Catheryn woke with a start, jumping up in bed, her face wet with, what, she didn't know. It was only when she heard the bark of excitement and heard the panting beside her bed that the rude awakening became all too clear. Pushing herself up, she looked to the mabari beside her bed as he sat and looked at her as though he was completely innocent. Frowning slightly, Catheryn slumped back on the bed and reached her hand out to stroke the dog's head.
'Good morning to you too Maric.'
The dog barked happily and jumped around on the spot, his stump of a tail trying it's best to wag its way off his body. Catheryn let out a rush of air as he jumped on the bed and proceeded to walk all over her, all the while panting and barkling in excitement.
'Shush, you'll wake the whole keep silly.'
She chuckled as he rolled over on to his back, showing his stomach for everyone to see. Pushing herself up, she rubbed his belly, watching him wriggle and roll over before barking once more and jumping back on to the floor.
'Ok, ok, I'm up. I guess you want feeding, that's usually behind these early morning wake up calls.'
Stretching and yawning softly, Catheryn ruffled her hair a little and looked around the room, feeling slightly disorientated. She hadn't slept well at all last night. Visions of the arch demon had come into her head, along with the sounds of the dark spawn. This was all part of being a Grey Warden and she had got used to the nightly visions, even if it meant that her nights were no longer filled with the normal things young women dream about. Last night had been particularly bad though. Catheryn did wonder whether it was because the Dark Spawn were growing in size, or whether it had something to do with the fact that Loghain would have gone through the joining ceremony last night. Catheryn remembered Alistair mentioning something about the other wardens sensing the joining, or perhaps, she had imagined that and he hadn't said such a thing. Sometimes, it wasn't quite clear whether the things running through the mind where real, or whether it was a case that the individual was slowly turning mad, something she definitely remembered Alistair mentioning on the night of her own joining.
Pushing herself from the bed, Catheryn looked outside the window, noting that it was only just beginning to get light again outside. Yawning once more, she went over to the bowl of water and was surprised that it was still warm. She hadn't heard the maid come in, which either meant she had been fast asleep, or she had been in the middle of one of the nightly visions. Catheryn was half surprised that anyone stayed within the vacinity of her whilst she was having one of her visions. From what Alistair had told her, they could be pretty intense and she seemed to be affected by the visions far more than was expected. Again, Alistair had explained that it was most likely due to the time of her joining and the fact that the dark spawn were so active at this moment in time. It was something that had worried Catheryn at first, again, the stories that Alistair had told her were troubling, especially for someone new to the Wardens and, someone as inexperienced with the outside world as she was.
Thinking about Alistair gave Catheryn both a twinge of pain and, a pang of guilt. Whilst a little exciteable and, sometimes he could infuriate her with his ways, she had grown fond of him. At night, they were usually the last to fall asleep, which meant they spent hours talking and growing closer. Whilst she wasn't in love with him, Catheryn had found that some nights, she had dreamt of the future and she had been by his side. Maybe it was being united in grief and anger that had made their bond so strong, or, maybe, it was because both were as inexperienced and clueless as the other and by standing by each others side, they actually had more chance of accomplishing something than if either had been alone. Yet, Catheryn had thrown away that bond so quickly, she wondered if the bond had been as real and strong as she had thought. Catheryn kept telling herself that she had done this for the sake of Fereldan and refused to listen to the little nagging voice at the back of her head that told her otherwise.
Once she was washed and dressed, Catheryn took one last look around the room she had been sleeping in, a part of her wishing she could stay there forever and pretend that all this had been a bad dream. But she knew that would be impossible, the joining had changed her life forever and there would never be any going back. Even if they all survived this and Fereldan was safe, there was no way that she could ever have a normal life again. Those days were gone and it still left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Leaving the room, she watched as Maric bounded down the hallway, most likely heading for the kitchen in order to cause chaos until he was given some food. Catheryn herself, wandered absent mindedly through the hallway, her footsteps echoing on the cool stone walls of the keep. It was only when she reached the dining room that her thoughts were brought back to the here and now as she stopped and stared at the two people standing outside, peering into the room.
'What's going on?' Catheryn tried not to laugh as she witnessed the red head and the elf almost jump through the roof in surprise. Seeing the look of shock on their faces was just enough to make Catheryn shake off the weird feeling that she had been having all morning. The red head looked a little embarrassed, whilst the elf quickly went back to his usual self, cool, calm and with an accent that could melt all the snow in Fereldan if it was silly enough to fall for it.
'Ah well, the new grey warden is in the room and, as he was behind me almost dying at your fair hands, I am not so eager to break my fast with him.' The elf had an Antivan accent as thick as the tan on his slight frame. His blonde hair contrasted quite dramatically next to the tanned skin and his eyes twinkled with both charm and a cruel slyness that would be deadly for anyone who was caught in the trap of his seductive ways.
'Zevran, I doubt he even remembers you and Leliana, why are you hiding out here? You were a bard once, were you not? I am sure you have had to deal with far worse.'
'I have yes, but that was a long time ago and I fear that bringing him into the group has caused you more pain than you intended...'
'I have made my choice and you will all just have to get on with it. You will be fighting side by side, but I cannot force you to break your fast with him if you do not wish.'
Catheryn's mood suddenly plummeted once more as she breezed passed the two and entered the dining room, rolling her eyes and letting out a huff of disapproval as she did so.
Loghain raised his head when he heard the huff from the door, gazing at the young Cousland as she entered the room. He noted that she looked tired, odd for someone still so young. Whilst the rest of her face was still young and incredibly easy to look at, it was her eyes that really gave away the true extent of her exhaustion. But then, it was hardly surprising. She had been thrust into a world she had no experience with and into a life that certainly wasn't suited to a high born girl, even if she was a capable and willing warrior. The amount of tradegy she had experienced in such a short space of time, coupled with the fact that her whole world and future had been turned upside down by joining the Grey Wardens, Loghain was surprised that she still looked as fresh faced as she did, at least, until you got to the eyes. It was as he thought about the way her life had changed that he felt a twinge of guilt rising in the pit of his stomach. All this had been forced upon her by him and his allies. She was just another victim of all the power games that had been played and she still managed to hold her head up high. Her courage and her bravery were remarkable for anyone, let alone a young woman brought up in the comfort and luxury and safety of Highever.
Loghain shifted a little in his seat, trying to banish the guilt that he had just felt. But moving was difficult, he was still aching from the joining ritual. Riordan, the other Grey Warden, had performed the ritual last night, pounching on Loghain just as he was about to retire to the chambers that Arl Eamon had not so graciously given to him. The slip of a thing that served as a bed was probably better described as a hard plank of wood. But Loghain knew he was in no position to talk and, oddly enough, he had slept on far worse things. But, he didn't get much chance to test just how uncomfortable it was, for Riordan had come to him, insisting that the joining take place that evening as a matter of urgency. Loghain could have wagered that half of Fereldan would have paid to see him take part in the ceremony, simply if it was to see if one of the dangers of the joining would come to pass, and that he would be killed by the ceremony itself.
However, that was meant to be and the few hours after that, Loghain may well have welcomed death over the pain that had ripped through his body as the blood of the darkspawn took was unlike anything he had ever felt before and, it left every single muscle in his body aching as his body tried to fight off the taint with everything that it had. If he had been younger, or not as strong as he was, the pain alone would have killed him.
But the pain wasn't even half of the horror that lay beyond the joining. Following the pain came the visions, the cries of the Arch Demon and it's dark spawn horde. The moans and whisperings, the roars of savagery. As the visions came and went through the night, they would get stronger and then fade, but the echoes of each vision stayed long after the last vision had disappeared. He felt as though he was going crazy, hearing things that couldn't be seen by the eye, hearing creatures that were hundreds of miles away and yet, it was as though he were in the middle of the horde, waiting, preparing to march on Fereldan and consume all in it's wake.
The only thing that gave him the slightest bit of comfort during the night, was the fact that it felt as though he was not alone. In every vision, he could sense the presence of the young Cousland beside him, he could sense that she was experiencing the same things and, despite himself, despite knowing so little about this young woman who carried the weight of Fereldan on her shoulders, a part of him wanted nothing more than to protect her from the evils of the world, to take her in his arms and let her know she was safe, even though he knew she was more than capable of fighting and defending herself. It was a feeling that he hadn't had in such a long time, it had taken him by surprise. He had loved his wife, she was a good woman and a good mother, but there was only one other person who had ever stirred such feelings within him. Was the young Cousland a reincarnation Rowan? Had Rowan somehow found her way back to him, despite all the odds, in the shape of another woman? Or was it just mere coincidence and the fact that Catheryn had taken on the burden set upon her without complaint, without any hesitation? There were very few in the world who could claim such and remain as kind of heart as Catheryn had. Everything about her confused him and everything he knew and thought he knew. It made him question himself and his own actions of late, question everything that he had done and how he was behind so much of her hurt. At times, during the night, he had loathed himself for the things he had done and he felt such a fool for being so paranoid about the Orlesians when the true threat was about to knock down their very doors and destroy everything in its path.
Though, once morning had come, Loghain had banished those thoughts to the deepest parts of his mind, hoping that they would stay there. He was determined to stay distant, to do whatever his duty needed him to do and then move on. His resolve had been as tough as the steel armour he wore when he left his room just a short while before and now, with Catheryn before him, her pretty face and those warm, but tired, deep brown eyes of hers, he found his resolve melting away, as if her eyes were able to melt away the ice inside him. He knew she couldn't continue to bear this burden alone, she needed someone strong enough to bear it with her, and in that moment, Loghain resolved to make sure, that even if she didn't know it, he would be the one who shared that burden with her.