Prologue – Slipped Away

Twisted smiles and unknown shapes danced through my vision, lacing their way into my thoughts. Images from what I had seen only in schoolrooms and dreams weaved their way to the forefront of my mind, merging with my dreams to turn them into nightmares. They always began the same way, but yet my mind never seemed to pick up on the fact that the things I saw were only nightmares.

'Derrick…? Ilse…? Where are you?' I would say in my dreamlike state, wandering through the hallways of my rather large home. My bare feet would make gentle patting noises against the wood as I traveled through the dark corridor, trying to find the bedrooms of one of my siblings. Even after all of my years living in our house, I never seemed to get used to the grand layout.

A large shadow suddenly flickering down the hallway would catch my attention, causing a smile to break out across my face.

'Derrick? Is that you?' I would call, moving quickly in hopes to catch up with my brother, but all I would be met with was the face of a house guard. His breath always reeked of mead, but I never could recall the face of the guard I would meet with every night in my dreams.

'Miss Ashlynn, you know better than to be up this late. Please allow me to escort you back to your room.' The guard would speak in a low rumble, attempting to grab my arm before I could consent.

'Aww, can I please see my brother Derrick? I promise I won't tell my mom and dad that you allowed me out of my room after hours.'

'With all due respect Miss, I simply cannot allow y –' The guard would always begin, and that's where the dream would turn into the horrendous nightmares I had become acquainted with.

A large hand would suddenly crash through the wall, raining splinters and dusty debris from the collapsing structure of the corridor. My body would scrape the fissured planks and rubble on the floor as I was blown back against the wall, dust choking my panicked senses. The screams of the guard would resound only moments later, followed by a warm liquid seeping into the tattered remains of my dress.

The face of a titan looked directly into mine, its expression locked into a permanent smile. Its' bug eyes would capture mine instantaneously, filling me with both wonder and panic as it dawned on me that I would not be able to get away. My legs would suddenly be enveloped in wet warmth, not unlike the feeling of sitting in a bathtub slowly being filled with hot, cleansing water. The only difference was that this substance did the opposite of cleansing, and would permanently stain the hands and memories of those who encountered it.

My naïve mind, unable to comprehend the situation, would look down in confusion at the scarlet staining my once purely white dress, attempting to wipe it away. Only after I looked up did I finally realize what the substance was.

Blood.

The lower half of the guard that once protected me would hit the ground with a sickening squelch, his severed veins crying tears of blood that stained the floors and filled in the cracks between the planks of wood. His intestines stretched a small distance from his severed body. My mind was unable to process the internal anatomy of a human being stretched across the floor, refusing to draw the conclusion that this was a dead body. His once tan uniform pants were dyed crimson and ripped in places from the razor teeth of the titan.

A scream would rip its way from my throat as the hand of a titan encircled my body with an iron grip, a searing pain registering in my mind as my fragile bones were cracked open from the might of the titan's hold.

The titan's teeth would latch onto my body, severing the consciousness of my dream self and ending my connection to the nightmare that once held me captive.

I jerked awake with a scream lodged deep in my throat, my eyes opening to sheer velvety darkness. The candle I had lit in the night had been extinguished, most likely the doing of a passing guard who saw the potential fire hazard. I didn't exactly see how the candle would be a hazard and lit one anyways despite the many lectures I've endured over the years.

My heart was still racing as I made my way to stand, throwing back the silky sheets that tethered me to my bed during my nightmare. Cold air kissed my skin in sharp contrast to the sleepy warmth that had enveloped me, making me shiver. Winter had only just begun and yet the night's air was already ripe with the bitter cold.

I made my way to the door, trying to become accustomed to the numbing cold of the floors for my midnight walk. It had almost become a routine, and I walked on autopilot to my brother's room. My brother never found it inconvenient that I bothered him in the night, and would always open the door with a sweet smile as he brushed away my tears and led me inside.

He had been doing this ever since I was very little as our parents were often out on business deals and trips in the night, and the maids would only scold me and tell me how true ladies don't whine and cry over silly things like nightmares. My brother would take me over into his bed, and tell me stories until my sobbing eased and my eyes fell shut.

'Deywick?' My young voice called from the other side of the door, my favorite teddy bear clutched to my chest as I waited for my loving brother to open the door. I was only five at the time, whereas my brother was fifteen and supposed to start training to become the head of the family company the next day. Despite the pressure of the upcoming day, he still opened the door with a calm smile and ushered me inside, quietly closing the door after me.

'I-I had a nightmare….' I sobbed, and he gently brushed away my tears, laying me down in his bed before crawling in beside me.

'What was it about…?' He asked, rubbing my hair soothingly as I shifted into his side.

'A-A big dawk was running around in the hallway and it bit you and you turned into a dawk too, and then you ran away a-and we couldn't find you. And then Ilse's nose grew really big and she couldn't see anymore.' I sobbed out the plot of my silly nightmare, which elicited a chuckle from my older brother.

'That's so silly! You mean that animal from the book I showed you earlier? A dog? How would a big dog get in here anyways?' He would prod my side with a finger, making me giggle through my tears.

'And even if it did, I wouldn't let it bite me! It would probably love all over you and be the sweetest dog ever!' He poked me again, making me laugh at the thought of a huge dog taller than I was being so cuddly and warm.

'And Ilse is already nosy enough; if she got anymore nosy we wouldn't have any secrets left! Oh, crap, don't let her know I said that! She'll kill me!' He laughed, not having realized that Ilse heard me enter his room and came to see what was up, and was standing right behind him.

'Ah-hem…!' Ilse uttered loudly, causing Derrick to jump up in fright. He put his hands up, sitting on his knees and trying not to irritate Ilse even further.

'Oh… Ilse! I was just saying how wonderfully sweet and… uh… charming you are…?' Derrick tried, but his lie only made Ilse even angrier. Ilse grabbed the pillow his head was laying on moments before, smacking it into his head with an audible whack.

'Why you little…' Derrick growled, grasping another pillow in his hands and raising it to hit her, but was stopped by my peals of laughter ringing through the room.

Ilse and Derrick both turned to look at me, and then started to grin and laugh at one another as well. A guard, having heard our commotion, burst into the room and yelled at us to go back to bed and stop breaking curfew.

A smile found its way upon my face at the memory, easing my mind a little. I briefly thought of how shameful it was that I was nineteen and still sought comfort in crawling into the bed of my older brother after nightmares, but I quickly dismissed the thought. I had only recently been shown the rare pictures and film clips of the devastating effects of titans taken by the scouting legion. It only made sense that I would have such horrible nightmares and would seek out comfort.

'Derrick?' I whispered as I reached my brother's door. He often worked through the night, reading over business deals and books from my father, so my hushed voice was usually enough for him to notice. I kept waiting to hear the familiar sound of shuffling papers and his desk chair moving back as he made his way to open the door, but there was none.

After a few moments without response, my small hand rapped on the thick oak door to my brother's room quietly. I had to be as quiet as possible, just in case one of the lazy guards was actually doing their job properly for once. We were told not to leave our rooms in the night, as my parents were rather wealthy and made many business deals thus making them a popular enemy of the public.

My parents hired the guards to make sure that we were safe throughout the night, but yet I never saw a single guard during my late night expeditions. Instead, I heard the raucous laughter from drunken guardsmen every night as I passed by the officer's lounge on my way to my brother's room.

Moments passed, but no signs were made of my brother having heard my light knock. A soft light glowed under his door from the flickering lantern inside upon his desk, which only meant one thing. My brother must've fallen asleep while attempting to do his work. It wasn't uncommon for my presence to be met with silence, as my brother was only human despite how hard he tried not to be. Night after night of staying up so late would take a toll on anyone, so it was no surprise that he would often collapse over his work and awake in the morning with prints of backwards writing smeared onto his cheeks.

I turned to walk away, intending to head to my sister Ilse's room instead, but my shivering body made me stop in my place. If I was this cold already from being out and about in the hallways for only a few minutes, then Derrick must've been frozen stiff. Derrick was often sick from how he overworked himself, and falling asleep in the freezing cold would certainly make that even worse.

I pivoted on my feet, shuffling closer to the door and pressing my hand to the cold metal of the doorknob. I had to be extremely quiet now, as Derrick was a very light sleeper, and I didn't want to wake him. The poor boy needed some rest.

I slowly pushed open his door, shuffling into the room and closing the door behind me. My brother was slumped over his workstation, causing me to smile. I was so proud of him; he worked so hard so that he could run the family when my father finally became too old and was always amazing at everything.

His face was so peaceful; a stark contrast to his usual expressions. He had no time to be peaceful since his training began, and I honestly felt bad for him. My brother insisted that he loved what he did, but I always got the feeling that he wasn't entirely truthful.

I moved over to his bed, grasping the huge comforter as silently as I could and pulled it away from its neat position atop the thinner bedsheets. I gathered it in my arms, trying not to drag it across the floor and failing horribly. I finally made my way to my brother's side, attempting to drape the comforter over his body without waking him when I noticed something was wrong.

He wasn't breathing.

Panic gripped me as I tried to shake him awake, hoping that his eyes would open and he would sleepily ask me what was wrong, but no such thing happened. His form radiated no heat, and gave no resistance to my shaking other than by the force of his weight. I moved closer to grasp his clothes and pull him upwards, but was stopped by a lukewarm liquid seeping in between my barefoot toes. I looked down instinctively, but I already knew what the substance was from the echoes of my nightmares haunting my mind.

Blood.

A scream erupted from my throat, my feelings of panic and loss erupting in the form of an almost unhuman screech. I grasped his clothes, attempting to shake him into consciousness once more as hot tears flooded down my face.

"Derrick, answer me! Please…! Tell me you were just sleeping. Tell me I'm being silly, and that this is just another nightmare. Tell me how you love me again." I cried, shaking his body to no avail. My sleeping brother would awake no more.

"Tell me about all those times that Ilse and you got into trouble with the maids when I was too little to remember. Tell me stories of what the outside world look like. Tell me something. Anything!" Hoarse sobs echoed from my throat as I realized that my precious brother would never shake me awake in the morning again. That he would never ruffle my hair and smile at me again. That my brother was dead, and I'd never see him again.

I collapsed onto his cold frame, brutal sobs erupting from my chest as I cried into his chest. This couldn't be happening. He can't be gone… can he?

I'd wake up, and this will all have been a nightmare. I'd go into his room and I'd tell him about it, and he would tell me how silly it was and make little jokes about the details of my dream until I felt better… Right?

So why wasn't I waking up?

The gentle hands of my sister pulled me into a hug, but I was no longer able to feel anything. My sweet brother and protector was gone. I remember muffled voices of guards and my sister, but I had tuned everything out. My sister pulled me into another room, and I vaguely remember the feeling of her body shaking as sobs ripped from her chest.

I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her hair, but I was no longer there anymore. All I could focus on was how cold my brother's skin was, and that I'd never feel the comforting warmth from his hugs anymore. My brother was gone, and there wasn't anything anyone could do to change that or fill the cavity in my chest where my unbroken heart used to beat.

The day he slipped away… that was the day that everything changed.