A/N: Chapter 2 of what will probably be four, though that's not a definite number. Uh, hope you guys enjoy this one as much as you enjoyed the first!

Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did, it would not be nearly half as cool, but Doumeki and Watanuki would totally be trying to imitate rabbits. No, I don't mean they'd dress up. Unless you're into that, in which case, have fun imagining it. I won't stop you. Actually, Watanuki could totally pull off bunny ears, but Doumeki? not so much. Anyways, the only thing I do own is Carlos. Because every good fanfiction needs at least one flaming Latino homosexual.

"So, where are we headed?" Watanuki questioned after setting out breakfast.

Doumeki inhaled his meal first, then responded. "Weren't you listening yesterday? We're heading east."

"What? No one said that! Stupid Doumeki, making up things to make himself look good…" The grumbling continues on for a couple more sentences, but everyone had pretty much stopped listening after that point.

The archer shrugged. "We were told to head into the sunrise, which is east. Even kids know that, idiot."

"I am not an idiot! Argh! You're impossible!" yowled Watanuki.

"Boys, don't you think it's a little too early in the morning to be flirting?" Yuuko chuckled.

Watanuki turned pale enough to match his tail, right before his entire face decided that it would rather emulate a tomato, thank you very much. "Flirting!!!? With, with-" Frantic hand motions were made in Doumeki's direction. Apparently, the words 'flirting' and 'Doumeki' did not exist in the same sentence for a certain someone. "Blech! No! Not possible! Bad thoughts, Yuuko, bad thoughts!" The same certain someone wailed, while flailing as much as humanly possible.

"At least it's not bad touches," Doumeki pointed out around a mouthful of Watanuki's delicious food.

Watanuki choked on his own saliva. He pounded on his chest, hacking. "WHAT!!? Bad- Why would you be giving me bad touches!? No, wait, why would you even think about giving me bad touches!?"

Doumeki decided it might be a smart move to just shove something in his mouth and stop talking. This conversation could get a little close for comfort. Admitting he would miss the idiot, fine, explaining why he wanted to touch in ways most people would consider indecent (and in some fantasies, physically impossible), not so fine.

Strangely enough, it was Yuuko that saved him from explaining. "That's not what he said, Watanuki."

"Eh? Yes it is. I heard him say, 'at least it's not bad touches'."

"Yes, but that could also imply that you would be the one doing horribly perverted things to Doumeki." Yuuko had a slightly glazed look on her face, and Doumeki did not want to know what daydream she was having to put that smile on her face. Or give her a nosebleed. Really. The constant battles with angry spirits hadn't given him nightmares, he didn't want to chance it with this.

Watanuki's jaw dropped. "I'd never! Why would you even say that!?"

"Well, look at it from an outsider's point of view, Watanuki. If one of you was going to molest the other, it would probably be you doing it. Doumeki's the school president, an honors student, champion and captain of the archery team, and you're…" Yuuko, in one of her rare moments of kindness, did not finish the sentence. "Well, anyways, most people would chase after Doumeki!"

Watanuki stared at her blankly. "What were you going to say?"

Doumeki snorted. "You would latch onto that part."

"Well, she didn't finish her sentence! What were you going to say about me?"

"Don't even bother. She's just trying to mess with you again."

"But Doumeki, it's so much fun!"

"Augh! Always Yuuko, always making fun of me!"

Yuuko giggled and reached across the table to pinch his cheek. "It's because I lurv you, Watanuki!"

"I don't need that kind of love!" You'd think it would have occurred to him that maybe flailing while someone has a firm grip on your cheek might not have been the best of ideas. Well, some ice might help the swelling go down.

"What sort of love do you need?" Doumeki cut in.

"Eh? Um, love that doesn't always end up with me being the butt of jokes? I'd like a sweet love where the other person is always considerate and cute, like Himawari-chan! Certainly nothing like you!" Watanuki ended his rant by pointing vehemently at Doumeki as if by pointing hard enough he could make the other boy disappear. He was disappointed.

"Sounds like you're describing yourself more than Himawari-chan."

Watanuki swung his arm out to protest (because arm motions are necessary in all protests. Of course they are.) and accidentally knocked the syrup over, spilling it and staining his shirt. Luckily, this cut off his next rant against The Injustices and Idiocies of Doumekis, catalogued under file F, paragraph 132. "Ack! Aw, and this was my last clean shirt!"

Yuuko chuckled knowingly. It was like her usual chuckles, but more obnoxious. "You shouldn't have mentioned Himawari, Watanuki. Fortunately for you, I have something that might just fit you."

"How did we get here?" Watanuki asked, looking around at the rolling grasslands from the white brick road they were standing on. There was a helpful little sign next to them pointing east.

"…" Doumeki responded informatively.

"…You know, sometimes I just hate you beyond all words," Watanuki muttered hatefully, his hateful insults fueled by the awesome power of his hate.

Doumeki raised an eyebrow. "I still can't believe you let her talk you into wearing that."

"Shut up!" Watanuki screeched. He couldn't really argue with Doumeki for once. Even though he had been there, he still wasn't sure how Yuuko had talked him into wearing this shirt.

Watanuki was currently wearing a pink shirt. A neon pink shirt. A skin-tight neon pink shirt. The skin-tight neon pink shirt had a picture of a unicorn on it. Underneath the picture of the unicorn (on the skin-tight neon pink shirt, if you've forgotten) was the caption, of all things horrible and ironic (and that made Doumeki fearful for the privacy of his mind), was "I'm Horny." At this point in time, it might have been a little more accurate if it said, "I'm So Mortified I Would Very Much Like It If Someone Would Put Me Out of My Misery, Or If You're Feeling Really Generous, Put This Doumeki Next To Me Out of My Misery. Thanks. I Also Really, Really, Really, Really Hate Puns and The People Who Make Them. And Yuuko. And Doumeki Especially, Because This is Somehow His Fault. See Above For Appropriate Action Towards Said Doumeki."

Except it would be hard to fit all that on a shirt.

Watanuki was willing to give it a shot.

"I think we skipped a scene break. I wonder where that narrator ran off to?" Watanuki wondered out loud as he started walking east.

"I hope it comes back soon," Doumeki replied, thinking about it's wonderful promises of saddles, spurs, gags, and maybe…

"Yeah, me too. Switching from scene to scene without any warning is kind of irritating."

Doumeki's face reddened. So what if he had thought at first that maybe Watanuki wanted the narrator to return for the same reasons he did? Well, maybe some good could come of this.

"You know, if you really hate that shirt," he got a glare from Watanuki that neatly expressed all his loathing for the shirt, equal almost to the disdain he directed towards Doumeki, "you should take it off."

"What, and go around half-naked!?"

"Yes." Yes, you should. Right now. Baby steps. We can work our way up to full nakedness eventually.

Doumeki tried very hard not to look too eager. Since his face was not used to showing emotion, this was actually way easier than it sounds. Well, easier for him than most other people who are suddenly presented with the chance to see Watanuki almost naked with no one else around to partake of this most sought after sight.

So Doumeki thought.

"Hola!" shouted a man with a bronzed tan skipping towards them. "My name's Carlos. It's a pleasure to meet you, señors."

"Eh? Do you know us?" Watanuki asked. Doumeki said nothing. His Danger to Watanuki Senses™ were tingling.

"Yes, Yuuko sent me. You must be Señor Watanuki," Carlos purred, taking Watanuki's hand and kissing the back, making Watanuki blush and stutter. "Yuuko forgot to mention how lovely you are… and how gorgeous your horn is."

Doumeki's Danger to Watanuki Senses™ said screw tingling, we're going to Full On Red Alert Mode! The sound of sirens and alarms inexplicably filled Doumeki's head for the next few minutes, explaining why he missed the next part of the conversation.

"Doumeki!" The alarms suddenly stopped. Watanuki looked happy. "Yuuko sent him along with us (after sending us here, which is apparently somewhere near the real unicorn) because he's looking for the unicorn too! So I'll have someone else to talk to besides you!"

"Sí. It is my wish. Though I feel as if I got the better deal out of this, after seeing my traveling companion."

Watanuki smiled blithely, his blush receded but still present. "Well, thanks. Nice of you to say that."

Battle stations online! Target sighted!

Doumeki really needed to stop reading so many historical fiction comics.

"Traveling companions. Since you seem to have missed it, there's two of us. And I don't remember agreeing to travel with you."

Carlos smiled in a way that did not reassure Doumeki whatsoever. "My mistake," Carlos glanced back at Watanuki in the middle of his talk, then down. Slowly. Irritatingly. "I merely assumed since we were sent by the same person who told us to head the same way to the same thing, it would make sense to travel together." He started working his gaze back up. "I must say this though, that shirt suits you very nicely, Watanuki."

Watanuki self-conciously moved to cover himself. "This!? This- no, this is- Yuuko, you see, she made me… Wait, you said it looked nice?"

"On you. Not many could pull off that look as," Carlos paused here to stare intently at Watanuki's chest, "magnificently as you have. Though, to be honest, as good as that shirt look on you, I think it would look better on my floor."

Oh dear God. Doumeki was going to commit murder.

"…Is your floor usually messy?"

Well, he would have, except Watanuki really was that dense. Carlos could try all he wanted with his stupid fake accent and hand slobbering, but he wouldn't be able to seduce Watanuki.

Not that he wasn't going to get punished. Doumeki was the only one who could stare intently for minutes on end at Watanuki('s chest), thank you very much!

Or something like that.

"Oh, I can be very dirty." Carlos exhaled close to Watanuki's ear.

Watanuki was unsure why Carlos had to get that close to tell him that. Maybe he was embarrassed of his bad habits? He was acting a little strangely.

Speaking of acting strangely, Doumeki was too. He kept clenching his fists and muttering things like kill kill kill wee-ooooo weeeeee-ooooo kill. Was he trying to imitate a siren…?

Maybe this could be blackmail material. Watanuki smiled at the thought.

Both of the other men completely misunderstood his smile.

'No! How can he actually like such an obvious pick-up line!!!? Is that the way I should have tried to get him?' Doumeki panicked.

'I knew no one could resist such a fresh and brand new come-on like that! I've still got it!' Carlos inwardly cheered.

"Anways, we should probably get going. It's almost noon. Man, we've been talking for ages!" Watanuki exclaimed.

The trio set off down the road, still bickering, attempting to flirt, and basically being naïve to all innuendos. They were fun times, just not for anyone involved.

The unicorn loved pure and chaste maidens, and let them braid daisies and beautiful flowers into his mane, and they played games of chase and hide and go seek after their afternoon tea (two scoops of sugar, a dash of cream, and a couple anchovies). They fawned over him and adoringly petted his head as he rested it in their laps and complimented his eyes. They were like dewdrops and lakes in the middle of summer, placidly gorgeous and sparkling like diamonds and portals to an otherworld nexus containing the benevolent demons of Slashtopia, who were a kinky bunch (but only behind closed door and mostly on Saturday nights) and where the paddles were plentiful and never broken and the saddles were always on freaking sale and not unbelievably expensive and-

"Oh, it's you. Can't say I'm glad you're back. And what was with all that?"

"…You couldn't get a saddle?" Doumeki sounded as close to heartbroken as he ever had.

"Aye caramba! A bodiless voice!" Carlos was pretty much ignored.

Yeah, well, shut up. I got bored. It's not a crime. The prices for saddles these days, on the other hand- Oh, don't even get me started!

"You know what? I don't care. Unless there's food involved, I'm not listening anymore."

The other two silently agreed. They had been walking and lusting after Watanuki all morning, and that was hard work. The walking, that is. Lusting after him had become a lot like breathing. It could also make the walking more difficult than it needed to be.

Oh, and it made them hungry.

Food? I'll tell you where it is if you promise me a little something. Up ahead over the next hill there are two girls with more food then they could possibly eat. Unless they're secretly pigs. That's happened before. Oh, and beware of foreshadowing and stuff.

"Well, seeing as how you just told us where it is, we don't really need to do whatever favor you're asking for, do we Mr. Bodiless Voice?" Carlos asked slyly.

…

Yeah. You could be a jerk like that. Bitch.

Anyways, my favor was to ask if you guys could eat off one another.

Carlos stood up straighter and placed a hand over his heart. "It is my pride as a Spaniard to honor any and all promises I have made. I will complete this task to the best of my ability." He, well, he did this thing with his eyes at Watanuki. If you asked Carlos, he was giving the pale young beauty smoking bedroom eyes. Doumeki would have said he was leering like a perverted stalker. "Will you help me in this mission, Beautiful?"

Doumeki thought the cheesy nickname was overdoing it. So was him reaching out and caressing Watanuki's horn, and moving his hand up and down. And up and down. Watanuki's eyes fluttered and he made what almost sounded like a whimper.

Wait.

Go back.

-Watanuki's eyes fluttered and he whimpered needily-

Yes! I mean, no. No. Go back a little further.

Carlos caressed Watanuki's horn.

I see. That's what I thought happened.

Doumeki was known for coming up with unconventional solutions to problems when he was working as a school president. This situation wasn't all that different.

Doumeki punched Carlos in the face.

Sure, he could have asked him to let go of (his) Watanuki, but this was ever so much more satisfying. Carlos fell to the ground.

He did not get up.

"Oh my God! I think you killed him!" Apparently, seeing Doumeki commit violence was enough to wipe away any thought of what feelings Carlos had evoked by touching his horn until later. Although they had felt nice. No, stop thinking about that. Try and focus on the man bleeding on your shoe.

Ewwww….

Stupid Doumeki.

"Why didn't you gore him?" Doumeki growled.

Watanuki unconsciously took a step back. "What do you mean?"

"Why didn't you put that horn of yours to good use and stab him!!?"

"Doumeki… How could you expect me to just up and stab someone with my horn!?"

"Yeah, I guess you'd like getting stabbed by Carlos's horn better?"

Watanuki looked oblivious. So, he looked the same as usual. His forehead creased in confusion. "Doumeki, Carlos doesn't have a horn. Anyways, what are we going to do about him?"

"He won't have one by the time I'm done with him," Doumeki muttered under his breath.

"Eh?"

"Leave him."

"We can't just-"

"We are." Doumeki grabbed Watanuki's wrist, dragging him farther along the path. The more distance between Watanuki and Carlos, the better.

Right, finished this at three in the morning, so if there are any glaring inconsistencies, that's probably why. The alcohol might have something to do with that too (kidding). XD Hope you enjoyed!

Oh, I feel like this might be something I should explain- Carlos has been thrown in there because I love love triangles and Spanish accents. Whether it's fake or not (or whether he's actually a Spaniard) remains to be seen. He's not ending up with Watanuki unless I get spammed with reviews telling me how they were made for one another and I should totally forget about Doumeki. So everyone who supports DoumekixWatanuki should review and tell me not to subject Watanuki to Carlos's lovin'. (That should cover about everyone reading this).

But don't let that limit you, feel free to review for the usual reasons, i.e. what you liked about the story, what you want to see, that you hate me and my story and we should go to Hell together, suggestions, and of course the most common one, a 10 page dissection and discussion on this story... I wish. XD

Next time: Will Carlos rise from the dead and bring a bunch of other gay zombies with him? Will Watanuki take off his shirt and give Doumeki a lap dance? Will we finally find out who's the mother of Mokona's baby? Will the narrator realize that without a body, the saddle isn't much good? Find out next update!