32 Productions Presents…
A Teen Titan Fan Fiction The Teen Titans in…"One of Those Days"
Chapter One
Starfire's Room
Cue that sappy morning music from all the old cartoons (and if you don't know what I mean, watch some Bugs Bunny) because the sun was coming up on another beautiful day in Jump City. Silkie slept at the end of the bed, snoring softly while Starfire slept with her head dangling off the bed in what could only be described as a chiropractor's nightmare (or greatest investment, depending on their personality). The light shined in, striking her in the face. Her eyes slowly fluttered open. She felt…weird. Something was off…well, besides everything being all upside down. She took a deep breath to start her day…and her nose immediately went "SNORT". You know the sound. It was the sound that comes from somebody with a cold trying to take a deep breath through their nose. She sat up sharply, coughing. The resulting movement and noise startled Silkie, who woke up and spat a sticky fluid out of its mouth, splattering on the stomach of Starfire's oversized T-shirt. Starfire groaned and touched the stuff gingerly. Her hand pulled back…and promptly was yanked by the elasticity of the goo. She tried again, with the same result.
Starfire: (congested) Oh…Silkie, what manner of defense is this?
If Silkie could talk, he…(is it a he?)…would probably apologize. …or laugh. It was hard to tell, him being a giant worm caterpillar larva thing. The best Silkie could do was gurgle and whine a bit before falling back to sleep. Starfire pulled again, her eyes glowing as she triggered her super strength. Her hand pulled away this time…along with the lower half of her shirt. Oh well…not like her other shirts didn't show off her stomach anyway (or would that be stomachs? It's not like you can see them though). Muttering some choice Tamaranian words, she tried to remove the shred of clothing from her palm. This time it hurt because she was pulling at her skin. Annoyed, she climbed out of bed, but her legs got tangled in the sheets and she took a fall. She sat up, rubbing her sore nose.
Starfire: This day…may not be as wondrous as most.
Another hacking and spitting sound from the bed and suddenly there was something moist on her currently exposed back. Remember kids, have the sticky spitty gland removed from your pet mutated larva.
Starfire: Definitely not as wondrous as most.
::CUE THEME::
Bathroom
Starfire groaned again. She felt like she had been snorting the slime of a Tamaranian muck beetle all night and it had coated the inside of her nose. She couldn't breathe at all from it. Any attempts to do so made her cough. The goop on her hand, thankfully, wasn't water proof. She sneezed, shooting energy from her nose and melting the mirror in front of her.
Starfire: A pox on you, dreaded cold virus.
She briefly wondered what to do with the mirror. Deciding that it would be best to simply tell somebody else, Starfire left to acquire breakfast…well, she tried to, but the door didn't respond right away and she smacked her head on it. Being of even temper, she still didn't let these events get to her. After all, it couldn't get much worse, right?
Main Room
By the time Starfire reached the main room, she would have to explain about the destruction of a lot more then a single mirror. The walls and carpeted floors were now burnt and singed in several places. She entered the room with a terrible hacking cough. The volume of which startled the hell out of her teammates. Raven's book launched into the air as she jumped from her spot on the couch. Her hands grabbed for it, but it landed on the floor anyway. Beast Boy's finger slipped on the controls, as did Terra's. Unfortunately, Beast Boy's missed the buttons, while Terra still hit hers, resulting in her defeating her shapeshifting boyfriend soundly. Robin's bowl of cereal clattered to the floor and he found himself with soggy cereal bits and milk on his shirt.
Robin: Uh…feeling a little under the weather, Star?
Starfire: Are we not always under the weather? To be above it would require space travel, would it not?
Raven: He's asking if you're sick. …damnation, lost my page…
Raven picked up her book and thumb through it, trying to find a familiar paragraph or two. Terra had her fingers in her ears as Beast Boy continued to complain.
Beast Boy: …totally not fair! She broke my concentration! Come on, Terra! Rematch!
Terra: La la la la la la…not listening…
Starfire: Ah…yes. I do seem to be a bit…under the weather, as you say. I advise no one to come too close, as my sneezes can be quite…
Starfire stopped in mid sentence and sneezed. A bright green flash occurred and there was a big black charred spot on the floor when it was gone. Starfire sniffled and rubbed her nose.
Starfire: …damaging.
Raven: (sweatdropping) You don't say.
Starfire: I do. Now, if you shall excuse me, I am most famished.
Starfire then proceeded to cook herself some breakfast. Well…she TRIED to. Her aim was to create pancakes. She had a cookbook and everything, just to make sure she didn't mess up. Sure, it wasn't her style to attempt to create an Earth type meal, but she figured that a change of pace might help in this disastrous day. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. For starters, when she opened the cabinet to grab the very necessary pan (without which she would be making a huge mess on the stove) the contents fell down on her. The only thing that remained in the cabinet…was the pan she needed. Then the milk turned out to be sour. Not one to give up, Starfire substituted cream for the milk. After all, Robin says real men drink their coffee black, and surely her friends are truly men. …though Shade does sometimes smell oddly like wild berry. Anyway, nobody would miss the cream. …unless Beast Boy turned into a cat and drank it. Starfire shrugged mentally. It was too late now. Then she accidentally burned her hand on the stove. When that happened, she swore in Tamaranian and shook her hand rapidly. Doing so caused the spatula in her grasp to fly out and embed itself in the wall next to Robin, whose heart had skipped a beat when he saw how close it came to sticking into his skull. Starfire tried to pull it out. By the time she had, her pancakes had burned on one side. She sat at the table and ate her crunchy burnt pancakes, her face cringing with each bite due to the fact that you really shouldn't make pancakes with dairy creamer…or so I'm guessing, I've never done it myself. The fact that it was burnt didn't improve the taste.
Robin: Star, if you're feeling sick, you should probably take some medicine.
Terra: Uh…yeah…sorry, chief. All out. Beast Boy had that wicked cold last week, remember?
There was little way anyone could forget. After all, when Beast Boy spontaneously shifts into an elephant and sneezes like water from a hose all over the walls, it's hard to get out of your mind…without alcohol anyway, and Robin had a strict policy, them being underage and all. Robin sighed.
Robin: Okay, so we'll have to go buy some. Whose turn is it?
For the sake of practicality, the Titans never all went to the store at once…at least not the same store. If something went down all the way across town, they'd never know until they got home. Thus, they decided to take turns. Raven put her index finger on her left temple and closed her eyes. Shade appeared a few seconds later, rubbing his eyes with his sunglasses moved up onto his forehead. His hair was a bigger mess then usual and it was obvious he had just woken up.
Shade: Cripes, don't DO that while I'm dreaming. Like hearing the voice of God telling me to get my ass out of bed…
Turning the page of her book, Raven bit back a snicker. It was mean, but funny in a way. She sighed. Her time with the Titans was wearing on her. She was beginning to develop a real sense of humor. How terrifying a thought.
Raven: Shade, Starfire is sick and we're out of medicine. Go pick her up some, would you? It's your turn anyway.
Shade turned to look at Starfire. She waved sheepishly. It was a known fact that Shade hated being woken up suddenly. Woe to the early bird criminal that caused the alarm to sound before nine in the morning. Shade snorted and flicked his sunglasses back down over his eyes.
Shade: She looks fine to m…
Starfire sneezed again. She had been facing Shade so he suddenly found himself slightly singed.
Shade: …bless you. Ow. Never mind. I'll just be going now.
Starfire: Please, I shall accompany you. It is not fair that you must journey to the store of groceries alone.
Beast Boy: Eh…I don't think that's a good idea, Star. I don't think they'd like having energy blasts flung around the place whenever you sneeze.
Terra: Like deadly radioactive boogies.
Beast Boy: Yeah, like that.
Shade was about to head out the door when a thought came to him. It was one he would curse forever…or at least the next twenty minutes or so. He turned back to his friends.
Shade: Anybody else need anything?
Robin: Well…
A few seconds later, Shade sighed.
Shade: Hold on, let me get a pen and paper. (muttering) Me and my big mouth.
Shade departed to pick up the medicine…and tea…and tofu dogs…and corn syrup…and bacon strips…and the last issue of Vegan Monthly (yeah, I can't believe they have a magazine like that either). There were other things, but I don't feel like listing them.
Robin: In the meantime, why don't you have some tea or something? The vapors will help clear your n...
BOOM! Everyone jumped as Raven slammed her book closed.
Raven: EXCUSE me? I'm sorry, did you just invite her to have some of MY tea?
Robin gulped. Raven's eye was twitching dangerously.
Robin: Er…I thought you wouldn't mind.
Raven: Maybe I do, maybe I don't…but you can't just GIVE my tea to somebody when it's not YOURS to give.
Starfire: …may I have some of your herbal tea, Raven?
Raven's demeanor changed completely at the sound of the request. The twitching stopped and she relaxed, opening her book again.
Raven: Of course, Starfire. Shade's getting me more anyway.
Robin sweatdropped.
Store
Shade's eye twitched under his sunglasses. It was horrible. Torturous. Inhumane. There was no way it could be legal. Yet there it was, all around him. Nobody else seemed to notice the travesty. He looked around from his spot in line, grocery cart already filled with the items on his list. Everyone was so blissfully unaware…and that could not stand. Clenching his fists on the handle bars of his cart, he shouted something that was bound to get him into serious trouble with somebody.
Shade: Why the hell is Christmas music playing?! It's still November! NOVEMBER! That is one, whole, damn MONTH away from Christmas!
Everybody stared at him in shock. It was hard NOT to be shocked, since he had seemed so utterly calm before. The whole store was calm, really. There wasn't even annoying little children running about, requesting their parents to buy this or that food item.
Person who will regret it: Come on, pal. Where's your Christmas spirit?
Shade's teeth clenched tighter then his fists. He turned and glared at the idiot who had spoken.
Shade: It's being saved…UNTIL CHRISTMAS! Yule time cheer should be saved UNTIL YULE TIME! Why don't we just carve out pumpkins in September? Or maybe we can paint our eggs in March? Let's light fireworks on the fourth of JUNE! It makes no SENSE to start with this crap so soon! And look!
Shade point outside where there was a Santa with a bell and a big pot for change.
Shade: What the hell is that about?!
Woman: It's for charity! You have a problem with CHARITY?!
Shade: NO! I don't have a problem with god damn charity! I have a problem that the guy collecting is dressed like Santa!
He wheeled around on some kid, not thinking clearly enough to stop himself from being so cruel and evil.
Shade: Yeah, that's right! Dressed as Santa! DRESSED as Santa! Not Santa! Santa died!
The little boy began crying. Shade paused, suddenly realizing that maybe this wasn't the best way for a child to find out that Santa wasn't real…anymore.
Man: Hey, he made that kid cry! Get him!
Shade: Aw, sh…
Shade's words were cut off as he was jumped on and beaten.
Under the Junkyard
Gremlin yawned as he replaced his sleeping mask with his day mask (the sleeping mask had tubes and stuff that allowed his to clean his face and hair in his sleep though it took forever for him to learn how to sleep through the process). He found it easier to do that then try to keep breathing long enough without the mask to shower…of course it was weird showering with the mask on, but the less I think about that, the less I feel the urge to vomit. As he rounded the corner, he was surprised by G-9 in her bi-pedal robot form. She shook him eagerly.
G-9: Is it finished? Is it? Is it!?
Gremlin: …no.
G-9 turned on her holographic projector. Her body was simple a blank metal, no paint or other sort of designs without the hologram. With it on, she was her usual replica of Starfire dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Now that she had a face, she could pout.
G-9: Oh. Will it be done soon?
Gremlin: Would you relax?! I'm working on it. Now let me eat something, for the love of god.
G-9 sighed and stepped out of the way. Her body was almost done…her REAL body. The one that she could inhabit indefinitely. Strong, fast, and filled with secret weapons and abilities, G-9's new body would be the perfect one. She was filled with anticipation. Once she had her new body she would do the one thing that had always been out of her reach. She would kill Starfire.
Titan Tower: Main Room
Robin and Cyborg were playing each other in some fighting game when Shade came home. His sunglasses had cracked, his clothing was ripped and he was covered in bruises. You don't make a kid cry like that. You just don't. Shade COULD have fought his way out…but he felt he kind of deserved it for letting his disposition get the best of him. Suffice to say, the two were somewhat surprised to see him that way.
Cyborg: What happened to you?
Shade brought in the groceries in a floating basket made of shadows. He wiped his nose, sighing when he saw the blood on his finger.
Shade: I made a little kid cry, so I got jumped by a mob.
Robin: What?! Why'd you make a little kid cry?
Shade: I couldn't stand another verse of "Jingle Bell Rock", so I kind of went into a tirade and mentioned that Santa was dead.
Silence.
Cyborg: That's cold, man.
Robin: You deserved that.
Shade: Yeah, yeah…it's still stupid to play Christmas carols a month away.
Cyborg: Don't matter either way to me. I don't celebrate Christmas.
Shade: Then why get so pissed off when I say Santa's dead?
Cyborg: That's not why I'm pissed. I'm pissed because you made a kid cry.
Shade sighed.
Shade: Yeah, I've got a swollen lip already. I think I've paid for that by now. Could somebody help me put this crap away? Or at least call Starfire and tell her the medicine is here.
Garden
Starfire sniffled. This was terrible. The garden was composed of rare plants, most not even from that solar system. At least it used to be. Now it was composed of rare planets and various burnt to nothing piles of ash. Starfire exited the garden, going back into the halls. It was more of a green house really, but it was so vast that it resembled a garden. It was probably better if she left while there still was a garden at all. As soon as she did, she sneezed again.
Terra: GAH!
Starfire covered her face as she realized she had just sneezed right on Terra. Terra coughed and winced. She had felt that one. Her stone skin was blackened from the burst of energy that had struck her.
Starfire: My sincerest apologies, Terra! I did not see you there and…
Terra: No…no, it's cool. My t-shirt looks better with scorch marks.
Terra brushed the charred stone from her body and sighed. That was pretty intense heat. She had been hit by flame throwers and not been bothered. Starfire's cold must be getting worse for her to sneeze with such intensity.
Terra: Maybe we should see if Shade's back with your medicine…and see about getting you some sort of super hanky.
Starfire: Oh, I would greatly appreciate the super hanky.
Main Room
The pair arrived in the main room, Terra now extremely jumpy. Starfire had been sneezing on the way down every now and then and more then once, Terra had to dodge the oncoming explosive boogies. They were still unloading the bags.
Terra: PLEASE tell me you got the medicine!
Shade: Yeah. It's right there.
Shade pointed to a bottle of unnamed medicine. Possibly induces drowsiness. Don't use heavy machinery after taking. Starfire picked up the bottle.
Starfire: This liquid shall cure me?
Robin: No. There's no cure for the cold, Star. It'll help relieve the symptoms a little though.
Starfire: That is good enough for me.
Starfire opened the bottle and raised it to her lips. Terra let out a sound of surprise and grabbed her arm.
Terra: Nononononono! Not so much, girl! Read the instructions on the side, for crying out loud.
Shrugging, Starfire put the top back on it and read the side.
Starfire: ...one moment. Since I am not human, would this not be inaccurate instructions?
The others frowned. She raised a good point.
Robin: Maybe so, Star, but taking too much would only make things worse. Better just do as the bottle says.
Starfire: If that is your recommendation, Robin.
Getting a spoon, Starfire measured out the proper dose and swallowed it. She smacked her lips afterward, smiling.
Starfire: What a delightful flavor!
Cyborg: Ugh. I used to hate that stuff.
Starfire: How could one hate such a wondrous fluid?
Cyborg: You're an alien.
Starfire: Ah. Still, a most delightful fluid to me. It almost makes up for having this illness.
Raven's Room
Raven sighed as she laid on her bed, reading her book. It wasn't a sigh of boredom, or even her usual sigh of depression. She was feeling rather content at the moment. Her shoes on the floor, cloak hung up on a rack, she was relaxing in a way that, not long ago, would not have been possible. Despite Starfire putting numerous scorch marks along the hallways, Raven had to admit, she was having a nice day. Licking her finger now and then before turning the pages, she allowed herself to get lost in her story.
Raven: "Release the maidens, foul sorcerer!" the brave knight shouted, sword drawn and shield at the ready. Fate was on his side. The shield's enchantment could deflect even the mighty spells of Dormado the Wicked, the sword sharp enough to cut through his mystic shields that had saved his vile life from the arrows of Bartholomew's now dead fellow knights. Now they would be avenged. Now they…
There was a knock on the door. Raven was so engrossed that she jumped, almost dropping the book again. She'd be damned if she was going to lose her page now.Rather annoyed, Raven got up and answered the door in her usual fashion by only opening it enough to peer out at the knocker.
Terra: Heya.
Raven: Terra. Why am I not surprised that you're the one disturbing me on this otherwise peaceful day?
Terra: Ah, come on. I'm not that much of a pain in your backside, am I?
Raven's response was to raise an eyebrow. Terra shrugged.
Terra: Okay, maybe I am. Just thought I'd say adios to my favorite goth girl.
Raven: Adios?
Terra: Spanish for "good-bye".
Raven scowled. Like she didn't know what "adios" meant.
Raven: And why are we saying "adios"?
Terra: You forgot already.
Raven: Doubtful. I probably purposely tuned you out.
Terra: Gar and I are outta here. Going down to Dayton manor for a "pre-birthday" party or something.
That was right. Raven remembered now. Beast Boy's birthday was next week and he was going to visit the Doom Patrol for a bit. Terra must have weaseled her way into going with him somehow.
Raven: You'll be sorely missed.
Terra: Yeah, yeah. Keep up the sarcasm. When you're getting your ass kicked and we're out of town, we'll see if you can keep up your holier-then-thou attitude.
Raven almost laughed. Instead her lip twitched.
Raven: If there's one thing I'm not, it's holier then anyone.
END PART ONE