Now, here we have the second part. Tell me what you think ;-)
Thanks-thanks-thanks to everyone who read the first part, who left a comment and to all of you who drop in to read this one! Love ya!
And now I'm off and busy with What you see - part 4! Wish you a gooood start into the weekend!
John had never been a man with the problem of not being able to choose a girl out of dozens of girls. He was good-looking, charming, graced with a stunning body plus he was WWE's Golden Boy. Not having enough girls trying to get a piece of him would have been a wonder.
He was someone who loved to have his family and friends around. It was safe to say he didn't like to be alone and although he wasn't averse to one-night stands, Randy knew that he was patiently looking and waiting for the one person to come along. And lately it seemed that he had set himself a time frame because Randy watched girl after girl passing his silent scrutiny. It had been like that for the last three month.
And exactly three month ago it had been that drunken night when he had ended up lying on John, close to spilling the truth before he puked his guts out. Coincidence? Or had he said too much that night and… John tried now to…
Whatever.
It had taken him two weeks before he realized that he was about to lose John. Not that he'd ever had him. And not that he'd ever had a real chance to have him anyway. Yet jealousy, possessiveness and the fear of losing the man he loved met, becoming an unhealthy cocktail which made Randy stop thinking.
And so every girl that wasn't marked with on-night stand became a real threat. It happened quite subtle, starting out with claiming his friend every possible minute. He wasn't all too nice to those potential girlfriends and he was sure that his behaviour had scared a good half of them away. And the other half? John. John had broken up with them. Out of reasons he never really told anyone, not even Randy.
But… one of them made it over a longer distance. If it could be called that. Three weeks. And it seemed to work out for them, a fact that had its cold fingers clamped around Randy's poor little heart…
They were sitting in a bar now, having a drink. Only the two of them. Waiting, for John's… girlfriend to pick him up.
Randy clicked his tongue and drowned the last bit of his beer in an attempt to wash the bitter taste of that thought away. Waiting for a girl to take his John away from him and he was just sitting here, doing nothing against it.
I love you, John. Don't go.
For the last two hours a companionable ease had lingered between them, they had talked about the job, friends and family, sitting at the bar close to one another. So close that their shoulders touched and their thighs bumped. So close that he could smell John's scent and when the older man laughed… he felt the full voice run through him in a sweet shiver.
The day had been long and straining and all Randy had wanted was to go home and sleep, but then John caught him off in front of his locker, asking if he was up for a beer until… she… would pick him up.
And how could he have ever said no? He would gratefully embrace every single minute he was graced with spending time with John.
His eyes were fixed on the used surface of the bar as he pushed the empty glass back and forth between his hands. He hadn't intended to drink more than a beer but that one beer became five as he waited for the inevitable. It didn't make it any better that the last ten minutes talk revolved around her. John was happy. He wanted John to be happy, but not because of her.
You would hate me if you knew, Randy thought bitterly, pursing his lips. I'm a lousy best friend.
Sagging a little on his barstool he leaned against John's shoulder, sighing thankfully for the support the strong shoulder provided. He heard a chuckle, felt it through the touch.
For a few seconds his mind drifted off to other lands, wondering how it would feel… those lips and hands everywhere on him, that body pressed against his, moving against him, with him… in him.
Taking a shuddering breath he wiped a hand down his face, closing his eyes as his southern regions became interested and heat spread in his chest. His heart sped up and he was sure that breathing was important… He was very sure the tips of his ears were bright red by now.
All that from thinking about it. He knew it would never happen, but… if… he couldn't even imagine the intensity of the sensations it would cause and he would most likely burst to a thousand pieces. A perfectly happy death.
I want you.
Drawing a deep breath he shook the thought off and focused back on the man beside him who as still talking to him. No, had been talking. John was quiet now, absentmindedly gazing at the bottles on the wall, his glass halfway up to his mouth.
And then he placed the glass at his lips and hesitated for a brief moment, before he murmured: „You know, I don't understand why you are still alone." A sip. "You're handsome, you have the goddamn body of a Greek god, you're an intelligent boy… I don't get it." Another sip. "The whole time I wait for you to tell me that you finally found the love of your life."
What followed was a thoughtful silence on John's side and a torn silence on Randy's. Torn because those words made him feel warm and cherished and loved, even if it wasn't the kind of love he wished for. Torn because suddenly he felt utterly alone and… he wanted to say that, yes, there was someone yet he was afraid to do so. When he kept quiet John side-gazed him with questioning eyes and then a broad hand patted his thigh gently.
"I just want to see you happy," the older man said softly and the same softness seemed to illuminate those baby blues.
For a second Randy felt the urge to reach out and touch John to feel that softness, but instead he closed his fingers tighter around the glass in his hand. He couldn't look away though and the sight held him captive.
I love you. Why don't you see it?
"There is someone," he replied hesitantly before he knew what he was saying and he watched as John's eyes lightened up.
But then they dimmed and blue eyes shot him a slightly hurt look.
"Why didn't you tell me?" his friend muttered.
Sighing Randy finally wrenched his gaze away, staring down on the empty glass and from the corner of his eyes he saw John order two shots. A small glass was placed in front of him.
"It's… complicated," Randy exhaled then, drowning the shot in one go. "That very person has no idea…"
Again a pat on his thigh and this time the hand stayed there. Warmth emanated from it and it felt good, it felt right and it felt like something he wanted to feel forever. He looked back up and found the hurt look replaced by a quirked eyebrow and a happy smile that was bright enough to show hints of those fucking cute dimples.
I love you…
"Okay, Ortz, spill it. Tell me everything about the love of your life."
He snorted as the smile on John's face became a bit goofy and said: "The love of my life… yeah… nice blond hair, handsome, amazing blue eyes, the most beautiful smile in the world and a picture perfect body."
John hummed approvingly. Another shot was placed in front of Randy and again he drowned it in one go. He didn't have all too much tonight but the few beers and the two shots were enough to bestow him a lightheaded feeling that made a bell ring warningly in the back of his head.
"More," John demanded and squeezed the younger man's thigh, leaving a tingle under his touch.
"Intelligent, warm-hearted, reliable…" He knew that he was talking in keywords here, but keywords were save since he did not have to mention that all this described… John. "Loyal, funny, caring and too goddamn precious…"
The bright smile on John's lips faded a bit while Randy spoke and back was the breathtaking softness in his features making Randy trail off. The older man was so close… What if he just leaned in now and kissed him?
„She is he luckiest person in the world to have your love," John said and his voice was low, tender and deep. "You should tell her. I can't imagine that she wouldn't want you, Ran."
He, Randy thought sorrowful and his heart cried the truth again and again, unheard. You. And I'm not sure you'd say that if you knew…
His hand dropped onto John's on its own accord and with his touch the smile on his friend's lips vanished completely, leaving something behind Randy couldn't name but it was drawing him in. The hand under his own turned palm up, fingers closing around his in a light hold. He opened his mouth to speak but no words left his lips. But he had to. He needed to because she would come to take him away and he couldn't let it happen.
"Johnny, I…" he whispered, not sure if his friend would hear him but it was all he managed. "I… there's something I need to tell you but…"
Leaning a bit closer John said: "Hey, what's wrong, Ran? You know you can tell me anything."
And there it was again. All the time he'd wanted to believe it and maybe now it was time to really believe it. Unconsciously he held on to John's hand tighter, either to anchor himself and to make sure his friend wouldn't run away just like that.
A deep breath, inhaled, exhaled. Unsteady. His heart did a tap dance in his chest and the courage he summoned lay heavy in his guts, as did fear because this… it was going to chance everything, without a way back.
… I love you…
Swallowing hard he willed his eyes to keep locked with those blue orbs as he spoke again: "I lo…"
He never had the chance to say it. The long overdue truth was silenced before it really had the chance to be known as her voice cut in. John's name wrapped in her voice, coming from her lips sounded so goddamn wrong and suddenly John's hand slipped out of his hold and all that was left was an apologetic crooked smile he gave him. And then she squeezed between them to kiss John.
The older man didn't see Randy flinch at the stinging pain in his chest as he had to watch her kiss him, but maybe he saw the hurt in his eyes as she stepped aside and they gazes locked again.
"Sorry, I gotta go," John said quietly as he got up from his place, giving Randy's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I'm gonna call you tomorrow, then we can talk. Okay?"
No, nothing was okay. It was fucking not okay! He wanted to scream no, don't go, don't leave me, I love you goddammit!
Again he opened his mouth and again no sound escaped his lips. And then John was gone, leaving a big cold nothing behind.
x
Two hours later Randy sat on his couch, knees drawn up to his chest. He was plucking at the sleeve of a much to baggy sweater. Every time he wore it, it made him seem somewhat shrunk and it was no wonder. It was John's. The older man had forgotten it at his place a while ago and oh so clandestinely Randy had adopted it as his feel-good sweater. Sheltered by the sweater and wrapped into a thick comforter he stared absentmindedly at the running TV. It was what he'd done for at least the last hour. Staring into nothing while trying to think of nothing. When he had come back home he wanted to sleep, but he ended up tossing and turning until he couldn't stand it any longer. The lightheaded feeling the alcohol had given him had subsided completely and was replaced by the ever-present heartache.
Almost. He'd almost said it if she hadn't come in to destroy everything. Yet maybe it was a good thing that his secret was still a secret because really, what was he expecting? That John was happy about it?
Sighing he pulled the comforter tighter around his shoulders, hoping the warmth would lull him into sleep. But only a moment later he jumped up from the couch with a surprised gasp as the front door opened. The comforter pooled around his feet with a dull thud as he stood stark and stiff, staring at the door.
Only one person had a spare key to his house and so he shouldn't have been so surprised to see who the nightly visitor was. But he was, very much so. The door clicked shut and in the middle of the hallway stood John, gazing over to him with a most sheepish expression.
"John?" Randy asked confused.
John shifted from one foot to the other, scratching the back of his head.
"I, uhm… can I stay for a while?"
"You can stay as long as you want," Randy replied, still confused and slightly worried because shouldn't this man be out with her, all happy and stuff? "What happened?"
A heavy sigh. Shrugging his shoulders the older man walked over to him, letting himself fall heavily into the cushion.
"Well, we have different opinions of what should be part of my life and what not," John drawled, sounding disappointed and a tad defeated. "She thinks you shouldn't be a part of it and I think you should be." Another heavy sigh and the older man closed his eyes, resting his head against the backrest. "You are already such a big part of my life that I…" A tiny puff of air, a chuckle almost. "It's just not an option."
The words sunk into Randy's still bemused mind, making his aching little heart trip.
"Oh," Randy murmured at a loss what to say, sitting back down beside him. Absentmindedly he reached for the comforter, pulling it over his legs. "And now?"
Turning his head towards him John blinked slowly, eyes warm and soft and there was a smile ghosting around the corners of his mouth as the older man let his hand drop onto Randy's blanketed leg, patting it lightly.
"I told her that she can't have me without you," John said quietly. "No John without Randy. Get the value pack or nothing. Well, she didn't want the value pack."
There was a joyful jumping in his chest as Randy only stared at his friend, at a loss what to say and in utter awe that John said something like that without hesitation, that he was considering him as such a big part of his life… such an important part of his life.
Love you.
But then he suddenly felt a pang of guilt and compassion because John had just lost his girlfriend.
A very lousy best friend are you to be happy about it…
And then John seemed to notice something and his brows rose in mild amusement.
"Are you wearing my sweater?"
Oh. Oops.
He'd never wanted John to know and now he was sitting here, wearing the stolen piece of fabric.
"Yeah, well… you forgot it here and I… uhm…" he tried to explain, not knowing how.
Wearing your sweater makes me feel good? No. Instead he sighed and began to peel out of it when a hand on his arm stopped him and when he looked back up to John the amusement was replaced by fondness.
"No, 's okay. Keep it," the older man replied softly. But then he grinned and added: "Just make sure you won't drown in it."
Slightly scandalized at the comment, although he knew John was right, he stuck his tongue out and added a friendly smack to the back of John's head as he sniggered. They gazed at each other for a moment then, before John suddenly averted his eyes, looking down as he tugged at a corner of the comforter, pulling it over his legs, too, smoothing his hands over it.
"Promise me something?" he asked hushed and Randy only nodded, wondering what was about to come. "Don't ever change who you are."
Baffled Randy wanted to say that he didn't plan on doing so but the older man stopped him by holding up a hand.
"Wait, I… I want to get this out of my system because I never really told you this," John murmured, somehow sounding far away, a little lost even. "We started out as friends but back then I wouldn't have believed that we would grow so close. With you it's easy. I can be who I really am. I know that you have my back and as cheesy as it sounds, you are caring, warm-hearted, you make me laugh and you are the voice of reason when I once again become obsessed with something and I think it's rare enough to find someone like you and be graced with calling him a friend."
If he had been in utter awe a few minutes ago about this man's courage to just say what he was feeling and thinking, then he had no words to describe how it made him feel now. John's eyes were still fixed on his hands and Randy turned his face away to hide a single tear that had escaped his eyes despite his best efforts to blink it back.
Quickly wiping it away he whispered: "Not friend. Best friend."
"Yeah, best friends," John whispered back. "Thanks Ran. Thanks for being there."
Maybe John was only a bit sentimental now because he was alone again but Randy knew that he'd meant every word. He'd always known… somehow.
Reaching out to tousle his friend's practically nonexistent hair he murmured: "Same here, Johnny. Same here…"
John looked back up to him and Randy was sure he would never get enough of that tender gleam he'd already seen so often in those baby blues, the one he saw there now. It was like a touch of velvet to his soul.
"Okay then, I guess this was enough emotional stuff for one night. I didn't come here for moping," John said then decidedly, nudging Randy in the ribs. "I'm here to have fun with my best friend."
What followed were uncountable rounds on the Xbox, a companionable beer or two and all the while they talked, bantered and laughed. It was them, it was what their friendship was all about. Being who they were, no holding back, no pretending. Easiness, fun, trust and affection. Knowing the other, blindly.
It was early morning when they eventually fell into bed. Randy's bed. That John was sleeping there when he stayed overnight had become a habit by now, just as using his electric shaver, shower gel, shampoo, even his aftershave. The usual fussing and tugging, claiming and reclaiming of blankets followed, ending with tired groans on both sides and Randy was glad that they had the day off.
After a moment of comfortable silence Randy murmured: "You okay, Johnny?"
A yawn, then a sigh.
"Very okay," the older man replied quietly.
"I'm sorry, you know?" he added quietly, thinking of how happy John had been with her.
"Don't be, I'm not. It wasn't meant to be." John's voice was sleepy as he spoke and in the moonlit room he could see his friend's eyes drift close. "There are a lot of girls out there, but only one Randy. Not gonna trade you for some girl…"
Turning onto his side to face him, Randy inched a bit closer.
"How should the love of your life be like?" he asked hesitantly as his eyes roamed the pale features, taking in slightly parted lips, a tiny twitch around them.
First there was no answer and he was sure John was already asleep, but then a low hum followed.
"Hmmh… pretty much like you with boobs," the older man chuckled and Randy's breath caught, his heart lurched and he wasn't sure if he felt like laughing or crying.
… I love you…
With a groan John turned over, facing him and suddenly they were even closer. Close enough that his warm breath brushed over Randy's face, causing goose bumps to flare on his arms and back. Close enough for Randy to get lost in eyes which were now looking at him slightly hooded, with a deep expression and the familiar cerulean blue seemed to glow in the moonlight. John was smiling and it was that very kind of smile which he seemed to give only Randy, a smile that carried that breathtaking softness.
I love you.
For a moment Randy forgot how to breathe. For that moment he wanted to lean in and kiss John, beg him to breathe for him.
"John, I… that person I'm in love with…" he whispered but trailed off then, scared.
He wanted to say it but… the words got stuck in his throat. He swallowed hard, tried it again but all that left his lips was a helpless sigh. John's hand crawled out from under the blanket, settling on his which lay between them and squeezed it lightly.
"You should tell her, Ran... 'm sure she would want you," his friend murmured, voice heavy with sleep. "If I was her… would claim you on the spot..."
For a second something shifted in those hooded eyes, baring something infinitely tender that made Randy's heart ache and cry, yet jump happily, because again those words made him feel good, yet… not. There was a sorrowful twitch of Randy's brows and his nostrils flared as hot and stinging tears sprang to his eyes but John didn't see it. The older man's eyes closed but his hand stayed there, blanketing Randy's.
And then Randy found it again, that little bit of courage he'd summoned hours before, lingering hidden behind the confusing good and bad feelings which his friend's words formed in him. It arose, urging him to say it…
"I love you, John."
A whisper. A plea. Full of hope and… it was unheard.
The light snore that followed only a heartbeat later tore at his poor little heart and in an desperate attempt to end this hide and seek the reached out, giving his friend a light shake and then a more insistent one. Nothing happened. Not a hum, not a twitch. A bitter huff fell from Randy's lips. Karma was such a bitch but he wasn't willed to give up yet.
Hesitantly he leaned over to the older man and close to his ear, whispering: "John?"
As he pulled back a bit and watched the peaceful face for a reaction there was none and only to be sure he whispered the name again. Nothing. And suddenly there was a fuzzy feeling in his tummy and from it rose a lightheaded thought. He acted on it before he even realized what he was doing. It was just too tempting.
Dipping his head he closed the gap… and kissed the lips his heart longed for to feel. Lips that had him instantly addicted. Warm, soft… The fuzzy feeling swelled as he imagined how it would be to feel them kiss him back…
"I love you," he said again quietly as he lay back down, willing all his love into those three words and maybe, just maybe they would reach John's heart even in his sleep.
The room fell quiet and those three words faded into that quietness and the obscure corners, waiting there to be heard someday. John's pale features looked like chiseled in marble in the silvery light and it was this image and the faint feeling of John's lips that accompanied Randy as he much later followed John into a peaceful sleep.
x
The next day Randy woke up to a soft sound and steady sound and an inviting heat pressed against his back. The closer he drifted to being awake, the more he became aware of a weight on his hip and then he realized that he was lying back pressed against back with John, whose hand rested on Randy's hip. With a happy smile he nestled against the broad frame and got a hum in response. The hand on his hip twitched. But John didn't wake up.
For a about an hour he stayed like that, floating between being awake and dozing off, all the while savoring the closeness, the warmth and the touch, thinking that he could get used to this, really really used to this. When he eventually decided to get up his hand settled on John's, staying there for a minute, before he gently lifted his friend's hand over to crawl out of the bed.
When John came down over half an hour later he was greeted by a nice breakfast and Randy who sat patiently waiting at the kitchen table, thoughtfully sipping his coffee. Randy wasn't the breakfast-maker type of guy but as he saw the stars twinkling in those beloved baby blues he silently vowed to make a goddamn breakfast every single morning from now on if it meant that he would be graced with this sight for it.
And as he got up to get John his coffee, the older man stopped him by framing his face with his hands and the world stopped turning for a long and sweet second as John placed a smack on his lips.
"Thanks, darling," he laughed, patting the younger man's slightly blushed cheeks softly before he turned away to get busy with the breakfast.
This… had been unexpected and John didn't notice how Randy had to brace on the counter because he felt his knees go weak and he also didn't see the slight blush become a furious one or the silly grin that spread on Randy's lips as his brain caught up.
When he returned to the table with John's coffee the blush was still slightly visible and after handing the coffee over to greedy hands he pulled his chair over, sitting down close to his friend, close enough to make their knees bump and John didn't move his legs out of the way. And while Randy resumed sipping his coffee he watched him, thinking that this moment was somehow perfect. Maybe even perfect enough to say the words…
Yeah, the moment was perfect... so perfect that he wanted it to last as long as possible and he knew that if he said it now, this little piece of perfection would be gone. So he smiled a sad little smile hidden by the mug and said nothing.
It was like John had said the last night… they were a value pack and that gave him some more time. There would be another moment, sooner or later. A better moment, when he would really be ready to say it.
I love you, John…