Chapter Two

Take Your Time

Gnosiophobia. This is another phobia of mine. Gnosiophobia is the fear of knowledge and that applies to me in the way that I am afraid of the Marauders and Lily finding out just who is the father to my two-year-old daughter. I haven't told anyone and I was sure that the father in question hasn't told anyone either. I don't think that I would be able to live down the shame of sleeping with someone like him. I've never been able to confide in anyone who I trusted not to judge me. I needed someone to understand that what had happened was an accident.

* * *

I was a little confused in the morning. I woke up to find my pillow wet, my cheeks caked with something and Lily sitting at the foot of my bed, patting my leg. It wasn't quite morning—light was just now coming through the windows—but Lily was in her clothes for the day. The rest of the girls were still sleeping, their forms making little mountains on their beds.

"What's the matter?" Lily asked. There were a few lines on her forehead, her eyes guarded. I sensed that she knew something that I didn't.

I sat up, my head feeling oddly heavy and stared down at my hands. What was the matter with me? Something was wrong, but I couldn't pinpoint what. I just knew that it had to do with me; I could tell that by the way Lily was looking at me, like I'd throw a fit at any second. Merlin, was she scared that I was going to throw her out the window or something?

"What's the matter?" I repeated, rolling the words over in my mind. They seemed familiar to me for some reason.

What's the matter, baby?

I shuddered as the memory came to and the feeling of drowning crept upon me. I felt like I was suffocating in that terrible memory, his words wrapping around my mind like a blanket that was too hot. I realized that my breathing was becoming rapid and that Lily had put a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to cry out to her, to help me, to pull me out of that memory that seemed so real to me.

"Holly, snap out of it!"

Lily snapped her fingers in front of my face and it was like a stage light through pitch-black darkness. I started, gasping in great lungfuls of air like I had just come out of deep waters, which was a good analogy because that's exactly what my memory had felt like.

"Holly," Lily said severely, laying her hand back onto my shoulder and making me look at her by ducking her head to my eye level. "Is something wrong? Talk to me."

How could I? I thought, you still think of me as that irresponsible slut, I'm sure. But there was something in her voice that made my experience flip to the tip of my tongue. I bit my lip to keep myself from talking. I couldn't expose myself so early into our friendship. It would send Lily screaming throughout the school.

"It's okay," Lily assured me. "You can talk to me, Holly."

"Can I?" I whispered, staring down at the white sheets and my tan legs against the light color. Could I really talk to Lily about things that happened to me several years ago when I couldn't even talk to my own grandmother? What did that show?

Lily could sense my instability at the moment, and decided not to press me. Instead, she asked, "Why were you crying?"

I looked up at her emerald eyes. "What?" I asked, confused. I had been crying? I reached to touch my face with my fingertips. So that's what had been caked on my cheeks: Tears. There was something off with Lily's question though. "I don't know." I said honestly. "I don't remember going to sleep."

"You fell asleep in the common room and I woke you up to get you up here." Lily explained. "I got you to change and you were out when you hit the mattress." She finished with a smile.

I tried to smile back, but it was empty and the expression didn't reach my eyes.

Lily reached over to her bedside table, which was right next to mine, and picked up a letter. She turned it over in her hands and then, biting her lip nervously, she handed it to me. It was the letter I got the night before. "It was on the floor beside your bed." She said quietly. "I didn't read it."

I took it and stared at it. It was slightly crumpled but I could still read Ellie's script. Scenes from the previous night began to filter through my mind. I remembered Lily helping me up the stairs and getting me to change into my pajamas. I remembered dreaming about Olivia. That's probably why I was crying.

Should I dare tell Lily? I looked up at her, the urge to tell her my sad story stronger than ever. Her face looked totally innocent and the urge threatened to burst from me. What would I lose if I told her? I might lose what could have been a good friend and my sanity, all in the same hand.

What would I lose if I didn't tell her?

"You don't have to tell me," Lily whispered, seeming to read my thoughts as though I had voiced them aloud. "I know you've had it rough."

I'm glad she knew. I nodded and ducked my head, staring down at my grandmother's curly handwriting. "Please don't take offense to it, Lily." I whispered, deciding to tell her exactly why I wouldn't tell my story on the spur of the moment, "It's just that I'm afraid you won't accept me once you've learned the details of my secret."

Lily moved a little farther onto the bed. I didn't look up to see her expression; I was terrified that it would be something that I would not like. I waited. "Holly, we all have awful secrets. Yours might just be a little bit more dramatic than everyone else's. But,"—she put a hand on my shoulder and I forced myself to look up at her—"If you want to tell me, go ahead. You might be surprised."

Without really meaning to, I smiled. I was touched by her kindness and I was overcome with another strong urge to tell her but I kept it in, silently scolding myself that it would get me into trouble one day. Keeping it bottled up would most likely make it burst from me at the most random moment. I would have to watch my tongue for a while.

I pulled myself together and threw back my covers, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and putting my feet on the cold wooden floor. I looked at Lily with a smile. "You said everyone had at least one dirty secret. What's yours?" I asked.

Lily grinned mysteriously and got up. "Well, if I tell you, it wouldn't be a secret, now would it?"

With that, she grabbed her bag off of her already made bed and quietly left the dormitory. I laughed in whispers and started to get dressed, thinking about that.

If I didn't tell the Marauders plus Lily then it would be my dirty secret but if I did tell them, it would be ours and I wouldn't have to take the full burden of carrying it. This secret was a constant companion, telling me to spill like some taunting ghoul. Sometimes it caused me physical pain to keep my secret to myself…but I endured, telling myself that it would cause more trouble than it was worth.

* * *

The following days went by incredibly fast to my intense surprise. The morning after I had formally met the Marauders and Lily, I was worried that they would finally come to their senses, but I found the four rowdy boys actually waiting for Lily and me so that we could all walk down to breakfast. After that, we soon developed a routine.

I had forgotten what it had been like to have friends. Before I had gotten pregnant with Olivia, I had had a few close friends but once they learned that I had a child on the way, they shied away from me and I have long since forgotten them. Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were a different category of 'friends'. The four boys were more like brothers than anything and Lily was a fun addition to any crowd, even one with James Potter in it.

"Ah and here's the beautiful duo!" James cried as Lily and I appeared at the bottom of the stairs the Friday after we returned to school. His hair was, as always, messy and looking like it hadn't seen a comb in years. His glasses were a little bit crooked but he didn't mind straightening them. They would probably be back to half off anyway in a few hours.

James thrust an arm around my shoulders playfully as we walked across the common room. "See now, Holly, I have a problem." He said.

"You will if you don't let go," I teased.

He 'oohed' mockingly but did not let go of me, instead, pulling me tighter to his side. "You see, Holly, my problem is that--," he started because I interrupted him again.

"Don't you mean that in the plural?" I asked with mock innocence.

Sirius laughed loudly and I heard Lily chuckle. James took the insult with grace and continued on, "I've heard some things about you and your wonderful Quidditch skills. Professor Ortega tells me that you were quite the flyer."

Somehow I had had the feeling that this subject would catch up with me. Yes, James was right: I had played Quidditch quite often when I was thirteen or so but I didn't stay on the team long. I didn't reapply for the team in my fifth year but not because I was pregnant but because I had grown out of the sport. However, don't get me wrong, I love going to the games even if I get nasty stares.

I knew what James was getting at. He was captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and he was obviously asking me to try out. I hadn't put my name on the 'Hopefuls List' so I had no clue why he would be interested in me or why the hell he would check up on my Quidditch records.

"Don't start this, James," I said, shrugging out from his arm just before we left the common room, partly because I didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression.

"Oh, come on, Holly!" James said, climbing out after me. "The chances of getting a good Seeker this year are next to none! The try-out list has decreased since last year so I need more variety. I really need you at the try-outs tomorrow."

"For-get it, Potter." I said firmly, attempting to close the subject. Ha! This was James Potter we were talking about. I should have known better than to try and close a subject against his will. I was not going to try-out whether he needed me there or not.

"Why not?" he pouted.

"Because I'm no good anymore," I insisted, even though his wasn't particularly true. "I haven't played in over three years! I'm not interested flying around on a stick anymore. End of story."

"Hardly!" James persisted. "It would be great! Like you said, you haven't played in three years. You might have forgotten what fun you had!"

I groaned. Nothing I said made him loose enthusiasm and I even attempted to threaten him with physical harm if he didn't leave me alone but like always, he persisted. It made me wonder if he really needs me as a seeker or if he simply enjoyed annoying the shit out of me for twenty-four hours straight.

Finally, after a hard day of work with a pile of homework waiting for me, I retired to the common room with Lily. We situated ourselves on the couch and we had begun to talk about nothing in particular when the portrait hole opened and the last person I wanted to see came in.

Upon spotting me, James came over and plopped himself down between Lily and me. "James!" I cried. "Go away already! If it means leaving me alone, I'll show up at the damn tryouts!"

I only agreed out of desperation but James was completely smug. He looked over at Sirius, who had taken the armchair closest to the fire and said, "See? I knew she'd see it my way."

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe that I was now going to have to put up with Quidditch on top of everything else. Of course, considering what my school year was usually like, this was a vast improvement, even if the last thing I wanted was to play Quidditch.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up feeling particularly crabby, mainly because I was nervous. I hadn't been on a broom for a long time and I was scared that I would have forgotten how to fly. I was also a little nervous at the fact that I might disappoint James. He had been told that I was a good player and he expected me to be, therefore, good. But if I turned out to suck, I was terrified of losing him as a friend.

"Are you nervous?" Lily asked as we walked down to the Great Hall. I wondered if my expression showed my anticipation and I quickly rearranged my face to show innocence.

"Not really, why?"

"Just wondering," she shrugged. "I know you're going to be great."

"No, you don't know that," I said easily. "I'm most likely going to suck. But that's okay. I don't want to be on the team anyway."

"Well, whatever you do," Lily said bracingly as we entered the Great Hall and our nostrils were filled with the glorious scents of sausage and pancakes. "Don't tank on purpose."

"I'm not that stupid," I said, taking a seat beside Lily. Despite everything that I had said against playing Quidditch, I wasn't going to do my worst on purpose. I would do my best and simply pray that someone else was better. I think, other than my worries of disappointing James, is the commitment I would have if I got on the team. What if I got on the team and nobody liked me? James would, I knew that already, but he didn't count. It wouldn't do well for me if my whole team was wary of me and wouldn't cover me in the games. Yeah, that wouldn't do well.

We began eating, talking but saying nothing more on the looming tryouts. I think we had an unspoken agreement that if I failed or if I got on, it wouldn't matter. I appreciated her acceptance of dropping the subject. Many would pursue it, trying to convince me that I was already on the team and that I shouldn't worry. I suppose that's why I liked Lily so much: she gave me the space and wouldn't pressure me for information.

"Morning ladies," came James's voice. I looked up to see the Gryffindor Quidditch captain taking a seat opposite Lily and me. His hair was a mess and his glasses were still lopsided but all in all, he gave the distinct appearance of someone who just got out of bed but, knowing him, he had probably been down at the Quidditch pitch since dawn. His slightly flushed cheeks confirmed that.

"Been down at the Quidditch pitch all morning?" I asked, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

"Ah, you know me too well," he said, grabbing a piece of toast and grinning.

I rolled my eyes. "Doesn't take a genius to put two and two together," I said, letting my discomfort of the idea of trying out color my tone. Even though I was still going to go through with it, it didn't mean that I couldn't give him the evil eye beforehand. Maybe it would sway him and make him realize that he wouldn't want a grouch like me on the team.

"Really, I'm so glad you're coming!" James said seriously. "Constance Horsham was our seeker last year and she was okay. I have high hopes for you, Holly."

I rolled my eyes but on the inside, James's confidence in me was wearing a thin hole of worry in the lining of my stomach. I knew that, because of his unexplainable confidence in me and my rusty but not so forgotten Quidditch skills, the chances of me getting on the team were in my favor; however, what if I did fail? Would James still put me on the team? Surely he wasn't so acquainted with me that he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. Why did he have to do this to me?

"Come on, let's go, then!" James said enthusiastically, getting up from the table and wiping his hands on his pants.

Lily and I followed suit and we were out of the hall before I knew it. The morning air hit me like a blanket and I took deep breaths. I loved the smell of the morning air and today it was particularly misty and humid. It was a little nippy and gave me goose bumps but I shook it off. There were four little puffy clouds floating over the Quidditch pitch. The sun had a faded look to it, therefore, perfect conditions.

"Great weather!" James cried dramatically, throwing his arms wide like he himself created this wonderful condition.

I smirked at his profile. He was cocky sometimes that I was surprised that his head hadn't exploded from his overly enlarged ego. But he was really one of a kind. I peeked sideways at Lily to see if she had any reaction to James at all. They really made a good couple and it was just a crying shame that James had no clue how to attract Lily because what he didn't understand was that Lily wasn't into looks.

Several other students were filtering through the double doors on their way to the Quidditch pitch. Luckily, I had no problem with crowds but then again, that was before I got pregnant. Then, everyone was chattering about me. Over the course of two years, I had been able to get over it but those tingly feelings of stage freight were reawakened because of my nervousness for trying out. Oh, Merlin, what have I gotten myself into?

Tension must have been rolling off me because out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lily peek over at me. She pinched my arm and I snapped out of my stupor. She looked amused and reassuring at the same time. "Relax, Holly!" she said, smiling widely. She gestured over at James, who was in front of us and talking animatedly with Sirius and Remus, waving his arms around wildly to emphasize something. "James is a genius at this. If he thought you were going to tank, he wouldn't have begged you to come to the tryouts, would he?"

"He's delirious, Lily." I said seriously, eyeing the back of James's head. "I mean, he's been chasing you for more than half a decade hasn't he?"

I ran forward quickly to avoid Lily's jab. I cackled with laughter as I saw that Lily wasn't going to drop that comment easily. Even though she was grinning, she was lunging at me. I grabbed Sirius unawares from behind and wheeled him around to use him as a shield.

"Merlin's beard, what are you two doing to me?" he protested as he nearly missed another punch from the redhead. He twisted away from me so I grabbed James, who was laughing, instead.

"You can't use your captain as a shield against a redhead!" he shouted.

Lily slapped him on the shoulder. I was laughing so hard that I had to grab Remus's shoulder to keep myself upright. The expression on Lily's face was truly priceless. I couldn't decide if it was amusement, mock hurtfulness, or amazement. Whatever she was thinking or whatever emotion she was experiencing, the look on her face was hilarious. And luckily, I wasn't the only one howling. Sirius grabbed James's shoulder and said in a stage whisper, "Merlin's beard, Prongs, you of all people should know by now never to insult a redhead."

By the time six of us made it to the pitch, I had sobered up. I wasn't nervous anymore. Lily's display a few minutes previously convinced me that, whether or not I got on the team, she would support me and it went for James and Sirius as well. Maybe, for once in my entire life, I had made true friends. Well, I thought to myself as James put me into a group for the hopeful seekers, Ellie, you sure as hell were right.

* * *

Confidence was radiating from me as I stood amongst the seekers waiting to be tested. Technically speaking, I wasn't actually "amongst" the others because they had, not too subtly, drifted away from me so that I stood a little bit apart from the group. I knew that James had spotted this because when he had, his whole attitude changed. It was obvious that he was containing furious anger and far from being put off, it made my heart swell. It was so wonderful to have someone care for me like that: on a total friendship basis, of course.

The seekers were last and I wasn't sure whether or not my normal self would be glad or even more nervous because the stadium was fuller than before. My present, dazed self was calm, my grip on my broomstick handle relaxed.

James, being a chaser himself, chose two very capable chasers as his companions. Harmony Bishop, a solid looking sixth year, played on the team last year but returned after performing a fantastic trial. James picked someone new as the third chaser: a very smug looking fourth year by the name of Selena Myranae after a rather impressive go-through. The beaters were two brothers, fifth and fourth years: Jonathan and Andrew McCoy. The keeper was Anthony Morales, a very optimistic and funny fellow seventh year.

All that was left was the seekers.

When first joining the group, I had very casually scouted the others, checking out the competition. There were two second years, a tall black, fifth year girl, and a skinny and short boy that could have been any year, and a ginger haired sixth year that I had talked to before, Alexander Cook. All in all, I think that I would fare pretty well. The second years, I thought, had no chance since they could barely keep a hold on their broomsticks when they were on the ground. The fifth year girl looked cool and collected and the boy with the hard-to-guess age had an unreadable expression on his face. Alexander, at least, smiled politely at me.

"All right," James called, turning to our group at last. "Let's have you lot--,"

James was cut off by the very familiar voice of Jeremy Wilkes shouting across the pitch, "Hold up, wait for me!"

Just like yesterday in the Great Hall, I froze for half a second at the sound of his voice. I could picture him running across the grass towards us, perhaps a broomstick in his hand. He would have the expression of importance on his face and he would automatically assume that we would stop everything for him.

I hadn't realized that my eyes had briefly closed until I opened them to look at James's expression. He looked pissed off all right, like he was seriously considering to keep giving instructions as though Jeremy hadn't interrupted him. But Jeremy didn't give him that chance. The scene that I had had in my head was playing out in front of me. Jeremy was now talking to James.

"Sorry I'm late, James, I overslept." He said.

With that, the young man that I hated with all my life's worth came to stand beside me.

I was tense. I was so ready to explode. I wanted him away from me and I wanted to forcibly remove him from my presence. I wished with all my heart that James would make him move away from me, but James, after pausing to glare at Jeremy for a few seconds, continued on.

"Here's the deal for you seekers: you have two minutes in the air to find the snitch. For the first minute, the air is completely between you and your prize but then, for the second and final minute, the Bludgers will be your company as well…"

I was trying to listen to James, but Jeremy's low voice came to my ears, "Good to see you here, Holly. I'm glad you're getting active again. Just because of what happened, you shouldn't close yourself off to the world." He paused while I kept my gaze fixed only on James and what he was trying to say. "You shouldn't be so tense."

His fingers lingered on the back of my hand (we were that close that it went completely unnoticed by anyone else) and I resisted the urge to jerk away from him. The one thing that kept me from doing so was that I did not want to draw attention to myself. But if anyone looked closely enough, they would be able to see how tense I was.

Luckily, James called, "All right, line up!"

I walked forward but Jeremy kept pace with me. I could feel the brush of his hand on mine and I waited until the others lined up before growling (only so he could hear), "For your own sake, Jeremy, you better get your grimy paws off of me right now and keep them to yourself."

I walked forward and I could tell that my remark and not to mention my anger, did the trick. He kept a decent pace behind me as we stood in line waiting for our tryout. Now I was all tensed up and I feared that my performance would suffer likewise. I swore furiously at Jeremy in my mind. He surely deserved it. I never voiced my reasons for hating him out loud nor in my mind. I shielded those memories from myself, just saying that I had a good reason to hate him.

I concentrated on the tryouts of those before me, which was basically everyone else except for Jeremy, who was skulking behind me. I was able to pretend that Jeremy wasn't there by watching for faults in the other hopeful players-to-be. I had been right about the second years. One fell off their broom and the other crashed into the stands, injuring two others. The black fifth year girl managed to catch the snitch the second after James blew his whistle. The stocky boy was knocked off his broom by a Bludger and Alexander Cook caught the snitch after a minute and a half exactly.

Now it was my turn. Two people had managed to catch the snitch and I highly doubted that I would be able to catch the snitch with better time.

James let the snitch out and then signaled for me to go after ten seconds. I kicked off from the ground and a glorious sensation flooded through my entire body. I had completely forgotten how wonderful it felt to be on a broom. I could feel mine vibrating beneath me as I climbed higher and higher. The cool air felt amazing against my skin and my face before I realized that I needed to concentrate.

I had come up with my own technique of catching the snitch during my short period of playing during games several years ago. I sped off towards the very edge of the pitch, high in the air, and waited. After being off one for so long, hovering over fifty feet in the air felt strange but my instincts for flying were coming back with alarming speed and clarity.

My eyes were searching all around for that glint of gold. I had exactly one minute to get it without being at the mercy of the Bludgers. I did spot something gold but it was coming from the stands and I did not go after it in case it was simply a wristwatch.

I changed positions after about fifteen seconds or so. I went from one side of the goals to the other, keeping my eyes peeled for signs of the ever-elusive snitch.

And there I saw it. It was hovering at the other end of the pitch, close to the opposite goals, almost completely even to my own height in the air.

I took off after it. I wish that I had a better broom but for a girl that hadn't been on one in three years, I felt like I was zooming. I kept my eyes on that piece of gold and I could still hear the cheering through the rushing sound in my ears. I couldn't believe that I would be given a chance to catch it so early. Maybe I really could make the team.

Until I was nearly knocked off my broom by a Bludger whizzing by. I concentrated for any sounds from behind me and I was willing to bet that I had another one right on my tail. I checked behind me for the briefest second and saw that my assumption was correct. I waited for several seconds; I was already halfway across the pitch, and my eyes were glued to the shimmering ball, before dropping a dozen or so feet so that the Bludger whizzed over me. I twisted and turned until the air in front of me was free of the brown enchanted balls.

The snitch seemed to be waiting for me.

I wound a few times around the goalposts before extending my hand and grabbing the tiny golden ball in my hand. I yelled with triumph before I could stop myself. I headed straight back towards the group of seekers, James, and the rest of the team that had already been chosen. The entire crowd was roaring with approval and I knew, from the expression on James's face, that I had done the best so far and that Jeremy would have nothing on me.

James, being the captain, only grinned and nodded at me as I handed the snitch back to him. He kept me by his side while Jeremy ran his trial. I didn't even pay attention to Jeremy at all. I was too excited. I was completely buzzing with the feeling of victory, which I had not felt in such a long time, it made my mind go numb.

I knew that I was on the team the second James blew his whistle, signaling to Jeremy that his time was up. I had the best time; my spot on the team was set. When Jeremy touched down, he looked murderous but James didn't even bother telling him that he hadn't made it. He simply looked at me and then jerked his head towards the rest of the team.

As I stood amongst my new teammates (yes, I was among them this time), I was still beaming with pride. James announced that the trials were over and everyone except his new team dispersed. James was grinning so widely that it was a wonder he wasn't causing himself pain.

"Well done!" he said. "You all did absolutely wonderful jobs! We are going to rule this year! Every single one of you has the complete right to be proud. Our first practice will be the Friday of next week. Please get a good night sleep! I will see you then."

Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter were waiting when James and I came off the pitch, my broom being stored back in with the other school ones. Lily was beaming and looked positively giddy, giving me an enormous hug when she saw me. Remus and Sirius patted my back enthusiastically while Peter merely squeaked his congratulations.

Lily was still clinging to me several long seconds later and I could feel my air supply weakening. "Lily," I gasped, trying to push her gently off of me. "Can't…breathe…properly."

"Oh, sorry!" she said, jumping back. She was still grinning widely, her face flushed, strands of her red hair falling onto her face.

James groaned dramatically as we walked up to the school. He put a hand to his chest and got a faraway look to his eye. I knew full well that he was play-acting but was interested in what he was going to do. "I dream of one day getting a hug like that!" he said.

"Yeah," I said cheekily. "But you wouldn't complain." I nudged him playfully with my elbow.

"Oh, quite right," James said seriously.

Lily rolled her eyes, fell into step beside me, and looped her arm through mine. She didn't say much until we reached the common room where we collapsed into chairs around the fire. James and Sirius were laughing loudly about something. I was about to ask why Lily wasn't talking when she suddenly grabbed my hand, pulled me clear off the couch with one surprisingly powerful jerk and steered me towards the girls stairs.

"We'll be right back," she said to four very surprised boys.

Lily didn't relax her grip on my poor, defenseless hand until we were in our dormitory and the door was shut. She tossed me unceremoniously onto my four-poster and began pacing in the space between our two beds. I had to pull my feet up in order to not get them trampled because Lily wasn't going to notice if she stepped on them. She was mumbling quietly to herself and she looked enormously agitated: twisting her hands together and her eye was twitching.

"Lily," I said cautiously, staring at her with concern. What if she was suddenly losing her mind? Even the best get lost sometimes. I've heard of it happening before where someone totally decent with no history of psychotic behavior will suddenly snap. Surely it wouldn't happen to Lily. Her head was too decent for something like that.

"Why does this have to happen to me now of all times, why ever?" she said suddenly and quite loudly too so that I jumped.

"What's happening to you, Lily?" I asked, totally confused. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

"I never wanted this to happen!" Lily moaned, tilting her head back briefly. "I didn't expect it to happen so suddenly!"

Completely and utterly baffled and slightly scared that she was talking about her friendship with me, I asked, "You'll have to have a little bit more clarity, Lily. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I have no logical explanation for it!" Lily continued, making it quite clear that she hadn't heard me. "I would never be able to explain myself. I didn't want this to come naturally! I wanted it to be jerked from me! I wanted for something to happen to make me feel this way!"

You could almost hear the exclamation points at the end of her sentences. But regardless, my mind came up blank for why the hell she was acting this way. The only thing I could think of was that maybe she had had her period or something. How the hell was I supposed to know what she was talking about? I knew an excellent potion for cramps if she was having trouble with those.

"Lily, what are you talking about?" I asked.

I had barely finished my sentence when Lily threw herself onto her bed and buried her face in her pillow. She said something but it was so muffled that I couldn't understand it. The air was silent for several seconds before I got up, walked over to her and poked her stomach. It was something I did to my muggle friends whenever they were feeling down. Almost all of them were ticklish so it usually produced excellent results.

I was satisfied with Lily's response. She squealed and squirmed away from me. I continued to poke her until she sat up, giggling uncontrollably. "All right, I feel better now!" she cried, sliding off the other side of her bed so that she was far away from me.

"Well," I said. "That's good but do you mind explaining to me why I had to make you feel better?"

Lily's expression turned immediately and she stared down at her feet. She tucked some stray hair strands back behind her ear. "I don't really want to talk about it," she mumbled.

"You had no problem a few minutes ago." I stated, not allowing the fact that she wouldn't tell me something bother me. We hadn't known each other long enough for confidences. My decision for not telling her about Olivia proved that.

"Yeah, well," she said, looking up at me, becoming her regular self within seconds. "It's my dirty little secret."