Middle Earth Football

Rose G

A/N - This is just more 'humour' about the Fellowship and football, in this case what players or managers the characters are like. The clubs listed for the players are their present clubs.

Aragorn - Alan Shearer, Newcastle United. An old campaigner, fighting for his last chance to win his rightful titles. Travelled all around the country and came back home. A great leader by example, strong, brave and still kindly even if he isn't flashy. Admired by everyone and greatly loved.

Gandalf - Ole Gunnar Solskjar, Manchester United. Arrives very quickly to save everyone at the very last moment. Rarely there at the start. A foreigner.

Frodo - Michael Owen, Liverpool. Got dropped into the deep end when very young and didn't have much time to get used to it. Come good and won the day.

Sam - Emille Heskey, Liverpool. Uh, Mr. Owen, can you pass to me please? Uh, I'm on my own. What do I now? Mr. Owen, can I lick your boots please?

Pippin - Harry Redknapp, Portsmouth. A lovely character with a sense of humour but not too many brains. Loves eating.

Legolas - David Beckham, Manchester United. A very silly hairstyle, rather girly, extremely light on is feet and lethal when he takes aim.

Gimli - Dennis Wise, Leicester City. Very short and quick tempered. Able to start a fight in an empty room and likes tunnels and his family. Adores cups. Speaks with a funny accent and makes strange alliances.

Boromir - Gary Neville, Manchester United. A silly jumped up twat who thinks he's better than everyone is. Pretty useless at defending his team-mates and always competing with his brother.

Faramir - Phil Neville, Manchester United. A silly twat but still better than his brother. A better leader of the defence. Less experienced than his brother but a nicer person.

Elrond - Terry Venables, ITV. Knows exactly how to run the club / country / world but no one listens to him. Has funny hair, and a dark, mysterious past. Agent Smith / England job?

Treebeard - Tony Adams, Arsenal. Knocking on a bit, seen everything and fought back despite the odds. Tough to defeat, a fighter and a good leader.

King Elessar - Sven-Goran Erikksion, England. The great leader of the country. Everyone's hero. A great battle winner against the old enemy and a military genius, even if he is a foreigner.

Sauron - Gazza, Everton. Had talent and threw it all away. Put too much of himself into other things. Pitied rather than hated. No longer fair to look at and loss of talent means use of brute force.

Saraman - Sol Campbell, Arsenal. From a Spurs fans POV, a disloyal little traitor who went to the worst possible team.

Orcs - Nicholas Annelka, Liverpool. Don't want to. Can't make me. Shan't. Won't. I hate everyone. Gimme, gimme, gimme. Oh, I just got dropped again.

Nazgul - Referees, everywhere. Play in black, are thoroughly useless, terrify the poor players and can't see anything. Evil people!

Apologies are due to: Heskey, who probably isn't that useless, Beckham who saved England with that free kick against Greece, Wise, who speaks with a lovely accent the same as mine, the Nevilles who can be fairly effective, Adams, my hero and Campbell who does a lovely job for the Gunners.