I know this chapter isn't very long either. They'll get better, I promise. I haven't had time to write much lately, so this whole thing was written in the span of a couple hours. Hope it's not too bad. lol This chapter is heavy, btw. So beware. Please review if you like it. :) Thanks guys!

I watched her go from a happy-go-lucky high-schooler to a depressed, drug abusing, apathetic shell of a human being. This wasn't the Carly I knew. It wasn't a Carly I had ever known until here lately. And I was the one that created this partially existing creature that now walked lazily through the halls of Ridgeway. Although, I never saw her at school anymore; I wondered how her grades were. Did they look as bad as she did? I hated thinking that of her, but it was true. She was letting herself go on my account. I stayed right here, enclosed in a 100 foot radius of my head stone, and watched her come once a week, always on a Sunday, to visit me. Today she was dressed in the exact same dark, sob ridden clothes that she had worn to my funeral just a month ago. I watched her pull up in the old Jeep that my mother had so graciously given her after my death. She sauntered lazily over to me and sat down next to the grave stone that I was currently leaning up against.

The idea that I was helpless tormented me. I realized that there was nothing I could do to save her. I couldn't even save myself when I needed it most.

"I had a doctor's appointment Friday," she tells me, voice so full of apprehension and fear, "They gave me a new drug."

She continues then pauses.

"Lithium." The word rolls so fluidly off her tongue like she's said it fifty million times in the past few days.

"I'm sure you've heard of it."

And I have. I know well what it does.

Her fingers entwine with random blades of grass and I imagine that those blades are my fingers instead. She doesn't budge at my invisible touch, nor does she shed a tear when she looks at the pile of dirt that my body is buried beneath, or the head stone with my name and "In loving memory of…" on it. She just stares blankly at them with no feeling whatsoever. She's high, she's numb right now. She's forgetting on purpose because it makes her feel better. But it's making me feel worse.

"I'm not sure about how it makes me feel yet, Sam." she blurts out into the cool air. "You know, all tingly and stuff."

"Then don't take them." I tell her, the borderline of life and death stealing my words from her ears.

"But I think I'm getting used to it."

I sigh and walk over to her, squatting down to wrap my arms around her. I'm not afraid to touch her anymore. I know she knows I'm here; I don't risk scaring her off anymore. But I'm not really here, am I? She doesn't respond to my touch anymore. This is what I wanted, right? To be forgotten.

"You don't need drugs, Carls." My words fall on deaf ears as she stands up, pulling the grass with her in a fist. And I feel that pain. The insufferable pain of being ripped from what you know and love and being thrown into a cold, unfamiliar place where you're nothing but alone. That word resounds in my head, like an echo through a cavern. Alone.

"I love you, Cupcake."

It's been so long since I actually got to say that and get a response. We're not in sync like we used to be anymore. She's numb and out of tune, and God knows I'd do anything to help her if given even the smallest of chances.

And then she does something that both surprises and scares me. She throws the fistful of my heart into the wind and turns to face me.

"Why did you do it, Sam?"

I was completely floored by her question. I had forgotten that no one knew why, not even my mother. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes; a small shine of emotion that I hadn't seen in weeks.

"Wasn't I good enough to stick around for?"

My heart shattered into a million little pieces as she finished her question and looked down at the ground. She needed an explanation; I didn't blame her at all.

"Babe, you were! I just wasn't thinking was all. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back. I miss you so much…"

I reached for her hand but she jerked it up to her face to hide the flowing tears.

"I loved you, Sam. You were my world."

"And you, mine, Carly. You, mine."

I dropped my hand and frowned hard. How in the hell could I have done this? I hated myself so much for being as selfish as I had been. We were so happy together, so functional as a couple. A shoe-in for Prom King and Queen. We were so in love…

And now both of our worlds were shattered thanks to me. She turned and walked back to the Jeep. I followed her as far as I could, but was forced back before I reached the vehicle. Just one more week and I could see her again…

Could there be life after death? What was I living was no life. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, didn't do anything but sit here and wait for Carly to come back. My "life" was lived week to week, day to day. There is no future here.

I've thought about her so much these past few weeks. Touching her, holding her, kissing her. I've exhausted every thought possible and now I'm just miserable.

I'm not living; but existing just the same.