Anders

We landed on the shore again and Marian stood for a second before announcing that anyone who wished to follow should meet her at her estate in exactly one hour. She looked haggard, spent, injured, and like a ghost of her former self. I longed to heal her or at least be able to hold her for just a moment. I wanted to offer her any comfort that I could, but the fact that I was the cause of her pain cut me to the core.

Her other followers departed- Varric to the Hanged Man, Merrill to her place in Lowtown, Fenris to his mansion, and Aveline and Donnic to the barracks. I wondered which of them we would ever see again. Suddenly it hit me that I had ruined Hawke's life as she knew it. Never again would she carouse in the Hanged Man with Varric or wander about Lowtown trying to solve everyone's problems. I had already witnessed the fracturing of one of her friendships because of me. How many more would occur before the day was done?

The deaths that I had caused were hanging over me, like a physical weight on my chest. Immediately following the explosion, I had found it hard to breathe. My death, I had thought, was imminent. Fervently, I had hoped for the end to come soon after so that I did not have to live with what I had done. My days with Marian, arguably the only happy days in my life, were at an end. I could only hope that she could move past the pain that I had caused her and live her life. But she had surprised me. She had not only refused to let me die, but had vowed to follow me.

As she set off for her estate, I followed her at a distance. Marian had not so much as looked at me since our hurried conversation before the big battle. I could not blame her. I had expected her to turn from me, to cast me out, or to even allow Sebastian to kill me when he had demanded it. When she had vowed to stay with me, my heart had soared at the prospect. Never had I imagined that she could remain with me after what I had done. It was a testament to her loyalty that she didn't hate me. Although, I could not exactly say that I would blame her if she did. I had betrayed her. I had kept the truth from her, and I had made it impossible for her to continue her life as she had known it.

It was necessary. I told myself as I followed her quickly through the streets. The suffering and bondage of mages was a more important issue than even my own life or the love of... well, my life. My heart was heavy as I contemplated this, as I watched her figure in front of me in the waning light. Even now with my heart so heavy, I felt the lustful pull of her- my eyes drawn to her perfect hourglass figure and her swaying hips. Mentally, I couldn't help but admonish myself, cursing the taint in me and the way that it augmented my lust. Varric had never gotten his fill of teasing Fenris, Isabella, and I about our propensity to be hypnotized by her movement, especially from behind. For the first time in a very long time, the part of me that was Justice did not reprimand me for these thoughts. This was a small relief.

When we reached the Hawke estate, she immediately took off one way, still refusing to look at me. I made my way to the bedroom, deciding that it would be best to pack my meager clothing before turning to the library, where the majority of what I possessed was kept. Bitey immediately greeted Marian, wagging his tail as he followed her. I set off on my own.

Later in the library, I heard the front door open and overheard a feminine voice saying "Hello?" It was Aveline. I knew better than to respond. Marian must have gone to her because soon after I heard their voices together,

"Hawke, I... I had no idea that you had married him."

"No one did, no one except Varric. It doesn't change anything. I loved him the same before and I still do."

"Even now? Even after?" I could not listen to the rest, I couldn't bare to hear the answer. Like some sort of immature child, I began to hum to myself as I sorted which papers were actually important enough to take with me. After some passage of time, I became aware that there more voices in the main room. It was time for me to join them.

"I won't go with you." Fenris was growling. "I only came here to try one last time to convince you." I stopped my progress in the doorway, feeling that this was a conversation that I had no right to be a part of. "What you are doing is insane! I don't know what he has done to bewitch you, I only wish that I could break it. He is an abomination. He has no right to life, let alone your devotion. Please listen to reason. You don't have to have any part of it. Just tell me where he is and let me take care of him."

"Fenris, I am sorry, but I cannot. I know that nothing that I say will convince you that I'm not bewitched. If you will not follow me, I only ask that you allow me to leave."

"I should kill you where you stand for protecting him!" He burst out.

"If you attempt to lay one hand on her, I'll kill you myself." Varric's voice came from another part of the room. Lines had been drawn. Silence filled the room for what seemed like a very long time. I held my breath waiting in the doorway, wondering if we would be forced to fight once again for our lives. Finally, I heard Fenris's voice again.

"Very well. You have been too god for me to turn on you, but I cannot stay with you while you ruin your life with that... that thing." Soon after I heard the front door slam.

When I finally found the courage to come out from my hiding spot, I saw that Varric and Merrill had aligned themselves on the same side of the room as Hawke. I counted my blessings for this. Merrill and I had never exactly gotten along, in fact I had been downright awful to her at times, but I knew her devotion to Marian ran deep. Varric had been the only one of our companions that I would also count as a friend, so seeing that he had stayed with us was a comfort to me.

Aveline and Donnic were also present, holding their packs of what I assumed were their hastily packed belongings. Guilt swept over me as I realized that it was me that was uprooting all of these people. Had it really been worth all of this?

Marian glanced in my direction briefly, still refusing to meet my eye, "We should leave soon... and I believe that we should go north, unless there any objections. I have had a ship on call at the docks for some time now in case of a need for... quick withdrawal. We will sail up the coast to avoid being sighted on land. That's all I have for now." After her speech, she stared at the floor. I wished that I could approach her, but I didn't dare. I knew that I must wait until she came to me, if she did at all.

Note: Writing Anders is a challenge for me. I'm finding it really difficult to get into his head as it would be directly after the end of the game. I hope it worked out alright. I'm thinking that this will need many edits.