2.

Ianto walked with his head down, hiding his scowl from the rest of the world. He was in a wretched mood and knew he'd snap at anyone who even looked at him different, which, considering his appearance—hair mussed, waistcoat and tie undone, bruise on his face—was fairly likely. So he tucked the takeaway under his arm and walked as quickly as he could back to his flat.

He hoped Jack was gone. Ianto knew he'd been horrible to Jack when he'd left to pick up the food, abandoning him on the threshold with Tosh, but Jack was the very last person—next to Owen, of course—whom Ianto wanted to see. He would have preferred to be by himself—either drinking himself unconscious or packing his bags—but Tosh had called and insisted on coming over. She'd heard about his scuffle with Owen and wanted to talk to him about it.

In a way, he was both mortified yet glad that someone knew, and that someone cared. Owen certainly wasn't going to be apologizing any time soon even if he had expressed remorse to Tosh (which Ianto seriously doubted anyway); Gwen was, as usual, focused on other things and would likely never pick up on the tension; and as far as Ianto was concerned, Jack would never find out. Because Ianto would resign first, leaving Torchwood and every awful memory of it behind him.

It had been an easy decision. It wasn't as if he hadn't thought about it before. After Lisa had died, after the cannibals had tried to use him for stew, after crashing his car, after watching a dead coworker come to life—Ianto went home every week and wondered what the hell he was still doing with Torchwood. Why he didn't run as fast as he could and start over someplace quiet, far away from aliens and rifts in time.

He never came up with an answer, but today was the day he stopped wondering. He couldn't do this anymore; he was a failure and had become someone he didn't recognize most days. Ianto had to leave, before he lost everything, including his life.

He was surprised to find Tosh sitting outside his building when he returned. She looked cold and nervous, and he frowned, wondering why she wasn't still upstairs in his flat. He sat down beside her and glanced around. "Are we having a picnic, then?" he asked lightly. She eyed him sideways, a small smile on her face.

"No, it's a bit chilly for that," she said. "I wanted to see you before I left, though."

Ianto frowned. "I thought we were having dinner?" He picked up the bag of food and shook it. "Your favorite? Extra naan? Plenty of alcohol to forget this day ever happened?"

"I know, and I'd really like to stay, but…" She trailed off, gazing across the street to avoid meeting his eyes. "Jack came to see you, and I think you should talk to him."

Ianto felt his body tense, and he took a slow breath so that he didn't snap at Tosh. It wasn't her fault that Jack had shown up, and it was entirely possible that Jack had ordered her to leave.

"I wish you'd stay," he said softly. "You know I don't want to see him right now."

"I know," she said, sounding miserable about it. "But if you're really thinking about leaving Torchwood, you have to talk to him."

"I'm not thinking about it," Ianto replied. "I've made up my mind and written my letter. I'd prefer to talk to him at work, where it belongs. Not at my flat."

"But don't you think…I mean, if you're sleeping with him…" She trailed off, obviously uncomfortable. "Don't you think you should talk to him about it, as more than your boss?"

Ianto shook his head. "No, because this is about my job, and he is my boss. And he's nothing more than my boss, Tosh. It was just shagging."

"Are you sure?" she asked quietly.

"Absolutely," he said, hoping he sounded more sure than he felt. "You know what he's like, Tosh. You said it yourself once, that he'll sleep with anyone. Well, I was anyone."

"I shouldn't have said that," she said. "It wasn't fair to Jack. He's different than we think, you know. He smiles and flirts, but he feels things. Deeply. When we were in 1941, he—" She stopped, her eyes going wide as she shook her head and abruptly stood up. "I should go."

"What happened in 1941, Tosh?" Ianto asked, standing with her. "That's the second time you've stopped yourself. Why can't you tell us?"

"Because it's not my business," she said. "And I don't want to gossip. But you know he met the man who shares his name, Captain Jack Harkness. It was in the paper. That man died the day after we left. Jack knew Captain Harkness was going to die, but he also knew he couldn't do anything to stop it without changing history. And he was devastated."

Ianto nodded, starting to piece things together. "Hence your little tête-à-tête

when you returned? Toasting the fallen war hero?"

"Jack's a good man," Tosh insisted. "He cares deeply, sometimes so much I think he makes mistakes because of it. We don't give him enough credit."

"I know that, Tosh," Ianto said with a sigh. "And I believe it. I wouldn't have slept with him if I thought he was a monster. But I don't see what that has to do with what we were talking about. I'm still leaving Torchwood."

"But we need you!" she exclaimed. "Ianto, you do so much for us I don't know how we got on without you. We'd be lost if you left."

He pulled her into an embrace. "Tosh, I lied to the team. I slept with my boss. I shot a coworker this afternoon. You don't need a man like that to make you coffee. You're better off without me."

"No!" She clung to him before pulling away. "Please talk to Jack. He'll help you figure this out."

"I don't need help," Ianto replied with a frown. "I need to get away from this life, before I don't recognize myself anymore." He sighed. "But he's still up there, isn't he? In my flat, waiting for me?"

"Yes," she said. "And I think he's confused. Manger sent us to that dance hall for a reason, and he's struggling to understand why. We all are. Losing you will only make it worse."

Ianto laughed and bent over to pick up his food. "I seriously doubt that. He'll find someone else to warm his bed within a week, and if you know what to order, Costa isn't half bad."

"Ianto Jones, you're being ridiculous and you know it," Tosh said, actually stamping her foot in frustration. "Call me in the morning when you're ready to talk sense." She softened her words with a kiss on the cheek before she turned to leave. Ianto watched her go, dreading the return to his flat. He briefly contemplated returning to the Hub and locking himself in the Archives to eat his dinner; maybe he could even sleep on a cot somewhere so he was ready to resign first thing in the morning.

But Jack was upstairs, waiting for him in his flat. He may not have owed Jack anything as his boss that couldn't wait until morning, but perhaps as his lover, Ianto needed to tell him the truth that night. And the truth was, he had betrayed his friends, slept with his boss (after trying to kill him, of course), and shot a co-worker; Ianto couldn't live with being that person anymore. He'd always known Torchwood would take his life, but he'd never thought it would take his soul as well.

Author's Note:

For some reason, Ianto's chapters are much shorter. This idea—that Ianto couldn't stand being the kind of person who would shoot a coworker, even for the right reasons—was the starting idea for this story. We tend to view Ianto as unfailingly loyal to Torchwood and to Jack, but what if his self-loathing overwhelmed any personal loyalty he felt? I'm also sort of fascinated by stories where Ianto leaves Torchwood, because it seems to bring him more heartbreak than anything and I like the idea of him recognizing this and doing something about it instead of accepting it. That said, this story is canon and I hope you enjoy a slightly different look at these characters and their internal thoughts.