OOO

It's snowing in Oerba.

Burying my hands in the jacket that was thrown at me by her, I hold back the shivers, marching up the snow covered hill.

I remember when I had been in Oerba with Lightning. It feels like it had been years, but at the same time it feels like it was yesterday. Stasis has a funny way of doing that to you.

We had walked separate from the group—I was leading her to one of my favorite hideaways in my adopted home. Even then, it was covered by white—but not snow. Just the crystal remains of… everything.

She had asked me what was special about this hill. I told her it was the best place to watch the sunset. So that's what we did.

I pause, clenching my jaw at the wave of brute emotion. This isn't what I wanted to happen—I want to tell her that, let her know.

And I figure this is the best—only… way.

Finally cresting the peak, I trudge over to the bench that I had been told about, and sit down. I purposely keep my gaze on the ground, glaring at it. I sit there, for Etro knows how long, letting all of my emotions boil—sorrow, anguish, regret, hate, loneliness—all of it.

I finally look up.

Directly in front of me are two graves, four more behind it. My jaw trembles and I lose the fight with emotion.

"God damn it!" I sob, covering my eyes, slumping away from the sight. I can barely feel my nails digging into my face, barely hear the sobs ripping from my throat. I don't feel myself shaking, nor do I care.

Sazh, Hope, Snow, Serah… Vanille … Claire…

They died—and I can't even be with them in the afterlife.

Perfect timing.

I shove myself from the bench, going to the nearby tree and start attacking it, just punching and punching and yelling, screaming all the air from my lungs until I slump to the ground. I have never cried—not when my parents were murdered, not when I lost Vanille, not when I was crystallized again. Only now, when I have lost everything.

I lean against the tree and watch the sunset, tears still coursing down my face. Just… empty.

I can't help but remember that sixty-five years ago, I was holding Claire and watching the same thing.

OOO

My old home has been given back to me. The place reminds me of Vanille, of her humming as she went about the chores, of her playing with Bhakti, the kids, pets, everything. She would go out and bring in tons of flowers—being very careful not to grab daises. The one time she did, I had been sneezing so badly I couldn't get a word out. That made her bring the yellow bastards closer, giggling evilly until I tripped her and made my escape.

Where normally I would have smiled at such a memory, there is nothing. I pull out a chair at the table and slouch down in it, staring out of the window at the crystal remains of Cocoon.

We sure made a piece of work, didn't we, Vanille? Who knew that we would make a horrible planet, a lie, into something beautiful?

I frown. The Pulsian priests weren't entirely right, seeing as Lightning came from 'hell'. They were wrong about everything except the fal'Cie from Cocoon being evil.

Bangs from heavy, irritated footsteps, making their presence known on the metal ramp leading to my house interrupted my thoughts. My door burst open a second later and the same footsteps invade my home, pausing next to me as she simply stood silent.

A leather journal landed on the table, right beside me. "Eva thinks this should go to you."

I didn't respond.

She leans in, waving a hand in front of my face. Not getting a reaction she scoffs, turns and walks away. I can hear her pause at the front door—probably looking back at me with her naturally cold glare, and then her voice cuts through me, "You caused more pain by leaving than staying."

You killed millions, and yet hurt more by saving them.

The front door slams shut, and the only thing moving is the tear sliding down my cheek.

OOO

I get another visitor later, a much gentler one.

A kind hand is placed on my shoulder as the woman sits down next to me to watch Cocoon. She resembles Serah greatly—although not quite as exactly as Cl—I cut off the thought. If I could never see her face again, I think I could be fine. Don't think, don't feel, just breathe.

Turning back my attention to her, I examined her closely, looking for the little details. Her face was not quite as soft as Serah's, with a darker complexion that she most likely inherited from Snow. Her hair was the same color as her father's, and her eyes held all the gentleness of Serah, with the combined compassion and strength of Snow.

Eva—one of the two identical twins born from Serah's womb—most definitely the nicer of the twins.

The other goes out of her way to make me feel even better.

Note the sarcasm.

"You need to move around, be with people." I ignore her. She is normally the boisterous twin from what I have heard—more social, rather than consoling. The type to have at a party to get things moving. Although, Eva is playing the comforting role, and being quite charming about it. "Go meet Dahj." She leans forward, resting her hand on my own and squeezing it for emphasis. "I'm sure he would love to meet you."

I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Or he could just treat me like your niece. You think I don't know how they feel about me?" My eyes narrow to slits as I look at Eva, breathing heavily, yanking my hand away from hers. "I know. They think it was my idea to leave them all here—alone, dying. We were all one big happy family and the black sheep just has to ruin every fucking thing—,"

"That's not why Claire hates you!" Eva interrupted, eyes pleading.

Ironic isn't it that the woman I fell in love with—her sister's spawn hates me, but they share the same name. Life is hilarious that way.

"Then I want to know why." I get up from the chair—I can't sit down and discuss this. I feel more secure, more in control when I move around, have the ability to run or fight.

"You… you didn't see her, Fang." Eva murmurs, clenching her hands together on top of the table. I know she's talking about… about Lightning. "She was heartbroken," She continues, looking up at me, trying to make contact. "She waited for you—never dating, never talking to anybody else. Lightning stayed… alone all of her life… waiting for you." Eva sighed. "Claire and Lightning—they were close as you can imagine, completely the same and yet completely the opposite. They developed a relationship stronger than any other and—I believe—Lightning confided to Claire." She watched for any trace of emotion. "She told Claire all about you. Claire knows you more than any of us."

I turn away from her then—that sentence spoke more truth than any other. It was just the wrong person. "Get out of my house."

"Shoving people away—,"

"I don't give a damn—get out!" My eyes are burning with the need to shed tears, but there will be no more.

The chair scraped the wooden floor as Eva walked slowly to the door, looking back at me once before closing it quietly.

OOO

I can't stay here. I can't deal with this.

I wrap the potions together inside a tight bundle of winter gear, throwing the pack over my shoulder as I turn the lights off and lock the door. I left a note on the table that simply read 'I'm sorry.' In a way they deserve it, but I really don't want to do it, but then I'd feel guilty and I already have enough of that. Descending the stairs, I pause, watching for any movement.

It's at least two in the morning—and Oerba was small, so no one should be out except for the occasional patrolling soldier. But I knew my village like the back of my hand, I can slip away easily.

The snow crunches underneath my feet as I jog out of town. Packing up, I only brought what was strictly necessary—water, food, clothing. I hesitated to grab the journal left for me, but I thought it wouldn't hurt.

I laugh bitterly, my breath forming little puffs of clouds. Scratch that, it may hurt a lot.

I keep walking, trekking through the hills that surround Oerba. Most of the wildlife is hibernating right now—the only thing that would be moving is Cie'th, and even then they would be slow, jerky. The frost would have gathered in the cracks of their bodies, hampering their movement.

Their spells are still nasty as ever, though.

I crest the top of a hill, breathing in deeply. I'm still weak from stasis, and that's not good. I'm thinking that this was to be a one-way trip all along. I don't want to live with this guilt. I want to be with Lightning and if she's dead then so be it. I'll follow her.

I step forward.

OOO

Some distance away from Oerba, I stare at the journal in my hands, feeling nervous. Strange that a little book filled with Lightning's words could frighten me so much. But I know why I'm worried.

There are a million things that I'm worried about. Is she going to accuse me? Will she write about how she slowly gave up? Am I going to have to go through even more guilt? My hands shake.

I deserve it.

Flipping open the journal, I blink in surprise as another photo of me—the same as the one that rested on my table in Oerba—slipped out and into my lap. I stuff the photo in the back of the journal, ignoring the twinge of pain it caused. Opening to the first page, I took a deep breath and started to read.

Fang, this is to be given to you.

She's talking to me through the journal.

I might not be here when you come back, but I want you to know that I waited, and will still wait until you come back. Maybe you'll be here tomorrow, or next year, or… never. It doesn't matter. I'll wait.

So until you come back, I'll just tell you what you've missed, so that you'll feel like you were here with me.

I smile at that, feeling the silent tears. She wanted me to be there with her. She did wait.

Serah and Snow got married the next week as soon as we got back to Oerba. They found a priest and everything, and Serah begged me to be her bridesmaid.

I snort at that. Lightning a bridesmaid? What about the dress?

I went through with it, as long as she promised that I wouldn't have to wear a damn dress.

Oh. Okay, I can see her being Serah's bridesmaid now.

Snow had that idiot, Gadot as his best man… I had to dance with him.

Bursting out into laughter, I put the journal down, imagining Lightning's face. I can practically hear her voice right now, sarcastic, annoyed. Seeing her dance with the dark man that I saw at the bar… I shook my head. It's like a bear dancing with a cat—definitely doesn't work out.

You'd be surprised at the amount of times he managed to trip. I snapped at him and he went over to bug Lebreau. I wished Serah congratulations before leaving. I just couldn't stay there.

I know they have the right to celebrate and be happy, but it's not the same without you and Vanille.

I started to live in your old home, but I didn't want to disturb anything. I stayed in the home right next to yours, but I climbed over to yours every night just to look out at Cocoon and think.

I've got too much time on my hands—all I do is help with the recovery effort and think.

I'm starting to wish that I had stayed in stasis.

No, Lightning…

I flip to the next entry.

I had a dream tonight. The kind you don't remember clearly.

All that stood out was this:

In a realm, beyond time… My life begins anew.

OOO