Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer's characters.
Should have put this in the first chapter-
WARNING: Lots of cursing. Lots of gratuitous references to the genitalia. Heavy usage of "dude" and "man" (as in "Hey man, that's not cool dude"). And high school shenanigans meaning yes drugs but I'm not going to revel in them.
Sorry if all that gets a little obnoxious, but we're aiming for gritty Spike Lee realism here people.
Etarded: the state of being mentally fried and a complete annoyance to everyone around you after doing too much ecstasy. Kill yourself, basically.
BPOV
Thank god, it was the last period of the day.
Everyone kept talking about the crabs.
Some people were catching on that I had something to do with it after Edward bamboozled me in front of Mr. Laurent.
A few chicks gave me 'Eat shit' looks. This random girl from the Anime club gave me a hug. She kept quoting Revenge of the Nerds.
But that didn't matter. Rght now, Mike was staring at my damn legs again. He didn't even care that I caught him looking. Mike was twisted around in his desk to look at me, even though he was in the front and I was in the back row.
I always sat spread eagle, feet sticking out into the aisles on either side of my desk. People have learned to just step over them. Girls sometimes told me to cross them. A teacher might have commented on the impropriety of my sitting position.
I wore jeans. It's not like I'm in a skirt.
I threw a pen cap at Mike's head and he turned to face at the chalk board.
At times like this, I wished Edward pushed the lesbian rumors about me a little harder. Surely then Mike would back off.
Edward was two desks over from me in the back row. Jasper was in between us. Jasper always sat around me when we had classes together, even though we weren't close friends.
I glanced over at Edward. He was glaring at Mike. Weird.
"So Bella, Alice said you go to yoga?" Jasper asked.
"Um, yeah, how does she know?"
"She visited Gold's Gym to see if she wanted a membership. That's where you go?"
"Yeah."
Jasper rubbed his jaw line pensively. "How do you like it?"
"It's really good. It helps you focus on your breath. I never realized how vital regulating your breath was, but if you learn to become more conscientious of it and harness it's strength, it's really powerful."
"Potent breathing. Sounds awesome." Jasper pursed his lips and tilted his head toward me, begging me silently to come up with something better.
"We also learn positions like down dog," I added quietly, trying to fight a smile.
Edward's head swiveled around in my direction. His gaze rested on a poster of Faulkner quotes above my head.
"Really?" Jasper said. "That's cool. How is that?"
"That's basic. We learn a lot positions that are a lot more strenuous than that. It really helps with endurance."
"I want to endure." Jasper licked his lips.
"Hmm. That's nice."
"Well Alice was wondering if you could show us some stuff."
"Us?" I asked.
Edward was studying a potted ficus very intently.
Jasper shrugged. "Yeah. She wants to be more flexible, but she's not sure if it's worth getting a gym membership over. You practice on your own, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, can you practice with her some. I won't be there every time. But I want to watch."
"So wait until she practices on her own. Why do you need to be there with me?"
"I want to make sure she's in good hands," he said simply.
"Wow, thanks for being honest."
Jasper turned to Edward, "See, I told you. Just be honest with them, they'll appreciate it."
A pencil twirled between Edward's fingers. He stuck it behind his ear and cut a glance at Jasper. He snickered once. Then listened to the lecutre.
"As long as your girlfriend's there," I whispered, "I don't see anything wrong."
Jasper laughed under his breath. "I don't either."
The bell rang. I stacked my books on my desk and gathered them up. Edward and Jasper stood up and started arguing in furious whispers.
Rose and Angela were waiting outside the class room to walk with me to my truck.
Angela slid in next to me in the front while Rose hopped into the back.
She always sat back there. Never once has she tried to call shot gun since she's been friends with us. Or accepted it when it's been offered.
I threw the car in gear and pulled the car out the lot. Spanish guitar warbled over the static on the radio.
"So I heard about what happened with Edward," Angela said.
"Yeah. He knows it was me, too. But that's alright."
"Really?"
"Yeah. If it's me, he knows it wasn't some meaningless prank. He knows there was a message behind it."
"A message. Right-o."
"There was!"
Angela snorted and then slapped a hand over her mouth.
Then we both started snickering.
"Message being 'I'm pathetic'," I said.
She patted my hand on the stick shift. "If you want Edward's crabs, go ahead."
"Did everyone know I was crushing on Cullen?"
"No… just Rose and me."
"Me and my traitor vagina," I sighed.
"It happens to the best of us dear," she responded.
"This sucks though. He needed to be screwed over, but by someone who literally doesn't want to screw-"
"Bella, you're freaking out too much. If it makes you feel any better, it looks like a prank, so it really is harmless. Sure, some girls won't want to touch him- but I'm not crying over that."
"I just feel... like such an idiot. If I like him, than how could the prank have been done for the right reasons? I did it because he's an asshole! But if I want him, then that's just-"
"Whatever," she said. "I still got a kick out of it."
My brows twisted in delighted shock. I had hoped Angela would get some satisfaction out of it, but vengeance wasn't really her pastime.
"You showed him what it felt like," she said quietly. "I imagine he felt mortified like I did when his etarded date started chewing on my hair."
What Angela left out was that when she asked the girl to shove off, Edward laughed and said, 'Come on Angie, this is like the most play you've ever gotten. You don't have to act coy in front of us.'
I chewed the side of my cheek. "You should hate me Angela. He was so mean to you. The fact that I-"
Rose tapped on the back window and yelled, "Bella, I keep catching tail ends of Negative Nancy back here. Put Negative Nancy back in her cage. Bitchy Bella out, Negative Nancy in."
"Are those the two sides of my personality?" I asked, pulling into the coffee shop. "That sucks."
We walked up to the counter and Angela order her passion tea. I was scanning the strudels in the display case when I heard a gasp from Rose.
Rose doesn't gasp.
I looked at her stricken face and followed her gaze to a table in the back corner of the coffee shop.
Where Royce, her ex boyfriend from sophomore year, was holding hands with a fifteen year old redhead.
"Rose, do you want to leave? We can leave, sweetie," I said, grabbing her hand.
And then someone said it.
"I heard that Royce and Rose had a baby two years ago."
Rosalie whirled around and glared at the mousy girl behind the cash register, whispering to another barista.
"I didn't have his baby, bitch. We gave it up. It's not ours anymore. So go fuck yourself."
The two baristas looked shocked. Temporarily.
Unabashed delight soon lit up their faces.
Angela groaned next to me. I started chewing on one of my knuckles.
We weren't embarrassed for ourselves, I swear.
But the horrible truth was, people probably would have stopped talking about this a while ago. The thing is, every time they taunted Rose about the baby, they came away with a crazy bitch story they could regale their friends with later. So the issue never dropped.
Rose started to walk off towards Royce. I yanked back on her hand, hissing, "What are you doing?"
She grinned back at me like she was the damn Joker a la Jack Nicholson.
"Nothing," she responded excitedly. She was smiling so hard. Her eyes sparkled so hard.
And I wanted to cry, seeing her situate her skirt while she sat down at a table next to Royce.
Royce didn't look up at her once. His date went along very nicely.
EPOV
"Dude," I started, as soon as Bella walked away after the bell, "what the fuck? Yoga?"
Jasper smiled. "Harmless fun. Don't worry."
"Jasper, I'm serious."
"Getting a little anal over Bella?"
We were in the hall now, making our way to football practice.
"Listen fuckstick-".
"I was just screwing with you," Jasper said, rolling his eyes. "I know you got some angst for her. Just needed to verify. Who knew she'd go for it?"
Jasper took his cell phone out. Lauren was passing in a denim mini skirt, and he slipped the phone under the hem.
Lauren glanced at him, completely horrorstruck. Jasper blew a kiss at her, and we continued walking.
And she stood there, just gaping. No screaming.
"Did you just take a picture of Lauren?" I asked.
"I saw her thong during second period. Alice always wants me to go shopping with her, and it's fucking annoying. So she tells me to take pictures of what I like on girls and show them to her. See look, I'm sending it to her now as a picture message."
He flashed me the screen of his cell phone as proof.
"You can't be getting a lot of detail on those thong shots. I don't know why Alice needs a picture for that."
"Uh, it's a pretty color?"
"Do you have any pictures of Bella in there?" I asked.
"Why, do you want a sneak preview?"
"Be careful man. We're eighteen- some of these girls would constitute as kiddy porn."
"I do my research."
We walked out the double doors and unto the football field, heading towards the gym. Emmett was approaching us from the direction of auditorium, and I wanted to duck. He was wearing this big shit eating grin, which never bode well.
"So, Edward, got something you wanna talk about ?" Emmett asked.
"No."
"Crab got your tongue?"
"Yes."
The beeps from Jasper's cell phone filled a momentary silence.
How many pictures does he have?
"Want to know what I think?" Emmett persisted.
"No."
Another set of footsteps began to match pace with our own.
My doppelganger, Tom, had joined the group.
"Yo guys," Tom said, "What's happening?"
I nodded hello to him and resumed ignoring my brother.
"I think Bella had something to do with your locker," Emmett said.
"Huh," I responded.
Tom started, "Hey Edward, weren't you and Bella friends when you were kids-"
"Tommy, you're out of your element," Emmett boomed. "Look, Edward, I want to know why you went after her in front of Mr. Laurent. You haven't gone out of your way to talk to her in years."
My pace quickened. I had no idea why I didn't want to tell anyone about Bella's prank.
I was pissed off and I wanted to thrash her, but still.
What she did to me, it seemed oddly… intimate. Between us. Even though everyone fucking saw it. I didn't feel like listening to him laugh about it.
"Man, I live with you. You can't outrun me forever," Emmett said.
Asshole was relentless.
"Before Mr. Laurent found me, she told me something was going to happen to me, alright?"
"So she admitted it."
"Basically. I mean, I know her. She would have chewed me out if it hadn't been true when I confronted her. She knew she was caught. She couldn't say a damn thing."
"Whoa, so why would she do that?" Tom asked.
"Bella wants balls," Emmett said.
Tom said, "But Edward said she was a dyke-"
"Not just any balls though," Emmett said. "Bella wants Edward's balls."
"Emmett," I sighed.
He shrugged. "Your balls. Her butt. Meet and greet."
"Emmett, stop."
"Listen up bitch, because I'm your weatherman. There's gonna be a drought until this crab front blows over. You might as well tap that at Charlie's barbecue tomorrow."
"I'm about to tap you upside your jaw."
"Why are you- dude, you don't still care about that shit? It happened five years ago man. I'm sure Bella's forgotten."
I glared at Emmett. And tried to suppress a snicker.
As if Bella could ever forget.
Emmett cracked a smile.
"Well, maybe not. But you know what I mean," he persisted.
"Jasper sure hasn't forgotten."
Jasper shook his head emphatically.
"What are you guys talking about?" Tom asked.
"Because that was the best moment of Jasper's life up until that point," Emmett said, ignoring Tom, "It completely changed him. He's been a voyeur ever since."
Jasper waved his cell phone in the air as exhibit A, and went back to scrolling through his pics.
We walked into the gym and headed into the locker room.
The room was rank with the smells of toilet bowl cleaner, Axe deodorant, and stale sweat- and mass hating.
"Dude, Ed ain't showering with us unless he cleans out the shower with bleach," Mike started.
"Thing is man, he's gonna fuck up the Fork pool. I'm scared to get some now. Hopefully this stops him before every chick-" Tyler said.
Then they noticed us and started figuring out how to put their shirts on. Tyler cleared his throat and went to use the bathroom.
"So, you wanna tell us why you charged Bella after Mr. Laurent made you open your locker?" Mike snapped.
I started undressing. Mike remained motionless, waiting for an answer he wasn't going to get.
"He was confronting Bella," Tom offered.
Tom could be such a lap dog sometimes.
"Why?" Mike asked.
"Cause Bella put that shit in there." Tom went to elbow me in the side, and I side stepped it.
"Yeah right," Conner responded. "Why would she do that?"
I shrugged.
Let them think what they want.
"Because she wants other bitches off his jock," Emmett said, laughing. "Ain't it obvious?"
"No way, Bella hates Edward," Mike seethed.
"Bella said she did it. She's been spreading that shit all over the place," Tom lied.
"Yeah right." Mike's face was getting a little red now.
"Whatever man, your girlfriend's pulling Fatal Attraction shit on Edward, not you. Get over it," Tom countered.
"I'd let her boil my rabbit," Emmett responded as he tugged his gym shorts on. "Now Rose… Jesus. That girl is smoking."
"What?! Her fit's permanently jacked up after popping out that kid. We're in high school- time for tight twat," Tyler responded, who had reappeared.
"Wrong and wrong, my man," Emmett said. "I'll whip that pussy pliant and then lovingly mold it to my fit. And on your second point- you'd be sooo surprised. I've messed around with some big, gaping, virgin pussy."
"Yeah dude, vag size can be genetic. I straight up got lost in Carmen, and I was the first guy she was with. It was the Cave of Wonders in there," Jasper muttered from the bench. He was already dressed, and was back to looking at his cell phone.
"What about stretch marks?" Conner piped up.
"I'd say, 'Come here baby, lemme lick on the dotted line'," Emmett responded.
"You're a freak," Mike said.
"You have no idea. Did you tell them about Sue?" I asked.
"OOOh, Mrs. Clearwater." Emmett had a faraway look in his eyes.
"Missus? As in married?" Conner squeaked.
"Widowed," someone yelled from the back of the room.
All the guys had congregated around Emmett, like he was Jesus doing the Sermon on the Mount.
"Mr. Clearwater died of a heart attack- while he was in Mrs. Clearwater," I answered.
The whole locker room erupted in "UGGHH" and "DUDDDE". Emmett raised his arms to quiet the guys, nodding his head in acknowledgment to the natural disgust.
"Hey, hey, I will not have anyone thinking ill of my Sue. People thought her poon was haunted after that. Poor woman hadn't had a date in years, and she's good looking."
"Sue, you gave that man a fine send-off," Jasper said in a reverent tone, still not looking up from the damn cell phone.
"Dude- Mr. Clearwater could not rest in his grave knowing his wife was all alone," Emmett was saying, "On his behalf, I-"
"You see, Emmet and I were doing some landscaping work at her house. So while he's beating her bush, I'm fucking mowing the lawn," I interjected.
"MAGGOTS!" the coach yelled from the doorway, "Stop pussy footing around and get out here."
"Yeah Mike, get your foot out of Tyler's pussy," I said.
"But she killed a guy though," Conner whined.
"What? It's not like there's man eating Venus fly trapper between her legs," I protested. "Man had a heart condition. Couldn't take it."
"And I'm fit as a fucking fiddle. One man's death trap is another man's extreme sport," Emmett finished smugly.
"Emmett here is our ambassador for the Island of Misfit Pussy," I said, turning towards the door.
"And Edward's our crab fisherman," Emmett finished, walking behind me and slapping my back.
Everyone filing out behind us seemed to hold their breath. What fucking chicks. Like they were waiting for me to throw my Gatorade in Emmett's face and call him a catty ho.
"So whatcha gonna do about Bella?" Emmett asked as we started doing our leg stretches.
I hadn't thought about it. I only thought about how pissed off I was.
Ontop of how turned I have been.
Seemed simple though.
"Oh, I'm gonna fuck her up," I responded, before dropped to the ground and started doing my push-ups.
Flashbacks will be every other chapter.