Disclaimer: I own not the rangers
A/N: No strike through here, so I replaced it with italics inside of parenthesis, the bold word is what he goes with. Thanks to Ghostwriter (who I'm pretty sure was the first one to read this, 3 years ago) and JJB88 (who reminded me I do actually have this story posted)
Is this what Billy felt? Constantly being… not misunderstood, just explaining things that go right over their heads, feeling like that was the only thing he brought to the table. I know I'm not that much smarter than them, but it always feels like I have to understand everything. Sure there's Hayley, but she's not the one out there, not that that makes her any less important, just…
As a team we need to be able to fight together, and it's weird. No, it's a delicate balance. It always feels like if anything upsets the balance everything will come crumbling down. Hayley, she can't always be there, so someone else needs to. When the others look for a tech answer I need to have it, more than that I need to be strong enough to give it. What good is having the answer if I can't tell anyone because I'm knocked out?
None of us really had training, but Kira carries a guitar everywhere (and her textbooks are ridiculous), Connor has his soccer. I didn't have anything really, and I can't let them down. So I do weight training every night, so I don't let them down, so I don't upset the balance.
The thing is, we make a good balance, the three primary colors, Arts, Technology, and Sports. We have been fighting off the bad guys. We will defeat Mesagog. As much as I hate to say it Trent and Dr. O mess up the balance, and I don't know where we fit anymore. I know I can trust Dr. O, but he can just swoop in, provide all the answers and save the day. It makes me feel extraneous, like I'm being pushed off for a (better, faster, stronger, more experienced) different person to just come take my place. Trent, besides the whole "evil rock controlling me" thing, is just a distraction. Before he came along, we all got along fine, we could work together and all take our own sides. Adding him just screws the whole thing up. Because she (loves, likes) has romantic feelings for him. So they side with each other, and it throws off the balance.
In fighting too, we never really know what either of them are going to do, how to keep the balance. It's like making a clan in an RPG, each member has a roll to fill. I used to be good at those, before… Not important. Now we just have two new members, one is a level 100 Ninja, and one who has proven he was willing to stab you for the treasure. They just slide into place.
I need to be stronger, have all the answers, figure out how to balance the scales. They're counting on me to know, and have a strategy (at least Kira and Conner are). The strategy is mostly make stuff up and keep what works. To keep getting stronger, body and mind, and to have some sort of answers to help where I can. I just… I want to be valuable, not disposable, to be able to support my team and keep them as safe as I can. Maybe I'm not as smart as the rest of the universe. I want the team to be balanced, safe. I want the answers so they can be. Is this how Billy felt?