-best