Chapter two: I hold you as I weep

Please comment on this fic, it means the world and it makes me want to write more. Oh and I know that I change between writing in the past tense and the present but I do that on purpose, you will hopefully understand when the "main bit" of the story happens (no spoilers haha). You should be able to tell when Elena is looking back on it all and when she is first experiencing it. Sorry if it's confusing :) I really hope you like this chapter.

Jeremy was the one who noticed first, he would only look at me and say "you ok?" or "How you holding up?" But I could see the concern on his face. Stefan told me that I had been through a lot, it was normal to seem distant or depressed.

I wasn't just depressed. I was angry. People lie to you all the time; they tell you everything is going to be ok. It's not going to be ok, none of it is. When I look back on everything, I try to find the day where it all changed, Stefan continues to believe it was just all the little things that built up. But the day that ruined me, that really ruined me….that day made something inside of me snap.

Bonnie left a few months after Caroline died, her Mom needed to move due to work. I miss her, but that doesn't change anything. I miss my parents, I miss Jenna, I miss Caroline. It doesn't matter.

I didn't notice Damon walk in; I was too busy looking for my phone, but as I stare at him I can tell he wants to talk about something important, he seems sad.

"There is something going on between the two of us and you know it." The words hit me hard but they don't shock me as much as I expect them too.

Deep down I think I always knew Damon loved me, but staring up at him I can feel it, really feel his love. "-and you're lying to me and you're lying to Stefan but most of all you're lying to yourself." I don't know how to react, I care about him but I love Stefan. I want to tell him that but he pulls me in before I can.

His lips touch mine and I try to push him away "Damon what's wrong with you?"

Damon's voice continues to mesmerise me and for a split second I wonder if it is possible to love two people, I do love Stefan, with all my heart and if I am ever going to marry someone then it will be him. Still I can't help but wonder.

"I care about you, I do but I love Stefan it's always going to be Stefan."

That one line can sum up the rest of my life, through it all I cared about Damon, but it was always Stefan.

The pain in his eyes penetrate me, I am hurting him, by not loving him I am hurting him. He has been drinking; I can smell his breath against me. It's warm and he stinks of alcohol. Part of me wants to scream, tell both of them I'm not worth it! But I must be, if so many people die so I can fucking live then I must be. I don't even notice Jeremy walk in, he is being the protective brother and I love him for that but I can't deal with explaining it all now. "It's ok, Jeremy."

"No it's not ok Elena; he wants to be a vampire." Damon spits, rushing over to my brother and grabbing his neck. NO NO NO NO NO. Please don't bring Jeremy in to this, please don't do this Damon. My mind begs me to scream at him but my voice is on mute. "You want to shut out the pain, its easy you just snap."

Crack.

Jeremy's body falls lifeless to the ground.

"NO." My voice carries through as I fall down next to him, holding up his head and cradling him as though he is sleeping.

It hurts, the pain is pushing against me, it hurts so much. I close my eyes and pray it is all a dream, a sick nightmare. Tears fill my eyes as Damon stares down at me; I look at him, right at him.

Then he leaves.

The rest goes in a blur. I cry over Jeremy, search his hand and hoping to God he had kept on his ring.
He hadn't.

I have only just realised Stefan is staring down at me, the one Salvatore brother who would never ever do this. He wouldn't hurt me like this.

That's when I realise that I may love Damon, but I hate him. I hate him.

"I hate him, Stefan." I sob as the boy I truly love just whispers "I know."

So this was yet again hard to write, I seem to be killing of my favourite characters. Caroline and now Jeremy! There is a reason though, I am taking away the people Elena care's most about, apart from the Salvatore boys haha